“You’re gonna be okay.” – Orphan Black Recap

Orphan Black Season 3, Episode 2
“Transitory Sacrifices of Crises”
Posted by Kayti

Can we take a minute to talk about Orphan Black’s badass, nuanced, complex depiction of motherhood? Thanks. This feminist drama has always been a refreshing, revolutionary representation of what it means to be a mother on TV (i.e. you can be a mother and still get to be, you know, a person), but Season 3 is stepping it up with its diverse depictions of motherhood. Season 3, Episode 2 “Transitory Sacrifices of Crises” doubled down on this theme, showing us motherhood in some of its many forms…

Sarah is allowed to be both a mother and a badass protagonist. In this week’s episode, Sarah ultimately sends Kira away with father Cal so that she will be safe while she stays behind to a) get Helena back from the Castor clones, b) take down Dyad, and c) be a badass protagonist.

It is so, so heartbreaking to watch Sarah say goodbye to her daughter, the most important thing in the world to her, but — in watching this scene — I couldn’t stop obsessing about how great and rare it is to see a mother as the chief protagonist of a show, let alone a representation of a mother as badass as Sarah Manning.

Sarah’s decision to send Kira away is a storyline you almost always see told with the opposite gender roles: i.e. the father as protector stays behind to fight the evil men/corporation/whatever, while the mother as caregiver hides with the child. Like many tropes, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with this scenario — caregiving is an important, heroic role. It’s when the trope becomes an all-consuming pattern, the only conflated representation of a specific type (in this case: mother) to move through the world, that it becomes problematic. Orphan Black just straight up refuses to reinforce this strict gender narrative, allowing Sarah to be both the mother and the hero, both the caregiver and the protector.

This is kind of amazing because, forget badass action hero, women on television hardly ever get to be both a mother and the freaking protagonist. In Orphan Black, however, motherhood isn’t something that weakens or sidelines Sarah. On the contrary, she is all the stronger for it. Furthermore, she is allowed to have identities outside of her role as mother and not be judged for them. She is allowed to sometimes make mistakes as a mom and not be narratively punished because she is a complex, flawed human being who is just trying her best in a crazy, messed up situation. You know, just like action hero fathers are portrayed. All. The. Time.

I’m sure (read: hope) there are other TV examples of mother characters allowed to have action-oriented identities outside of their roles as mother, while still being portrayed as a good mother, but the only ones that come to mind right now are Farscape’s Aeryn Sun and The Sarah Connor Chronicles’ Sarah Connor.

Man, do I ever want these three fictional characters to start a support group. Except none of them would ever go. A drinks night, maybe? They can drink Bourbon and polish their guns and trade stories about their scars — some of which have been earned in battle, and some of which have been earned through the ordinary, mundane realities of motherhood. Make it happen, Internet.


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From Rowan With Love – Scandal Gif-Cap

scandal hope you don't

Scandal Season 4, Episode 20
“First Lady Sings The Blues”
Posted by Sage

Nothing like the exquisite chaos of the last few episodes of a Scandal season. Let’s get straight to the gifs.

Quinn comes into the OPA office early morning, turns on the lights, puts on the coffee, and sees Jake bleeding out. “Oh, they got you. Oh, I let them get you.” WELL, that’s one way to open an episode.

worst thing parks

“Still warm.” “Warm enough?” Huck slams Jake on the chest without warning. He wakes up. JAKE BALLARD IS GONNA LIVE FOREVER.

broad city omg yes

“If Jake goes to a hospital, a digital trail is created.”  Dirty warehouse, it is!

minority report

“It’s coming, it’s all coming. You guys called me ten minutes ago!” Charlie provides a safe house and a sketchy mob doctor. Charlie’s a genuine part of the team now, which is weird but not unpleasant.

doctor who got a gang

“Mrs. Grant, you already have a job.” Mellie is starting her campaign for Senator in Virginia and the sexist bullshit has already begun pouring in.

stay out of it nick

“How deeply insulting – not just to our intelligence, to the people of Virginia. And to all the gracious and patriotic first ladies who quietly and proudly served our great nation before her.” Sally Langston is running her mouth and someone’s gotta put a stop to it.

girlfriends female fight club

Also, remember when First Ladies had cute nicknames like “Ladybird”? Can we bring that back?

