What’s This? What’s Happening? What’s Going On? – Sarah’s Top 20 Episodes of Will & Grace, Part Two

Posted by Sarah

We made it to the halfway point! Well…unless you’re just tuning in, in which case you can find episodes 20-11 here.

Going through the episodes I selected—but now also just watching whatever episode comes to mind, because I like staying in the thick of it, thank you very much—it’s amazing to me to see how many brilliant moments Will & Grace gave us that have stayed with me all these years…and it’s only slightly because my DVDs have been in heavy rotation since the show ended. The second I see Patti LuPone in anything now, I hear Jack shouting “SHUT UP, PATTI LUPONE!” in my head. I can’t hear mention of Antiques Roadshow without thinking of Grace doing the face (you know which one I’m talking about). And if you think “Midnight Train to Georgia” hasn’t been permanently altered for me, you are sadly mistaken. Between its massive guest stars and jokes coming from every direction, this show had its finger on the pulse of pop culture for eight seasons; I remember reading about how they stuck a Britney Spears Federline joke into “The Newlydreads” at the last minute, two weeks before that wedding happened, banking on the assumption that the marriage would last at least until the episode aired. I think part of the reason I had 70 episodes in my preliminary list—aside from the fact that those episodes are amazing—is the fact that I kept thinking about all of these moments and going “I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS.” And as soon as my Will & Grace loving friends found out I was doing a top 20, they chimed in with their favorite moments, some that I didn’t even think about right away but love with all my heart. Suddenly, I’m wishing I had more than twenty spots to play with…

The fact that there are SO many great moments throughout these eight seasons proves the high caliber of this show, and I have faith that the new episodes will give us more of the same. No doubt the revival will tap into the pop culture landscape—past and present—in the same way the original series did, if “Vote Honey” is anything to go by; Grace’s outrage over a butt double in Fifty Shades of Grey was incredibly satisfying because OF COURSE she would be outraged by that. But before I go into all my theories on what Will & Grace is going to look like in 2017, let’s spend some more time exploring what the show looked like back then. We’re in the home stretch now, and we’re about to encounter some truly iconic moments. Think you know what they are? There’s only one way to find out…

Let’s dive in!

10.) Marry Me a Little, Marry Me a Little More (5 x 8-9)

Confession: I was never, and still am not, fully on board with Leo. If I had my way, Grace and Nathan never would have broken up. Because even though Nathan might have pulled a dick move by going away with another woman a few days after their breakup, I’m pretty sure he never would have cheated on Grace overseas and lied about it to her best friend. But…I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back to a simpler time, when the show decided to celebrate their 100th episode milestone by having Grace get married a couple of times.

 

The impulse wedding courtesy of the TODAY show (hi, Katie Couric!) is fun if only because I like imagining that duck catching Grace’s pretzel bouquet. Will, however, is less than enthused, and with good reason; to not be at your best friend’s wedding—to not even have a chance to be at your best friend’s wedding—hurts, especially as connected to each other as they are, having spent so much time contemplating Grace’s future ceremony. (Side note: during this exchange with Leo, Will tells him, “I’m never going to have a wedding of my own, and being a part of Grace’s was important to me,” and I literally clutched my chest when I watched this for notes, because look how far we’ve come in marriage equality.) But have no fear, the lavish reception is here! The gang is absolutely brilliant here, from Jack promoting the McFarland Method as he wishes Grace and Leo well, to Will’s lovely speech about how he and Grace met through fondue, to Grace singing her feelings, to Karen threatening to sic Rosario on Leo if he ever hurt Grace. It isn’t long until the newlyweds realize that after only two months of dating, they don’t really know anything about each other, like birthdays or favorite songs, or Leo’s real name (as much side eye as I give him, “People always call me Leo ‘cause my name’s Marvin” gets me every time and I’m not completely sure why?), causing Grace to freak out, leave the party, and resist Leo’s attempts to play down the situation. And when they run into Katie Couric again and find out their marriage isn’t legitimate, it seems like all hope is lost…for about two minutes. We ARE dealing with a sitcom, after all.

Which brings us to the second, meticulously planned out wedding,, and the stand-out half of the episode, mainly for the interactions between Will and Grace. Will keeps it together for as long as he can, channeling all of his emotions into making sure this whole production runs smoothly, but once Grace tells him she needs him to walk her down the aisle, he can’t keep his cool anymore. The way he initially turns her down pulls at your heart: “Look, Grace, I’ll do a lot of things for you. I’ll plan your wedding, I’ll pick the florist, I’ll even let you have input on your dress. But to actually be the one that…that hands you off to another guy…that I can’t do.” If you weren’t aware that their dynamic was about to change in a big way, Will made sure you knew it with that explanation. Eric McCormack and Debra Messing nailed it in this episode, deftly maneuvering around the weight of such a long-term relationship heading into uncertain territory. My favorite part of all of this, though, is when Grace brings him to the rooftop where they ACTUALLY first met, at a college friend’s party:

Grace: I thought you were the cutest guy I had ever seen. So I came up to you, and I asked for a drink. And you were so sweet, the way you held that funnel for me. And then I stumbled back to Nancy and I said, “That’s the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.”
Will: Well, we say things when we’re young. I said Human League would be bigger than the Beatles.
Grace: Will, I may be getting married today, but when I said I was going to spend the rest of my life with you, I wasn’t wrong.
Will: Well, except…
Grace: No. I wasn’t wrong. Now let’s jump.
Will: What?
Grace: Let’s keep goin’, Thelma.

That whole exchange mixed with Will secretly getting the first dance before he walks her down the aisle? This show knows how to wreck my emotions in all the right ways.

Best line:

Grace: I’m doing the right thing, right?
Will: Well…
Grace: What?!
Will: Nothing. No, I just—I’m just saying, as a friend, I want you to know that if you were thinking of calling it off, don’t worry about the people out there, and don’t worry about all those gifts. You do what your heart tells you is right.
Grace: …Are you freaking kidding me with this?!
Will: “If!” I said “If!”
Grace: The question was rhetorical, that means you’re supposed to say “yes.”
Will: That’s not what rhetorical means.
Grace: Are we talking about what rhetorical means, or about how you are freaking me out right now?
Will: Am I supposed to answer that, or is that rhetorical too?

9.) Last Ex to Brooklyn (6 x 2)

This episode could have gone so wrong in so many ways. Introducing an integral character in Will’s coming out story into the fold, who up until this point we knew nothing about other than the fact that she’s the only girl Will ever slept with (hi, Mira Sorvino!) is a risky move, especially since the last time she was mentioned was about three seasons ago. It’s even riskier to connect her to the OTHER most important man in Grace’s life. But damn, did they knock this one out of the park. Grace and Leo organize a dinner party for the rest of the gang, as well as Leo’s ex-girlfriend. Grace and Diane get on like gangbusters…until Will walks in and realizes who Leo’s ex really is. It makes sense that Grace would flip out over Diane’s connection to Will more than she would over Diane’s connection to Leo, even if Leo can’t really see that (but seriously, I have no patience for him in this episode. He’s definitely been married to Grace long enough to know her background with Will…come on, dude). As we all know from “Lows in the Mid-Eighties,” the fact that Will not only slept with Diane right after coming out to Grace, but also kept it from her for fifteen years is a huge deal. And while they generally put it behind them, I wouldn’t be surprised if Grace still hadn’t gotten completely over it by this point. So to suddenly come face to face with one of the biggest obstacles in her relationship with Will? It’s totally natural to get a little nuts, and Grace trying to keep her head above water is hilarious:

Grace: I’m not mad. And I’ll tell you why I’m mad. Because I’m not mad.
Will: You’re not making any sense.
Grace: Oh, and all of the sudden, you’re the vice president of things that make sense?!
Will: Why vice president?
Grace: Because Leo’s president, DEAL WITH IT.

The amazing thing about this episode is how they were able to take a single storyline that put a strong emphasis on Will and Grace, and still give the supporting players moments to shine. Jack and Karen are on point for the whole episode, and it helps that they have the world’s smallest dog with them to help balance everything out. I just love that Karen is hitting on Diane literally the entire time she’s there. It’s insanely direct, and so like Karen to just get to the point: “I like you…wanna make out?” (Tangent time! I always wanted to know how the show would have handled a substantial female love interest for Karen, during one of those stretches when she was either separated from Stan or under the assumption that he was dead. It wouldn’t have been outside the realm of possibility; after all, in addition to this and all the other times something like this happened, she was at one point linked to Martina Navratilova—which I’ll come back to later—and, you know, bisexuality exists. I’m just saying…) And Jack and Karen make the perfect color commentators at the dinner table when everything comes out in the open:

Finally, I’d like to submit Chompers the Earl of Puppydom for best pet name ever, please and thank you.

