Sleepy Hollow 1 x 12
“The Indispensible Man”
Well then, Sleepy Heads.
As I watched the finale, I harkened back to the roundtable at New York Comic Con (remember how THAT happened) where I asked Alex Kurtzman if he had any fears about losing the fan base over the extended hiatus between seasons one and two of Sleepy Hollow. “Not if we do our job,” he replied.
Well. They most CERTAINLY did their job, did they not? I spent most of the last 7 minutes of the finale yelling at my television and watching the clock with one eye, gauging how much time we had left and trying to figure out just how FUCKED our beloved heroes were. The answer? So very fucked. I know we shouldn’t complain, given that the Sherlock fandom had to wait two years to learn just how Sherlock faked his death, but the fact that we have to wait until September to learn the fate of Ichabod, Abbie, and company is just CRUEL.
As the finale was technically 2 separate episodes, I’m breaking the recap into 2 posts. TWICE the Sleepy, TWICE the fun!
Ichabod Crane may have trouble adjusting to many things in the modern world, but one thing he DOESN’T have a problem with? Tech Envy. Ichabod and EVERYTHING about his phone provided most of the sass in this episode from his outgoing voicemail message (“Please leave your name and rank…”) to his true outrage over his obsolete flip phone. Because really…who still HAS a flip phone, other than my friend T.J. and many parents (according to Twitter)? Apparently the Sleepy Hollow Police Department. Ichabod still uses the constant need to upgrade our technology as a way to sneer at our “laissez-faire society”…but that doesn’t keep him from lusting after
Abbie Abbie’s phone. His little pout when he says “Well you’ve got one”? Priceless.
Also in this episode: Ichabod discovers emoticons (not impressed) and auto-correct. More on THAT in the shippy section, for Abbie’s face related reasons.
Abbie eventually relents and lets Ichabod BORROW her iPhone to see if he could use it, which lead to a moment that left me seal-clapping on my couch:
Siri IS pretty useless, Ichabod. And she won’t unlock your vehicle from afar. Yolanda clearly wins. All my love to the Sleepy writers for making this callback to one of the funniest moments of the season.
Wonderful cell phone shenanigans aside, the other moment that brought the sass was Ichabod’s confusion about Facebook friends. It’s understandable. I have 560 Facebook friends myself, and sometimes I marvel at the fact that I “know” that many people. Are they all my real FRIENDS? Certainly not, with my apologies to random people I meet and become Facebook friends with and never see in real life again. Aristotle WOULD be appalled at how loosely we define “friend” these days.
Ichabod: How is it you have 500 friends? I had only seven close companions. Four of them died, and those were good odds.
Abbie: We use the term ‘friend’ more loosely these days.
Ichabod: Aristotle would be most unimpressed.
Abbie: Yeah? Well he’s dead too.
I will NEVER tire of Abbie’s snarky responses to Ichabod’s name dropping. Obviously Ichabod didn’t know Aristotle, but who regularly drops his name in conversation? Ichabod Crane, Esquire, that’s who.
For the “It’s Obsolete!” moment alone, I give the Sass in this episode 9/10 Donut Holes
All the creepy in this episode came courtesy of Andy Brooks, who went from sad zombie boy to creepy as fuck bug-alien hybrid trained assassin. Andy kicked off the episode by breaking into Abbie’s house just like the Zombie who just can’t get over the
break-up relationship crush on our lieutenant that he is. “No one ever loved you like I do,” he pleads as he tries to get her to come over to Moloch’s side. Luckily, Abbie is not swayed, even though Andy does manage to feed the seed of doubt that has been growing ever since Abbie found out about the prophecy that Ichabod would betray her.
Andy continues to fail Moloch in his quest to procure Washington’s Bible and it is mainly because, even though he is a zombie, he still has feelings for Abbie. Moloch’s solution? Have some crazy ass insects cocoon him and turn him into a naked and glistening bug/alien killing machine. Pretty damn scary…yet also sad. Poor Andy. He can’t compete with Tall, Dark, and British. But really…who can?
We also had our requisite Moloch minions attack Ichabod, Abbie, and Parrish in the graveyard and some scary shit with the cursed prayer beads, but the scariest moment was when they descended into Washington’s tomb and were met by a whole fleet of Weeping Angels.
Okay. So they weren’t TECHNICALLY Weeping Angels. But they WERE. (Doctor Who has ruined me for LIFE y’all.)
Because most of the Creepy in this episode came from Andy, and we always feel a bit sorry for him, I give this episode 6/10 Sandmen.
“Witness One paging Witness Two…”
Looketh at that face. It is not a bother-ed face, but the face of a girl who just got a text from the boy she likes. You can’t tell me it’s not. Sage and I didn’t watch the episode together but our responses to this moment were the same: “Abbie you are SUCH the smitten kitten”. Also let’s reflect on her using the smiley face emoticon before. And the fact that she ended her voicemail to him in the same way he left one for her earlier in the season. “I remain yours respectfully, Lieutenant Mills.” She even picks up his way of speaking as they start to say “Shall we seal this accord?” and shakes his hand whenever they agree on something. SO MUCH TEXTY TEXT AND CELLPHONE AND REAL LIFE FLIRTING I CAN’T STAND IT.
But there is also doubt festering in Abbie’s mind about her relationship with Ichabod. All throughout the episode she remains obsessed with the thought that Crane will betray her and their mission in order to get to his wife (His adorable response to that? “Poppycock!”). But this is a defense mechanism for Abigail Mills. She pushed her sister away in the same manner. She’s terrified of getting hurt and it’s very easy for her to believe the worst in the people who are closest to her. Which makes the scene where Ichabod looks her in the eye and CHOOSES her over the map all the more powerful…
“If using this map meant betraying your trust, that’s something I cannot do. For the world, for our friendship. You and I will choose our own destiny. We have free will. I chose to forge my fate with you”
Let’s ignore the fact that Ichabod and his photographic memory memorized the map before he burned it. In that moment, Ichabod chose his relationship with Abbie over his need to save Katrina and that was EVERYTHING. I have fought tooth and nail all season NOT to ship them…but when you have a line like “I choose to forge my fate with YOU,” how can you not? That is some epic romantic shit right there…and it only gets worse in “Bad Blood”.
Forging his FATE with Abbie Mills? I hereby give the Shippyness in this episode 9/10 Fist Bumps. (That’s right. We changed the Shippy Ranking Meter for obvious reasons.)
* I love Ichabod’s face when Abbie makes the joke about Betsy Ross. “TELL ME MY FUTURE, YOU EVIL WIZARD!”
* I love the gall that the writers have to make the Father of Our Country a man who became a zombie so he could draw a map to purgatory to help prevent the apocalypse. Don’t ever change Sleepy Hollow.
* Clearly the writers of Sleepy Hollow are fans of National Treasure because Nicolas Cage would have been ALL OVER the quest for Washington’s Tomb…
* I didn’t touch much on Frank in this episode because he was so far removed from the action as he is trying to sort out the events that occured in “The Vessel”. Essentially Frank….you in danger, gurl.
* I am FURIOUS at the internet for not having a gif of Ichabod drawing the map with the single tear rolling down his cheek. Tom Mison, your classical training is showing.
That’s it for part one of our finale recap, Sleepyheads! I’ll be back later this week with part 2 and I PROMISE I’ll get the recap of “The Golem” written as well. Which I am now choosing to believe was FATE that I procrastinated on that one, given the reveals made in “Bad Blood”…