“Somebody always dying.” So, sketchy mob doctor = not exactly a cheery gig.

grim reaper ahs

“Pretty lady looks familiar.” The doctor tries to talk about Olivia in front of her. Olivia schools him by responding in fluent Russian.

chris evans smack

louis peasants

“You help my friend, I help yours.” Sketchy Mob Doctor is tight with a Russian assassin who Olivia and others presumed dead. Black Sable is her code name. Also a really nice defining shade for a classic smokey eye.

help me help you jerry

“Now you, scared man with glasses…” Will can always answer to that.

broad city baked a whole cake

“These days it’s Mary…Mary Peterson. Come on in, I just baked cookies.” Olivia and Huck find Black Sable, but she’s not exactly the kind of woman they were expecting.

hobbit right house

“Growing up, we were poor. Not American poor. My little brother starved to death because we didn’t have any food: Russian poor.”

haunted mine snl

“Why would I say no to that? It was the greatest thing that every happened to me.” Mary became an assassin out of necessity. It pulled her out of poverty, even though she never saw her family again.

belle snl

“The people telling me who to kill stopped telling me who to kill.” But why didn’t she go to like, Fiji or something? Escape to Washington DC? Be the FBI’s next-door neighbor? Great plan, Nana. REAL GREAT. 

loki tell me

“Putin’s hit the re-start button.” It’s on this puppy.

putin puppy

Mary’s been contacted about a job. She doesn’t know what it is, but she fears for her life if she doesn’t do it.

Sally has gotten the nation all riled up about Mellie’s run. Now they think there’s a conflict of interest because Mellie is “sleeping with the president.” Heeeeyyyyy.

best song ever harry zayn

Except the only thing more frigid than Fitz and Mellie’s marriage was my dead, black heart before I discovered Harry Styles.

“First Lady is not a job, it’s a title.” Can’t be accurately called a job if this is what you do all day:

first lady eat your vegetables

“I wanna hear what Abby has to say.”

bitch me too

“You need to distance yourself from your husband.” I’m listening.

first lady dancing

“So, Mellie Grant’s run for Senate is legal because of misogyny. In this instance, misogyny is our friend.” Abby calls David to find out if the haters have a point. In this case, the haters are our friends.

gaston women reading

“Quinn, we need blood.” Quinn ties up some techs and raids a blood bank for Jake. Aw, guys. We got some real camaraderie happening happening over here.

fringe cotton candy

David is giving a phone interview with the talking head show while overseeing the warehouse with Jake. Huck watches Mary’s handler make the drop.

pretty serious

“Blood!” “Blood?”

blood shining

“Ballard has been eliminated.” “Untrue.” Rowan, is Mycroft aware that you’re boring the Diogenes Club?

diogenes club

“Then find him, and cut the thread.” Fly, my pretties.

hercules thread won't cut

“You’ll get busy and use my body in any way you want, however many times that you want. Conversation optional.” Russell booty calls Olivia in an attempt to keep her on the line and trace her phone. I hate it when that happens. Men, amirite?

fist me orphan black

“Does she buy meat here?” Mary’s handler is a butcher. Olivia goes to his place of business to intimidate him, but he’s got jokes.

it crowd motherflippin

“Some people have bark, some people have bite, I have both.”

new girl celebrate me

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10 Scenes That Were Hotter Than Olicity’s First Time

cher christian clueless
Posted by Kim and Sage

Sage: After nearly three seasons of build-up, Oliver and Felicity finally did it on Arrow this week. And it was…underwhelming.

I mean, I assume that they did it, since they acted like they did the next morning. (Before Felicity drugged Oliver to try to drag him back to Starling City so he wouldn’t become the heir to the demon, like you do.) But you wouldn’t know it from watching the love scene alone. The CW really talked this consummation up, going as far as to describe it as “explicit.” Now, I know we’re on network TV here, but unless all the sex-panicked teachers from my Catholic grade-school were serving as the censors, I don’t have a blessed clue why pants-on neck-kissing deserves that distinction. When I was a kid, I honestly thought that people fell asleep during sex, so many times did I see a show or an edited-for-TV movie cut from tame kissing to waking up in the morning under an L-shaped sheet. That’s what this scene reminded me of.