Best line:

Will: I made these kabobs for Grace once. She totally fell in love with the recipe.
Grace: Liar! How could I fall in love with your kabobs? I’ve never had them. Diane had your kabobs. But apparently I wasn’t good enough for your kabobs.
Leo: Wait. Why do you care that Diane’s had Will’s kabobs, but you don’t care that she’s had mine and I’ve had hers?
Jack: Silly! Diane is a girl. She doesn’t have kabobs, she has a kagina.
Karen: And nice katits.

8.) Gypsies, Tramps and Weed (3 x 7)

Surprise! I’m going to be completely predictable and talk about Cher for a minute. Because just as she is my queen diva, she’s also Jack’s queen diva. What can I say? The guy knows how to pick his icons. Once he’s in possession of a Cher doll (which he initially gave to Will as a birthday gift just so it could be returned to him, because of course), he takes it everywhere with him, speaking through it with the best worst Cher impression I have ever heard in my life, asking for an extra chair and a booster seat for it when he goes out to dinner. But it’s when the queen diva herself approaches him that really pushes this episode into the top ten. Personally, if I ever unexpectedly encountered Cher, I’d probably take the Community, Troy Barnes meets LeVar Burton route. Jack, however, decides to take the “That’s not Cher, that’s definitely a drag queen” route, and ends up challenging her to a Cher-off. I know it’s fueled by mistaken identity, but Jack’s boldness here is so rich, and his confidence that he’s the better Cher is so misguidedly epic that it leaves me doubled over laughing every time. And I love that Cher starts to leave and could simply write him off as a loon, but she’s weirdly invested now and comes back to try to convince him once more with a little “If I Could Turn Back Time.” Of course, Jack’s still completely in the dark and tries to one-up her again (and now I find myself singing “TIOOOMMMEEE” to that song more often than I care to admit), until she finally goes full-on Moonstruck on him. It’s honestly all I could have ever wanted in a Cher guest appearance…that is, until they just straight-up made her God in the next season.

Grace’s gift to Will leads him to a session with Psychic Sue (hi, Camryn Manheim!), where he originally dismisses her as being full of it. But when the stuff she tells him starts coming true, he rushes back to her to get the scoop on his love life, where she reveals to him that Jack is the one he’ll spend his life with. “Gypsies, Tramps and Weed” excels in exploring a “What if?” that I’m sure crossed a few minds at one point or another, without dwelling on it for too long; anything more than this would have been overkill and so not the point of this show. Will’s spiraling here is everything, from his freak out over Jack’s little squeezes to that glorious vision of Jack in a wedding dress holding a Cher doll bouquet. And when they finally do contemplate what a romantic relationship would be, the fact that they end up describing their current situation is the best way to end that story; their dynamic is great just the way it is.

But wait, there’s more! Just in case that wasn’t enough story for you, Grace manages to get the terrible waiter who served them at Will’s birthday dinner fired, and she feels so bad about it that she hires him as her new office assistant. As soon as she’s starting to feel good about the situation, though, she discovers that the new clients he’s been sending her way are actually there to buy weed from him (I love how the code word Lenny puts in place makes everyone seem so fixated on some random piece of furniture; “Can the four of us split an ottoman?”). The best, though, is how Karen was so against him working at Grace Adler Designs the whole time, right up until she hears why Grace fired him—“What?! Grace, I can’t believe it! I loved him!”—and runs out the door to catch him. That’s my girl.

Best line:

Jack: I feel like nesting. Let’s stay home and rent Silkwood. (Cher impression, waving the doll around) “I’m a lesbian who’s been exposed to nuclear waste, hohhhh!”

 

7.) Moveable Feast (4 x 9)

I can’t help it; I’m a sucker for a Will & Grace Thanksgiving episode. But I’m even more of a sucker for it when it crams four Thanksgivings into one. This episode is a gem right off the bat, starting with the opening phone call sequence. The back and forth between all of them is so well-choreographed, I could honestly spend this entire segment raving about it. Between hanging up on each other, putting each other on hold for a little too long, and somehow getting roped into a never-ending stream of Thanksgiving dinners? Priceless. Meanwhile, the guy Jack indefinitely put on hold manages to get into full drag by the time the gang’s Thanksgiving plans are all sorted out, and by the time you’re made to focus on his square, it’s the perfect ending (hi, Coco Peru!).

The rules are simple: everyone gets one hour at their family’s gathering. As soon as the timer goes off, they high-tail it out of there to move on to the next one, racing through the day so they can enjoy their own festivities in apartment 9C. First up: Karen visits Stan in prison, equipped with a chicken stuffed inside a turkey (that’s one way to do it…), and is blindsided by Stan telling her to sleep with other people while he’s in prison. She’s rightfully consumed with anger and confusion and “What ifs” for the rest of the episode, leading to one of my all time favorite scenes of the series…but I’ll get to that in a second. I actually debated whether or not to add this to the Karen Walker Feels Things! Tally. She’s obviously upset by her husband being okay with her hypothetical cheating, but doesn’t show it in the ways we’ve seen before on this list. Maybe this one gets half credit?

Karen Walker Feels Things! Tally: 3.5

Grace’s visit to her Aunt Honey’s place (hi, Lainie Kazan!) leads to Jack spilling the secret of her breakup with Nathan to her mom (hi, Debbie Reynolds, I miss you) and a prime Grace/Bobbi fight with Bobbi trying so hard to get the “Told Ya So” dance in, and Grace trashing her mother’s acting abilities. Jack picks up Elliot and takes the group to his stepfather’s hotel room (hi, Beau Bridges!), and for all of Jack’s warnings about what a hardass he is, he warmly opens up his temporary space to everyone and makes an effort to connect with Elliot. Which inevitably pisses Jack off because the guy was never like that when he was growing up. Then we get to Will’s mom’s celebration (hi, Blythe Danner!), filled with code words for his dad’s affair, a homophobic older brother he fights with to be the one who gets to leave early—Marilyn eventually breaks the tie and tells Will to go, leaving him confused and hurt—and an uncle whose medication makes people look like balloons to him (I love when Jack looks all wide-eyed and says, “Will, I’m a-scared,” because you hear that and think, “Yeah, that sounds about right”).

Oh yeah, and then there’s my favorite casting decision ever: the plumber (HI, NICK OFFERMAN!). I don’t need to explain to you how amazing Nick and Megan are on-screen together; we have all those Parks and Rec episodes to do that. It’s just so much fun to see a scene like this, long before Ron Swanson and Tammy 2 were even a thing. Also, just a really adorable side note: in the Will & Grace: Fabulously Uncensored book, Megan says, “It’s kind of fitting that the first time my character ever kissed a guy who wasn’t Stan, it was with the plumber—played by my husband.” Is your heart swelling yet?

All of these visits leave a bad taste in their mouths, so just before they sit down to their own holiday feast, they make the rounds one final time to make amends. Karen makes sure Stan knows she would never stray outside the marriage, Grace apologizes to her mother, Jack agrees to get to know his stepdad a little better, and Marilyn assures Will that her picking Paul to stay wasn’t a slight against him, wonderfully acknowledging the fact that Will’s friends are his family. This episode is the perfect representation of how the holidays can suck, but also how they can be salvaged.

And as if all of this wasn’t enough, while all of this is happening, Rosario is slowly devouring an entire turkey, and I love you, Shelley Morrison. I really do.

Best line:

Grace: I hope you don’t mind, Will. I had some of your water.
Will: I didn’t have a water.
(Grace looks at Jack)
Jack: Not mine.
Grace: And Karen doesn’t drink water. Oh my god! Rental car stranger water! Oh my god! How do I know this was water?! You know, when boys go on road trips, they don’t make pee stops! They just use a water bottle! Oh my god!
Will: Grace…don’t you think you would have noticed if you were drinking pee?

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“I didn’t want you to think I was easy.” – Cheers and the Will They/Won’t They Sitcom Romance

Posted by Sarah

Ted Danson and Shelley Long have ruined me for life and I thank them kindly for it, because the relationship between Cheers’ Sam Malone and Diane Chambers is a thing of glory. That’s not to say I wasn’t susceptible to other sitcom romances; I DID grow up while Friends dominated the pop culture landscape, after all. But for whatever reason, the connection between Sam and Diane was the one that made me realize just how invested it’s possible to be in the romantic life of two starkly opposite characters struggling to get it right.

The tight arc of their romance certainly owes itself in part to Shelley Long’s departure from the show at the end of the fifth season, which I’m actually fine with. Would I have liked to keep seeing Diane with her nose in a book at the corner of the bar and quoting Schopenhauer as she hands off a customer’s beer? OF COURSE. Give me all the Diane Chambers you have. But if the fifth season had ended with a wedding—or essentially anything else had Shelley stayed—what would we be left with after that? There wouldn’t have been anywhere to go; either the arc would plateau or they would have been forced to retrace the steps they took before, and it would have been upsetting to see that relationship become a shell of its former self. By the end of the fifth season, Sam and Diane didn’t have a chance to really get stale, and Shelley went on to a movie career that may not have been as commercially successful as she deserved, but certainly makes me very happy; I think about her “NINE YEARS OF BALLET, ASSHOLE” scene in Outrageous Fortune on a regular basis, and I’m okay with being that person.

