Scandal Season 5, Episode 15
Posted by Sage
The Republican primary candidates meet in their first official debate and Scandal drags another character out of the past to join the Democratic race. To the gifs!
“The first gift? Hollis Doyle.” Ironically, Scandal‘s Trump is the only candidate who’s not someone else’s puppet.
“Well yours truly has agreed to host the first Republican debate.” Of COURSE Sally Langston is running this thing. Poor yourself a drink and down it every time Hollis asks her about her menopause.
“Nobody speaks better for Hollis Doyle than Hollis Doyle.”
“Y’all think some little buzzer is gonna stop the truth from tumbling from these jaws?” Olivia wants a light and a buzzer; she thinks Sally will go soft on her favorites.
“I’m pulling Mellie and auctioning off a one-hour exclusive interview with her to your competition.” Olivia is in no mood to play games. She lays down her ultimatum.
“5…4…3…2…” And she gets what she wants.
SUSAN KILLING IT IN DEBATE PREP.
“Is Mellie….?” “Being Mellie? Yes.” Mellie is the Marcia Clark of this election and I’m already furious on her behalf.
“I’m announcing in the morning.” LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN. Hello, Edison aka Broadway’s Norm Lewis.
“You vouched for me on national television, I owe you.” Oh right I forgot about that.
“It’s about time we had our first black president.” “It’s about time we had our first woman president.”
“It’s an addiction.” “Stop talking.” Despite her best efforts to send him packing, David keeps trying to talk to Abby about his gross relationship problems. Maybe she should start keeping a bucket of cold water behind her desk.
“Stop seeing her.” “Which her?” “I don’t care!” If you’re man enough to fuck two women you’re man enough to deal with the consequences bye.
“David needs to come up and hug you, Susan.” Oh TERRIFIC, that won’t be awkward at all.
“We’re offering a product. We’re offering belief.” Frankie Vargas says SI, SE PUEDE!
“To turn out votes we gotta take it to the streets.” Who IS this guy.
It’s Frankie’s brother Alex. Cyrus is not delighted to make his acquaintance.
“He’s knows you’re in charge.” “Yes, but I’m not sure he likes it.” OOH did Cyrus hitch his wagon to a candidate with a BIGGER wagon?
“Smug and arrogant.” “She seems, I don’t know, too smart or something.” Voter focus groups are eating Mellie alive for all the wrong reasons. Dope cat sweater though.
“You’re a know-it-all, Mellie.”
“And now I’m supposed to dumb it down?….Mellie Grant, woman of the people, fine.” Get on our level, you fierce queen.
Quinn is monitoring Jake for Olivia. Liv advances their work to “Plan B.”
“Vanessa Moss? We went to college together at Smith.” Quinn puts on her best pearls, throws a frosted pink gloss over her homicidal tendencies, and cozies up to Jake’s fiance.
“I’m sorry, women?” “He’s got a couple of them, apparently.” Abby accidentally outs David’s field-playing to Susan, unaware that she’s one of the women being played.
“Susan, HEY.” “I’m sorry, what are we talking about?” She starts to lose her focus. NOT NOW, WOMAN.
“Debate prep is for ninnies.” Hollis spends the days before the debate doing his real campaigning: throwing around folksy sayings and showing off at the gun range. The press is hard.
“Lose the bitch face.” Mellie’s bitch face is very dear to me, how dare you.
“Also you need to watch your arms.” “I’m losing less arms.” “Use a little less than that.”
“Did you break your girlfriend?”
“Wedding books. There something you want to tell me?” Quinn is way out of her league with this tail job: she’s not Vanessa’s favorite wedding planning buddy.
Alex Vargas shows up at OPA and says he has dirt on Susan Ross. He’ll give it to Olivia in exchange for dirt on Edison. Dirt on SUSAN, political unicorn?
“We gotta get Mellie out in public before the debate.” To Gettysburger!
“Oh, heavens no, I can wait my turn like anybody else.” Yes, yes, be more vapid Mellie, IT’S WORKING.
“But…Gettysburger’s closed on Sundays.” Annnnnd she’s down, with a huge faux pas.
“IT’S BURGERGATE.” Heh.
“Stop thinking and start doing. FIX IT OLIVIA.” Obviously Mellie’s mistake is Olivia’s problem. That’s what she does, son.
Cyrus tries to break the news about Edison to Frankie, but Alex is already on it. Alex is like:
“Are you cheating on me?” OKAY, SO WE’RE DOING THIS.
“It’s just you, only you…I’m not smooth enough to have an affair.” Just…ugh. David, seriously. She fucking knows. She cornered you. And now to LIE? I wanted him to deserve Susan just like I wanted him to deserve Abby before her. Not to play dumb and lose any dignity he has left.