In the end, it is not about what we saw or didn’t see. Olicity was once a steamy ship – every interaction from about midway through season one on was loaded with tension. But blame the Atom or Oliver’s talent for self-flagellation – they just…deflated a little this year. I’m sticking with Arrow despite its recent missteps, but Jesus, I expected a little more from something that was this long coming. (Or not, as it were.)

Kim: Where is the heat? The urgency? The desperation? The spontaneity? The freaking CONNECTION?

After the episode aired, I sat and pondered why the long-awaited consummation of Oliver and Felicity’s relationship left me cold.  Was it because it was so blatantly spoiled by the promos?  Because my reaction when Felicity came into the room was merely “Oh it’s sex time”.  Was it because of the slightly icky scene with R’as where it was basically like “You need to do this now before he’s lost forever”?  I think that had SOMETHING to do with it, but honestly I feel like it was because everything about the scene was like a sanitized version of a teenage fantasy of what sex should be like.  The only thing missing was rose petals scattered on the bed. HOW was this explicit?  Because she was on top for some of it (god FORBID a lady take pleasure in sex and being in control)? Because she took her bra off and sat in his lap and showed her bare back?  For heavens sake, they didn’t show any kissing below the neck.  No passionate reactions.  I mean come on…at least give me an O-face before calling it explicit.

Don’t get me wrong.  There is a place for candles and rose petals and the like, but this wasn’t it. This was about needing to be the closest you can get to someone.  About needing that CONNECTION that only sex can bring. And I didn’t get that from this.  It felt so blatantly choreographed and like they were going through the motions without actually FEELING them.  It was soulless.  It didn’t have the deep meaning that it needed to…especially in the aftermath.  Really?  You’re going to have Felicity say “Well that happened?”  As if it was not completely calculated?  I don’t care how socially awkward she is, NONE of that rang true.  Not if Oliver is the man she loves with every fiber of her being.  I don’t buy it.  This should have been EVERYTHING…and it wasn’t.

The next morning, I was thrilled to hear that Sage and several of my other lady friends felt the same way about it.  So we set out to find other scenes from network shows that HAD the element of heat and that pushed the envelope when it comes to sex on TV.  For clarification, we stuck to shows that air “The Big Five” (ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, The CW/WB/UPN) because they are held to different broadcast standards that your cable and premium cable shows.  In no particular order, here they are.

1) “It’s not too late” – Oliver and Laurel, Arrow

See? Arrow CAN do passion.  We’re by NO means Laurel and Ollie shippers here, but if this scene doesn’t leave you fanning yourself, something may be wrong with you.  There are parallels to the Olicity love scene here (picking the women up is surely Ollie’s signature move) but this scene has a desperation that is lacking in the Olicity one.  It’s in the way Laurel lunges toward him and wraps her legs around him.  It’s the way they cling to each other and it is in the way it seems like they can’t get close to each other fast enough. It has an element of PASSION and carnal desire that is completely lacking in the Olicity scene.

And this is coming from someone who finds that Katie Cassidy and Stephen Amell have very little chemistry otherwise.

— Kim

2) Chuck and Sarah’s Morning Make-Out – Chuck

One of the many instances in which a Chuck and Sarah hook-up was foiled, this scene from the season two episode, “Chuck versus the Colonel” is definitely the hottest. They don’t even get all the way down to business, but it’s clear that they would have – if only someone thought well enough ahead to hide his condom stash from Morgan. Anyway, the ol’ “oh no, we have to share a bed!” trope is a classic for a reason. Chuck and Sarah’s journey to finally getting together for good was drawn out somewhat laboriously over the years, but their passion in this scene feels very real and cosmically inevitable.


3) Olivia and Fitz in the electrical closet – Scandal

Anyone who has read one of our Scandal gif-caps knows that we are 100% anti-Olitz.  But there is one thing you can’t deny about that relationship and that’s the UNBELIEVABLE heat Kerry Washington and Tony Goldwyn have between them.  This scene is not about love.  It’s about pure unadulterated LUST and need and the “I must have you RIGHT NOW” kind of sex.  And it’s undeniably HOT and sexy, even if Fitz is the worst.  Shonda Rhimes is the modern master of the envelope pushing television sex scene.  AKA the “how did she get the belt unbuckling and the pushing the panties down and the turning Olivia around so he could take her from behind” scene by ABC’s standards and practices division? There’s a reason her shows are on this list three times.