Each of Cheers’ first five seasons plays like a different stage in Sam and Diane’s romance, and, in a bigger sense, the concept of the will they/won’t they relationship. These years are the blueprint for the sitcoms that follow, the guideline for a trope that has been and will continue to be stretched out, compressed, and altered every which way. But this romance is classic. It’s the precedent. It’s the one that holds the biggest part of my heart and refuses to let go. So why don’t we buckle up for a ride through the five stages of will they/won’t they, courtesy of an ex-jock and a perpetual post grad? Because easy is boring, simple is easy, and crying at comedy is a thing that happens sometimes, so I might as well deal with it.

STAGE ONE: Initial Attraction, or “How long have you denied that burning desire?”

Every will they/won’t they romance has to start somewhere! In my previous post on Cheers, I mentioned how the spark of Sam and Diane is visible in the pilot episode before growing throughout the rest of the first season, and it’s such a treat to watch curiosity turn into something deeper as they size each other up. It’s obvious that Diane needs to figure out how to adapt to her new environment, but she’s not the only one hyper aware of new life developments; Sam’s also trying to figure out exactly how to adapt to interacting with someone like Diane on a daily basis. As soon as Diane puts on that apron, it’s like they both have something to prove to the other, and it’s that stubbornness in both of them that really ignite their back and forth into something special and entertaining as all get out. They each know there’s something there, but they’ll be damned if they’re the one who admits it first.

The way they warm up to each other, though, shows its tender side in a number of wonderful ways. An early favorite comes during “Sam at Eleven.” Diane is wary of Sam agreeing to an interview with his astonishingly sleazy sportscaster friend (side note: Diane calling Sam an ex-jock strap is one of the greatest things I will ever hear in my life), and when his friend ditches the interview for what he saw as a bigger get, she’s the one to comfort Sam. Sure, she body slams him into the pool table when he tries to kiss her, but once they get over that little mishap, Diane insists on hearing the Baltimore story that Sam didn’t get to tell in the interview, sharing this beautifully private moment where they connect without butting heads. The standout moment for me, though, comes during “Let Me Count the Ways,” when Diane finally tells Sam exactly why her childhood cat meant so much to her. And despite his feeble protest to the contrary, he feels for her immensely. He shows her the only real sympathy she gets that day, and in that moment, it means everything.

Still, Sam is not the kind of guy Diane is used to being with, and Sam isn’t used to committing to much of anything, so why don’t we make Sam’s brother that kind of guy, and throw him into the mix for a hot second to kick things into high gear? It isn’t until Derek Malone makes his entrance (although we never actually see him) that everything falls into perspective, but the stubbornness that makes their dynamic so great is alive and well. And when Diane’s about to run off with the invisible Malone brother, it’s that stubbornness that causes the fight of a lifetime. Had these characters been played by anyone else, I’m not sure that mix of disgust and lust could have been as effectively conveyed, and I definitely don’t think the inevitable payoff would have been as rewarding or as believable. All at once, they confront their romantic feelings for each other, their distaste, their impulses, and their doubts. And then, when their frustrations are at the boiling point, of course that’s when they finally do what everyone was expecting them to do.

Thus, their first kiss—their first REAL kiss; not one that warrants self-defense from Diane’s Practical Feminism class, or one that stopped before it began because coming together over a dead cat is kind of weird, Sam—and the start of their relationship manifest from a shouting match. Because when you think about it, a romance like theirs couldn’t possibly start with a spark; it had to start with an explosion.

STAGE TWO: A Contest of Wills, or “No, I said that I wouldn’t call you stupid while we’re being intimate.”

Well, look at you, Sam! You got the girl. And the girl will have none of your shit.

Any will they/won’t they romance worth its salt won’t be an easy one once they finally get together, and I think we have “Power Play” to blame for that (probably also common sense, but let me just have this one). Honestly, the season two premiere does an excellent job of setting the tone for their season-long endeavor into this well-intentioned but spectacularly flawed romance. Whatever weirdly aggressive stuff that Sam thinks will work wonders (but how?) fails, because Diane knows how to fight fire with fire, and does it delightfully through the fake call to the police after Sam’s little breaking-and-entering stunt. Because who said that patented back and forth had to stop just because they got together? And it’s great to see that—for the time being, at least—they’re really trying to make it work. Diane’s joy over her water gun fight with Sam at the beginning of “Sumner’s Return” is a joy she wouldn’t have dared to experience a year ago. Meanwhile, Sam has a hard time telling Diane in earnest that he loves her, because after years of using “I love you” as a line, he suddenly finds it has meaning.

Oh right, and then there’s the time he READ WAR AND PEACE. AND HE DID IT FOR DIANE. In my eyes, this is the most moving gesture on Sam’s part during their first stab at a relationship. I am deep in the bookworm lifestyle. I can usually clear a couple of books a week and I will tackle just about any work I come across. I love reading Russian literature from time to time, but War and Peace has always intimidated the crap out of me for its length and density. So for a guy who normally avoids books at all costs to sit down to this massive thing and finish it in five days without sleeping, just so he has something to talk about with his girlfriend and her pretentious-as-hell ex? Respect, Mayday. RESPECT. But it makes the downhill slide of their relationship that much more painful.

So when does the relationship start to crack? Diane’s jealousy and mistrust spring up when her childhood friend visits in “Just Three Friends,” although it’s played off as a small hiccup. Their relationship is tested when Coach inadvertently becomes the persistent third wheel in “And Coachie Makes Three.” Or maybe they just started out with a crack in the foundation simply by feeling as though they had something to prove to everyone around them. But by “Fortune and Men’s Weight,” it’s undeniable. Depending on how invested you are in Sam and Diane’s relationship, that episode is as manipulative of your emotions as Sam and Diane are of each other. How did we get from “You read War and Peace” to here in just a few short months? Coach orders a novelty scale that tells your fortune when you step on it, and as soon as Diane receives hers—“Deception in romance proves costly”—things get super real super fast. Her fortune compels her to admit to Sam that she went out with a classmate of hers, and that it was nice to finally talk about the things she used to talk about. This sparks a race to determine who can break up with the other first, each of them using surprisingly cruel tactics; it’s no secret I love Diane, but she is so much better than the emotional manipulation she relies on here.

Somehow, they make it through still intact, but that in no way means they’re going to make an effort to clean up the mess they made. From this point, their path to the season finale is laden with deception and childish games, setting the stage for some pretty frank revelations at the season’s end. When we reach “I’ll Be Seeing You,” Sam’s main motivation for doing anything seems to be how angry it will make Diane, which ultimately leads him to be against her being painted by Phillip Semenko. You knew she was going to do it anyway, but Semenko’s observations and insistence that Diane’s soul is suffering are striking, especially since Diane tries to put that sadness out of her mind and not let it affect her. And it isn’t until she sits for Semenko that it finally starts to sink in:

Diane: I admit Sam and I are very different people. Sometimes that’s good. Sometimes it’s not so good. Sometimes he makes me cry. Sometimes he hurts me and seems to like it.

Up until now, she’s made excuses for her relationship, but it’s this moment when the light finally starts to fade and the effort starts to seem pointless to her. She doesn’t end her speech by attempting to defend Sam as she once might have; she just lets the truth hang there. It’s the reason the break up—despite each of them getting a few jokes in—hurts, even if you were prepared for it, because (let’s face it) it had to happen eventually. Diane is completely defeated by the circumstances at this point and unwilling to fight (“My rage is gone. Maybe everything is gone.”), which is more upsetting than any passionate argument she could have cooked up. Sam, on the other hand, tries to incite a fight as his way of holding on to what they have; when that fight finally happens, he laughs it off like it’s their usual behavior until he realizes it’s not. And to top it all off, once Diane leaves the bar, they both begin to turn back to try to salvage the relationship before stopping themselves, proving that you don’t automatically fall out of love the instant a relationship is over.

While I can’t pinpoint my favorite Cheers moment of all time, the moment Sam finally looks at Semenko’s portrait of Diane is definitely in my top five. Because their dynamic has, on some level, always been one where they constantly push each other’s buttons, I don’t think Sam fully realized the damage he was doing towards the end. And that’s not to say that Diane is faultless in this (ahem, “Fortune and Men’s Weight”); neither of them really knew how to be in a relationship with someone like the other. But that moment when Sam tears the paper wrapping away, and in an instant sees the pain that Semenko captured on canvas, his “Wow” of realization says everything he never could before. It leaves me with chills every time.

