Today, the most important slice of music journalism the world has seen in the past 25 years landed on rollingstone.com. Cameron Crowe profiled Harry Styles for a cover story on his new solo career. The clickbait-y social link promises that Harry will dish on “famous flings,” and maybe some folks read through the article looking for the One Direction singer to trash the band that got him here. Instead, Harry talked about how his favorite place in the world is his mother’s house, trading clothes with his friends’ girlfriends, and where to get the best British snacks in LA. The whole piece is a very satisfying read that solidifies Hazza as the nicest guy in music and proves that none of his 1D persona was posturing, as rock establishment is dying for him to admit. I couldn’t pick one standout moment from this profile if I tried, such is Harry the complete opposite of a problematic fave. So here is the HOF definitive ranking of the 19 most endearing Harry quotes from his Rolling Stone cover story. How can you not love this guy?
19. “If you’re shortsighted, you can think, ‘Let’s just keep touring,’ but we all thought too much of the group than to let that happen. You realize you’re exhausted and you don’t want to drain people’s belief in you.”
Harry and the other boys were worked to the bone, but you will never hear him complain about it. The break was undertaken to care for the band and its legacy as much as it was to allow everyone to do their own thing.
18. “Pink is the only true rock & roll colour.”
He’s paraphrasing Paul Simonon from The Clash here, but we all know H worships this color like a true millennial. Also who the fuck talked him out of naming his album this?
17. “I always said, at the very beginning, all I wanted was to be the granddad with the best stories … and the best shelf of artifacts and bits and trinkets.”
I just wanna know who he thinks he is.
16. “I smell that perfume all the time. I’ll be in a lift or a reception and say to someone, ‘Alien, right?’ And sometimes they’re impressed and sometimes they’re a little creeped out. ‘Stop smelling me.'”
First love memories. Also, he doesn’t appear to be worried about being assaulted by this scent every time he takes a selfie with a fan from now on.
15. “To have time to live with a song, see what you love as a fan, chip at it, hone it and go for that … it’s heaven.”
This would be insufferable coming out of your college boyfriend’s mouth. (He thought he was Dave Matthews.) But when Harry says songwriting is “heaven,” I think he’s being totally genuine.
14. “A Wes Anderson movie. Cut. Cut. New location. Quick cut. New location. Cut. Cut. Show. Shower. Hard cut. Sleep.”
On how the 1D tour schedule resembled Max’s activities montage in Rushmore.
13. “Most of the stuff that hurts me about what’s going on at the moment is not politics, it’s fundamentals. Equal rights. For everyone, all races, sexes, everything.”
My little SJW.
12. “I gotta pee first. This might be a long one. Actually, you can say, ‘He went for a pee and never came back.'”
Every time Harry Styles dodges a direct question about Taylor Swift, a song gets a horn section.
11. “With an artist like Prince, all you wanted to do was know more. And that mystery – it’s why those people are so magical! Like, fuck, I don’t know what Prince eats for breakfast. That mystery … it’s just what I like.”
No, but…I wanna know what Prince ate for breakfast. (And if real Harry is anything like fic Harry, he’s a daily avocado toast kinda guy.)
10. “The 8:50? That’d be sick.”
So excited to potentially be on a flight with his best friend’s dad.
9. “Since I’ve been 10, it’s kind of felt like – protect Mom at all costs. … My mom is very strong. She has the greatest heart.”
Hot guys loving their moms never gets old.
8. “Of course I’m nervous. I mean, I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”
There’s no false humility here, just a person who’s trying something new and hoping people embrace it.
7. “I don’t remember the toast, but I remember the feeling.”
If I die and The Good Place exists, it’s most definitely going to be a constant replay of the night drunk Harry put on a friend’s dress, jumped into the ocean, then raised a champagne bottle to all his travel buddies.
6. “I don’t think people want to hear me talk about going to bars, and how great everything is. The champagne popping … who wants to hear about it? I don’t want to hear my favorite artists talk about all the amazing shit they get to do. I want to hear, ‘How did you feel when you were alone in that hotel room, because you chose to be alone?'”
MINI BARS. EXPENSIVE CARS. HOTEL ROOMS. NEW TATTOOS.
5. “Piped her name onto it. She loved it. Glad she liked carrot cake.”
Stevie Nicks and I share good taste in divisive cakes and did you know Harry used to be a baker? He only never shuts up about it.
4. “I love the band, and would never rule out anything in the future. The band changed my life, gave me everything.”
HARRY STYLES LOVES ONE DIRECTION, so just jot that down.
3. “How are ya?”
Cheerfully greeting a pool cleaner.
2. “I had a great family and always felt loved. There’s nothing worse than an inauthentic tortured person. ‘They took my allowance away, so I did heroin.’ It’s like – that’s not how it works. I don’t even remember what the question was.”
Like, he’s so young. Still so young, and already he knows exactly where the bullshit is located and how to cut it out.
1. “Who’s to say that young girls who like pop music – short for popular, right? – have worse musical taste than a 30-year-old hipster guy? That’s not up to you to say. Music is something that’s always changing. There’s no goal posts. Young girls like the Beatles. You gonna tell me they’re not serious? How can you say young girls don’t get it? They’re our future. Our future doctors, lawyers, mothers, presidents, they kind of keep the world going. Teenage-girl fans – they don’t lie. If they like you, they’re there. They don’t act ‘too cool.’ They like you, and they tell you. Which is sick.“
First of all, I love how Crowe specified that Harry was “animated” when he embarked on this rant. Secondly, I’m just so happy for the girls who have poured blood, sweat, and tears into loving this band (and others) have that complete devotion rewarded. Harry Styles will not have women be shamed. He will not let Rolling Stone mansplain music to the fanbase who gets to decide who MTV and radio care about. Harry Styles respects your enthusiasm and your honesty. And he didn’t say so explicitly, but I think that “30-year-old hipster guy” crack means that he also thinks the Chainsmokers suck.
What was your favorite part in Harry’s Rolling Stone profile? Let us know in the comments!