— Kim

4) Danny strips for Mindy – The Mindy Project

“Shut up about Diamond Dan, Sage.” I REFUSE.

I refuse, because this scene changed me and network comedy forever and I don’t care if you think I’m exaggerating.

I’ve already written at length (hey-ooo) about Danny’s striptease, and Kim has too. But allow me to briefly remind you that this is one of the far too few instances in mass market entertainment where the male gaze takes the backseat. Diamond Dan was all about Mindy. And us. And everyone who takes pleasure in watching Chris Messina take body rolling to a new level. Also, we all agree that this little display transitioned into some seriously worshipful sex, yes?


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“Justice or career? I can only get you one.” – Scandal Gif-cap

Scandal Season 4, Episode 19
“I’m Just a Bill”
Posted by Kim

God GOD, this was a jam-packed episode, Gladiators.  Halfway through my initial viewing, I texted Sage wailing that everyone was speechifying and I couldn’t keep up.  Episodes like “I’m Just a Bill” exemplify everything we LOVE about Scandal.  It had intrigue, monologues that were delivered as if they were operatic arias, and one HELL of a shocker at the end.  Why am I still talking?  Let’s get to the gifs!

Papa Pope pours himself a giant glass of wine as if he wasn’t a monster who terrorized his own daughter and currently has a gun strapped to his back.

“I see you have a few more locks, that’s good.” I love that he is making light of his daughter’s post-traumatic stress syndrome.  Totally awesome.

“Since you’re a “fixer”,  I thought I would come to you.”

“Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous?” I love how everything Rowan says just drips with condescension and barely concealed malice.

“I’m just a paleontologist who works at the Smithsonian!”

“I’m just giving you a chance. One chance.”

“I don’t care about any of that. I care about justice!” WHITE HATS.

“Is your hatred for me so great that you are willing to tear him down too?” Clearly.

“Did he disappoint you? Did you learn that he’s only human after all?” I mean he’s right, but I hate that Rowan is painting Liv’s righteous fury as the actions of a scorned woman.

“You want to dig into some Freud baby?”

“All men in fact are just like your father.”

“It is your friends who do not know you. You are a warrior.” I mean I am PRETTY sure the Gladiators know that.  It’s why they are fucking called Gladiators.

“You will burn it down and then never look back.”

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Liv.  Poison though it may be.”

“Thank you for the wine, Olivia.” And then we see that Russell is tied up behind the couch.  Just a typical night, you know.

Liv laughing over Russell’s body as he comes to.  “I think we had a little too much to drink.”

“If that’s the cost of taking out my father, yes.” David wants to fast track the case against B613 before Rowan kills all the witnesses.  Liv is on board because she gives no fucks anymore.

Cy campaigning for votes on the Brandon Bill, which was inspired by the events that transpired in “The Lawn Chair”. 

Meanwhile, in other ways to tie the events of “The Lawn Chair” into the rest of the seasonal arc, Marcus Walker (the activist who led the protests) is leading the D.C. mayoral race.

Liv gets a call from Marcus.  She shows up at the CURRENT mayor’s house to find him and the dead body of the Mayor’s wife, who he was having an affair with.  Because there are NO good people on Scandal.

“You were never here.” Liv and the Gladiators assess the situation and all their options and choose to mop up the scene, dispose of the body, and call it a missing persons case until they know what’s going on.

The vote on the bill is tied so they have to call in Vice President (and political unicorn) Susan Ross to break the tie.

Susan is presiding over a spelling bee and refuses to leave until the last word is spelled.

Susan says she has to read the bill before she votes on it. “I won’t vote on something I haven’t read, Cyrus.”  At least someone in this town has a modicum of integrity.

“What should we do with the body?” “Dealer’s choice.” “Really? Thanks, Huck.” That’s quite enough with the foreplay over dead bodies, Huckleberry Quinn.

“I know this is hard for you. Prison is harder.”

