The Winners of the Third Annual Feelies!

Posted by Kim and Sage

After a week-long battle in the Feelie Fandom Arena, these ten have emerged victorious. Some races were runaway victories, some were nail-biters that came down to the final day of voting. What they all have in common is that they were chosen by you, with minimal shilling from us. (Hey, it’s our site and we’re allowed to have faves!) My favorite thing about the Feelies is that it’s almost like taking the pulse of the readership of this website. What are you guys passionate about? What shows give you the feels on a regular basis and how can we cover them? (Good news, I think we’ve FINALLY cracked how we want to do Jane the Virgin recaps, thanks to a brilliant idea from Maggie.) These are YOUR winners and we are so proud of all of them. Feeling Awards all around! –Kim

Best Comedy: Jane the Virgin

Nominees: Broad City, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Veep

For the second year in the row, you guys have voted The CW staple your favorite TV comedy!

And that’s how it’s classified for awards consideration, but Jane The Virgin makes us misty as often as it makes us laugh. And it can serve both purposes equally, because JTV never forgets where it keeps its heart.

Season two ran on the nimble ensemble and creative storytelling that defined this show in the first place, but doubled-down on the intricate machinations of its airtight plotting. The year began with the resolution of Sin Rostro’s abduction of newborn Mateo and ended with an ill-fated wedding (complete with musical number!); dozens of reveals and reversals happened in between. The whole production rallied around the show’s experiments with pastiche, and everyone from the actors to the directors to the writers to the graphics people deserve credit for using homage to everything from silent movies and Shondaland to actually drive story forward, not just to wink at the audience.

It’s a rare series that can balance character and plot so well, especially when the audience is expecting an average of 2.5 gasps per episode. The personalities who occupy Jane’s world are too strong to be swallowed by their own drama, and that makes for one satisfying viewing experience. Also, any show that casts Britney Spears in such a positive light has my loyalty forever. –Sage

Best Actress in a Comedy: Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin

Nominees: Rachel Bloom as Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend; Ilana Glazer as Ilana Wexler, Broad City; Abbi Jacobson as Abbi Abrams, Broad City; Ellie Kemper as Kimmy Schmidt, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt; Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Selina Meyer, Veep

Just like her show, IRL angel Gina Rodriguez is also a two-peat Feelies winner!

Happy tears, we hope!

I touched above on how Jane the Virgin‘s twisty telenovela plot stays grounded in character, and the show’s leading lady is truly its center. It’s easy to forget what a relative newcomer Gina was when she got the part. An actor who doesn’t have her natural confidence (in herself and in the show) would never be able to anchor this series. Think about it: While Rogelio deals with his career nemesis making moves on his ex; Michael chases down a murderous drug dealer who’s also a master of disguise; and Petra has her identity stolen by her long-lost evil twin; Jane struggles with finding an adviser, carving out a childcare schedule with Rafael, and hovering at the perfect level of drunkenness at her bachelorette party. Jane should exist on a different plane than the shenanigans that surround her, but Gina plays her so genuinely and with such warmth that her even her adviser struggle carries the same weight as the Sin Rostro mystery. We care about Jane because Gina does. Now PLEASE, can she finally get some? –Sage

Best Actor in a Comedy: Santino Fontana, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Nominees: Tituss Burgess as Titus Andromedon, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt; Billy Eichner as Billy Epstein, Difficult People; Vincent Rodriguez III as Josh Chan, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend; Andy Samberg as Jake Peralta, Brooklyn 99. 

For most of the week, Best Actor in a Comedy was a horse race between Tituss Burgess and Andy Samberg. But in the last 36 hours of voting, it was like Santino Fontana decided he could win a Feelie if he wanted to. Thus, in the most Greg Serrano way possible, Santino Fontana is your Best Actor in a Comedy. AND WE’RE NOT EVEN SETTLING FOR HIM.

Listen, Greg Serrano won my heart from the moment he said that Rebecca was his type because she was ignoring him. Emotionally constipated guys may be horrible IRL but MAN do I love them on television. Like Pacey Witter, Chandler Bing, and Jeff Winger before him, Greg wears his sarcasm and his humor like a suit of armor protecting a deep insecurity that he’s never gonna be good enough for himself or for anyone else. (I KNOW I am going to get shit for comparing Greg to Pacey and Chandler, but Rachel Bloom HERSELF compared Greg to Fitzwilliam Darcy, who is the grandfather of ALL of those characters, okay? Deal with it. #TeamGreg) Greg’s default mode is to lash out with a scathing comment aiming to hurt before someone else can hurt him. He calls people out on their shit but shuts down when it’s turned back on him because no one is telling him something he doesn’t know already. He hates his life but has no idea how to get out of it because he has obligations. He self-sabotages because he expects things to end ANYWAY. But he’s also the guy who will show up with a bottle of whiskey on Thanksgiving, a guy who will take care of his ailing father, and a guy who will show up when you’re in the hospital. Under all that sarcasm and self-loathing, he’s a big old softie. I feel Greg on a fundamental level, you guys.

The thing is a character like Greg would absolutely not work without the delightfully wry performance that Santino gives. He delivers all of those one-liners with a twinkle in his eye and that smirk and you’re just like…YES. Of COURSE you are this guy. (Don’t even get me started on the glass-shattering moment that I had when I realized his delivery is VERY Joel McHale-esque because I can’t unhear it and I just wanted to pass that along to all of you people.) And then there’s that singing voice. I bless the casting team of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend for filling their ensemble with musical theatre actors because Santino just knows hows to emote through song. If I wasn’t already thoroughly in Santino’s corner, I definitely was after his Billy Joel inspired number “What’ll It Be.” Damn, son.

I would be remiss if I left out the “Three days of you and me ruining each other” moment because both Sage and I literally screamed at that. He has the ability to go from sarcastic goofball to throw me up against the wall and have your way with me and THAT, my friends, is a gift. Someone’s got a nomination for Most Handsome Young Man coming his way to go with his shiny new Feelie is all I’m saying. –Kim


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In Appreciation of Liam Payne

Posted by Kim and Sage

Happy birthday, Lima Bean! Customs says we can’t ship you a new dog and our fear of Warner Bros’ legal counsel says we can’t steal you any props from the set of Fantastic Beasts & Where To Find Them. All we have is this post in your honor, handcrafted and gif-ed with love.

A true cinnamon roll, Liam Payne is what we’re missing most during this band hiatus. Besides his international tour of grocery stores and malls, Liam hasn’t been doing much in the public eye lately. He’s been far too busy inking a solo deal and getting to work on the first confirmed side project of the One Direction break. Liam is such a goddamn champ that on the very day he announced his personal contract with Capitol Records, he changed his Twitter and Facebook cover photos to pictures of the band. LIAM PAYNE CARES ABOUT YOU. He super gets it. He doesn’t think it’s weird that this means so much to you. And he doesn’t want you to needlessly stress about the future. He is a solid, stand-up dude, and I’m so glad that we’re doing this. –Sage

Many moons ago, there was a time when I had not yet imprinted on Louis Tomlinson and I had proudly declared myself to be a Liam girl. (God, my life would be so much simpler if I had just stuck with my original instinct. JUST KIDDING I LOVE YOU LOUIS.) I was/am a Kevin girl when it came to BSB and a JC girl with NSYNC, so it’s easy to see why I initially looked at Liam Payne and said “that one”. Clearly, I have a penchant for serious and responsible boy banders. But what’s been wonderful about deep-diving into my love of One Direction is seeing all the layers that Liam has. Sure, he’s the workhorse of One Direction who takes his job as a superstar very seriously. But Liam is also endearingly goofy. He’s charming as fuck. He projects warmth and you KNOW he gives good cuddles. He finds joy in the simple things, be it the latest superhero movie or whatever delightful antics his bandmates get into. He’s as faithful and as loyal as a golden retriever but will also fight you if you come at him. He makes mistakes and he refreshingly owns up to them in the most candid of ways.  As Sage said, he’s a cinnamon roll and we’re so lucky to have him.

We were always going to do an appreciation post for all of the boys, but it feels like this one for Liam falls at the perfect time so we can remind ourselves what a peach he is. (Sage and I have been yelling about him for the past week over gChat and GOD it’s felt good.) He may not be the most attention grabbing or headline making of the boys but that doesn’t make him any less special or worthy of celebration. Happy Birthday, Lima Bean. You’ll always be my first love when it comes to One Direction. –Kim


All of the boys of One Direction are beautiful. There’s Louis in all his dainty angularity, Harry in his outrageous otherworldly-ness, and Niall in his boy next door sunniness. And Liam? Helloooooooooo Mr. Classic Tall, Dark, and Handsome.

liam ground


What has been lovely/torturous about the extensive way that One Direction’s career has been documented is that we’ve gotten to see the boys grow up before our very eyes. Liam was always a cute kid, if a little gawky and unsure of himself in his own skin. But suddenly he ditched the Bieber haircut, grew a little facial hair, and packed on some muscles. It was like the overnight birth of a freaking heartthrob. Look, I know some people valiantly defend Liam’s overly shaggy Bieber hair but I assert that cutting it all off is one of the best decisions this kid has ever made. All of the sudden we could see his face and his bone structure and those soulful brown eyes and those strong brows and it was a LOT. I know it’s cheesy to say that he became a MAN but that’s exactly what happened.

GOD YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT EYE CRINKLES, LIAM. And the POPPED COLLAR. This look is too much, leave me here.

What’s amazing about Liam’s beauty is that he can go from smoldering sex on a stick (that gif of him just sprawling on the stage? Who the FUCK told him that was an okay thing to do? THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW.) (OR IS IT?) to overgrown adorable puppy dog with one smile. His smile lights up his entire face and his eyes squinch up and GOD it’s like staring directly at the sun.

