Sleepy Hollow 2 x 01
“This Is War”
WELCOME BACK SLEEPYHEADS!!! After a looooooooooooong hiatus (some might say too long, given the live ratings for this week’s premiere), our favorite batshit crazy show is back to sass us (seriously, Tom’s left eyebrow needs to STOP. And by stop I mean never stop), terrify us, and knock us over with epically romantic feels.
So where were we? Oh yes. After sacrificing herself to free Katrina, Abbie is stranded in purgatory. Jenny was in a horrific car crash courtesy of our buddy, Headless. Irving is in jail. The seemingly good Henry Parrish is ACTUALLY Jeremy Crane…oh yeah…AND Jeremy is the Horseman of War. And he is super unhappy with his parents. Katrina was captured by Headless. Ichabod was bound in branches and then buried alive. We’ve spent nearly nine months theorizing just how our heroes will get out of this…and “This is War” wasted little time in resolving this…
“Anything can be tricked into believing a lie…”
The episode opened with Abbie and Ichabod in Corbin’s Cabin (WHAT?) celebrating Ichabod’s birthday (more on his amazing reactions to that in the #SassyHollow section). A year has passed (WHAT WHAT?) and Abbie and Ichabod have clearly been through hell, which is why Abbie is so focused on taking a little time to celebrate with Ichabod, because they’ve earned it. Ichabod, however, is having none of it. They’ve lost too much, he laments. Katrina is dead (WHAT. Never mind. #FINEWITHIT). Jenny is dead (WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT NOOOOO). They should be focusing on revenge. A call comes in from the Sleepy Hollow PD, interrupting impending sexytimes (I SAW how they were looking at each other, don’t deny it) and the Witnesses are off to kick some ass. When they arrive at the station, they are greeted by a headless corpse (typical). Abbie pops the trunk and reveals a shitload of weapons. Being a BAMF, Abbie grabs a machine gun while Ichabod wields a crossbow like he’s Daryl Freaking Dixon (someone write me that crossover fic NOW). “You ready for this?” asks Abbie. Ichabod cocks his sassy eyebrow and says “I’ve been ready for this for two hundred years.” Shit has gotten REAL in Sleepy Hollow. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.
Abbie and Ichabod have been brought here to look for pertinent information dug up by a Ben Franklin historian. The historian has also been beheaded (SO TYPICAL) but they manage to procure the information, including a drawing of the key Old Ben used to discover electricity except not (“You were there?” “I was his apprentice.”). Headless shows up and a shooting match ensues until he mysteriously vanishes (hmmmmmm). Abbie and Ichabod head back to their lair where they decide they must question their prisoner…Jeremy. WHAT THE DAMN HELL??? Are they going to tell us how any of this HAPPENED?
Jeremy is living large in the cell that used to house Headless. He has plants. He taunts Abbie and Ichabod for a while and is exceedingly interested at to whether they have deciphered all the Franklin papers. Abbie and Ichabod take a pause in their observation room. “Do you remember how we captured him?” “No.” The room crumbles around them, with branches encircling Ichabod and Abbie is pulled away from him. NONE OF THIS IS REAL. THIS IS PURGATORY.
Clearly, it’s been far too long since I’ve watched Sleepy Hollow (or maybe my brain was still high on puppies and rainbows after seeing Jason Mraz at Radio City Monday night) because it took me FOREVER to realize that the entire opening of the episode was a Purgatory Dream. On my rewatch, I felt it was obvious…from Abbie offering Ichabod food to Ichabod often being short of breath because of the lack of air underground. Come on, Kim. Get with it. This show expects and demands more from you.
Elsewhere in “WHAT THE DAMN HELL” land, we have Katrina and Headless/Abraham. Katrina is his prisoner, and because she is the most worthless witch ever, simply binding her wrists behind a chair keeps her captive. (Seriously…the show keeps telling us she is super powerful, but yet all she does is swoon and cry. Did she lose all her powers crossing over from purgatory? Why isn’t she witching herself out of this? Meanwhile, Jenny Mills escapes her prison employing a swift kick in the nuts. Who is the real witch here?) Throughout the episode, Abraham tries to make his prisoner comfortable, from bringing her food (which only earns him a knife in the hand, so at least Katrina is showing some spunk) to gifting her with the gaudy necklace he gave her when they were in a relationship. The necklace has been bewitched so that she can see his head had it not been cut off, proving that even Abraham is a better witch than her. The kicker of the Katrina and Abraham story is when Abraham comes in after a long day of beheading people, strips off his clothes, and parades around shirtless, showing off a KILLER bod (hai shoulders…is it twisted to say that he could get it? ).
I saw you looking, Katrina. To quote Cassandra in the Tenth Doctor’s body…you liked it. Are we going to have a case of Stockholm Syndrome going on here? Only time will tell.
For my confusing feelings about Shirtless Headless, I give the WHAT THE DAMN HELL-ness of this episode 5 out of 10 Golems.