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“Hey, I love you guys.” – Orphan Black Recap

Orphan Black Season 3, Episode 1
“The Weight of This Combination”
Posted by Kayti

Editor’s Note: We’re thrilled to welcome back Kayti Burt to recap Orphan Black after she did a terrific job recapping Agent Carter this season.  Be sure to subscribe to her newly launched site TV Feels which is “dedicated to the exploration and celebration of character-driven, youth-geared television and the feels-oriented fan culture that surrounds it.”

The Clone Club is back, baby! Orphan Black launched its third season last night with “The Weight of This Combination,” and it was so nice to be hanging out with Sarah (Tatiana Maslany), Alison (Tatiana Maslany), Helena (Tatiana Maslany), Cosima (Tatiana Maslany) and their loved ones (aka the characters not played by Tatiana Maslany). Heck, I was even willing to go along with the Helena-Chats-With-Scorpion storyline this episode was peddling at me, so happy was I to see the faces of my favorite clones (and Rachel) again.

So how did the Season 3 premiere measure up? Well, much like the Season 2 premiere, I approached this season opener with tentative excitement. Orphan Black is a show that, so far, has managed to maintain its breakneck plot speed while also staying grounded in realistic character development and emotional beats. Frankly, most of the time, I can’t believe this show exists. It is too perfect. A show that takes on the monumental task of exploring the theme of the ownership and co-opting of women’s bodies and does it well? It’s a TV unicorn! I keep waiting to wake up from this feminist television watcher’s dream to discover that Orphan Black never really existed, that it was just a figment of my ambitious, optimistic, overactive imagination of what life as a feminist TV fan could be like without the qualifier — i.e. I really love Awesome Show, I just wish its representation of female characters was a bit, er, better.

Why am I going on this ramble? Well, aside from it giving me the chance to extol my love of Orphan Black, it also allows me to place what is to follow in a context. For me, the beginning of Orphan Black seasons tend to be a lot of set-up with not as much payoff. This isn’t a design flaw, nor does it make for boring television. Orphan Black trusts its viewers an incredible amount, and therefore spends its season openers throwing a heck of a lot of information at us. This can make for disorienting watching, but Orphan Black has rewarded my patience before so I will give it the benefit of the doubt again. I am willing to believe that what we learn in this first episode will pay off exponentially as the season progresses. That being said, I could have done with a wee bit more grounding in this episode. Here’s everything that went down.

Sarah. It’s amazing to see how far the clones have come in their relationships with one another. When Sarah first discovered the existence of her “sisters,” she didn’t see them as family, but rather potential threats to her existing family — i.e. Kira, Felix, and maybe Mrs. S. Now, Sarah would do pretty much anything to protect all of them, and they feel the same way. This intense loyalty manifested itself in the season opener in Sarah’s willingness to pretend to be Rachel so that she could convince the Dyad Group to help find and save Helena, who has been taken by the Castor clones led by Major Dearden (aka Hot Paul!!!). When Mrs. S. confesses that she made the deal to turn Helena over in exchange for Kira and Sarah’s safe return from the Dyad, Sarah tells her “You’re not my people.” Though I think Sarah still does consider Mrs. S. family, it says a lot about Sarah’s relationship with Helena (someone she once shot through the chest) that she does openly claim Helena as one of her people.

Sidenote: Mrs. S. was rocking a total Katniss braid in this episode, which led me to realize that she and Katniss are kind of the same person.

The big takeaway from this storyline is that Rachel was planning on killing all of her sister-clones following the extraction of Sarah’s ovaries. Harsh. Rachel definitely got her comeuppance when Sarah sent that pencil through her eye last season. The premiere sees her hospital bed ridden with brain damage and, if it wasn’t obvious, only one eye. I’m guessing this isn’t the last we’ve seen of Rachel as a formidable force against the rest of the clones, but this show does manage to surprise me. Maybe brain damage has changed Rachel’s allegiances and she will join the Clone Club… Or not.