And now let’s talk about how he wears a freaking SUIT. Good Lord. He should wear suits or at least jackets ALL THE TIME. The only other suitable (HA!) alternative is those tight henleys he tends to favor on stage, especially when they are deep v-necks. I don’t know why Liam remains the lone holdout in regards to the ultra painted on jeans that his bandmates are partial to except for the fact that he KNOWS that we can’t handle seeing those thighs in jeggings. Liam will rock a good slim cut on a regular basis but the difference between his skinnies and Harry’s skinnies is significant. Get on Harry’s level, Lima. You have the body for it, trust me. And I like death and dying, so I need it.

This tapered jacket though. Look at his waist and shoulders. BABY BECKHAM REALNESS.

Then there was that time when Louis LITERALLY ripped Liam’s shirt open, popping off all the buttons, leaving his chest and abs and hips exposed for the rest of the show. Bless you Louis. You knew we all wanted to see the goods and you delivered. I CAN’T STOP STARING AT THESE GIFS, HELP. It’s like the perfect amount of body definition that every dude should aspire towards. Also, look at that diaphragm work. Baby is singing CORRECTLY. That’s exactly why I am staring, just checking out his technique, that’s all, I swear.

shirt liam 2 shirt liam


Liam has had struggles with his body in the past (and I say “struggles” lightly because he’s ALWAYS looked good to me, extra 10 pounds or not) and I love how he takes PRIDE in how good he looks now. Of course that pride ALSO entails murder via Instagram selfie at any moment. I’m not proud of the things I yelled the day he posted this one (or the numerous others) but I don’t regret them either. He knows EXACTLY what he’s doing — Kim

Christmas weight dusted!!

A post shared by Liam Payne (@liampayne) on

2) The Voice


When I try to explain to n00bs how to pick out Liam Payne’s vocals in a One Direction song, I tell them to listen for the guy who sounds like he’s in a boy band. That’s no dig. Liam is a CROONER, the likes of which have fronted boy bands since long before the newly formed 1D hit The X-Factor stage.

It’s well-known in the fandom that Liam hit vocal lessons hard between his X-Factor auditions (more on that later). Now in 2016, you can still hear the raw talent in that voice but you can also hear the training. Lima is usually the base of OT4’s harmonies, but he also swings up to that “Fireproof” falsetto without any audible strain. And that’s not just on studio tracks. I’ve seen the band live three times and in every instance have been stunned and impressed by the ease and speed with which Liam flies up and down his range.

The technique is only half of what makes Liam’s voice so special. He’s so expressive. He knows exactly how he wants each verse to make you feel. (Usually, hot for him.) Where Harry skews rock star, Liam swings total bedroom-eyes, panty-dropping, slipping-into-a-warm-bath R&B. Liam recently signed a solo deal with Capitol, and I know I can count on him to make the baby-making album I was hoping for from Zayn.

Speaking of Zayn (and no shade, because Liam loves him), Liam is the number one reason why his departure didn’t vocally debilitate the group. To be clear: nobody sounds like Zayn Malik but Zayn Malik, but Liam’s warm, super-masculine voice slotted in right to the gaps left by Zayn. He even hits that “You and I” high note, if it’s slightly less confident. And I nearly broke in half when I heard what he did with the “Night Changes” bridge. “HOLY FUDGE STICKS” is right, Viner.

Liam never looks bored on stage. Because he keeps himself busy by exercising his voice. (And pelvic thrusting, but that’s another bullet point.) He is the king of note changes, adding his own flourishes to songs fans have heard a million times before. (Case in point: these “Through the Dark” riffs.) There’s nothing like hearing a stadium full of fans collectively lose their shit because Liam goddamn Payne came through with an unexpected high note. He’s got your melody, but he won’t be contained by it.

one note liam

One note? What are we, The Wanted?

P.S. If for nothing else, the band must return from their hiatus so that they can perform “Never Enough” live and I can hear Liam swinging for the fences on those falsetto ad-libs with my own two ears. A-HOO-AH. – -Sage

3) His Work Ethic


One of the things that has infuriated me the MOST about this Dan Wootton-led tabloid smear campaign against One Direction (I say one of the things because let’s be real I’m INFURIATED 95% of the time. The rest of the time I am crying.) is the fact that he’s CONSTANTLY saying that Liam James Payne is ready to throw away his career in music to live as Cheryl Just-Pick-a-Last-Name-Already’s boy toy lap dog. Liam is so loved up that he doesn’t give a fuck about his career anymore, so says Dan. He’s gone as far as to say that Liam is wandering the streets aimlessly because no one wants to represent him and he’s washed up at the age of 22 (23 NOW HAPPY BIRTHDAY BB). To all of that, I scream “REALLY?! LIAM?! YOU’RE SAYING THIS ABOUT LIAM?” at the top of my lungs. I do that because no offense to the rest of the boys of One Direction, because they all work very hard, but Liam? Liam has always wanted this the most.

Liam famously auditioned for The X-Factor at 14 and got cut with the ole “you aren’t ready yet, come back when you are” adage. This comment is used ALL THE TIME on reality shows, from American Idol to So You Think You Can Dance. Contestants don’t always take this advice to heart. But Liam Payne took voice lessons and returned to The X-Factor auditions two years later more polished and not willing to take no for an answer. Then, when his solo dreams were crushed and he was put into a band with 4 strangers, Liam was determined to be the best boy band member EVER. He has poured himself into One Direction for the past 6 years and his dedication has never wavered. Then, when his band takes a well-earned break, what does Liam do? He becomes the first member of 1D to actively and openly get into the studio even when the tabloids dismiss him as a lazy kid happy to coast along on the coattails of his highly publicized “relationship”. All throughout this hiatus, as these articles have flown about, I have said that I can’t WAIT for Liam to pull a Beyoncé and drop his record. “Surprise, bitches.” It’s happening and I can’t wait. Don’t EVER call him lazy in front of me, unless you want a swift crack in the jaw. –Kim

4) His Song Writing


Even if they don’t realize it’s them, the one song that people who aren’t fans of 1D know is “Story of My Life.” It’s their most recognizable hit with the most crossover appeal and it was co-written by Liam Payne and the rest of the boys.

Liam has songwriting credits dating back to 1D’s debut album, a huge feat for a member of a band put together on television and surrounded by image-manufacturing producers and writers. He’s always wanted to be in the trenches, putting himself into their songs. We poke fun at Liam for being so blissfully straightforward and sweet with very definable wants. And you might think that his lack of dark-and-twistiness means a shallow pool of songwriting ideas. But Lima pulls it out of the bag musically and lyrically and has helped create some of the band’s most outstanding hooks. I’m talking the hooks you want to scream out of a car window to a frightened UPS driver.




Liam’s songwriting prowess goes beyond the power pop single, however. He and Louis have an especially productive writing partnership. They captured exactly what it sounds like to chase freedom in the Four track “Ready To Run” (“There’s a future in my life I can’t foresee. Unless, of course, I stay on course and keep you next to me.”); channeled Fleetwood Mac on the Made in the A.M. deep cut “What A Feeling” (“What a feeling to be a king beside you, somehow, I wish I could be there now.”); and provided the world with the morning sex anthem it sorely needed, “No Control.” (“And the heat where you laid, I could stay right here and burn in this all day.”) I see the appeal of writing with Liam, because he is the kind of person you can trust with the vulnerability necessary to write a really trenchant, personal song. “Your deepest love,” as Louis once said.

I can’t end this section without mentioning “Illusion,” a Four bonus track that Liam wrote with some of the band’s most frequent collaborators. Reportedly, it’s about the early stages of a new relationship that our sweet ‘lil Lima Bean was in. It’s not even a favorite of mine, but knowing that context, the raw honesty and hopefulness of this song never fails to destroy me. He just WANTS TO BE LOVED. FOR WHO HE IS.

Can’t you see it?
I’m not trying to mislead you
I promise falling for me
Won’t be a mistake

No baby this is not an illusion
I’ve really got my heart out on my sleeve
Oh baby this is not an illusion
There’s magic between you and me

Protect this sensitive soul. Music needs him. –Sage

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Vote for the Third Annual Feelies!

Posted by Kim and Sage

The great Ron Swanson said that awards are stupid, but they are less stupid when they go to the right people. No disrespect yet ALL the disrespect to the Emmys, but when it comes to television there are WAY shows more shows and performances than the principle awards bodies can possibly recognize. (Plus the Emmys are fucking lazy and repeatedly nominate the same people based on history and celebrity, whatever it’s fine.) The thing we love about the Feelies is that they are completely determined by YOU. We may choose the nominees but the outcome is in the hands of whatever fandom chooses to mobillize. Any of these nominees would be worthy winners. We wouldn’t pick them if we didn’t think so? So who deserves to be the Feelie champions for 2016? Read on to see who we think deserves a shot at the mantle.The rest is up to you. –Kim

Best Comedy

Broad City
Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Jane the Virgin
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Sage: The urban adventures of Abbi  and Ilana raged on in the third uproarious season of Broad City. The girls grappled with period emergencies, apartment shares websites, snooty co-ops, and clever cameos by Vanessa Williams and Tony Danza. But as ever, the best lady friendship on TV was at the heart of it all. Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s skilled and diverse (YAY) ensemble has relaxed into each other, and the continued viability of the Jake and Amy relationship proved that Mike Schur still knows how to make a ship canon without killing our buzz. The cop comedy keeps on quietly slaying with sharp, character-based humor and unexpectedly poignant moments. Veep went into this year with a new showrunner, but the best (and at this point, most true) political comedy on TV didn’t lose its momentum or its foul-mouthed edge. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is still beyond-excellent; the scripts are still sharp enough to draw blood; and the season ended with a stroke of genius game-changer.