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You Don’t Own Me- Life Lessons from The First Wives Club

Posted by Maggie and Sarah

Months ago, I saw a copy of First Wives Club on sale for $3 and instinctively picked it up, planning on finding it a good home (I’d already upgraded my VHS to DVD). That good home turned out to be with Sarah, who woke up a few weeks later to me screaming via text that I was a genius for thinking we had to reunite for a life lessons post (ICYMI, we collaborated on this one for Troop Beverly Hills and enjoyed the hell out of it). Delightful text thread aside, we were both immediately on board. Not only are we celebrating the 20th anniversary of this modern classic, but there’s a TV Land series based on the movie in development and the three leads are reuniting for a new project at Netflix centering around former members of a girls group (if they don’t perform “You Don’t Own Me”, so help me). What better time to take a look back? (Also, I wrote “90s are back, damn” in my notes for this and I don’t think Sarah will forgive me if I leave that gem out but seriously you guys, the 90s are back. Damn.). I highly recommend a rewatch if you haven’t seen this one in a while because it holds up. Everything the ladies go through is relevant today, and there’s still much to learn from our beloved Annie, Brenda and Elise.

-Maggie

First of all: Maggie IS a genius, and if you’ve followed her HOF posts, you already know this. Second of all: I can sleep better knowing our dear readers know that the 90s are back, damn. I remember seeing the First Wives Club VHS in my mom’s collection when I was a kid and thinking nothing more about it than how interesting it was to see the lady who sang “That ‘I’m beautiful dammit’ song” on the cover (I heard that song A LOT growing up and it’s still in heavy rotation now, thanks Mom). Once I and my undying love for the Divine Miss M grew, I finally saw for myself what an amazing movie this is, and continues to be. Sure, it’s fun and it’s extremely quotable, but the most important thing is that everyone can gain something from this. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never gone through a divorce, and it doesn’t matter what age you are. These ladies are doling out life lessons like crazy, and you just might take them to heart in the middle of all that laughing you’re doing.

-Sarah

It’s okay to eat alone.

This is such a fleeting scene, but it’s one of those things that makes me shout “WHY” at the screen every time I see it. Brenda sits down unaccompanied to a meal at a restaurant while literally everyone around her throws the most unnecessary side eye her way, and it’s incredibly frustrating. There’s a stigma to eating alone in public when there really shouldn’t be. Everyone at this restaurant obviously assumes that Brenda is lonely and therefore should be pitied, but since when are alone and lonely the same thing? And why is the default reaction to seeing someone eat alone condescension? A table for one doesn’t mean you’re unloved, so let’s start shedding the stigma, unwarranted side eye and all. Because sometimes, you want to take yourself out. Sometimes, nothing says “Me time” like a meal you didn’t cook and peace while you eat it. And sometimes, you’re just hungry and want to do something about it.

I mean, you’ve got to eat, right? So treat yo self. You deserve it.

-Sarah

The importance of self-care.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Elise is working out and says she gets her best ideas then, it clears her head and makes her think straight, everything makes sense. Unfortunately it’s not quite the same for me, I spend most of the time working out counting down the minutes until I can stop, but I do have a similar thing. When I do my hair and makeup in the morning, I get time just to myself, with no one making demands of me, and I’ve gotten tons of ideas and small breakthroughs then, sometimes for HOF posts, sometimes for work, even ways to solve problems with friends that have weighed on me. I usually have my phone on the bathroom counter and can make a note or send a quick text so I don’t forget. It’s a pretty simple thing to take that 45 minutes or so for myself, but it helps set me up to be in a good place for the rest of the day.

And listen, I think a lot of the time when people tell you to take care of yourself, they end it with something about how you can’t be any good to anyone else unless you’re good to yourself first. But forget about the part about everyone else. Whatever your self-care is, prioritize it. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself for you.

-Maggie

Anger is healthy.

Before it’s revealed that Dr. Leslie Rosen is a terrible person, sleeping with Annie’s husband while treating her (hi, morals are a thing and they’re helpful), she does have a valid point: Annie struggles with unexpressed anger at the beginning of the movie. Surely a product of her efforts to present a happy and trouble-free home life to the outside world, Annie opts for saying what she thinks people want to hear, rather than what she really feels. Look, I get avoiding unnecessary confrontation, and I understand the desire for keeping the peace, but not to the point where you think anger is forbidden. I love the scene where Annie gets absorbed in Dr. Rosen’s foam bat exercise because for a brief moment, she’s finally getting all that pent-up anger out before she even finds out about the affair. You shouldn’t have to swallow injustices, and you shouldn’t feel like expressing your true feelings is wrong. Keeping everything bottled up is a surefire way to self-destruction, so let it out if something bothers you. That weight off your shoulders will feel so wonderful.

-Sarah

“You’ve stopped apologizing for yourself all the time.”

Considering the way that Annie’s mother and soon-to-be ex-husband speak to her (“I don’t mean to criticize but you have no feeling for noodles,” “You couldn’t possibly pull off something like this” just for starters), it’s no wonder that somewhere along the way she lost that confidence to be unapologetically herself, out loud. But once she reconnected with Brenda and Elise and had the support she needed, Annie started to take back her agency and, as her daughter pointed out, she stopped apologizing for herself all the time. By the end of the movie, she’s telling Aaron to drop dead and dancing in the streets with her friends, belting out “You Don’t Own Me”.

Listen, if you make a mistake, if you hurt someone, of course you should own it, try to learn from it, and apologize — but women have got to stop giving in to the conditioning to apologize for speaking up, for merely existing. Raise your hand if you’ve ever proofread a work email before sending it and noticed an opinion or suggestion prefaced with “I’m sorry, but” *raises hand* It’s crazy to me that this is still a thing in 2016, but here we are. Sure, we have the first female presidential candidate from a major party, but does she get criticized for being shrill and told to smile? Of fucking course she does. I know firsthand it’s difficult and it’s a process, but pay attention to how often you apologize and for what exactly, and try to restrain yourself when all you’re doing is contributing to a conversation, whether it’s at work or with a significant other, friends, family. You deserve to take up some space in this world.

-Maggie

“Lesbians are great nowadays!”

Aside from being one of the best lines in this thing (come on, you know it is), the events that come after highlight the benefits of being open to social change. The scene where the ladies visit Chris at the lesbian bar is a standout, because each of them gets something positive out of it in spite of having little connection to the LGBT community: Brenda commiserates with a woman who’s in the same boat, Annie has a unique bonding moment with her daughter, and Elise is having the time of her life dancing her ass off. And all of that wouldn’t have happened if they succumbed to the discriminatory outlook on society that prevailed when they were Chris’ age.

We could even broaden this to include all women regardless of sexual orientation, because while the times were starting to change when the ladies graduated college together, there was still a twisted mentality about the roles of women in society. And in a way, you can see the progression of that mentality in the generations of Annie’s family. Up until the end of the film, her mother represents the antiquated theory that all you need is a husband to make you happy. On the other end of the spectrum is Chris, completely progressive and eager to give the men that wronged these women a taste of their own medicine. Annie sits somewhere in the middle, struggling to present a happy marriage on the surface, but starting to inch out of that as the movie progresses until she completely shuns the façade and becomes a happier person as a result.

Prejudices are taught, not inherent; growing up in a conservative town, I’ve seen it happen time and time again. But if you do your best to simply keep an open mind to what’s foreign to you, I promise you your life will be better because of it. It may not result in dancing in a gay bar (although, who knows?), but you will be subjected to so many wonderful experiences you will never have had otherwise. You will encounter amazing people you may not have expected to cross paths with. Not to mention, you will be one less person carrying unnecessary hate in their back pocket. And this world needs all the love it can get.

-Sarah

“I’m saying this to you with love, compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood: You are full of shit!”

When the ladies hit a low point in their journey, it’s obvious that Elise is drinking too much and feeling sorry for herself. She’s lost perspective and is full of excuses, leading Brenda to once and for all call her on her shit. Now, if Brenda didn’t care about Elise, she probably would have let her get away with claiming that she drinks because she’s highly sensitive (“I do have feelings. I’m an actress, I have all of them!”) and not pointed out the ridiculousness of Elise being surrounded by her image. But she does care, she doesn’t want Elise to continue on a downward spiral and that’s why she won’t let it go. When Elise was cleaning up after their fight, she stopped and took notice of how many empty bottles there were, when she might have breezed right past it without Brenda’s words in mind. And this is important: It’s Brenda that Elise goes to for help, it’s Brenda who she still trusts because she knows that when Brenda said “with love, compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood,” she meant it. Everyone needs this friend who’s not afraid to tell you the truth and then help you deal with it. I tend to call this the Miranda friend, after Sex and the City, but we can go with Brenda friend too. We’ve seen all too frequently what happens to public figures who surround themselves with yes men and lose touch with reality, so why chance it ourselves? While the truth may hurt sometimes, it’s necessary to hear and a true friend will use it to help you instead of hurt you.