My favorite part of this A Plot came in the subtle exploration of Delphine’s character, who has now taken over leadership of the Dyad Institute while Rachel is out of commission. Well, Topside doesn’t know this. They think Rachel is still being her cool corporate self, but we know better. Like many of the other female characters on this show, Orphan Black refuses to make Delphine either a hero or a villain. She is something in-between. She obviously cares for Cosima and, by extension, her sister-clones, but she is still not completely trustworthy — something we are reminded of again and again by Sarah and Felix’s chilly treatment of her. After all, Delphine was introduced to all of us as someone who was willing to knowingly deceive Cosima, as someone who understood much of what Project Leda was about and wanted to be a part of it. That’s hard for viewers to forget and it’s hard for Sarah to forgive. Still, the two end the episode in a reluctant alliance. Delphine promises to help Sarah get Helena back and Sarah promises not to cause any more trouble. (Yeah right.)

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“I’ve never been a fan of change.” – Parks and Recreation Recap

Parks and Recreation Season 7, Episode 11
“Two Funerals” 

Posted by Kim

Penultimate episodes of a series usually serve to set up one final conflict to be overcome or it takes its main character out of their normal circumstances in order to bring them back home for the series finale.  Think about it.  Carrie moves to Paris with the Terrible Russian in Sex and the City.  On Friends, Rachel is offered her dream job working for Louis Vuitton in Paris.  Joey Potter ditches Capeside and finally takes that trip to Paris that she’d delayed ever since Dawson Leery (selfishly) kissed her in Season One.  (Question…why is it ALWAYS Paris?  Discuss in the comments.)  This is not the case with “Two Funerals”.  No one is running off to Paris (that is soooooooo Season Six Beslie because they are progressive that way).  Unlike previous finales of Parks, we don’t have any doubt that Leslie is ACTUALLY leaving Pawnee this time.  “Two Funerals” is not about any of our characters having a last-minute crisis of faith.  It’s about Leslie wanting one final giant Leslie Knope shenanigan before she closes this chapter of her life.  It’s about Ben wanting to leave Pawnee, this little town that he never expected to fall in love with, in the hands of someone who will cherish it as he does.  And it’s about Ron opening up himself to a new barber. Because aside from butcher and lover, that’s the most important person in a man’s life.

Ben and Leslie aren’t the only ones moving on with their lives.  The erstwhile Parks Department gathers at Tom’s Bistro (which I like to think was a weekly occurrence for them, especially once Ron and Leslie reconciled) where Donna announces that she and Joe are moving to Seattle and Garry says he is retiring (for reals this time).  Their meal is interrupted by a news alert saying that Mayor Gunderson has died.  Everything in Pawnee is changing, which prompts Leslie to say that there are “too many endings and not enough beginnings.  We need something to BEGIN.”  The Leslie of season one would have been thrown into a spiral by all of these events piling on top of each other.  She would have dug her heels in and fought against it with every fiber of her being.  Season seven Leslie, on the other hand, isn’t trying to STOP the change because she knows she can’t.  But that doesn’t mean she isn’t going to throw herself wholeheartedly into a new adventure, which is why she latches on to the idea of helping Tom propose to Lucy.  Because if everything is going to change, at least it’s going to change with Leslie Knope flair.  “You guys are the happy beginning we all need,” she says, with a manic gleam in her eye.  Some things will NEVER change.

Leslie, being Leslie, throws her whole ass into planning the perfect over the top proposal for Tom, complete with banners and a short film that features Jean Ralphio as a bad guy and Tom as a James Bond-esque hero.  She focuses on the proposal with the steamroller focus that she normally reserves for well…everything in her life.  She berates the banner makers (she’s spent over 100K there, so they have to do what she says) and she pays no mind to wreaking havoc in the jewelry store when Jean Ralphio destroys a display case.  (He threw himself into it because he not so secretly is madly in love with Leslie, right?) Tom goes along with it, because it SEEMS like this is the kind of proposal that the man who co-founded Entertainment 720 would do, right?  What Tom comes to realize over the course of the episode (and it really comes into sharp focus the moment he sees Lucy) is that he’s not that person anymore.  Sure, he will always be a baller with red carpet lined shoes but he’s evolved enough as an adult to know when it’s time to just keep it simple and be honest.  It’s the reason that Lucy was always my favorite of Tom’s various women: she always saw past his ridiculata and just saw HIM.  A sweet guy who will always appreciate the finer things in life and always tries just a little bit too hard.  He doesn’t NEED to impress her, she’s already impressed. So he calls the big show off…and Leslie, god bless her, shows how far SHE has come by taking a step back.  Well…not too far back, she still wants to see it happen after all.  Just knowing Tom is doing it is enough for her.  As Sage just said to me on gChat, Leslie thrives off people’s joy.  It’s her very life force.  (Which is why Amy Poehler is going to be SO VERY PERFECT as Joy in Inside Out this summer. I can’t wait.)