Kim: Last year’s champ Jane the Virgin delivered another stellar season filled with heart, ridiculous melodrama, meta commentary, and telenovela antics as Jane and Petra tackled the challenges of learning to be a new mom without completely losing their sense of self. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt took its quirky humor to new heights as Kimmy continued to take ownership over her new life while coming to terms with her traumatic past. And lastly, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend took all the things we love in life (musical numbers, searing feminist commentary, cute boys, body positivity) and blended them into one delicious confection of a television show that EVERYONE needs to be watching.

Best Drama

Doctor Who
Jessica Jones
Penny Dreadful

Kim: Never one to rest on its laurels, series nine of Doctor Who took all sorts of creative risks, from structuring the entire series into two-parters to having one episode be a 45 minute soliloquy for Peter Capaldi to having an entire episode constructed out of “found” footage. (Well, like all risks in life, you can’t win them all.) It also punched us right in the feels as we bid a devastating goodbye (or is it a see you soon?) to Clara Oswald. After a lackluster fourth season, Scandal was revitalized by both Olivia kicking Fitz to the curb and the political intrigue of the Presidential Campaign. (Grant/Ballard 2016, y’all!) In what turned out to be its swan song, Penny Dreadful deftly balanced the terror of the supernatural (DRACULA) with the terror of a more human nature (misogyny, daddy issues) all while Eva Green stood in the center of the storm, giving the bravest performance on television.

Sage: A superhero show that tackles rape culture, toxic masculinity, and survivor recovery? I devoured Jessica Jones in a two-day binge, dazzled by its bravery and neo-noir style. Anyone who tells you that Outlander is a mere bodice ripper has been misinformed. Bodices were ripped in Season 2, thank god, but the superbly-acted genre-defying series also moved effortlessly from the salons of Paris to the battlefields of Scotland to the 1960s and took its characters to the brink yet again. UnREAL had a bit of a stumble in its sophomore outing but technically the Feelies season falls such that Season 1 can also be considered. And Season 1 of UnREAL was a doozy. Anchored by two female anti-heroes (TWO. In one show. And they’re FRIENDS.), the Lifetime drama exposed the seedy underbelly of reality TV and thus, became just as addictive.

Best Actress in a Comedy

Rachel Bloom as Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Ilana Glazer as Ilana Wexler, Broad City
Abbi Jacobson as Abbi Abrams, Broad City
Ellie Kemper as Kimmy Schmidt, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Selina Meyer, Veep
Gina Rodriguez as Jane Villanueva, Jane the Virgin

Sage: I know. It feels impossible to separate the performances of our Broad City leading ladies, so much do they rely on and compliment each other. There’s trust and fun emanating from every scene, which is probably why they can collectively take it so far. But both women deserve a personal shout-out. As the more grounded of the two, no one does crushing embarrassment and millennial self-questioning like Abbi Jacobsen. And her Ilana impression in the co-op episode was a true thing of beauty. Kooky Ilana Glazer shined in a different way this season when faced for the first time with her very best kween keeping a secret from her. It was effectively disconcerting to see the worst employee Deals! Deals! Deals! ever had to take something seriously for once. And really, what is there even left to talk about when it comes to Julia Louis-Dreyfus‘s performance on Veep? She can kill a scene with a single reaction and yet she’s the ultimate team player in a devastatingly funny ensemble. JLD may have another iconic character in her past, but petty, under-qualified Selina Meyer is the role she was born to play.
Kim: Look, I know we give the Golden Globes a lot of shit when it comes to their celebrity thirst, but they know where it’s AT when it comes to recognizing new talent in television. Last year, the award went to Gina Rodriguez (who was the Feelie winner as well), who continues to deliver a LUMINOUS performance on Jane the Virgin. There’s no other word to describe Gina’s work, really. She glows and emanates pure warmth on screen and she can flip between comedy and drama in the blink of an eye. This year the Golden Globe went to Rachel Bloom, whose work on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is a masterclass in comedic shamelessness. There is no length Rachel won’t go to in order to land a gag, from throwing her heavy (and glorious) boobs into a musical number to fearlessly showing the ugly sides of Rebecca’s personality. She is a GIFT and we should all treasure her. Finally, in a lesser actress’ hands, Kimmy Schmidt would be grating and overly saccharine but Ellie Kemper brings the perfect amount of salt to the role. She may be sweet and sunny but she’s also tough as nails when it comes to getting what she wants. Females are strong as hell, y’all.

Best Actress in a Drama

Caitriona Balfe as Claire Fraser, Outlander
Jenna Coleman as Clara Oswald, Doctor Who
Eva Green as Vanessa Ives, Penny Dreadful
Tatiana Maslany as the Leda Clones, Orphan Black
Sarah Paulson as Marcia Clark, The People vs. OJ Simpson
Krysten Ritter as Jessica Jones, Jessica Jones
Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope, Scandal

Kim: I’ve said it once in this post already but Eva Green‘s Vanessa Ives is one of the bravest and boldest performances I’ve EVER seen on television, this year or any other year. Vanessa is broken and beaten down by the world around her, yet she stands tall in her strength and defiance and HOPE. Eva brings a raw, almost feral quality to Vanessa, with her scratchy smoker’s rasp and her giant alien eyes that have seen horrors we can’t even imagine. I don’t understand why she hasn’t been showered with awards for the past three years, it’s a travesty. There not much that can be said about Tatiana Maslany that hasn’t been said before. She infuses each of the Leda Clones with such a distinct personality, posture, and voice that you forget that it’s ONE actress. She makes it look easy, y’all, and I would hate her if I didn’t respect her so goddamn much. After several seasons of being rendered spineless by her father and Fitzgerald Grant, Olivia Pope found her backbone again, doing what she does best (being a Political Bad Ass) and Kerry Washington flourished. Anyone who was surprised by Olivia FINALLY snapping was watching the show wrong, even if the way she snapped was shocking.

Sage: Look, I don’t understand how the Emmys can sleep at night knowing that Caitrona Balfe‘s work on Outlander is going unrecognized. I won’t say she worked the hardest of any actress this year, because this list is so stacked with BEASTS. But the show asks so much of the woman playing Claire Fraser, especially this season. We saw Jamie’s bride scheme and connive among the elite in Paris; get some practice-mothering in by nurturing Mary Hawkins and Gavroche 2 (I know that’s not his name); and say goodbye to the one, true love of her life. Once to his face and once at his grave. (Or IS it?) But Cait’s shining moment came when tragedy befell the growing Fraser family. Her baby stillborn, Claire loses herself completely in grief and shock. It was primal, her clinging to the body of her child, eyes unfocused and posture tense. These aren’t just pretty faces, you guys. Life is change and change is Doctor Who. Still, it wasn’t easy to say goodbye to Jenna Coleman, who so consistently BROUGHT it as the most polarizing, headstrong, MAGNIFICENTLY messy companion the show has ever seen. I’ve said it before, and absolutely no disrespect to Matt Smith, but Peter and Jenna are magic together. Twelve and Clara’s tragic co-dependency defined this series and the petite, wide-eyed companion got to be the strong one. If any companion deserved and needed that ending, it was Clara Oswald. Sarah effing PAULSON. I wish she wasn’t shackled to American Horror Story because she’s one of our most interesting actresses. Against all odds, the OJ show worked and Sarah turned in a desperately human performance as bullied DA Marcia Clark. I’ll never be over how she played Clark’s bafflement at the relevancy of her haircut to a double murder case or her sweet and sexy chemistry with Chris Darden. (What HAPPENED there, you guys? I need to know.) And Jessica Jones succeeded on the back of the flawless casting and compelling performance of Krysten Ritter. Who else would you get to play a whiskey-swilling, leather-jacket-wearing defender of women? Jessica may wear her damage on her sleeve, but she also allows it to motivate her. Krysten nailed the show’s moments of dark comedy (“I can’t get her to wear a dress for the life of me.” “I’ll wear one to your funeral.”), but also beautifully expressed Jessica’s sarcastic and tender friendship with Trish and her determination to move through her fear to bring Kilgrave down. And if we had some kind of stunt Feelie, rest assured she’d get it for those headboard-breaking sex scenes with Mike Colter’s Luke Cage.

Best Actor in a Comedy

Tituss Burgess as Titus Andromedon, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Billy Eichner as Billy Epstein, Difficult People
Santino Fontana as Greg Serrano, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Vincent Rodriguez III as Josh Chan, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Andy Samberg as Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sage: I feel a kinship with actors who’ve made their name in part by being LOUD, and that thought includes the delightfully shrill Billy Eichner. The comedian finally gets to scale it back and be a true lead in Hulu’s Difficult People aka the life of every struggling, cynical New York artist that I know. We’re coming out hard as Team Greg on Head Over Feels, because we do love an emotionally constipated boy with a nice singing voice. But really, actual Disney prince Santino Fontana deserves the credit for selling Greg’s crippling fear of inadequacy and his good, good heart. The dude is a mess, but name me one other guy who could sweep you off your feet while bragging (in song) about giving you a UTI? Andy Samberg‘s Jake Peralta is still THE unproblematic fave. Professionally, Jake is actually one of Brooklyn’s finest, but Andy makes sure the audience knows that deep down, Jake is playing one career-long game of Cops and Robbers.

Kim: While Tituss Burgess is Emmy nominated as a Supporting Actor for his work in Kimmy Schmidt, we at Head Over Feels feel that he merits a leading actor nomination. Titus Andromedon remained a hurricane of ego and melodrama in season two but he ALSO fell in love in the sweetest and most unexpected way and it was delightful to see how it threw him for a loop. It’s no easy task to play the dream guy that the heroine is willing to overhaul her life for (just ask Felicity‘s Scott Speedman) but Vincent Rodriguez III brings such a sweetness to Josh Chan that you completely buy Rebecca being the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend who gave everything up for him. I may hold my own shipping beliefs but you can’t deny Josh’s simple goodness (and cluelessness) as he fights the undeniable pull he has towards Rebecca. The fact that Vincent looks like the lost member of the Backstreet Boys is just a bonus.