-Maggie

Continue reading

Live-Blogging the 2015 Emmy Awards

Posted by Kim and Sage

Will tonight be the night that Jon Hamm FINALLY wins an Emmy? Will Modern Family‘s stranglehold on the Best Comedy Series Award FINALLY be broken?  Will Justin Timberlake join Andy Samberg for a musical number? Stay tuned to find out!!!

Continue Reading

“Whatever happened to predictability?” – Live Blogging The Unauthorized Full House Story

Posted by Kim and Sage

HAVE MERCY!

Honestly, I never knew the making of Full House was fraught enough to merit an authorized tell-all pic on Lifetime, but here we are. Get yourself some ous-cream and join us here at 8/7 for all the snark and gifs you can handle!

00.06

And with that we say good night! Stay tuned for Maggie’s fashion post!

00.01

 

SPOTLIGHT WITH THE MOST WELCOME UPSET OF THE NIGHT. #ProtectTheChildrn

23.52

AT LAST LEO’S QUEST IS OVER. NOW MAKE A NORMAL NOT BAITY MOVIE.

23.47

YAY BRIE.

23.37

NO NO NO NO NO NO.

23.28

23.24

Ennoi Morricone takes the Score Oscar for The Hateful EightYou hire the best, you get the best.

23.11

VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN WANTS YOU TO INSIST ON CONSENT.

23.05

Accidental maternal feelings because of Tremblay and Attah.

22.54

Basically, Academy.

22.43

RIP Amy.

 

22.38

Friendly reminder that Louis CK could get it.

22.31

Mark Rylance is a consummate professional in every way. Cheers to a Best Supporting Actor winner.

22.12

Inside Out wins the Animated Feature award for making us feel ALL THE THINGS.

22.11

Important Information: Kate Winslet likes Tagalongs. Christian Bale and Matt Damon go for the Thin Mints.

22.00

Oh, Marshmallow. I miss you.

21.57

Ex Machina out of nowhere with the Visual Effects award.

21.53

Kim: “I want to go to THAT party. It’s a bunch of crazy fuckin’ Australians.” Mad Max wins Sound Mixing.

21.49

SURPRISE: MAD MAX for Sound Editing. The most well-made movie of the year, PER THE ACADEMY.

21.44

“The Minions are on their way….”

Sage:

21.41

ANOTHER WOMAN. Mad Max does it again with Film Editing. Fuck fucking yes.

21.36

Hey guess the fuck what. Michael B. Jordan could get it.

21.29

JGarns looking AMAZING. Suck it Ben.

21.27

NOT GETTING TIRED OF HEARING MAD MAX YET. Also, look: more women for hair and make-up.

21.23

CLEANING UP. You do you, Mad Max. Production Design is another feather in that cap.

21.22

LOOK AT THESE TWO.

21.21

Mad Max gets the first OF HOPEFULLY MANY awards for Costume Design. OH WHAT A LOVELY DAY.

21.12

Alicia is VERY good BUT SORRY IT IS A LEADING ROLE AND I CAN’T GET OVER THAT.

21.05

WORST BOND THEME EVER THOUGH.

21.03

That’s exactly James Bonds’ thing, Sarah.

20.53

Brooklyn isn’t going to win anything tonight, but I’m posting this because THIS MOVIE CHANGED ME. Thank you for your time.

20.52

Both Room and Brooklyn and Carol were better than this but GOD FORBID A LADY PICTURE WIN.

20.47

WOULD THAT THIS MOVIE WOULD WIN BEST PICTURE TONIGHT.

20.45

Chris Rock pokes fun at #AskHerMore and we’re like:

20.41

SORORITY RACIST. We’re dying.

20.38

Guys I just. Chris Rock’s monologue…I get it, but I don’t get it?

20.35

“Y’all would be watching Neil Patrick Harris right now.” Where is the lie?

20.32

GOD I LOVE MOVIE MONTAGES.

20.16

Okay, we’re switching over to our blog for the ceremony! Join us there.

20.12

GOD CHRIS EVANS.

20.08

KATE AND LEO ON THE RED CARPET.

20.03

Leo’s victory lap begins.

 

19.56

Gaga speaking up for survivors of Sexual Violence. Looking fucking fierce.

19.54

Reminder that Sly Stallone is the Italian Jerry Gergich.

19.48

“Chris Rock needs no advice from me, because he’s the greatest living stand-up comedian.” – Tina Fey

19.48

TINA LOOKS FUCKING AMAZING.

19.37

“It wasn’t The Revenant.” – Matty Damon

19.34

I think KWash is wearing one of Clooney’s Batsuits?

19.25

DINNER IS HERE. We ordered Indian tonight, jealous?

19.17

Switched to ABC because we live for Robin Roberts.

19.14

Why does Rooney Mara insist on looking like this?

 

19.09

Sophie Turner is giving us classic Hollywood REALNESS.

19.07

COMMON LOOKING FINE AS PER ALWAYS.

19.00

Eddie Redmayne always in velvet, out here looking like The Ladies Man.

(It’s not disgusting, we love it.)

18.58

SAOIRSE!!! YOU BEAUTIFUL CLOVER YOU LOOK AMAZING. PLEASE DATE NIALL HORAN.

18.55

Kim’s mom, re: Olivia Wilde: “It looks like there are two Kotex covering her boobs.”

She’s not wrong.

18.46

PRIYANKA!!!!! God she’s gorgeous.

18.34

JACOB TREMBLAY ON THE RED CARPET, HOLD ON TO YOUR OVARIES.

18.32

Women out here arguing that the Oscars aren’t a White Man’s Paradise. Sage is about to lose it.

18.30

We love Alicia’s entire look from the thighs up. Undecided about the rest.

18.24

Currently in a gender debate on Twitter for calling out the lack of female directors nominated, today or EVER. OKAY.

18.22

I ALWAYS FORGET THAT GIULIANA IS BANISHED FROM THE RED CARPET.

18.19

Mindy Kaling on the Red Carpet. She’s not Malificent or anything. QUEEN.

18.16

I’ve been drinking all day, so this live blog is gonna be FUN.

22.03

I gotta say, that was fantastic. It’s amazing what an actual audience can do for energy. Take note, NBC.

21.49

Tell me about it…

21.44

In the eternal words of Barney Stinson…

21.41

Hooray for Eugene! Nerds always come out on top.

21.38

The Jets are gonna have their day, toniiiiiiiiiiiight.

Whoops, wrong show.

 

21.29

Stockard approves of V-Hudg’s “There Are Worst Things I Could Do.”

21.27

Boys, just say you love each other.

21.17

Stranded at the Drive-In.

Seriously, Louis. That is some Danny Zuko realness.

21.07

Gotta admit. Julianne SLAYED Hopelessly Devoted to You.

21.02

Am I going crazy or is NO ONE doing the Hand Jive correctly?

20.51

YAY DANCING.

20.48

“She’s outta luck, unless she’s as pretty as you. Is she?”

“No.”

20.47

Spiked punch is very important.

20.42

I’m still so proud of my son Joe. –S

20.34

This casting of Boyz II Men is GENIUS.

20.31

GET IT WITH THAT STEP-TOUCH SOUL, BOYZ II MEN.

20.29

All of Sandy’s Comments about Dance compeitions though.

20.23

Danny right now. Which is really shitty, but Sandy IS the worst.

20.18

Sage: Are they going to kiss? Kim: MAYBE?

20.13

This is what happens with a live audience. Un-synchronized swaying.

20.13

THIS DOODIE. Precious Cinnamon Roll. Too good, too pure.

20.09

YAY FOR DIDI CONN.

20.02

I don’t care what these stupid new lyrics say, the chicks’ll CREAM.

20.01

KEEP TALKING BOY KEEP TALKING.

19.57

Don’t be like Rizzo, kids.

19.48

You know who is probably LOVING this right now?

19.45

We are all agreed that Sandy is the WORST right?

19.43

Like Marty, I love a man in uniform.

19.39

Suck it, El Nino.

(Harry fell down immediately after this.)

19.36

Agreed, Frenchie.

19.32

Sorry for the delay guys! My computer is going to be the death of me.

22.05

And that’s our show! See you kids at the Academy Awards. Look for Maggie’s Fashion Recap soon.

22.02

Spotlight takes the ensemble SAG: was there any other choice?

21.59

The only thing getting me through Leo’s victory lap for a film he shouldn’t be winning for is Kate Winslet’s DELIGHT.

21.56

Why even bother reading these nominees? We all know where this is going. Leo. Leo, Leo, Leo.

21.47

Next Stop: Oscar.

21.43

Is this a joke? Third win for Downton Abbey? Even the ensemble looks embarrassed.

21.29

YOU REALLY AREN’T GIVING JON HAMM A VICTORY LAP YOU ASSHOLES? HOUSE OF CARDS IS BEYOND OVERRATED AND ALL SPACEY DOES IS CHEW SCENERY. OKAY.