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Daddy’s Home. – Scandal Gif-Cap

scandal do not lie

Scandal Season 4, Episode 18
“Honor Thy Father”

Posted by Sage

Happy Easter, Gladiators! Have we got a second coming for you. Let’s get straight to the gifs.

“I can’t. This is my death warrant. You understand? I sign this, I die. We’re all gonna die. So, Jake, are we gonna die, or…??

peggy carter death

“We are taking down Command, and you were once Command too.” Jake won’t testify against B6-13, so David Rosen thinks it might be a good idea to threaten him.

hp riddickulus

So Jake shoves David’s face into his own desk.

“Charlie?” “Max!” Charlie “accidentally” bumps into an old friend, who’s also former B6-13.

who is this guy cap

Team White Hat is rounding up former agents to testify. This will go well, I’m sure.

“They’re credited with 37 assassinations, from Hamburg to Grenada.” “Yeah, but some of those were bombings.” “So?” “So, that’s cheating.” Do not have sex with this man again, Quinn.

grey's anatomy legs closed

David gives away the whole plan for the witnesses – safe house, immunity, secret grand jury – unaware that Jake is listening in.

barry fake smile

“You shout. In your sleep. About a red door and a ring. In other languages.” Olivia’s mustachioed piece of ass’s name is actually Franklin Russell, and they are still doin’ it.

winston falling in love

“You don’t have to call me ANYTHING.” “Here’s the thing, Alex. I don’t think it is.” He’s known all along that Olivia is using a fake name too.

chandler big secret

“She was 14 when things started between them. 14. He was 29.” Olivia meets with Congressman Reed, whose sister killed herself after her affair with her math teacher went south. His father then confessed to killing that math teacher. I’m mostly impressed that Reed managed to get elected with a family member on death row.

qaf surprise

“Should have been more. Should have emptied that entire gun into the son of a bitch.” Reed has been making appeals, but Fitz rejected his plea for a stay of execution. Republicans.

chappelle fuck em

“Maybe he wishes he killed the guy. I don’t…I don’t know.” Mr. Square Jaw did it and we all know it.

think you're kidding

“When’s the last time you went to church?” “You are down south, honey. You are in church right now.” Lizzie Bear is looking way out of place doing her thing as Mellie’s campaign manager and interviewing a voter in a kitschy BBQ joint. It’s rather delightful.

chris delighted

“Haven’t talked to that girl in a long time. Folks always ask, ‘why are you still so loyal to her?’  You know, after everything. And I understand that, I do. But you know why? ‘Cause she’s family. And I always got her back. You tell her that for me.” Delightful southern-fried voter is Mellie’s SISTER. EVEN BETTER.

lion king side eye

“Mellie, she smiles, she’s polite. But right under the surface, she is 50 shades of angry. I saw it.” Half-sister actually. And she’s piiiiiisssed.

several things harry potter

“Make her an ‘us.'” Sucking up to Harmony (HARMONY) is last on Mellie’s list of things she wants to do, right after bra-fittings with Olivia.

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“Let me tell you: once you’ve stood on a dollhouse in your little girl’s closet and tried to lift her lifeless body with one hand and loosen the noose around her neck with the other, you’re not alive any more anyway.” Oh.

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“I’m gonna make sure you walk out of here a free man.” A lost cause! Olivia’s favorite.

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“Who’s up for charades?” Charlie wants to turn the former B6-13 agents’ hideout into a summer camp for assassins. Everyone else just wants to sit quietly and contemplate their looming deaths.

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“There’s a strange wind. It’s too warm. It’s coming, it’s scary.” Cyrus has a horse in the Harmony race because of course he does.

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“Team FitzMel or MelFitz whatever, it’ll be over.” Fitz will get all ashamed about Mellie’s issues with Harmony (because he doesn’t do ~lady feelings~) and stop supporting Mellie’s run. Cyrus is the puppet master.

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“You look…festive.” “How’s it going with that prostitute of yours you got mixed up with?”