It’s comforting to know that Purgatory Ichabod is just as sassy as real Ichabod. This week in Ichabod vs. the Modern World we have birthday parties and cupcakes. “Must your era celebrate terror with dessert?” Maybe Ichabod just has issues with being over 250 years old? Take heart sir, you don’t look a DAY over thirty-something! Did they not celebrate birthdays at all in Colonial Times? And what is the root of Ichabod’s issues with tiny pastries? First donut holes, now cupcakes. BITE SIZE SWEETS ARE AMAZING, SIR! As always, Abbie’s barely concealed amusement at Ichabod’s disdain is a delight. Again, I should have known this was not real because this scene was too cute for words. I couldn’t have been the only one who was screaming “BLOW OUT THE CANDLE AND KISS HER YOU FOOL!” could I?
Because this is Sleepy Hollow, obviously Ichabod knew Benjamin Franklin personally, serving as his apprentice. Turns out Franklin, played by Timothy Busfield (hey Danny Concannon hey), was a pompous ass who was completely self-absorbed and enjoyed being the smartest person in the room.
Bit like Ichabod really.
(If you don’t say that last bit like Catherine Tate in her comic relief sketch with David Tennant, I have failed this recap.)
We learn via Ichabod’s flashbacks that Franklin enjoyed flying his kite in the nude (and that our hero is a bit of a prude) and that the key that we’ve been taught discovered electricity was ACTUALLY the key to purgatory and Franklin was hoping to destroy it. Instead, he hid away for only the smartest person to find it. Ichabod takes that mission upon himself as clearly he learned delightful arrogance from his master as well.
Ichabod teams up with SassMistress Jennifer Mills, who is alive and well and still kicking ass, for this mission because the writers decided we clearly hadn’t reached maximum sass level in this episode yet. Jenny is well on her way to busting out of her Henry/Jeremy induced prison (“I have a lot of sins, I hope you choke on them.”) when Ichabod literally drives into the warehouse (let’s take a moment to appreciate Tom’s GLORIOUS reaction to that moment). When Jenny climbs into the car yelling at him to reverse, Ichabod panics, as he clearly has no idea what she is talking about. So Jenny climbs over him and takes the wheel cause she doesn’t have time for this shit because her sister is trapped in purgatory. “Must learn to drive,” Ichabod exclaims, thoroughly irritated. Please for the love of all things good and holy let them show us the Mills sisters giving Ichabod driving lessons because I need this in my life.
Ichabod: If it’s any consolation, in purgatory, we were led to believe you were dead.
Jenny: Well, I’m glad that illusion’s been crushed.
Ichabod: Though you did miss my birthday party.
I LOVE Ichabod and Jenny together. The scene where she sends him off to save Abbie alone (because he will not risk BOTH Mills sisters, dammit. Someone has to fight the good fight if he fails) gave me all the feels, but it is this exchange that had me giggling with delight. You KNOW that Ichabod is going to lord Jenny missing his purgatory birthday party over her for the rest of their lives, the fact that she was DEAD in purgatory is a tiny insignificant detail.
Because Ichabod is sassy in ANY dimension, I give this episode 8 out of 10 Donut Holes.
Purgatory remains creepy as hell, though this time it’s more Moloch running amok raising a demon army than creepy kids and Rubberman looking people crawling out of the ground. Abbie makes quick work of getting out of the creepy dollhouse (because unlike Katrina, Queen Abbie Mills won’t sit around waiting for Ichabod to rescue her) and goes about trying to find out what Moloch is up to so she’ll have information for him WHEN Ichabod comes for her (because she knows he will…sorry getting shippy in the creepy section, I can’t help it). What she learns, thanks to our buddy Andy (Hi, John Cho, glad to see you’re using your off days from Selfie well) is that Moloch is raising all the souls in purgatory to form his army and that they will storm the gates the moment Ichabod returns with the key to the gates that allows anyone to leave without leaving a different soul in its place. Uh-oh. Andy then directs Abbie to Moloch’s lair, which is decorated in the classic Satanic Chic…pentagons, skulls, candles, and bats. Nice to know he appreciates classic styling.
Moloch also uses Abbie’s bond with Ichabod against her, creating clones (mmmmmm…clones) to mislead her and potentially trap her in purgatory forever. This results in awful moments like Ichabod offering Abbie water which she nearly drinks (apologies to my neighbors for all my “DON’T DO IT” screams) and then screaming in her face when she doesn’t do it. It also leads to her beheading the said clone (again…gurl, you had two Ichabods, come on!) when the clone said LIEU-tenant instead of LEF-tenant.
(Also did anyone else think of Joey Tribbiani screaming “PIZZA! We like PIZZA!” to his pseudo-Twin Carl in that moment or am I still recovering from the madness of writing our Friends posts?)
Because they are the heroes and because this is the Season Premiere, the Witnesses manage to escape Purgatory without Moloch and his Army escaping. Too bad the most terrifying villain is the one in the world of the living: Jeremy Crane/Henry Parrish.
I’m still unsure as to which name we should call him. Or maybe we should just say The Horseman of War? Let’s decide in the comments until the show tells us for sure.