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Walk, Walk, Fashion Baby – The Best of Louis Tomlinson in 2016 (So Far)

Posted by Maggie

When it comes to the boys of One Direction, Harry tends to get most of the attention/love fashion wise (exhibit A), and yes, with good reason:


But it’s high time we took a closer look at Louis Tomlinson, whose management-crafted public image would have you believe that he’s a super straight, laddy bro pal Adidas enthusiast who doesn’t care much about fit or fashion.

A concept: Away from stage wear and Adidas promo, Louis is a secret baby fashionista. Listen, no disrespect to stage wear and Adidas, the combined force of which is responsible for this look:

The classic track jackets can stay.

But they’re not the whole story. His style is so much more varied and interesting on closer look. Harry’s sense of fashion lives out loud, but Louis’ developed a look that’s lowkey and more accessible, yet still stands on its own. I think Louis has great taste and has always paid closer attention to fashion than he lets on. When he told Giuliana Rancic on the red carpet at the AMAs last year that he didn’t know who designed his subtly sparkly suit, this was all I could think:

I’m onto you, Louis. And after you see my favorite 16 Louis looks of 2016 so far, you will be too.

1) The Starbucks Run Bomber Jacket (June 15)

Look at this coy baby in his $1,100 designer jacket. He looks so good and he knows it and I love it.

This look is so streamlined and effective. Classic jacket paired with a simple white tee and (cuffed) blue jeans, which alone are striking because he tends toward black skinnies. And the green of the tennies somehow doesn’t fight with the brown of the jacket. I’ll be the first to tell you, I’m not big on brown but he pulls it off (he can pull off light brown too, my god). He’s like a modern-day, non-emo James Dean strutting down the Starbucks pap walk catwalk. He should use this collage on his go-sees.

Kim: I just have to butt in and say this is my FAVORITE Louis look of the year so far and probably in my top Louis looks of ALL TIME so thank you for leading with it. It’s been my home screen since June 15 and I can’t see myself changing it any time soon. Who the hell does he think he is just working the sidewalk like this? Let me live, Louis.

2) It’s a Gucci Sweatshirt (June 3) 

Louis is buzzin’ in this bee-appliqued Gucci sweatshirt and I AM SCREAMING. Don’t tell me he doesn’t care about designers because he’s incorporated this major one into his aesthetic perfectly. And if it just so happens to be from the line that is clearly inspired by Harry’s tattoos, well that’s none of our business.

I think the fan photo above is so cute, but this one is too:

NOUIS IS SO PURE. Also A+ photobomb, my dude.

3) The Blue Button Down in Monaco (May 28) 

As opposed to Harry in all his half-unbuttoned glory, Louis demurely buttons his shirts all the way up. Like every time. I don’t know why, but I find this so endearing in the midst of sheer shirts and slouchy tanks that show off his collarbones. This particular dark blue looks amazing with his eyes and skin tone, I have such heart eyes for it.

4) This Fucking Jacket (March 30)

This bitch loves jackets, and he tends to splurge on them (this one was a mere $1,200) which I love. He does wear a lot of tees and hoodies that many fans could afford or afford to imitate, but jackets are important and Louis treats himself. (Stars, they’re just like us.) I can’t really discuss this jacket coherently, it is so much. When I first saw pics, I felt like it was so unexpected for him and yet not really? It’s pushing the envelope, but in a really chill way.

5) Gray Jumper, Sun Kissed Fringe (January 29) 

Bonus: Ankles Out

I’m dead.

And guys, this is not a fluke, his jumper game is so strong. When he came out on stage for my OTRA show with sweater paws, I almost didn’t make it. Look how good he looks in mod black and white. I just.

Kim: There is an AMAZING Larry Fic called “In This Light” where Louis is a breakout pop star and Harry is brought in to be his stylist. Lou’s team wants to laddy-lad him up while Louis just wants to wear his favorite Burberry Purple Jumper and it is a LOT. The whole story is a love letter to Louis and his sense of style and it makes me HELLA emo. Lou had an especially amazing run of jumpers in January (Maggie totally picked the best one though) and all I could think of was that fic. Every time he was pictured in a new one, I shouted “JUST LET HIM WEAR HIS PURPLE JUMPER” to Maggie and Sage. And then there’s this excerpt…

“What would you wear today, if you could choose anything you wanted?” Harry asks. “We won’t find out, will we?” Louis replies.
He smiles while he says it, and Harry doesn’t say anything, but the non-answer hangs thick in the air. Harry thinks about Simon and about manipulation and control. He thinks about Louis’ bright and bouncy energy and about vibrant colour. He wonders who the first person was to tell Louis he was too much, to ask Louis to tone himself down. And he wonders whether, by knowingly dressing Louis down, he is any different than that person.


6) Skeleton Tee and Boyfriend Jeans (April 21)

I almost don’t think this look should work, or maybe that I shouldn’t like it? I’m not typically one for such a washed-out denim, or denim paired with black denim, but I think he looks great here. And I would be remiss if I didn’t shout out the skeleton graphic. For the uninitiated, this might sound tin hat-y, but there’s a lot of support for the theory that Louis uses his clothes to communicate with his fans. And the skeleton/skull motif is a big part of that; fans can link probably a dozen shirts this year to his appearances in news cycles. (I’m not doing the work for you, you can use tumblr.) The most notable example is this shirt he wore for America’s Got Talent promo, the words on which coincidentally seem like commentary on Simon Cowell, but don’t mind me over here being bitter much. (Update: As we go to press, he’s at it again.)

Okay, I know we’re already in this midst of a side note but SIDE NOTE, the blue suit from the AGT appearance didn’t make the cut for this post. You have to get up pretty early to beat the blue suit from Louis’ mum’s wedding, sorry not sorry, although the shopping trip for AGT is the gift that keeps on giving.

7) The Winter Jacket and Guitar Case (January 10)

I am living for this winter jacket and the guitar case makes me the just the tiniest bit swoon-y. Singer-songwriters, man. Fuck. For the record, I’ve never looked this good at an airport in my life and he makes it look so easy. God.

8) Black V-Neck Realness (February 20)

Look at him slaying in basic black, you guys. He looks amazing. Always the slightly rolled sleeve to show off the guns, always a slight cuff to the skinnies because you tell a man by his ankles. And what’s that you say, this is faux black v-neck realness?

That just slays me harder.

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“Sounds a bit soppy, this: love conquers all.” – SDCC 2016, Part III

Con Friends are the Best Friends

Con Friends are the Best Friends

Posted by Kim and Sage

Everyone knows that a massive part of San Diego Comic Con involves making tough choices. It’s no secret that Hall H is the place to be on Saturday but it’s ALSO no secret that if you want to score one of those coveted seats, you basically have to lose all of Friday in the name of sitting in the Next Day Line. While we had a BLAST camping out for Hall H in 2015, the idea of camping out for Saturday held ZERO appeal for us, not only because we would have missed all the awesome panels Friday had to offer but because the weather was UNUSUALLY hot and humid for San Diego. People had literally started camping out for Saturday by the middle of the day on THURSDAY, leading to a veritable umbrella city being set up in the parking lot of Joe’s Crab Shack. People were ordering umbrellas from Amazon Same Day Delivery to be sent TO the line and posting pictures of their intense sunburns on Twitter. There were reports of chairs actually leaving divots in the asphalt because it was ACTUALLY melting due to the intense sun. NO THANKS. I love the Marvel Movies as much as the next person, but unless it was guaranteed that Chris Evans was going to French kiss me (Sage: or one of his costars. That would work too.) and Tom Hiddleston was going to public renounce the sham that is Hiddleswift, the idea of waiting close to 36 hours in a parking lot for footage that would be on the internet minutes later felt ridiculous. So until SDCC comes up with some way to curtail the camping (which they won’t because that’s what makes headlines), Saturday Hall H will never be a thing for us. And you know what? That’s okay.  As you will see, there is so much that SDCC has to offer that you can miss the marquee panels and STILL have a full day. Besides, we knew Benedict Cumberbatch would be waiting for us on Sunday. –Kim

Off-Site Mania


After spending the majority of Friday cramped between manspreaders and oversized cosplay in panel rooms, we thought Saturday would be a good day to stretch our legs and hit the off-sites. San Diego Comic Con is known for taking over not just the convention center, but a lot of real estate surrounding it with branded exhibitions and activities. One of the most popular set-ups is Zac Levi’s NerdHQ, which has its own sort of mini-con benefiting Operation Smile with its impossible to get into Conversations For A Cause and Smiles for Smiles photo ops. We were shut out of those tickets again this year, but it’s always worth the walk to the San Diego Children’s Museum to see what vendors are handing out free ‘ish and what kind of photobooths we can make fools of ourselves in.

Head Over Feels was here.
 This year’s NerdHQ was a haven for gamers, so there wasn’t much for a couple of hand-eye-coordination-challenged idiots to do there. We moved on to Entertainment Weekly’s Con-X, located at the far corner of the marina. We were among the small group gathered at the gates when it opened, so we had no trouble snagging free Krispy Kremes (best giveaway in history), screened-to-order t-shirts, and photo ops with Tony & Steve, the real American Horror Story: Hotel set, and corpulent space gangster, Jabba the Hutt.



After Con-X, we made a stop at the Hyatt where SDCC keeps its panel swag. It’s an efficient system. When a studio wants to give out freebies to panel audiences, they send in a group of volunteers to hand out color-coded tickets. During posted hours, attendees can stop by the fulfillment room to pick up their goodies. Our haul included a Colony beret, an exclusive Moana print, and a super-cute Orphan Black muscle tee. When you know this is an option, it makes it especially tacky when Hall H presenters prefer to go over time handing out swag just so they can get b-roll of Hall H fans going all Oprah’s Favorite Things. (Ahem: Warner Bros, Marvel.)