21.23

That makes two in a row for Queen Viola. Also she looks FLAWLESS.

21.23

We’re just TWO friends. Two good friends…

21.13

“You guys are the whole ball of wax.” – Carol to Tina and Amy.

21.11

STEVE ESCORTING CAROL TO THE STAGE THOUGH.

21.04

OUR QUEENS.

20.57

That’s two, count ’em TWO SAG awards for human sex drive enhancement drug (also EXCELLENT ACTOR) Idris Elba.

20.51

Sage: UGH WHY IS RUFFALO SO HOT?

Kim: You know why.

20.49

HAIL TO THE QUEEN.

20.44

GOD I LOVE MONTAGES.

20.37

20.34

“I’m prepared for this.” – Sage

 

20.27

Alicia Vikander upsets at the last ceremony before the Oscars. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN.

20.20

I just love seeing all these ladies, of all shapes and colors, up on this stage. You GO OITNB.

20.11

There’s always money in the banana stand. (We do object to Transparent being called a comedy though.)

GET UP HERE DAD THOUGH.

20.07

FOREVER LOVE YOU UZO. I promise eventually, we will watch your show.

20.03

“I AM ENOUGH.” BLESS QUEEN LATIFAH.

20.01

GOD I DO LOVE HOW THEY ALWAYS OPEN THE SAG AWARDS.

19.48

Nicole Kidman’s old nose fan club.

19.32

Speaking preemptively for Maggie on Kaley Cuoco:

We can’t with this bitch no matter what she wears.

19.29

GOD I LOVE IRISH ACCENTS.

19.28

Whelp, Frost has arrived.

19.25

JACOB TREMBLAY THOUGH.

19.17

Still not used to seeing Jon Hamm on his own on the red carpet.

19.14

GOD IDRIS ELBA. GET IN MY BEDROOM NOW.

19.09

Let’s discuss Michael Sheen, a BIG STAR in his own right, just being the supportive boyfriend in the background for Sarah Silverman. BLESS.

Harry agrees.

19.06

“Don’t put me in the small window. PUT ME IN THE BIG WINDOW.” – Sarah Silverman, telling E! News what’s up.

19.05

We are obsessed with Alicia’s sparkles. Curious to see what Maggie thinks in her post.

18.59

“I guess her inspiration was ‘show some skin.'” – Eva Longoria, trying to get in the headspace of her dress’s designer on Guiliana’s instruction.

 

18.56

“You’re doing SO WELL.” – G to Bryan Cranston, as if he doesn’t have a case of awards at home already.

18.46

With both Gaby Hoffmann and Christina Ricci in attendance, I need some Now and Then reunion pictures, thanks.

18.45

Amanda Peet: you are a beautiful woman DRESS LIKE ONE.

18.42

EVERY TIME I see Joanne Froggatt on the Red Carpet:

18.41

Is Ellie Kemper ACTUALLY a Disney Character?

18.40

Giuliana: The competition is so fierce in Leading Actor.

Kim: IS IT THOUGH? EVERYONE KNOWS LEO IS WINNING.

18.34

“But I’m Greek…”

18.33

WHY CAN NO ONE DRESS CHRISTINA HENDRICKS’S GLORIOUS FRAME?

18.29

Kim: Eddie Redmayne is such a precious bunny rabbit.

Sage: No wonder he was in a movie with the Smol One.

18.22

I LIVE FOR SALLY DRAPER/KIERNAN SHIPKA.

18.20

Our reaction to Christina Ricci’s Blonde Hair.

She looks amaze.

18.14

Our queen Laverne looking FLAWLESS and also preaching about Flint, Michigan. Can she be more perfect?

18.07

Guiliana is failing as hard as she usually does at the vamp, and we need some celebrities to show up.

18.04

“Oh yes, Seacrest doesn’t get out of bed for the SAGs”

23.14

If we’ve got another Birdman on our hands, I am going to need to drink more. See you guys for the SAGs!

22.56

Look I LOVE Leo and when I finally see this movie, I will fully admit to being wrong if I think I’m wrong but FASSY.

22.52

Remember when Brie Larson was Abed’s Girlfriend on Community?

22.44

YOU GUYS THE MARTIAN IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF THE YEAR BUT IT IS NOT A COMEDY AND WHY AREN’T WE REWARDING ACTUAL COMEDIES THAT ARE GOOD SO MORE OF THEM WILL GET MADE?

22.40

Sage: Look what the cat dragged in.

22.34

Sorry, this award was Amy’s. I can’t.

22.26

COOKIES FOR ERRYONE TONIGHT.

22.24

George Miller was stripped down, robbed, and then kicked in the face.

22.00

Golden Globes continues to favor new talent: Mr. Robot gets the Drama Series nod!

21.58

John Krasinski still working that Michael Bay makeover, I see.

21.52

But is “Writing’s On The Wall” not overwhelmingly considered to be one of the most forgettable Bond themes in HISTORY?

21.44

We appreciate the Moonstruck reference Gaga, but that Globe belongs to Kirsten Dunst.

21.42

YAY SENOR CHANG.

21.40

Reminder that Dame Helen Mirren is forever better than you.

21.35

KATE AND LEO KATE AND LEO EVERYONE CAN GO HOME NOW.

21.34

We consider this retrospective for Y Tu Mama Tambien.

21.30

Steve Jobs plays the orchestra, but Aaron Sorkin wrote the damn symphony.

21.21

Sly is v. v. emotional right now, bless.

21.17

It’s like a meeting of the Most Handsome Men’s club.

21.16

Was there really any other option?

21.08

STILL DYING THAT THE MARTIAN IS A COMEDY BUT YAY MATTY D.

21.05

Did they serve Snake Juice before the show?

20.57

Fitting because the Globes were the first ones to recognize Mad Men and now they are the last.

20.53

WRAP IT UP QUENTIN.

20.52

GUYS I HATE JAMIE FOXX SO FUCKING MUCH.

20.49

Well, Christian Slater was a little unexpected, was he not?

20.41

BEST DAMN PILOT IN THE RESISTANCE. Enjoy your Globe, Oscar!

20.40

CLEARLY everyone went to the champagne reception before the show.

20.38

Wolf Hall over Fargo?

20.35

I AM on the same page as Ricky regarding the category fraud of The Martian.

20.30

Me every time I see the Batman vs. Superman trailer…

20.25

Guess we should start watching Mozart in the Jungle?

20.24

RACHEL BLOOM WITH THE UPSET. The HFPA DO love their new talent.

20.22

Now that is how you do a bit, Samberg.

20.15

Well deserved win for Maura, who is FABULOUS on The Affair.

20.14

The color combo of The Rock and J-Lo though.

20.11

OUR QUEEN KATE TAKES IT. Can this bode well for Oscar? SAY YES.

20.09

I need to be way more drunk for this bit.

20.08

J-Kras spotted in the audience and his beard is delightful.

20.07

Ricky, I love you but you best watch yourself.

20.02

I am ALWAYS here for the shading of NBC.

20.01

Ricky with his signature beer. Here we go.

19.54

Le Winslet getting it done, as usual.

19.51

Okay we’re getting ready to switch to our post for the Show. ARE YOU READY?

19.42

Eddie Redmayne looking elated and elfin as always in a patterned jacket. Is that a fleur de lis?

19.34

Sage: Rooney Mara always looks like she was just attacked by a bear. Is she in The Revenant?

19.30

Gotta love a large man in a VELVET SUIT. Hello, Dwayne.

19.29

“This is my first Golden Globes.” JACOB TREMBLAY YOU GUYS. What a performance and what a precious child.

19.27

LOOK AT THESE TWO CUPCAKES.

19.22

You’ll always be Vince to us, Michael B. Jordan.

19.14

DINNER IS HERE.

19.07

I straight up thought Charlie Puth was 16 years old.

19.01

It’s not the Golden Globes until Jennifer Lopez shows up.

18.50

Brie Larson is SO SPARKLY and we love it.

18.48

Friendly reminder that Andy Samberg is incredibly handsome.

 

18.43

Fassy has arrived and Kim is all…

18.36

ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPH OF BRYSHERE YAZZ GRAY ON THE RED CARPET. #cupcake

18.35

Aziz rocking a patterned tux and we miss Tom Haverford.

18.31

Why is Alicia wearing an apron with nothing underneath? – Sage

18.30

WHERE ARE THE FAMOUS PEOPLE?

18.15

PLEASE RICKY DON’T BE TOO MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE TONIGHT.

18.10

Already arguing with our Fashion Blogger Maggie (stay tuned for her recap!!) so I know it’s going to be a good night.

18.04

Gina Rodriguez is a pretty pretty princess in navy (her waist looks AMAZING). She also brought her Dad because she is too pure for this world.

18.02

THE GLAM-BOT? Jesus.