“I must say your voicemail surprised me. There was a note of helplessness. A daughter who needs her daddy to make her boo-boo go away.” Olivia goes to her dad to get advice about Alex’s proposal. And Rowan is right for once.
“I should just take the dirt, right? It’s stupid that I’m even asking.” Yep.
“I brought you here because I’ve already decided to do it.” The job always comes first. And this information could get her candidate elected. It’s not show friends, it’s show business.
“This man has been nothing but nice to you.” “I get that, but.” “But WHAT?” Okay but why do you CARE, Rowan?
“You’d no longer be Robin Hood, Olivia. You’d be…” “You.” Did that not already occur? What have I been watching?
“I can tell you he definitely knows all my secrets…I had to submit all my tax returns, bank statements…” Oh, Vanessa, you clueless, silly mark.
“What’d you find on Edison Davis?” “Nothing.” “That’s impossible. The guy’s from Florida for god’s sake.” <3
“Alex Vargas is a hiccup, you’ve dealt with far worse.” Aw, Cyrus gets a pep talk from the former secret service assassin in his employ.
“I’m one heart-to-heart from being demoted to Frankie Vargas’s body man.”
“This is your reward.” Lizzie Bear comes bearing vagina.
“I can’t do us…I mean it, Liz. We’re done.” TOO LATE, ROSEN.
“I’m in love. I’m in love with Susan Ross.” I mean, YAY, but…
“Jake’s using Vanessa’s money to fund a SuperPAC.” And she hasn’t noticed? Not as smart as she thinks she is, is she?
Olivia thinks Rowan is channeling Vanessa’s money into Alex’s SuperPAC.
“You’re getting into bed with a monster.” “Correction: I’m getting into bed with a monster’s father.” But he’s actually throwing his support behind Edison.
“You should go home, Susan. Get a good night’s rest.” Ugh, FITZ. It was so pleasant when you were out of my fucking sight for most of this episode.
Fitz asks Susan a practice question about the federal deficit. Counting the days until he’s not president anymore.
“Why did you cheat on your wife?”
“I don’t want to be one of those stupid women who believes whatever a guy says just because her self esteem can’t handle the truth. But part of me believes him. I believe he really loves me.” BOTH OF THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE, SUSAN, MY PRECIOUS.
“If you feel like he’s cheating, then he probably is.” Whelp, you would know.
She pulls her shit together and answers the question. Beautifully. She’s strong. She can fucking DO this. She can have her heart broken and win a high-stress debate in the same day.
“You’re so beautiful, I can hardly hear the words coming out of your mouth.” Vanessa and Jake are having dinner and it’s nauseating.
“I’m sorry to interrupt.” “I doubt that.” Olivia pulls Jake into the bathroom and kisses him. In the “I need some information” type of way.
“Nobody will ever ride you like I do.” I love Scandal because this line has literally nothing to do with anything, but hey, always good to remind your exes of what they’re missing. ENJOY THIS VINTAGE K-WASH.
“You tell my father that whatever game this is…I will win.” She gets him alllll hot and bothered and then leaves. Have fun with those blue balls at your 7-course dinner, Jake.
Sally is freaking out in her curlers backstage. Always nice to see the unflappable…flapped.
“That’s good advice, so why aren’t you taking it?” “Because I’m dumping my boyfriend.” She’s really doing this. Now.
“Are you going to make me ask you again?” Oh David, grow some ovaries.
“For what it’s worth, it’s over….I’m yours, Susan. I love you. I love only you.” He says, like it matters.
“Mellie…trust me. I’ve got this. Everything is going to be fine.” Mellie hasn’t had time to make amends for #Burgergate before the debate, but Olivia assures her it’ll blow over.
“He was cheating on me…” “With??” “I don’t know who! Who cares who?” *Lizzie starts crying too* “David Rosen is such an ass.” Susan has no idea what happened behind her back, but they’re having a moment, people.
“Sometimes you can seem really mean, but you care, don’t you?” Can we please do this?
“I hope what you’re giving me on Edison is as good as what I’m giving you on Susan.” Olivia gives Alex Vargas the dirt on Edison: his stay at Meridian Terrace for a painkiller addiction. Pretty tame.
Cyrus watches the debate from bed. Why do I get the feeling he’s responsible for what’s in that folder?
Olivia looks into the envelope. The debate starts. WHAT COULD SUSAN HAVE POSSIBLY DONE?
God damn but do I love elections on television. The fake kind, not the real kind. Are we even ready for this, you guys? Tell us who’s got your vote and what you thought of “Pencils Down” in the comments.