We were assured by a panel neighbor earlier in the weekend that the tiny Mr. Robot off-site experience was “worth it.” Unfortunately for our feet and nerves, we didn’t realize just how intimate or time-consuming that exhibit was. We got in line around 11:30am, half an hour after it opened. The line was a block and a half long; in SDCC terms, nothing. “This will be fine,” we said. “It’s not too bad,” we said. Smash cut to four hours later when we’re still in line, seething while the staff marches in industry VIPs and press ahead of all the fans who’ve been sweating in the sun for most of the afternoon. (We know you had a press preview night, USA. THE JIG IS UP.) Our wills were tested that day. So much that I swear, I started hallucinating Christian Slater too.


Holy shit, there he is

But we were committed, and hey, at least we got fsociety masks for our trouble. (I wish the street team would have been handing out those sick hoodies instead, but we’ll take what we can get.)

Being a part of an anarchist hacker conspiracy is NO reason to give up glitter make-up.

Being a part of an anarchist hacker conspiracy is NO reason to give up glitter make-up.

Okay, so it WAS pretty fucking cool. Even through my grumpiness, I could appreciate the work that went into the off-site. The waiting area was a replica of the Mr. Robot repair shop, all for the touching. We rifled through work orders, read jotted phone messages, and held an original Gameboy in our hands for the first time in about 25 years.


Most of the paperwork in the exhibit looked like the standard business of an electronics shop in the ’80s. But Easter eggs were here and there for those observant enough to catch them. This one was my favorite:


“1 Human Soul: $9.99”

The waiting area could MAYBE fit 10-12 people at a time. By twos and fours, those people were led into the next room where we were handed our virtual reality equipment. (VR was all the rage at SDCC this year.) Then we were directed into a full-scale replica of Elliot’s apartment and instructed to take a seat wherever we liked. (We chose the bed, for obvious reasons.) After some brief instruction, we pressed play on an original Mr. Robot vignette, written and directed by showrunner Sam Esmail and starring Rami Malek and Frankie Shaw (Shayla). It was beautiful and melancholy, with the added benefit of the sensation of Rami speaking to you right in your ear. You jerks don’t have to stand in line for four hours to watch the scene; the official Mr. Robot website has the clip in various formats, including regular old desktop. (Spoilers for season 1!)

We snagged some extra shirts from the off-site (with permission!), and we’re giving them away on Twitter! Go follow us and RT this tweet for your chance to get one. –Sage

Geek & Sundry Afterparty


We emerged from the Mr. Robot site in desperate need of food and ice-cold beverages. Being hangry is NEVER a good thing at SDCC and there’s only so much satisfaction Cliff bars and trail mix can bring, so we set off in search of sustenance. With most of our usual Gaslamp haunts being backed up to 45 minute to hour-long waits (“I CAN’T WAIT IN ANOTHER LINE RIGHT NOW.” = us), we opted to ignore my carefully curated list of places we wanted to eat in favor of just going to whatever joint that would be able to seat us right away. Lucky for us, we discovered a new go-to place for next year in The New Yorker. GUYS. The San Diego pizza (spinach, bacon, pepperoni, and gorgonzola) changed my life. BONUS: we were able to go halvesies on our pizza, which let us try the Buffalo Chicken version as well. It just goes to show that you can rarely go wrong food-wise with ANYTHING in the Gaslamp District.

Revitalized by pizza and beer, we made a quick pass through the convention center to pick up some art and then we made our way home for a disco nap before getting dressed up for the Geek and Sundry Dance Party. (Sage: We WILL put on something cute and dance tonight, DAMMIT.) We’ve said before that Comic Con parties are a massive crapshoot and rule held true here. We arrived at the club an hour before the party was set to kickoff and found a minimal line, which blessedly assured that we would make it in.

Here’s where I am gonna go off on a rant about line etiquette though. We got in line at 8 PM, an hour before the doors opened. There were two girls in front of us who we chit-chatted with because what else are you going to do when you’re standing there for an hour? One girl left to go to the restroom, and when I scooted over to make room for Sage to sit on the ledge, the girl’s friend snapped at us for trying to take HER friend’s spot. We assured her that we were just trying to give each other room so we could all sit, we were in no way trying to push her friend out of line. Later, as the line started to condense, more and more people started JOINING these two girls in line. At first it was just two…then two more…then three. Soon, there were TWELVE new people ahead of us in line. A line that now was stretched blocks long. NOT COOL. I realize that we were ALREADY fragile from the 4 hour wait for Mr. Robot earlier that day but that is what kicked us into Sage-Rage and K-irritation. You don’t DO that. We knew it wouldn’t affect US…but what about the people at the end of the line who had been waiting just as long? Sage tried to be nice, but these girls KNEW they had pulled a fast one, as they blatantly ignored Sage when she tried to confront them. One of the latecomers dared to have words with her about how she needed to RELAX. HAAAAAA. While I furiously ranted about the bad form on Twitter, tagging Geek and Sundry every time, Sage tried to flag down a security guy to report the line cutting. The security guy offered to escort us into the party but did nothing to remove the offending parties, which was upsetting. The line-cutters KNEW we were trying to get them kicked out, which resulted in more than a few salty remarks being tossed back and forth between us. TL;DR: people are assholes and Sage and I are ALWAYS looking out for the people in line behind us. You’re welcome.

Actual picture of us in line.

Once in the party, we were greeted with a dance floor full of nerds. While that sounds promising, everyone knows that the success of a dance party hinges on the DJ.  This DJ was THOROUGHLY committed to the whole “geek” theme. While he had flashes of excellence, playing our jam “Africa” and half of “Backstreet’s Back at one point, most of the music consisted of house mixes of TV theme songs and video game music. That’s right. At one point we were actually expected to be dancing to music from “Final Fantasy” which is basically like asking us to get down to the Shire theme from The Lord of the Rings. (Cue me standing in the middle of the dance floor making a turtle face and wondering what in the hell was going on.) And after witnessing an entire room of fanboys losing their SHIT over the Pokemon theme playing, we NEVER want to hear shit about demanding to hear One Direction EVER again. EVER.

But still, parties are always what you make of them, and we had a grand time surrounded by our lady friends who were all dresses as Sith Lords in Corsets. We laughed at the ridiculous music, drank overpriced beers, danced with glowsticks, and gulped down the poorly made mixed drinks we scored when Felicia Day finally announced the open bar. Parties, much like SDCC itself, are what you make of them. As much as we would have liked to party all night, Sunday Hall H was calling our name, leading us to retire before midnight. Just call us SDCCinderellas. –Kim


Glow crowns FTW

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Rose Petals: a Veteran, a Newbie, and a Conscientious Objector Watch The Bachelorette Finale

Posted by Kim, Maggie, Kelsey, and Sage

Sage: How the hell is it gonna take three hours to give away one rose and why did I volunteer for this? Actually I know why. It’s because reading Maggie, Kim, and Kelsey’s hilarious commentary has given me Bachelorette knowledge I never wanted and now need to burn off. Let’s do this.
Maggie: I feel like I’ve seen this promo of her sobbing a hundred times. Guys, I hate when Jojo cries.
Kim: You’re gonna hate this episode then…

Maggie: Ohh I forgot there was a studio audience for this finale part and not just After the Rose. (Newbie alert.)
Kim: The whole cutting to the studio audience is so fucking stupid. I mean they are just there to watch the episode and provide whatever expressions the stage manager prompts them to.

Maggie: “Someone get him a meat tray, now.” BLESS. Chad’s really the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t he?
Sage: Chad’s goatee gets more and more Satan-like every time I see him.
Maggie: He’s stealing her thunder when he should be afraid to even borrow it. And seriously, he MUST flame out early on BIP.
Kim: I would say it’s because no self respecting woman will touch him with a ten foot pole but then I forgot we’re talking about former Bachelor contestants so never mind.
Kim: Making jokes before the joke happens. HIGH FIVE.

Sage: Human Cabbage Patch Ben is fucking there?! Seriously, I get why they invited him, but this is cruel. Though, if JoJo picks who she should pick, she could be getting engaged to a hotter guy tonight and that’s definitely something you want your ex to see.
Maggie: I hope everyone in the studio audience glares at Ben every time it comes up that JoJo hasn’t said I love you to either Robby (barf) or Jordan yet.
Kim: Well we’ve got to promote Ben and Lauren’s show about how happy and loved up they are. Meanwhile, I just look at Lauren and feel like she’s giving off major “Don’t fucking touch me” vibes towards Ben. *sips tea*
Maggie: I feel like a major rule of thumb should be not to end your reality show title WITH A FUCKING QUESTION MARK. Bethenny Getting Married? Well, Guess Who’s Divorced Now? They are ASKING for it. Jesus.

Kim: Find me a good Bethenny Getting Married gif. Maggie: Does a picture of her peeing in a bucket in her wedding dress work?

Same, Bethenny.

Sage: “When I’m with Robby, I think of Jordan. When I’m with Jordan, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking of Robby.” Well girl, I can think of at least one solution for that problem. (FIND A THREESOME GIF, KIM, PLEASE.)
Kim: *is terrified of searching for a threesome gif* *has idea* I am sure this is what you had in mind right?


Sage: I am not nuts about this black sack dress. Fortunately, JoJo makes two costume changes in that one voiceover alone.
Kim: I feel like some of those were rompers? I couldn’t quite tell, which you know upsets me because I love a good romper. Also her sense of style is SO hit or miss with me.