 

17.58

LET’S DO THIS I AM READY BABY.

23.00

Wow. They finished 2 minutes early.

I will never be over Mad Men.

Our intrepid Fashion Editor Maggie Marshmallow will be with us later this week to share her fashion thoughts. Till then…good night!

22.59

I AM SORRY DID YOU WATCH THE FINAL SEASON OF MAD MEN?

22.57

THIS IS BULLSHIT.

22.55

TRACY.

22.52

AND THE MODERN FAMILY REIGN IS OVER.

22.47

Viola shouting out Nicole Beharie is the most promotion Sleepy Hollow has gotten all night.

22.45

Taraji is the happiest attendee at this ceremony.

22.44

Honestly, the award was sewn up the moment Viola took off her wig and make-up and then asked her husband why his penis was on a dead girl’s phone.

22.41

ALSO THAT TINA GOT TO GIVE IT TO HIM.

22.40

JON HAMM YOU GUYS. FINALLY. JESUS.

22.34

LLAP Mr. Nimoy

22.30

OH GAME OF THRONES IS GOING TO BEAT MAD MEN.

Love Peter though.

22.23

Preparing myself that Game of Thrones is going to beat Mad Men.

22.20

Love you, Uzo. However, Imma go cry in the corner over the fact that Christina never won.

22.13

Thank you, Fox, for reminding me that Viola Davis doesn’t have an Oscar no matter what your fact checking dept says.

22.11

I’m sorry, the Mad Men finale should have won.

22.08

Sage: BENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

22.06

We’ll miss you, Jon.

22.03

One Hour Left.  Someone check in on Jon Hamm and his nerves.

22.02

Colin Hanks even SOUNDS like his father.

21.55

YES FOR AMY!!!!!!!!

 

21.53

And a victory lap for The Daily Show.

21.42

And that’s a clean sweep for Olive on this broadcast.

21.40

OKAY BUT YOU’RE BACK IN 30.

I may miss The Newsroom.

21.39

So many AMAZING shows left us this year.

21.38

I’m so glad Fred Savage is cute again.  Remember when he went through a bit of a busted phase?

21.36

I am considering this a retroactive award for Six Feet Under.

21.33

EMPIRE THOUGH.

21.28

Olive Kittredge going for a clean sweep!

21.25

Bill Murray had better things to do tonight.

21.16

YAS MORE CREATIVE LADIES WINNING.

21.14

PROFESSOR IAN DUNCAN.

21.11

CUBA GOODING IS SO PROUD OF YOU REGINA!

MARCY! MY WIFE!

21.07

Behind the scenes ladies CLEANING UP.

21.06

He makes me nervous too, girl.

21.03

We love you Jaaaaaaaaaaames. Oh, yes we do.

20.58

ONE DAY So You Think You Can Dance will win.

20.57

Imma sit in the corner and pout for a little while.

20.54

Absolutely NO OFFENSE to JLD but the fact that Amy Poehler never won an Emmy is DEPLORABLE.

20.52

If Seth Meyers gives Amy Poehler an Emmy, I will lose my shit.

20.46

“Thank you for your inspiration. Thank you for letting us be a part of the change.”

20.43

Congrats to Jeffrey Tambor!  There’s always money in the banana stand!

20.38

LADY DIRECTORS FTW.

20.37

Reminder that the Shitford can always get it.

20.35

Stamos and Gina presenting together. LOOK AT THE GORGEOUS PEOPLE.

20.32

I JUST WANT AMY POEHLER TO WIN THE PUDDING.

20.28

2/2 with Veep.  They are definitely winning tonight.

20.27

It does annoy me that they let Ricky talk for as long as he wants because this definitely means a winner will get played off later.  COME ON.

20.25

Veep wins for writing!  Will they take the Series Award from Modern Family?

20.23

How much are we going to talk about binge watching tonight? This is not a new thing, people.

20.19

I love that they are going to save drama actor for the end of the night, thus torturing Jon Hamm.  HE NEEDS TO WIN Y’ALL.

20.16

AND SHE STARTS SINGING HER SPEECH.

20.15

National Treasure Allison Janney sets a record and has a reallllllllllllllllllly hot date.

20.12

It should be noted that once again Kyle Chandler’s tux does not fit him properly because that’s how Coach rolls.

20.10

Taraji is LOVING all of this.

20.08

Sage: Oh God PLEASE stop cutting to the African American people during this. Defeating the point.

20.07

I mean I wish that is how they would play people off.

20.05

Look at you, Andy. We’re so proud.

20.04

WELL DONE ANDY! You done watched every damn show.

20.02

“Have you seen Castle?” “Errrrrrrrm”

20.01

YVETTE NICOLE BROWN!

19.59

WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT SPORTS WHEN WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT SEQUINS?

19.58

I’m so confused as to why the Fox pre-show is the football people.

19.58

We’re rooting for first-time host Andy Samberg to kill this show! Hope he’s all caught up on Media Content.

19.54

We switched away from the E! pre-show for a hot second, but we returned and were greeted with James Corden’s beautiful face.

19.50

Okay, kids.  We’re switching over to our post for the ceremony.  Join us there for all the good times!

19.37

We’re also calling this a win for Kerry Washington.

19.35

Update: we ordered Thai. From a restaurant called Sage’s, so it’s a sign.

19.33

ERRYBODY is busting out chains tonight.

19.28

CRISIS ALERT: the place we had planned to order dinner from closes super early on Sundays.  We’re now figuring out alternatives.

19.23

“I just show up and I say ‘Thank you Ms. Fey.'” Krakow, we love you.

19.18

Giuliana is actually doing quite well tonight.  Probably because her job is on the line.

19.17

Maggie Gyllenhaal is usually such a hot mess, I am calling this a win.

19.13

“I’m not only a neuroscientist, I get to play one on TV.” – Mayim Bialik often makes me forget about how much I hate The Big Bang Theory.

19.10

IDEK what Sally Draper is wearing RN.

19.08

National Treasure Allison Janney is in a naked dress and looks phenomenal.  GET IT GIRL.

19.06

Only Sarah Hyland can say “I’m so sweaty” and have us coo about how cute she is.

19.04

We are obsessed with Anthony Anderson’s son.

19.03

Is Rob Lowe a Vampire? How is he not aging?

19.00

Reminder that Amy has never won an Emmy for playing Leslie Knope and tonight is her last chance.

18.54

Reminder that we should say a little prayer of gratitude to St. Julianne Moore for the fact that there is no mani-cam tonight.

18.53

Maisie Williams looking fabulous in a pink dress with pockets.  We’re not going to be able to handle how she’s going to elevate the eyebrow game on Doctor Who.  It ALREADY has the strongest brow game on TV.

18.50

If Fox cared at all about promoting some of their shows, we’d be seeing these two tonight.

18.48

Mindy, you gorgeous creature. Work that color.

18.48

Joanne Froggatt is our first major misstep fashion wise.  The hair needed to be up with that dress and it’s just an odd dress in general.

 

18.43

Must we talk about the heat with everyone? We get it.  IT’S HOT.

18.40

Gina Rodriguez FINALLY showing some skin and getting EVERYTHING right.  It’s about time, she’s one of the most beautiful women on TV.

18.38

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS OUR QUEEN.  Looking fierce in a studded gown.

18.36

Cat Deeley’s little baby bump.  She is ACTUAL sunshine.

18.35

TARAJI GOT ME IN CHAIIIIIIIIIIINS

18.34

Taraji P. Henson, you fierce bitch.  ACTUAL CHAINS on her dress.

18.32

I don’t understand Heidi’s dress.

18.31

Tituss is looking fab in a forest green tux with a floral bowtie.  We hope he wins.  Also we love him for explaining about Peeno Noir.

 

18.26

Yo, Seacrest. Harry Styles called.  He wants his hairdo back because he looks better in it. And knows that hair and stubble do not match,

18.19

Aubrey Plaza is giving me “Wednesday Addams goes to the prom” in the BEST POSSIBLE WAY.

18.19

Let me get this straight, Intern Ross…are we really analyzing pictures of celebs FROM YOUR PHONE?

18.16

Amy re: Tatiana: “I just tackled her.” We would do the same, TBH.

18.14

Laverne Cox, QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE.  This is all working, her hair, her dress, her skin, her ATTITUDE.

18.13

TATIANA, SLAY IN THAT WHITE SUIT,

18.12

AMY SCHUMER WHY NO NECKLACE?

22.02

And we are done. THANK YOU JESUS.

22.01

ONE LAST FART. At Candace’s Wedding no less.

22.00

BOB’S WIFE FINALLY DIVORCED HIM.

21.50

HOME STRETCH YOU GUYS. I need a wine refill.

21.48

Sorry actual Steve was WAY HOTTER.

21.46

Bad news from the network!

21.44

And their banner gets covered by a Seinfeld one.

