Welcome to our newest guest post series! Head Over Feels are finally filling our SuperWhoLock quota with “Salt vs. Sass: Dawn & Sarah take on Sam and Dean,” a Supernatural recap-a-thon! We’ll learn all about the family business through the eyes of veteran fan Dawn and n00b Sarah. They’ll be posting weekly, so now is the perfect moment to queue up your rewatch or pop your SPN cherry. Want to speak fluent SPN fangirl? Check out this handy Glossary of Terms.
Take it away, ladies! –S
Dawn Ferchak is a long-term Dean girl who occasionally has trouble resisting the King of Hell.
Sarah Bisman is an SPN newbie and professional crafter of one-line bios.
Sarah: This episode didn’t scare me so much as SQUICK ME THE EFF OUT. In honor of Passover, I blame canned gefilte fish for my total abhorrence of gelatinous substances. Also, this week hammered home how badly the Winchesters need a therapist. And some hugs.
Dawn: This week, I learned that even I have a gross-out threshold, that not even Jensen Ackles’ handsome face would get me to open the door when shit clearly AIN’T RIGHT, and goddamn, am I glad I’m a brunette. Also sewers are bad places. Just in case you were unaware.
Season 1, Episode 6: Skin
Written by John Shiban
Smash super-recap complete with mom on the ceiling. But no flames! Jess, however, gets the flames treatment, which means we need a new flames gif just for Jessica. Let’s make it nice and romantic and stuff, since they were so in love and also we are cruel:
Dean’s hunting dad. Check. Sammy is looking for Jess’ killer. Check.
We’re in St. Louis, Missouri, (Chyron Check!), in a dark room, in which an unseen person with a hunting knife is torturing a whimpering blonde. Blondes do not fare well on this show. Search lights and moonlight reveal lots of blood, kind of everywhere, including a bloody handprint on the wall. Something Has Happened. Check.
Someone/thing walks by in the darkness. Like a shadow, i.e. SPN Life Lesson 8.
The SWAT team approaches the whimpering blond, and we see bloody ropes and handcuffs. Ew, and also creepy. She manages to convey that her captor is in the other room, and the authorities go off in pursuit. They catch the guy, who is about to leap from a window with knife in hand, and bellow the usual “Hands where I can see ‘em” TV-cop stuff. The guy turns toward the camera, and holy shitballs, it’s Dean, with some scary dead (sexy) eyes and a bruised/bloody cheek. Sarah says WTF psycho; Dawn says have that one washed and brought to my tent. You decide:
Then we jump back in time to a week earlier.
The boys and Baby are at a gas station, where Dean ribs Sam for still keeping in touch with his college friends. Dean’s kind of amazed that Sam hasn’t cut everyone out of his life; Sam is kind of amazed that Dean is still playing the cool-lone-wolf card. Also Sam is checking his phone and email with a pointy plastic stylus, because it’s 2005 and there won’t be iphones for another two years. Ah, memories. Anyway, turns out Sam has an email from his old pal, Rebecca Warren, whose brother Zach has been arrested for murder. Of course, she thinks he didn’t do it. Of course, the cops think he did. Sam wants to head to St. Louis to check it out; Dean disagrees because it doesn’t sound like their kind of problem and also it’s 400 miles in the wrong direction. Oh, Dean. Time for SPN Life Lesson #20: It’s always a Winchester kind of problem.
The brothers drive off toward St. Louis. Dean isn’t pleased, until Rebecca offers him a beer. Sam, the buzzkill, refuses for both of them. Let’s call that SPN Life Lesson #21: Season 1 Sam will not have fun and you can’t make him.
Rebecca tells the tale of how her baby brother found his girlfriend beaten up, but was arrested when he called 911. He’s on a video from the security tape, which shows Zach coming home right before his girlfriend was murdered…but he’d have to have been in two places at once because he was with Rebecca drinking a “few” beers until after midnight. One person in two places at once? C’mon, Dean, that’s totally Life Lesson #20! Maybe you should check out the crime scene, just in case.
Rebecca, who has no idea how much disregard for real-world rules her old college pal actually has, suggests that perhaps this is not the best idea. And this brings us to our Alias of the Week, which is that Dean Winchester just happens to be an off-duty police detective from Bisbee, Arizona (which, for those of you who might care, is mostly a wee artist colony). Is it technically an alias if he’s using his real name? Sure it is, especially when he just straight out calls himself “an officer of the law” as they walk under the yellow tape and into the blood-spattered room. Seriously, there is blood everywhere. Everywhere. The apartment is decorated in lots of white, so it really stands out. Sam helpfully notes that if Zach didn’t do this, “it means someone else did.”
Sarah: REALLY, Sam? We totally thought it just happened this way.
Dawn: It’s that kind of logic that must have dazzled the Stanford acceptance committee. “Well, if you don’t accept me, it means you’d have to accept someone else.”
Rebecca is awfully calm for someone standing in a room full of all that’s left of her brother’s girlfriend, and she notes that someone broke in and stole some of Zach’s clothes about a week earlier. She also mentions that the neighbor’s formerly sweet dog has been fully psycho since the murder. Dean still isn’t buying it — maybe he’s still pissed about no beer — but Sam is convinced, and thinks Dean will be if they review the security tape. The security tape that Rebecca has conveniently stolen from Zach’s lawyer’s desk. Sarah thinks this makes her about 10x more interesting; Dawn thinks this makes her an awfully convenient and lazy move on the writers’ part.
Time to check in on Zach! He’s stalking a couple coming out of an apartment building. Of course, we know it’s not Zach because the real Zach is in jail. So, DoppleZacher watches from the shadows. He seems pleased, and his eyes glow yellow, which probably doesn’t bode well for the happy couple frolicking in the sunshine.
Back at Rebecca’s, everyone is viewing the security tape. Sam decides this is a perfect time to get peckish and sends Rebecca off in search of beer and sandwiches, though she reminds them this isn’t a Hooters. (Sam apparently had really terrible taste in bars back at Stanford.)
Of course, Sam’s really sent Rebecca off because he saw Zach’s glowy eyes and thinks it might have something to do with how he could be in two places at once. Dean seems into it. Or maybe he’s just happy he’s getting a beer. Could go either way, really.
Back to DoppleZacher. who is in the formerly happy couple’s apartment. We know it’s him because a) we are way smarter than Sam, b) of the ominous music playing so soon after a reference to him, and c) we’re in an apartment we’ve never seen where the male half of happy couple utters the innocent phrase, “Hi Honey, it’s me.” Oh, sugar. You picked a bad day to come home early. Also the reason you can’t find Lindsay is probably because she’s dead. Especially since there is blood smeared on the walls. Including more bloody handprints.
Sarah: Who’s making those? And why do they cut off at the edge of the wall?
Dawn: Uh, I’d be making them if you were trying to drag me out of a room.