Sage: My family would not be down for this. It amuses me to imagine them taking these ludicrous sit-downs seriously.
Kim: Same. Though I actually think my mom would have a good old time with it. Especially if the cocktails flowed freely.
Kelsey: JoJo’s mom is my favorite. Remember last season when she drank straight out the wine bottle during Ben’s visit to her hometown?
Kim: I mean how else do you get through an evening with Ben Higgins?
Kim: So it’s hereditary.

Sage: I’m with Maggie. Jordan’s hair swoop DOES get me overwhelmed. Also nice transition from parent greeting to bro hug.
Kim: His hair has definitely grown on me over the course of the season. I think the humidity in Thailand has done wonders for it.

Maggie: “She IS my best friend” *squeeeeeeeeeeee*
Sage: “We like to give it back and forth to each other.” They share that really.
Kim: SOMEONE wants the Mario Kart gifs and SOMEONE is going to get them.

Maggie: The whole asking the dad thing isn’t that cute. Colin didn’t talk to my dad before and it was FYNE. THIS however is cute, the whole hat thing, he’s going to fit with her family well, I think.
Sage: I was like “YES, JORDAN, BUY THEIR LOVE.” But then his presents were a joke and then he explained that joke into oblivion. See, the pretty boys never had to learn to be funny.
Kim: You could SEE Jordan deflating and going “Oh shit I should have just brought a bottle of wine” the longer he explained the gag.

Kelsey: I respect mom’s skepticism of Jordan.
Kim: She does NOT like him.
Kim: I had no idea, Maggie.
Maggie: I don’t think I’ve mentioned that.
Sage: Mrs. JoJo was totally the mom who told her daughter that every boy who was shitty to her as a child was just being mean because he had a crush on her. (Also go easy on the highlighter next time, Mrs. JoJo.)

Kelsey: JoJo’s fam seems VERY in tune with trust issues. My family would have no idea what my issues are in a relationship, you know?
Maggie: They are all WAY TOO INVESTED, it’s like a family issue that she doesn’t have a husband and when the mom said she doesn’t want to talk about JoJo’s broken heart at the dinner table? I am 100% sure she means it LITERALLY because that is ALL THEY DO
Kim: She’s in her EARLY 20’s, SLOW YOUR ROLL FLETCHER FAMILY. Except wait, I forgot. They are from Texas. She’s an old maid.

Sage: The episode’s first mention of getting dad’s permission to propose and I already have a rage headache. The thing is, I really do think JoJo is better than this. Was this drama concocted to obscure an otherwise super obvious ending?
Kelsey: Jordan doesn’t ask for her hand in marriage. Dannnnnggggg. But, if I was in his boat, it’d be hard, too.
Maggie: Oh but they haven’t aired JoJo saying the dad convo is important to her, have they?? I thought it was all him. And now I can’t really tell what shook his confidence and why he didn’t do the asking for the hand in marriage (barf) thing.
Kim: I could not IMAGINE someone I had known for 2 months (during which we’ve gone on 3 dates by ourselves) looking my father in the eye and SERIOUSLY asking to marry me. I feel like my Dad would LAUGH at him. I mean my Dad would ALSO laugh cause he would know that I would be pissed off that he knew I was getting engaged before I did. IDK the whole “asking dad’s permission thing” skeeves me out as much as the Dads dictating what kind of wedding dress his daughter is allowed to wear on Say Yes to the Dress.
Kim: YES. And some dads get very aggressive about how much cleavage his daughter is ALLOWED to show.
Maggie: That’s disgusting.
Kim: Sometimes he has no choice.

Maggie: Ugh, Robby.
Sage: Guys, I don’t…how is this the other guy.
Kim: Welcome to our hell, Sage.
Sage: Robby supposedly comes the day after, but this is really like 10 minutes and a costume change after Jordan left, right?
Kim: I actually DO think they spread this one out over 2 days. I can’t confirm though.

Kelsey: Robby is wooing her fam. Ugh. He’s such a schmooze, ya know? Like, I’m sure he’s a PRO at meeting parents. I am, too, so I get it, but he seems like he knows the game.
Maggie: He’s just so fucking GLIB. UGH. ROBBY.
Sage: “What did you see about JoJo that attracts you?’ “Well, m’am, she was the only girl there.”
Kim: God, he’s pouring it on thick.
Maggie: “She’s smart and intelligent, that’s a no brainer” UGH ROBBY.
Sage: Robby has a Yogi Berra-esque way with words. In that he doesn’t know that all the ones he’s saying mean.
Maggie: Jojo, he’s CONNING you, he knows you want to feel cherished and adored. He’s SO FAKE.

Sage: Robby sleeps in a tanning booth. Tanning booth vampire.
Kim: He is the living embodiment of the Ken Doll from Toy Story.

Maggie: JoJo, he’s CONNING you, he knows you want to feel cherished and adored. He’s SO FAKE.
Sage: I’m dying of TMI-related second-hand embarrassment. And I get the feeling that her brothers’ love lives weren’t a topic of dinner table conversation as often as JoJo’s.
Maggie: He’s going to build his life around her? What about his busy former competitive swimmer schedule?
Kim: IDK Maggie, it seems like he’s REALLY busy.

Sage: No fun, say the brothers. No fun in marriage. Just kids, house, and husband. She’s picking Jordan, I fucking know it.
Kim: I am so let down by her brothers. They were so vocal with Ben and here they are just like SOMEONE PLEASE MARRY HER AND KNOCK HER UP.
Sage: “She was raised as a princess.” GROSS.
Maggie: I just hate what a family concern it is that she finds love, I feel like it would be this way if she was never on these shows. I mean, obviously it’s something she wants but also like take a breath, girl. You’re what, 24? You have your whole life ahead of you, heal some more after this one bad breakup and focus on yourself.

Kelsey: WHOA JoJo’s dad tells Robby that she loves him? BE COOL DAD. GOD.
Sage: Mom doesn’t get to give permission, just to watch her husband give it. It’s like concentric circles of horrific gender politics are all happening at the same time.
Maggie: It’s nice to include this mother in this barfy talk with the dad stuff but it feels so slimy, it’s a con, it doesn’t feel genuine, it’s all calculated.
Kim: Remember George’s inner monologue in Father of the Bride where he feels like Brian is giving Nina the “How to grease up your future mother-in-law” speech? That’s what’s happening right here, right now.
Sage: Mrs. JoJo is trying so hard to cry right now. She told that stupid Botox doctor SPECIFICALLY that she needed to cry this week.
Kelsey: “You can’t but want someone like Robby for your daughter.” Ew.
Kim: Tell that to Hope’s family.

Actual picture of the Fletchers.

Kelsey: Dad describes Robby as a “logical” choice.
Sage: Am I insane or did Robby and Jordan have the same conversation with the parents? And yet Robby apparently made a much stronger impression. Or the misdirection continues, because come on, this isn’t even a competition.
Kim: I think Robby may have just used his words better because he studied the script and learned his lines.
Maggie: Robby exudes that intent because HE’S PLAYING ALL OF YOU.

Kelsey: JoJo is so pissed that Jordan didn’t ask for dad’s blessing. Because she wants him.
Sage: “That’s a very clear thing that you ask someone’s father.” Maybe in the baby-Bachelorette farms in Texas, boo-boo, not in the real world.
Kim: Her reaction when her family show doubts about Jordan makes EVERYTHING so clear. She essentially digs her heels in and has a temper tantrum because they aren’t affirming her favorite.
Maggie: Side note: AS THE YOUNGEST, I love how you can tell JoJo is too by the way she flips out when her family says anything bad. I have been that family member.

Actual picture of JoJo when her family was anti-Jordan.

Maggie: Who is this random girl who hasn’t said a word on the couch, does Jojo have a sister I forgot about? Is she a sister-in-law??
Sage: What’s the deal with this sister character? She has really nailed the silent nod. My head canon is that she’s the black sheep feminist of the family and only agreed to go on the show if she didn’t have to speak. This is next Bachelorette material right here. I would watch the shit out of that.
Maggie: I was so confused by the awkward silent sister and this made it infinity better. I really got my clarity, you guys.

Sage: On a scale of 1-10000, how much do you think this pedi-cab driver hates the spoiled whites in the back who are whining about needed a vacation from their vacation?
Kim: Infinity.

Sage: Robby’s hair still hasn’t moved, not even in the wind.
Maggie: He ducked his head underwater and his scoop of hair was intact later for his into the mike (RIGHT KIM IS THAT WHAT WE CALL IT?) and chilling on the beach.
Kim: Aw, look at you learning the jargon, Marshmallow. (It’s “mic” not “mike” but I’ll let that slide.) AND SERIOUSLY WITH THE PLASTIC HAIR. I DON’T GET IT.

Kelsey: Did the camera people make them kiss underwater? Seems uncomfortable. Once your mouth is open, water rushes in.
Kim: Nothing about kissing underwater is romantic to me for that very reason. Literally the only time I bought it was in Baz’s Romeo + Juliet and that was because they fell INTO the swimming pool kissing and it wasn’t salt water.
Maggie: Oh man, there’s a scene in Whip It where there’s so much making out and getting out of clothes underwater and all I can think when I see it is how much upper body strength for swimming that I do not have.


Kelsey: Are they FINALLY going to discuss their life’s logistics? Nope, just a fantasy. Overcooked the meatloaf, did you not have a timer? Ugh.
Maggie: This dreaming of overcooking the meatloaf makes me vomit too. He’s talking about playing house, that’s not real life.
Kelsey: “Faint noise of kids” have you ever met a kid before? You think it’ll just be a faint noise while you’re sipping wine letting dinner burn? Moron.
Sage: Oh, Robby is digging his own grave here. JoJo is like, “you have to be the cook” when he mentions the meatloaf baking in their future kitchen and he PLOWS past that statement without acknowledging it.
Sage: Also he wants her pregnant YESTERDAY, so like. Grab your coconut and get out of there, JoJo. Shut it down.