Is there an actor that can play someone teetering on the edge of madness better than John Noble? I think not. Henry/Jeremy is terrifying not because he yells but because he whispers. He has such a benign face but you can see the madness in his eyes. Then he activates his attack eyebrows (rivaling Peter Capaldi, y’all) and his face twists into something truly evil. As evidenced by his scene with Jenny, War is now using his sin-eating gift for evil, as he steals Jenny’s thoughts about Franklin’s key and his secret alphabet. He proves that the scariest enemies can be the ones who use their minds instead of brute force.
Because he is clearly Moloch’s favorite servant (Sorry, Andy), he doesn’t destroy War when his initial plan fails. Instead Moloch gives him an animated suit of armor with a flaming sword that he controls with his soul. “Magnifcent,” War/Henry/Jeremy whispers, with an evil gleam in his eyes, the flames reflecting off his glasses.
We’re in deep shit.
Abbie was literally in the lair of the Devil. Creepy level = 7 out of 10 Sandmen
“The Bible foretells two witnesses. You and I must remain together if there’s any hope of victory. The only risk, lieutenant, is in leaving you behind.”
Everything is Ichabbie and nothing hurts.
Let’s discuss Ichabod’s single-mindedness in this episode. You would think that with his wife being held captive by the Horseman of Death that there would have been a moment of hesitation or him agonizing about what to do once he freed himself from his coffin. Nope. Ichabod Crane had one thing and one thing only on his mind: uniting with one Lt. Abigail Mills. Sorry, wife, gotta reunite with my soul mate that WAS FORETOLD IN THE BIBLE. Enjoy your time with Abraham!
(Someone on twitter said “God even writes fan fiction about these two” and I died laughing.)
And what a reunion it is. Thanks to our buddy Andy (“You remind me that I am human still”), Abbie learns how to summon Ichabod to purgatory in the same way that Katrina did in Season One. Ichabod sees Abbie in the rearview mirror and is instantly transported to Moloch’s lair…and rushes to Abbie and hugs her with a hug that had millions of Ichabbie shippers scream in delight/torture.
I just…look at their faces. Look at the desperation with which they cling to each other. They are so relieved and even though they haven’t been separated for that long, they crush themselves together as if it has been centuries. I was talking to Kelly (The TV Mouse) about this moment over gChat (because we would much rather talk about these idiots than work) and she pointed out that while Ichabod was always happy to see Katrina in purgatory last season, he never had the kind of reaction to her that he had with Abbie. With Katrina it always felt like “Oh hey, honey, nice to see you. What up?”, but with Abbie it feels like “OMG BOO I MISSED YOU SO MUCH AND LET ME CRUSH YOU IN MY ARMS SO I KNOW THAT YOU ARE ALIVE! NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!”
Ichabod tells Abbie about the key and his mission to find it and come for her. Abbie, because she is no damsel in distress, tells him of Moloch’s plan…perhaps this is a trap and he should just leave her there. Better to sacrifice her than to have his minions unleashed on the earth, right? Ichabod will hear none of this. Nope. “Goodbye is not an option,” he says, kneeling down to he can GET ON HER LEVEL and look into her eyes, so she can see how freaking serious he is. The Bible foretold TWO witnesses, after all. This doesn’t work without her and he made a promise (“If I quit now, they win,” Mulder says to Scully). She is worth the risk of unleashing a demon army. “Hold fast, Abigail Mills. I’m on my way.” And then because these Purgatory visits can only last so long, Abbie and Ichabod are ripped apart again, but they cling to each other for as long as possible, down to their hands grasping for the other until the very last second.
I need a moment.
We get another clinging hug when Ichabod runs up to Abbie in purgatory. Sure, it’s faux-Ichabod, but we’ll chalk that up to Abbie’s panic over losing the amulet that will supposedly protect her against Moloch (though it looked oddly like the pentagon on Moloch’s wall, so what up, Katrina?). Like I said earlier, Abbie figures out who the REAL Ichabod is (were there 2 clones, plus the real one? I couldn’t figure it out) based on the pronunciation of her pet name. Ichabod’s looks of sheer pride when she says “He didn’t say LEF-tenant” is a joy to behold. “Kept my promise,” he says almost bashfully. And theeeeeeeeeeeeen we get a fist bump, complete with a “pow!”. “Teach you that part later,” Abbie says as he looks on with a bemused expression. I enjoy that these two took that moment while STILL IN PURGATORY surrounded by demons.
That’s how you know it’s true love.
Because Sage says I have to reserve my Ten for kissing or GOD FORBID banging (I think my head would explode), I give the shippyness of this episode 9.5 out of 10 Fist Bumps.
– HEIGHT DIFFERENCE
– Let it be known that had Ichabod died in that coffin, his last thoughts were of Abigail Mills. Add that message to the list including JUST what Josh wrote to Donna in that book of things we are DYING TO KNOW.
– I love love love how Ichabod calls Jenny “Miss Jenny”.
– “It’s all about the Benjamins.” “Yes, it always was.” *SEAL CLAPS*
– No Irving in this episode, as I presume he is sitting tight in his jail cell. I hope we get to him next week. #FREEIRVING
And that’s our premiere. I’m so glad to have this show back in my life. Share your feels in the comments!