Welcome to our newest guest post series! Head Over Feels are finally filling our SuperWhoLock quota with “Salt vs. Sass: Dawn & Sarah take on Sam and Dean,” a Supernatural recap-a-thon! We’ll learn all about the family business through the eyes of veteran fan Dawn and n00b Sarah. They’ll be posting weekly, so now is the perfect moment to queue up your rewatch or pop your SPN cherry. Take it away, ladies! –S
Dawn Ferchak is a long-term Dean girl who occasionally has trouble resisting the King of Hell.
Sarah Bisman is an SPN newbie and professional crafter of one-line bios.
Sarah: I have never quite understood the obsessive Supernatural (SPN) fandom because though it’s been on for a thousand TV years (aka 8 seasons), I have never watched it. I looked at it and thought, quite simply, meh. I didn’t think it would do anything for me and I was watching BSG or whatever.
Okay. That’s not entirely true. I tried once, after I ran out of episodes of Fairly Legal, an oddly-titled gem of a USA show starring Baron Vaughan and the Big Bad of Supernatural’s pilot episode, the marvelous Sarah Shahi. I think I even made it through the entire thing but I had to sleep with the lights on for several days, which erased most memory of anything other than her TERRIFYING EYES and some soaking wet children.
So, utterly terrifying show about siblings who kill terrifying things that look like a murderous Sarah Shahi, because evil and reasons. This is all I’ve got. Oh, that and my fear. I’m wimp city when it comes to scary entertainment and have been since childhood – unless it’s hilarious. Periodically I make terrible mistakes and end up watching Community reruns until it’s safe to close my eyes again (typically around sunrise).
Dawn: I have no idea how I missed out on SPN for as long as I did. It’s a quotable as hell horror show with two hot, angtsy male leads, and eventually it has Jim Beaver, Marc Sheppard, and Felicia Day, which is a trifecta of nerd win. People I trusted recommended the show to me, but somehow I just kept forgetting it existed. Then one random day, I remembered it, hopped on over to Netflix, queued the first ep, there went my free time. I POWERED my way through all eight seasons, then tripped the ‘net fantastic to get all of season nine (so far). So recaps? Hell yeah. Start the Impala and let’s ride.
Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot
Written by Eric Kripke
In Lawrence, Kansas, there lives an adorable family: ruggedly handsome dad John Winchester (helloooo Jeffrey Dean Morgan), pretty blonde mom Mary, and two precious little angels, four-year old Dean and six-month old Sammy.
Sarah: Dad is HOT! And also Denny from Grey’s Anatomy only, you know, healthy and alive.
Dawn: It’s very white picket fence and apple pie. This has no chance at all of lasting.
Baby Sammy fusses in the night; Mom gets up to check on him. But Dad is already there. Wearing a trenchcoat. And ever so slowly turning his head and hissing “Shhhhh…” when spoken to. That seems totally legit. Head on back to bed, Mom! But then the light in the hallway flickers and there is a strange noise coming from downstairs. What could it be? Oh, it’s just John, asleep in front of the TV.
Dawn: That explains everything. Except who was in the nursery.
Sarah: And mom heads back up the stairs. Admirable and terrible idea, Mom.
Cue screaming, which wakes Denny DAD and sends him straight up to the nursery too. Mary is gone, though, when Dad comes up stairs. But it’s a perfect time to enjoy a little quality time with the baby. Suuuuure. Screaming wife who? Blood drops keep falling near Sam’s head, though. And ceilings raining blood are never a good thing. John looks up, because what the hell else would you do, and oh shit, it’s Mary, on the ceiling (Very Exorcist), with her belly slashed open. She looks scared and mournful and also a little confused (me too, Mom!) and then she is SUCKED INTO FLAMES WHICH MIGHT MEAN HELL even though they are on the ceiling, craftily enough, and not on the floor where stereotypical hell-flames belong.
Dawn: HOLY SHIT DAD, GRAB THAT KID AND RUN!
But instead of running out the damn door himself, John hands a screaming infant to a scared four-year old and commands, “Take your brother outside as fast as you can and don’t look back! Now, Dean, go!”
Dawn: Dear Dean: When the therapist (I mean bartender) asks you where it all began, this would be it.
Dean makes it to the lawn, where he tells his brother, “It’s okay, Sammy,” thus allowing the audience to witness the exact moment when an innocent child becomes a troubled man with a mantra. This will be important — and constant — for nine (soon to be ten!) seasons. John joins them. Everyone is sad, neighbors are gathering, emergency vehicles are on the scene. So much for Lawrence, Kansas.
SPN Life Lesson #1: Always protect your family.
And now we transition to present day (2005, at the time). Stanford University.
Dawn: Who grew up to be a smarty-pants? It’s Sammy! With floppy hair! And a girlfriend who believes Halloween is slut night! And is blonde like mom! I bet they start their own adorable family and live happily ever after!
Sarah: The Last Happy Pic Mom and Dad Ever Took is on the dresser in his room. This means badness is likely to be in the offing for someone. My vote is the blond in the nurse’s costume.
Sam doesn’t like Halloween, but blonde nurse costume (Jessica) says he has to go out so everyone can celebrate the fact that he did “scary good” on his LSATs. Blah blah college party, blah blah college friends. Blah blah Sam didn’t tell his family because reasons. Also, IMPORTANT FORESHADOWING:
Sam: [to Jessica] What would I do without you?
Jessica: Crash and burn.
Suddenly the party is over and Sam and Jess are sleeping, but someone is breaking into their house. Sam goes downstairs (like mother, like son) and proceeds to kick some serious ass, until the intruder gets the upperhand. Hey, it’s big brother Dean! Dean is all growed up and hot but also kind of an arrogant dick who wants a beer and enjoys Smurfs nudge nudge wink wink. Sam straightens his posture, likely to better accommodate the stick up his ass, and tries to be all unconcerned and aloof, until Dean speaks the words that birthed the fandom: “Dad’s on a hunting trip. And he hasn’t been home in a few days.”
Sarah: This is my favorite quote of the episode so far. “When I told dad I was afraid of the monster in the closet he gave me a .45.” “So?” “I was nine.”
The brothers chat. Sam is crabby. Dean is stubborn. (Get used to those two moods.) The Winchester upbringing is pretty hard core. Shoot your childhood closet monsters. Learn to handle weapons. Learn to make silver bullets.
Dawn: All my Dad and I have is a detailed plan for surviving the zombie apocalypse. I wanna be a Winchester.
Sarah: Did they grow up in or around Sunnydale? Because they’d have felt right at home and Buffy could have dated someone a little less dead…
Dean basically guilts Sam into joining him on this search because Sam took off in a dramatic confrontation, in which Sam wanted to go to college and Papa Winchester took offense to his kid wanting to use his apparently massive intellect for non-demon-hunting pursuits. Dean has a tape he plays for Sam with some “EVPS” that sound a lot like Sarah Shahi saying ‘I can never go home’ terribly mournfully. Sam reluctantly agrees to help Dean on this hunt and hopefully find their father, even though Sam resents Dad and it seems that Dean resents Jessica is worried, so Sam lies to her, which is probably easier than explaining monsters and barbecued moms and shit.
Dawn: Pro tip, Sammy: you probably should have stopped short of assuring her that everything would be all right.
Sarah: Has Sam never seen an episode of any show ever? You never promise that. Now I’m pretty sure everyone is going to die.