Sage: There’s more heavy petting on this show than I expected. America won’t like it if you don’t act like daddy’s property to lend, but by all means, they love it when you grind onto a dude’s dick in public.
Kim: IT MAKES ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE. I get very hung up on the logistics of the fact that he most DEFINITELY has a boner and like WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT THING YOU ARE ON CAMERA. I mean I guess you could always go naked paddleboarding like Orlando Bloom.
Kim: Feels good, feels organic. #EndIt

Maggie: Wait do they get another sex date?
Kim: One would think, but no.

Sage: Are you fucking kidding me with these slippers?
Maggie: The “I love you” that early on was such a red flag, how are we discussing it any other way AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS?
Kim: You are not. HE IS TOO MUCH. It makes me want to run far far away.
Sage: Robby says he dreams of hitting 18 holes with the guys and then blowing JoJo’s phone up. To remind her to make him a meatloaf, probably.
Kim: He TOTALLY is the type to think of his wife as the “little woman” who should have a perfectly made Manhattan and a foot massage waiting for him when he gets home from golf. Agree?
Maggie: AGREE. Also did she say “heart of gold” because I’m offended on Harry Styles’ behalf if so.
Kim: He’ll never have boots to match though.

Harry: Aw, thanks guys, I love you too. Let’s do brunch and gossip.

Sage: Being stabbed with a dirty knife would be less painful than a guy giving me a love scrapbook.
Kim: “Here are some publicity stills to remind us of our journey, Joelle.”
Maggie: That would be the weird part about dating on this show, you can’t just take a damn selfie together or anything, so he presents you screenshots from the show you’re filming to sway your mind before the final rose.
Kim: This whole trend of giving the Bachelor/Bachelorette presents on the last date makes me cringe SO HARD. Do they have arts and crafts sessions? Who is the poor intern who gets stuck making these “gifts” because it sure as hell isn’t the contestants.

Maggie: YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ROBBY, JOELLE. (See, I full named Jojo because she should go to her room and think about her choices, not because I’m angling to seem closer to her than I am.)
Kim: I love that Robby is STILL of the mind that JoJo will be telling him that she loves him tonight and then he has the nerve to be disappointed when she doesn’t.
Maggie: Oh NOW Robby remembers that she was heartbroken when Ben told more than one girl he loved her when he was saying “best case scenario was Jojo says I love you AT MOTHERFUCKING HOMETOWNS” UGH ROBBY.
Kim: Also after the drama at his hometown, did he REALLY think she would drop it then? Naw, son.

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“That’s so f***ing metal!” – SDCC 2016, Part II


Posted by Kim and Sage

In every Comic Con, there’s That One Day. You know it: it’s the day where everything you want to do is happening with little-to-no breaks in between. The day where you have to woman-up, be your best pre-planned self, and power through so you end That One Day with some sore feet and mild fatigue but no regrets. This year at SDCC, that was our Friday. Tally ho. –Sage

The Big Bang Theory Writers Panel


It is the very nature of Comic Con that you will have to sit through some panels you’re not interested in because you want to have good seats for subsequent panels. That’s just how it works. The Comic Con Gods have QUITE the sense of humor because for the second year in a row the schedule dictated that we sit through The Big Bang Theory Writers Room panel. (Okay but WHY don’t they bring the cast? The cast member moderators are always charming AF and I can guarantee I would at least enjoy a panel with all the actors even though I can’t stand the show. SOMEONE EXPLAIN.) Let it be known that both times we’ve endured this panel we’ve gone into it with the intent to just sit silently and read our fanfic and ignore it. (Please note how Sage’s face is lit up from her kindle.) But we can’t remain silent when a white male writer jokes that the female Latina writer (the only woman on the panel BTW) actually meant SORTING SOMBRERO while she was talking about what Hogwarts House she would be sorted into and we can’t remain silent when someone pipes up that Penny’s lack of last name didn’t matter until she got married. It’s like they are DARING us to rage tweet with gifs. (I don’t know how we got through that panel last year without the gif keyboard. THANKS TWITTER.)

Once again our buddy Graeme Burk storified all of our tweets. You can find them here. You’re welcome, America. — Kim



My fervor for Bones may have weakened over the past few years (“HOW IS BONES STILL ON?” “I DON’T KNOW.”- me and Kelly over gChat multiple times) but as soon as they announced a farewell panel that would feature the entire cast (in recent years they’ve just brought David and Emily or skipped the con entirely), I knew we were going to have to be in the room. I felt even more strongly about this when Season 11 closed with its strongest finale in YEARS. YOU GUYS. Zack Addy is back. And he’s the Marionette Killer. (He’s not. He will be redeemed, he has to be. MAKE IT SO.) It’s a genius move by the Bones team and it feels like a way to bring the beloved series full circle. I can’t wait to see what they do with these final 12 episodes (The pipe dream is that it will have one continuous arc without some of the It feels so good to be excited about Bones again. Just when I think I’m out…they pull me back in. — Kim

  • The sizzle reel that served as an ode to a decade of Bones made me SUPER nostalgic. When Bones was firing on all cylinders, it was EVERYTHING to me. The way Booth and Brennan pined for each other was some Mulder and Scully REALNESS…except they were way more blatant in VOICING their pining, which almost made it worse? GAH.
  • With the season finale having just aired the night before, many fans were unaware of the Zach reveal since they were all Comic-Conning. (THANK GOD FOR PRESS SCREENERS CAUSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PISSED.) The lovely girl sitting next to us had NO IDEA what was coming and her squeal of delight made me smile so much. This is WHY I hate spoiler culture because a reaction like that was so pure and good and that’s how we should ALL watch television. *gets off soapbox*
  • While I love the idea of having someone who has been a part of the show moderating (it was done PERFECTLY with the Supernatural panel on Sunday), Dave Thomas had a hard time corralling the rowdy panel. Though I imagine MOST people have a hard time corralling David Boreanaz. He is a precious flower but he is also A LOT. He had the energy of a small child who chugged a case of giant Pixy Stix. I kept waiting for Emily to bop him on the nose to get him to settle down.
  • “I have no idea what’s going on but what I do know is that Hodgins can get it.” — Sage, who has seen exactly two episodes of Bones but knows exactly what’s what.
  • The first thing Emily Deschanel did after sitting down was shade Fox for only airing the last 20 minutes of the finale on the West Coast because Trump’s RNC speech ran for a million years. Add that to the long list of reasons he shouldn’t be president.


  • When TJ Thyne and Michaela Conlin were asked about the strain put on Hodgins and Angela’s marriage this season and their road to recovery, TJ earnestly replied “I think Jack and Angela will always make it.” GOOD. Those episodes where it seemed like they were going to fall apart absolutely DESTROYED ME.
  • Tamara Taylor revealed that Cam and Arastoo WILL get their wedding in the final season. Bones has always done weddings well so I can’t wait to see what they have in store.
  • Emily: “You’re more likely to get struck by lightning than bitten by a shark.” David: “Says who?” Emily: “Science.” Their real life banter is SO Booth and Brennan it caused me physical pain.
  • Regarding the return of Zack, showrunner Michael Peterson simply said “You asked for it, we brought him back.” He also confirmed that they have Eric Millegan for “3 to 4” episodes and there is a definite arc plotted out that promises to be very exciting. Personally, I hope they spread his appearances out throughout the season instead of knocking it all out straight away.
  • When asked about their favorite episodes, Emily chose “Double Trouble in the Panhandle” aka the Circus episode where we first met fan favorite aliases Buck and Wanda Moosejaw. David chose the 200th episode and Michaela chose season one’s Christmas episode. All fine choices but we know the CORRECT answer to that question is “Aliens in a Spaceship,” which is what TJ chose.


  • In a confession that rocked me to my very core, TJ admitted that he has always hated bugs and that playing Hodgins has done nothing to change that. MOM HOW MANY LIES HAVE I BEEN LIVING?
  • “I feel like I’m the boss everywhere I go,” Tamara quipped when asked about how playing Cam has affected her in her personal life. Always be the boss. That’s a good life philosophy to have.
  • Since Bones has never been afraid of killing off characters, a fan asked if we can expect more of that in the final season. “A little bit…maybe,” Peterson said evasively. (That means yes.) Later, Eugene Byrd, who plays Clark Edison, crashed the fan Q&A, saying “You were talking about killing recurring characters?” He joined the panel full-time after that, with Emily going as far as going backstage to get him a chair. Precious.
  • The panel had their own little song “Fan questions, fan fan questions” that got longer with each new fan that stepped up to the mic. One fan took a long pause before finally asking her question. “I didn’t want to interrupt their singing!”

Emily’s lipstick was ON POINT.

  • Whenever David got a question about his past work on Angel, he graciously steered the question back to Bones and his castmates as quickly as possible. (This resulted in a long back and forth about who everyone would play if they spun off together in a Whedon show.) It was SO classy. I get that fans want to talk about Angel but a panel celebrating the show David has done for over a decade is neither the time nor place for it.
  • “David ALWAYS needs the last word. We call him Last Word Jones on set.” This does not at all surprise me.
  • Needless to say, there was a huge amount of love on the panel. “It’s such a great environment to be a part of. I’ve been blessed to be with these people, they’ve seen me through a lot,” David said. TJ shared that the things he is going to miss the most about Bones are “the in-betweens. All the stuff you don’t see that’s just for us.” Aw, shit, now I am going to cry.
  • Fittingly, the last fan at the mic was a Brennan Cosplayer which made Emily squeal in delight.
  • I flitted off to the bathroom as soon as the panel ended as to not miss the start of The 100 panel. I skipped the super long line at the ladies room right outside Ballroom 20 and opted for the shorter line much further down the hall. I chose wisely because it was also the ladies room that the talent used and I saw Michaela and Tamara and good lord they are gorgeous and TALL.

