Posted by Sarah and Dawn
Welcome to our newest guest post series! Head Over Feels are finally filling our SuperWhoLock quota with “Salt vs. Sass: Dawn & Sarah take on Sam and Dean,” a Supernatural recap-a-thon! We’ll learn all about the family business through the eyes of veteran fan Dawn and n00b Sarah. They’ll be posting weekly, so now is the perfect moment to queue up your rewatch or pop your SPN cherry. Want to speak fluent SPN fangirl? Check out this handy Glossary of Terms.
Take it away, ladies! –S
Dawn Ferchak is a long-term Dean girl who occasionally has trouble resisting the King of Hell.
Sarah Bisman is an SPN newbie and professional crafter of one-line bios.
SARAH: Okay. So, by now we’re all aware that I scare fairly easily, right? Who knows why? Maybe on a
level, it’s because I, like foxy Fox Mulder, WANT TO BELIEVE. Maybe it’s because I read one too many above-my-maturity-level horror stories in grade school. Maybe I’m just drawn that way. Whatever the reason, certain urban legends, especially the ones involving magic and darkness, just freak my shit out worse than anything. And Bloody Mary is the worst of the worst. Whee! Episode 5, I’m terrified already !!
DAWN: So in complete opposition to my darling recap partner, we all know by now that if there’s scary supernatural shit happening, I am likely to run straight for it. This is not new behavior — in fact, middle school slumber parties were where I cut my teeth on this shit, with seances, “trances,” light as a feather stiff as a board, ghost stories, and — yes — tempting bloody terror by chanting in front of a mirror. And well do I remember the nervous chill of fear just before saying it a third time. Here’s hoping this ep brings the shiveries.
Season 1, Episode 5: Bloody Mary
Written by Ron Milbauer and Terry Hughes Burton
Recaplet: Terror and flaaaames! And dad! And portents. And Dead!Jess. And Scary Demonbits! And finding Dead!Jess’ Demon Killer! OOOOOOh!!
Chyron: Toledo, Ohio.
A bunch of girls are playing Truth or Dare by candlelight. They are giggling when the scene opens, which probably means at least one if not all of them are about to be gruesomely dispatched by Bloody Mary (given the episode’s title, anyway).
Deadshirt!Slumber Party Girls function as Basil Exposition, telling us that Mary was killed in a car crash (so NOT Mary Queen of Scots, then) and appears in a mirror before “scratching your eyes out” if you say her name three times. Giggles ensue. One girl asks why anyone would bother saying it. Another points out, “Because it isn’t real.”
SPN Life Lesson #18: It’s ALWAYS real.
Good luck, little Deadshirts. And Crowleyspeed.
Deadshirt!SkepticGirl takes a giant candle into the bathroom, places it in front of the mirror, and says The Words. After the second time, the candle flickers ominously. On the third time, her super-helpful friends bang on the door, scaring her, and us, and annoying her dad, who appears on the landing.
Oh no! Skeptic!Girl ISN’T the Deadshirt! It’s Dad! A faceless girl is seen in the upstairs mirrors as he walks past them, stalking Deadshirt!Dad. But why? Also, why do they have so many mirrors? Dad starts to bleed out of his eyes. Big Sis comes home (past curfew) and jokes with her sister and her sister’s friends before going upstairs to see all the blood ever in existence flooding out of the bathroom door, which is an awful lot of blood for human eyes. She opens the bathroom door to even more blood and screams like this is her Jamie Lee Curtis moment. (To be fair, it is.)
Cut to Nightmare!Sam, asleep-awake on his bed, staring at blue-lit Jess, who is stuck to his ceiling and bleeding again. She says, “Why Sam??” and bursts into flames. Cue Madeline!
Dean wakes Sam up, and it’s kinda like Freaky Friday because Dean says they’re eventually going to need to talk about Sam’s issues and Sam ignores the statement entirely. Anyway, they’re in Toledo. Why? To research the mysterious, bloody death of Deadshirt!Dad, of course!
SARAH: I seriously wonder what Dean will do once newspapers full give way to tablets in about four seasons. Does he digitally circle entries on his iPad? Or is he the sole reason local newspapers are able to stay in business?
Dean and Sam head to the local morgue, where this week’s Alias of the Week is med students from Columbus who cannot convince the morgue attendant to let them near the body. Dean wants to do violence. Sam appeals to the attendant’s greed. $100 bucks, and suddenly access to the body is no problem at all. This displeases Dean because he EARNED THAT MONEY. (By playing poker, but still!)
Deadshirt!Dad has liquified bloody eyes. Cause of death is…”something burst up in there,” resulting in more blood in his brain than the attendant has ever seen. Sam is visibly grossed out. The medical report costs them more money, and they’re off to talk to the traumatized daughter.
They arrive, very underdressed for the funeral that is taking place. New Alias Time! Let’s try Deadshirt!Dad’s coworkers — maybe that won’t cost them as much cash. They talk to Donna and Lily, the sisters from the opener. Lily is convinced it’s ALL HER FAULT because she said Bloody Mary. Dean rather logically points out that it couldn’t have been Mdm Mary because Dad didn’t say it. This seems to make perfect sense to Lily, so good, we guess?
Dean and Sam morph into Basil and Cecil, and though they aren’t stupid enough to say Bloody Mary three times anywhere in the bathroom, they remember that dear old Dad never found evidence that it was a “real thing” — though the circumstances of Deadshirt!Dad’s death seem to be disproving that to some degree. Also, there is still blood on the floor, so somebody better call Sunshine Cleaning.
Enter Protective!Friend (a blonde, of course, which means that one or both of the brothers will be hitting on her before the end of the episode). She wants to know WTF — why the weird questions, why the lying about knowing the father. She demands answers, or she’ll start screaming. Sam’s puppy dog eyes rein her in and he explains that they think something weird happen to Deadshirt!Dad, something they don’t want happen to anyone else. He leaves her with their phone number and an admonition to call if she or her friends “notice anything strange, out of the ordinary.” Other than the two of them, one can’t help but think.
SARAH: She’s skeptical. I like her. She’s like Ohio’s Veronica Mars. Sort of.
DAWN: In that case, given how blondes tend to fare on this show, she might want to consider kickstarting her own funeral fund.
Hunter Homework takes place at the library, where Basil and Cecil briefly discuss the basics of the Bloody Mary legend and also how annoying this research is going to be, what with broken computers and all. College clearly spoiled Sam.
Cut to Protective!Friend, whose name is Charlie. She’s driving while chatting on her cell (not smart) with her pal Deadshirt!Jill. They agree that our boys were cute, which is totally what any girl would be thinking about the weird duo investigating the bathroom at a funeral while lying about knowing the corpse. Also Deadshirt!Jill is kind of an asshole — once she realizes that Charlie is more than a little freaked out by things, she decides the best thing a super helpful friend could do is to say “Bloody Mary” three times in front of a mirror and then scream immediately afterwards. Super funny, Deadshirt!Jill! Think Mary liked the joke?