Last night I was having tacos and frozen Coronas (I KNOW right?) with some friends when the conversation subject inevitably came around to television, more specifically classic television shows that we didn’t discover till late in their runs or even after they went off the air. My friend Nicole starting talking about how she really didn’t discover/fully appreciate Friends until the repeats started airing on Nick at Nite. This naturally led to a discussion of the characters and which ones were our favorites. “I can’t decide between Chandler and Joey,” Nicole said. “But I do know one thing…and that’s that I HATE Ross.”
Excuse me? Ross Geller is AWESOME.
There has been a lot of hate directed at Ross lately, most notably with this list on Buzzfeed and that makes me sad. Much like Ted Mosby, Ross is a bit of a sad sack and a downer. He’s REALLY geeky and pretentious about it. He’s a know-it-all. He whines and complains A LOT. He’s neurotic and maybe uses a bit too much hair gel. But he’s also a devoted friend and a hopeless romantic. To borrow lyrics from the theme song, Ross is the kind of guy who will always be there for you when you need him. Ross was often the straight man/romantic lead, especially in the early seasons, which can be a tough role to handle. Despite earning an Emmy Nomination for the first season, I never felt like David Schwimmer got the credit he deserved for how good he was as Ross. Ensembles NEED a Ross to work and I can’t imagine what Friends would have been like without him.
Thus I bring you ten reasons why I love Ross Geller…
I mean…who HASN’T balked at an outrageous delivery charge? I once went to Ikea and when I found out that the delivery charge would be more than the purchase itself, I stubbornly put all my purchases on the bus and (rather disastrously I might add) hauled them back to my Upper West Side apartment with just my best friend to help me. Ross’ outrage is perfectly understandable! I would have done the same thing.
Also let’s take a moment to appreciate David Schwimmer’s fantastic vocal delivery in this scene, and in many scenes throughout the series (“It tastes like feet.” is another one that comes to mind). Because you KNOW that the script probably said “Pivot. Pivot. Pivot! PIVOT!!” But Schwimmer imbued the dialogue with creativity and pure Rossness. Yes, I just made that a word.
2) His Music
“Emotional Knapsack” would TOTALLY be a number one hit, am I right?
3) He follows beauty and fashion trends
Just remember to count “Mississippilessly” next time you get a spray tan, buddy. (And this episode has made me afraid of spray tanning booths for life, and I will never ever go to one.)
“What’s the matter with ME? You’ve got a black light! It’s 1999!”
Setting a new trend with Paste Pants:
Schwimmer rarely got credit for what a BRILLIANT physical comedian he was on this show. The paste pants sequence ranks among on of my favorite scenes of the entire series. “The lotion and the powder have made a PAAAAAASTE!!”
4) Rachel’s Birthday present in Season One
Yes, the Ross and Rachel dynamic got a bit tiresome in the later seasons with their on again/off again-ness. Yes, you wanted to scream at the TV “OMG will you make up your mind and decide if you REALLY want to be together or not?!” on a weekly basis. But come on…season one Ross? How could you not love him? How could you not root for the eternally geeky guy to finally get together with the head cheerleader? If you didn’t you were watching the show wrong.
In getting Rachel the cameo that she had offhandedly mentioned that she loved, Ross proves that he is the type of guy who remembers things. He’s thoughtful. He listens. He’s the type of guy who would get you presents just to make you happy and because he knows it is something you would love. That’s pretty dreamy in my book.
5) The Cursing Sign
Do you ever find yourself in need of a way to tell someone to fuck off without SAYING it or using your middle finger? Well, thanks to Ross, now you can.
6) The Moist-Maker
As someone who has had problems with roommates eating my food in the past, Ross’ meltdown about his special Thanksgiving sandwich is totally understandable.
Hmmm. Maybe I am Ross and that’s why I am such a Ross apologist??? Something to ponder.
7) He’s not afraid to commit to a theme.
From the Holiday Armadillo to Spud-nik, you always know that Ross Geller will wear a bitchin’ costume to your next theme party.
Because never again will I be able to go to a sushi restaurant and not scream “DANGER!!” in my head when I see Unagi on the menu.
9) His Divorces
On one hand, Ross makes some pretty bad relationship choices. Marrying a lesbian. Saying the wrong name at the altar. Drunkenly marrying Rachel in Vegas. But on the other hand…at least he’s not afraid of commitment?
10) The Prom Video
LEST WE FORGET: Ross put on a tux, grabbed flowers out of a vase, and was FULLY prepared to take Rachel to the prom when it seemed her date had bailed.
Because he’s her lobster.
What about you, dear readers? Do you LOVE Ross or do you LOATHE him?
And if you DO loathe him…well…we can’t be friends, so keep you mouth shut.