The 100


Don’t speak, you might get killed off next.

What a difference a year makes.  Last year the cast of The 100 entered Ballroom 20 like rock stars, triumphant off their critically acclaimed second season and ready to take on the world with season three. This year the vibe was…weird and subdued. It’s no secret that season 3 of The 100 was tumultuous, both on and off-screen. Questionable character decisions were made (JUSTICE FOR THE CHARACTER ASSASSINATION OF BELLAMY BLAKE), The City of Light was a whole bunch of nonsense, and minority characters were disposed of carelessly. While it wasn’t QUITE Sleepy Hollow level, it was completely disheartening to watch a show that had previously been so BOLD in its choices slowly implode over the course of 16 episodes. Then there were the reports of what it was like on set. After fan favorite Lincoln was shelved for most of season three and then unceremoniously executed (SERIOUSLY his final shot was from a distance and he didn’t even get a goodbye), Ricky Whittle spoke out about the conditions on the set, accusing showrunner Jason Rothenberg of essentially bullying him off the show by cutting down Lincoln’s screentime. (No wonder he was delighted when American Gods offered to pay him in candy and cuddles.) Needless to say, we were fully prepared for this panel to be awkward as hell. What we weren’t prepared for was the fact that it was so effing boring (YAY screening the hard questions so they wouldn’t have to address the mess. *Side-Eye*) that we popped out as soon as we found out on Twitter that our next destination, Room 6BCF, was walk-in at that current moment. — Kim


  • There was a LOT of Lincoln in the sizzle reel which was really just rubbing salt in the wound.
  • The sizzle reel concluded with a massive storm cloud overtaking the tower at Polis, setting up the theme for season four: The Earth Strikes Back. We’ll be getting back to the survival aspects in season four as Clarke deals with the knowledge that they only have six months left to live on the ground. GOOD. The man vs. nature element is SO much more compelling that all this warring tribe nonsense we’ve been embroiled in.
  • Notably absent from the panel was Bob Morley (and his broad shoulders). Bob had been previously announced for the panel but mysterious “scheduling conflicts” prevented him from making it. I mean, we’re gonna TRY and not read anything into that, but knowing what we know now, it’s hard not to. Even more troubling is the fact that Bellamy wasn’t mentioned ONCE in the panel, other than the fact that they once toyed with the idea of Kane being Bellamy and Octavia’s father. If there was one character arc that we NEEDED some reassurance on, it was Bellamy’s (please…try and justify those decisions, I beg you), so it was incredibly disheartening that it was swept completely under the rug.


  • “Octavia tried to bandage the hole in her heart by taking revenge, but we all know that doesn’t work,” Marie Avgeropoulos explained. “She’s going back to what she knows best next season, which is killing people.” RIP Linctavia. Rise, Octavia Blake, Warrior Princess.
  • Lindsey Morgan hinted that Raven may have run out of fucks to give in season four. “I’ve been to hell and back and frankly it was kind of boring. What else do you got?'” she said regarding Raven’s ordeal with ALIE. Rothenberg added that Raven was due for a little fun in Season Four. YA THINK?
  • “I love that for him, honestly,” Richard Harmon said regarding Murphy’s blossoming romance. “For the first time, I can see the possibility of a happy ending for him.” HA. We’ll see about that.
  • “Foolishly, I thought I would win the election.” – Henry Ian Cusick talks as if he is actually Kane, you guys.
  • Bob and Ian call each other Dad and Son on set. UGH.
  • The City of Light is DEFINITELY gone (THANK YOU JESUS) and Lexa is DEFINITELY done on the show (sigh).
  • When asked what other characters they would want to play, Eliza said Monty, while Henry said he loves Kane and would only want to play him (aw). When Richard commented that he would want to play Lexa, Lindsey quipped that it was only because he loves make-up. “Damn straight,” he replied, flashing his painted nails. We love a man who appreciates a good manicure.
  • Richard also dropped that he originally auditioned for Bellamy. That would have been an INTERESTING choice.
  • “What Alycia did was untouchable,” Richard commented regarding Lexa. There was a LOT of love for Lexa throughout the cast and I’m not going to say it felt pointed but it felt pointed.


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Rose Petals: a Newbie and a Veteran Watch The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All

Posted by Kim and Maggie

AKA Men are So Catty, the Semi-Live version. Let’s do this.

Maggie: “My man, Luke Pell!” That’s the first time James Taylor hasn’t made me want to vomit, honestly.
Kim: James Taylor was made for these kind of reunion shows, honestly.

Kim: GOD this whole set-up is ridiculous from Chad Bear in all black to the whole fake segregation thing. Did they ACTUALLY keep him separate in his own trailer? I doubt it. However, I love this shit. Pass the popcorn.

Maggie: Side note, after years of watching Bravo reunions, it’s weird to me that there’s a studio audience for this. I can’t even imagine how that would go with Housewives. Or Vanderpump Rules, god forbid.
Kim: Having ALWAYS watched these the concept of no live audience boggles my mind. Is the situation too volatile over at Bravo? Or just too heavily edited? Enlighten me.
Maggie: I don’t know how pretty it would be for Bravolebrities to feed off an audience’s energy for 12 hours of filming??
Kim: All of them are Chads is what you are saying, yes?
Maggie: Mostly, yes.
Kim: Gotcha.
Maggie: Chris Harrison is no Andy Cohen, either.

Kim: His very own meat plate, just for him.

Maggie: “Yes, ladies, Luke is here.” Next Bachelor?
Kim: Yes, I think so. Both Luke and Chase had very dramatic exits which sets up the whole redemption/he deserves to find love arc but it seems like the audience is responding more to Luke. I’m going to need him to bring a LITTLE more personality next season though.
Maggie: Just like ANY emotion behind the eyes, please and thank you.

Maggie: I love the lady in the audience nodding at the fact that Robby and Jordan are total opposites. Okay, maybe I can get used to this.
Kim: Either everyone in this audience is a plant playing along with a pre-approved script or they actually find the people who completely believe that all this shit is real. I don’t know which option troubles me more.
Maggie: My best guess is some combination of the two, plus Vinny’s mom.

Maggie: Me every time I see a Bachelor in Paradise promo:

Kim: You have no idea how accurate that gif is, Marshmallow.
Maggie: #OhNoMarshmallow

Maggie: “I’ve had so much protein!” Drunk Chian singing. This is me whenever I’m in the groove of eating well.
Kim: I have to point out you originally typed “Chiam” which is just a reminder that THAT is still supposedly a thing. Which makes me dead inside.
Maggie: Just like the light in Liam’s eyes.

Maggie: “Fuck you, Chris Harrison!” WAIT GUYS AM I CHAD?
Kim: I think we are all Chad in that moment. Also REALLY how long is he going to be on BIP if he is this volatile? Like what woman is ACTUALLY going to want to hook up with this neanderthal? I mean I know we all have caveman fantasies sometimes, ladies, but have some respect for yourself.
Maggie: He’s not even that hot AND he hogs all the food.
Kim: And not in a cute “JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD” way.

Maggie: What is this show??????? I don’t???
Kim: It is SUCH a hot mess, Maggie, I can’t wait for you to watch it.
Maggie: Jared? Jarrett? He pretty.
Kim: Jared. He was quite the desirable property last season on BIP. He got tangled up with crybaby Ashley and it was…not pretty. She was cray cray but he was a bit of a douche about it cause he was clearly enjoying getting his ding-dang played with until someone more stable came along. LIKE I SAID THIS SHOW WILL GIVE YOU AN STD WATCH IT WHILST COVERED IN A BODY CONDOM.

Kim: Time to bring out JoJo’s men. FINALLY.
Maggie: I forgot the Bachelor superfan EXISTED.
Kim: These shows are always fun for the moments where you go OH THAT GUY HE WAS ON THIS SHOW RIGHT.
Kim: Still looking FINE, I might add.
Maggie: Oh, right, Santa. OH THE KILT GUY.
Kim: See what I mean? I don’t remember half of these assholes. The fun part will be seeing which guy who had the least amount of screentime will try to draw the most attention to himself.

Maggie: I don’t want to hear this sex criminal hair weasel talk, ugh.
Kim: Shout out to our Nashville insider that confirmed that Evan is as insufferable IRL as he was on the show.
Kim: I don’t know what that means.
Maggie: Ah, sorry. That’s a thing on that Housewives podcast that I listen to. BUT IT APPLIES.
Kim: Okay I trust you.
Maggie: See you and me are just watching, but our insider has boots on the ground and is reporting back.

Maggie: JoJo: hot as a burning car, thanks show, got it.
Kim: It’s not The Bachelorette without some heavy-handed sexist metaphors.

Maggie: “Evan, stop talking.” I THINK I’M CHAD, OH MY GOD.
Kim: To get Freudian, Chad is totally the Id of this show. And it works but JESUS CHRIST it’s exhausting the way he NEVER employs a filter.


Maggie: Okay, what I’m gathering from this montage is they had a lot of Grant footage that they didn’t use and I am pissed.
Kim: This is truly upsetting. He better be the STAR of Bachelor in Paradise or I will riot.

Kim: Look the clique was the greatest thing about this season. Sorry for all the suckers on the outside, but you know I speak the truth. Side note, Sage and I went to see the VERY man heavy Troilus and Cressida this weekend and I really wished you were there because MEN ARE SO CATTY. They have ALWAYS been catty, it goes all the way back to the Greeks and the Trojans.
Maggie: I would sit for three hours in the rain for catty men, I swear to God.
Kim: We had no regrets.

Maggie: Oh, shit, Santa, tell us how you really feel.
Kim: And here’s our dude who is gonna make a grab for dramatics even though he got very little screentime.
Maggie: 100%

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