Scandal 3 x 12
“We Do Not Touch the First Ladies”
Greetings, Gladiators! Season three of our favorite thrill ride just gets more and more twisty. This week Harrison’s back story (!!!!!!!!!!!!) deepened, there were declarations of love, there were illicit kisses, and there were threats of violence. Just another week in the life of Olivia Pope and Associates! To the gifs!
And we open with Fitz and Liv screaming at each other with Jake listening in the hall. So let me get this straight…Liv is having a lover’s quarrel with her sort of boyfriend while her fake boyfriend eavesdrops in the hall with an impassive expression. This will end well.
“You don’t get to be jealous.” I’m basically going to just transcribe Olivia’s whole tirade against Fitz because it was GLORIOUS.
“I am not a hen and my house is not yours.”
“I am not a prize at the state fair, you can’t win me!”
“I DID THIS FOR ME.”
“I can not honestly win a Presidential election if I am your public whore.” Totally having flashes of Meredith’s “You don’t get to call me a whore” monologue from Grey’s Season 2.
“My whole life is not about you.”
Mellie and Andrew in the conference room.
“Why won’t you let me touch you?” Fitz, being up his own ass all the time, presumes it’s all about him. Again.
“Admit it you miss me.” “Parts of you.” BUT WHICH PARTS HARRISON?? Also heads up, until I remember her character name, I’m referring to this character as Nora from How I Met Your Mother. She always seemed a bit shady anyway.
“Does Olivia know about Clearwater?” Intrigue, Harrison! Is this a back story I smell??
ABBY TELLING DAVID SHE LOVES HIM.
“Girls like to be kissed first. Romance first, before you dive into their pants.” Life lessons from Cyrus Beene.
The return of Hollis!
Sally is having Daniel visions…
Olivia threatening Professor Slater and Slater isn’t having ANY of her spin.
“I have a job that doesn’t involve your family drama!”
Huck bringing Liv coffee…
“I love it when you go all Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” You would, Brian McKenzie.
MELLIE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF AFTER THE RAPE. And Andrew, saintly Prince that he is, saved her life by forcing her to vomit all the pills. And he’s covering for her now. Deserving of our Sad Queen’s love? I CERTAINLY THINK SO.
“He licked my face, did he tell you that?” Clearly face licking is a trend this TV season…
QUIN PULLING A GUN ON LIV.
“I’m violent now, haven’t you heard?”
“I have responsibilities outside of the little errands you hand me like being your beard.” FAKE BOYFRIEND JAKE IS SO SASSY AND I LOVE IT.
“Wine is not beer and popcorn is most definitely not real food.” THEN WHAT DO I EAT AT THE MOVIES, JAKE?
“It’s been a long day and I want to wash it off me before we have pretend sex.” Liv’s face when Jake says that though.
“What does that feel like? To be so hot for someone, so turned on by someone, that you would put everything you ever worked for at risk?” WHERE DO I START THE BELLAMY YOUNG SUPPORTING ACTRESS EMMY CAMPAIGN??
“Mellie…I don’t have time.” One more tick in the “Fitz is the worst” column.
Mellie confessing her rape to Andrew.
“You actually think that we are the same…” Seriously…Bellamy Young and her disdain are EVERYTHING.
“I kept my knees together and I said no.” And indeed as we see in flashback, Mellie DID turn Andrew down. Color me happy.
DAVID CALLING ABBY FROM THE TRUNK TO TELL HER HE LOVES HER. My beautiful twisted OTP.
“I just saved your life.” Scandal life lesson #23: Snooping through your boyfriend’s emails MAY just save his life. #themoreyouknow
“Isn’t it time someone scratched your back?” DON’T TRUST HER, CYRUS. YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!
“People get people coffee when they’re sorry.”
“That just makes me a very loyal monster.” Oh, Huck…
“Monsters eat people, Liv. That’s what we do.” Should we expect to see Huck team up with Hannibal Lecter then?
“We do not touch the First Ladies.” In more ways than one.
“What would happen if I were to kiss you right now?” Internet, I scold you for not having a gif of George Clooney saying this in One Fine Day…
MELLIE KISSING ANDREW AND THEN RUNNING AWAY. You get yours, Mellie.
Andrew touching the painting of Jackie O post-Kissing the First Lady.
“It has to be about what I want, what I need.” I AM VERY CONFUSED BY OLIVIA HAVING A SPINE ALL OF THE SUDDEN WHEN IT COMES TO FITZ AND HIS MAGIC PENIS. But I applaud it. Until, as Sage just said, she (literally) falls on it again.
“Do you have feelings for Jake?” “I honestly don’t know.”
Let’s discuss Nora’s silver dress…
NORA WORKING WITH LIV’S MOM.
That’s it for this episode, Gladiators! Tonight, according to the promos, our worlds are going to be rocked. Sage will have the honor of guiding us though that one. In the meantime, share your thoughts? How much do you love Sassy Jake? When exactly IS Sally going to lose her marbles? How are they going to camouflage Kerry Washington’s rapidly growing belly? And how long until Mellie winds up in bed with Andrew???? Discuss in the comments!