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“He’s like a stormchaser in a van hurling down the highway, but he’s pressed up against the windshield, grinning wildly, waiting for everything to go to hell and wanting to be there when it does.”


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“Do you wanna know what I would have done if that was my kid?” “No.” Just write it in your journal, Huck.

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“I was 16. It was awful. He was awful.” Dead-ass math teacher had quite a few conquests in his day.

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And his ex-wife died of natural causes a few weeks prior. Well, that’s convenient.

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Charlie gets back to the safehouse and everyone is dead. Except Max, who’s just dying. Jake is standing among the bodies, and he and Charlie go at it.

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“If she doesn’t toughen up, she’ll never make it through a campaign. Whether I’m standing by her side or not.” Mellie is like mother-fuckin’ TEFLON, you son of a bitch.

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“We got this, Rosen. You can go.” “Well, if you’re sure.” “Mr. Peabody” is released from body clean-up, so…

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“Why don’t I get to try it out?” – The Mindy Project Recap

means nothing mindy
Season 3, Episode 21
“Best Man

Posted by Sage

With season three of The Mindy Project now in our rear view mirror, the uneven focus on Danny and Mindy’s families has been revealed to be totally strategic. And just like last year’s finale, “Best Man” is about Danny proving something essential to Mindy and going to great lengths to do so. The show, meanwhile, proved that even a relatively stable couple with a baby on the way can provide enough drama to justify a juicy season-ending cliffhanger. Take that, haters. And tell me more about how relationship-focused series are inevitably headed to blander territory when their will-they/won’t-they’s become canon. Really. It’s soooo insightful.

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Relationships are weird and awful. Yeah, you get a bed buddy and a partner-in-crime and someone who knows to have a back-up steak on hand when you ask for seconds and, if there’s any god in these heavens, Danny’s marbled stubble. But you also get your happiness tied to another human being, one who you can love and support, but not control. There’s a whole other brain, soul, and heart, with feelings as inexplicable and vast as yours. The very prospect is terrifying. No wonder people in relationships act like lunatics.

The best of intentions can only take you so far. Loving someone can only take you so far. Once those tactics have been exhausted, the only thing that will work is changing your own routine, re-shifting your priorities, and doing some things that – back when your only obligation was to yourself – you would never do.

As we talked over the episode, Kim pointed out that Mindy has been waiting for the other shoe to drop with Danny all season. TMP has used the couple’s parents as this nice relationship barometer this year, and the absence of Mindy’s parents symbolized her lingering uncertainty. She’s never felt quite settled, and her doubts have been stoked by all those little hiccups that have entertained us every Tuesday from 9:30 to 10:00pm EST. We should be ashamed.

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Danny’s learned a few things since getting with Mindy. (Ryan Murphy isn’t a name that would have sprung to the mind of season one Dr. C, no matter how many travesties we could justifiably blame him for.) And he’s let some change happen. But “Best Man” dug deeper into Danny than we’ve dared before; so deep that it hit bedrock. Danny Castellano doesn’t want to get married again, to Mindy or to anyone else. And he’s not willing to negotiate either.

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“Because that’s what I’m like.”

And, bless her light, neither is Mindy. I’ve said before on this blog that Mindy Lahiri absolutely is not a hero, except when she is. She won’t let the ghost of Christina or of Danny’s loser dad rattle their chains over her relationship. And she won’t pretend that she doesn’t want what she wants just to hold on to a guy who doesn’t know if he can give it to her. I’m so tired of qualifications being placed on “strong female characters” – all the do’s and don’t’s of being a heroine that we’re allowed to celebrate and look up to. Mindy has always fought for her right to delight in the things that other people find frivolous and silly, and a Pinterest board wedding is another one. Maybe you’d rather die than watch a tutorial on crafting a bouquet out of vintage book pages. But if you’re a woman who participates in the de-valuing of interests and traits that are usually associated with femininity, then you’re just helping the patriarchy do its job.

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Anyway, Mindy does not apologize. And her refusal to compromise on some Earlybird-filtered nuptials is just as meaningful to me as Buffy saving the world before cheerleading practice, CJ Cregg running the White House, and Clara Oswald snickering at the idea that she’s the Doctor’s “assistant.”

we hate them mindy

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