21.40

Honestly, it’s like the casting department didn’t even try.

21.38

“This is what being wildly successful looks like.” I can’t wait for his wife to dump his ass. Please tell me she dumps his ass.

21.36

I imagine they weren’t able to get the rights to “Forever”?

21.34

“I can sponsor you for membership in the Dead Sisters Club.”

21.31

Case and Point about Stamos’ Hair.

21.28

Real Talk: I do feel sorry for the Olsen Twins.

21.27

Everyone is jealous of Mary-Kate and Ashley.

21.26

Note to this movie: John Stamos had a WAY hotter haircut by this point.

21.25

Are they for reals huffing?

21.23

It’s 1993 and we have a new Candace who looks nothing like the previous Candace.

21.19

Sage: NONE OF THEM EVER SAID THEY WISHED THEIR LIFE WAS LIKE FULL HOUSE.

21.16

“My brother thinks I should get closer to God.” Mhhhhhmmmmmm

21.13

The children witnessed this sexualizing of the mannequin.

21.11

“America’s Funniest Sexual Positions”

21.09

PAULA ABDUL.

21.07

It’s good to see that Candace was as neurotic on Full House as she was on Dancing With the Stars.

21.02

My main takeaway from this is that Bob Saget is a horrible human being.

20.57

He totally just did finger guns, y’all.

20.55

AMERICA AMERICA THIS IS YOOOOOOOOOOOU.

20.54

CONTRACT RENEGOTIATION TIME. True Story this is the making of a multi-million dollar empire right here.

20.52

Jodie is having middle child syndrome just like Stephanie.

20.49

I can’t believe Sage and I quit watching quality television for this.

20.48

“We’ll soon have a Full House of our own.” KILL ME.

20.47

FIRST MICHELLE CATCHPHRASE! DRINK!

20.46

WAIT A MINUTE JOHN AND LORI WERE EXES?

20.43

Is there going to be a liaison between Dave and Mama Olsen? You oughtta know.

20.41

Saget really just wants to be taken seriously.

20.38

But really how do any of these actors have any modicum of self respect? This is horrible.

20.37

BOY WEEKEND IN VEGAS.  How else are they going to play three best friends?

20.34

Poor Bob Saget.

20.33

Sage re: Bob Saget (real and fake)

20.32

HORRIBLE GAY JOKES.

20.31

Saget gets on set and already doesn’t want to be here.

20.30

Truth time: didn’t realize they shot the pilot with a different Danny,

20.26

Sorry Dude the Olsen twins were MUCH younger than that when they were cast.

20.25

“What about Paul Reiser?”

“He passed.”

paul

20.24

10 to 1 Candace is going to have some insecurity re: her brother being more famous.

20.22

HOW IS THIS AN ACCEPTABLE CANDACE CAMERON?

20.21

Bob Saget is pretty much a horrible person.

20.21

Rue McLanahan reference, drink!

rue

20.19

“The Cosby show is doing so well right now…”

20.17

Like Satine, Bob Saget just wants to be a real actress.

20.14

Is this seriously the best they could do for John Stamos?

20.14

“Is Alanis Morrissette gonna be in this?”

 

20.11

I haven’t had nearly enough wine for this.

20.09

AND WE ARE LIVE. NONE OF THESE PEOPLE LOOK LIKE THE PEOPLE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYING.

20.05

We’re a little behind because we’re celebrating our friendaversary which involved the X-Files Pilot which is a not network standard 48 minutes.  WHOOPS NOT SORRY.

00.17

I’m so mad right now.  GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE.

00.05

TWELVE YEARS. TWELLLLLLVE YEAAAAAAAAAAAARS.

00.04

Gross movie is gross.

23.57

We never thought this day would come, but JULIANNE MOORE HAS AN OSCAR BITCHES.

23.51

EDDIE THANK GOD.

 

23.46

Celebrating pretension makes everyone else feel better about their own pretension. In other words, Birdman is winning shit.

23.44

DID THEY FOR REAL HAVE BEN AFFLECK PRESENT BEST DIRECTOR AFTER SNUBBING HIM?

23.37

This precious kid is desperately trying not to shit his pants for winning for his first screenplay.

23.33

Birdman gets the screenplay Oscar that should have gone to Grand Budapest.

23.23

I loved how genuinely touched Dame Julie Andrews was by that.  Well done, Gaga.

23.17

At least it’s not Carrie Underwood?

23.15

THE SOUND OF MUSIC.

Also Captain Von Trapp is responsible for my sexual awakening.

23.13

Note to Terence Howard, Chris Pine is how you properly emote.

23.06

But really how much does Idina hate John Travolta?

23.02

Gospel Hands for Common and John Legend KILLING IT.

22.49

Terence Howard making sure that you know this is all about him.

22.44

Will I ever stop getting the goosebumps when I see Benny C at a big, Hollywood shindig?

22.38

SING J-HUD, SING!

(Also we super dig this haircut on her)

22.32

Miss you Captain, my Captain.

22.31

This In Memoriam is going to hurt like a bitch.

22.27

Idris Elba though.

22.21

Reminder that woman doesn’t think The Academy has a problem with diversity…

 

22.11

Big Hero 6 takes Animated Feature. The Lego Movie, meanwhile, gets all the Lego Oscars it can carry.

22.03

That was a fantastic performance.

21.57

Meryl’s FUCK YES reaction to that though.

21.54

YAY FOR YOU PATRICIA, I HOPE YOU MEMORIZED YOUR SPEECH.

21.51

Okay it’s time for like…a good montage or another acting award or something.

21.47

YAY FOR WHIPLASH!!!

21.44

NPH looking good and appears to have eaten a few steaks since finishing his run in Hedwig.

21.33

NEVER FORGET that Viola Davis should have an Oscar.

21.28

“Crikey! These are big buggers!”

21.18

EVERYTHING IS AWESOMEEEEEE.

21.17

“Ed Norton! He’s right over there!”

21.14

Good for you for not letting the playoff music stop you, sir!!

21.08

SOBBING OVER THAT PROMO FOR MAD MEN.

REMEMBER THAT SHOW STILL EXISTS, TELEVISION ACADEMY?

21.08

Sage’s mom just texted all her kids saying that “Lost Stars” sounds like a New Radicals song. The lead singer of the New Radicals WROTE that song. Good ear, Rosemary.

21.04

“Did I say ‘pants down’? I meant ‘hands down.'”

21.04

Not digging the goatee, Channing.

20.58

YAS I PICKED GRAND BUDAPEST FOR COSTUMES IN MY OSCAR POOL.

20.57

Julianne Moore is embarrassed by her swag bag.

20.51

ARE WE AAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST STAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS?

20.44

DAT SPEECH.

20.42

J.K. Simmons sweeps the whole season. Well done, sir.

20.39

He’s so earnest I love it.

20.37

YAY NEIL!

20.35

THIS IS AMAZING.

20.33

Benedict Cumberbatch is game for LITERALLY ANY BIT. Give him a bit and he will do it.

20.30

NEIL WE ARE READY FOR YOU.

20.15

There’s no way that that’s actually Tim McGraw.

20.06

Ethan, please stay forever. #GentlePirates

20.04

RUFFALO!

19.55

Reese and Robin Roberts shout out the #AskHerMore campaign! Yay, Smart Girls!

19.54

REESE WITHERSPOON FEMINIST HERO.

19.51

Reese Witherspoon’s mom has her priorities in the right place.

19.43

Following the Pratts with Benny Batch was too much for us.

19.42

Sage just had an audible reaction to Chris Pratt.

19.38

The Dakota Johnson interview with Lara Spencer was PAINFUL.

19.24

This Royals show though.

19.08

LUPITA LOOKS LIKE THE INSIDE OF A RICH OLD LADY’S JEWELRY BOX AND I’M HERE FOR IT.

18.58

Felicity looks like Cinderella and we love it.

18.48

Laura Dern looks like a warrior princess.

18.41

WHEN DID DAKOTA JOHNSON LOSE HER ENTIRE PERSONALITY? THIS IS SO UPSETTING.

18.29

ETHAN!!!!!!!!!

Also we saw Before Sunrise on the big screen yesterday and seriously….that man. I think Sage may have a bruise on her leg cause I hit her so much during the screening.

18.24

Maggie just texted me that she spotted Ethan Hawke and I am not at all ready to see him because my loins may explode.

18.20

Yay for Dave Karger calling out Wild being shut out (one of my fave movies of the year) because it’s a LADY driven picture.

18.11

I love that Giuliana has clearly been banished from having ANY interaction with a celebrity.

18.03

I LOVE a good montage but WHERE ARE ALL THE PRETTY DRESSES??

17.54

OKAY FAMOUS PEOPLE IT’S TIME TO GET HERE.

17.47

Anna Kendrick looks fab in a pinky coral with the perfect amount of tasteful underboob.

17.43

Patty’s Gown is totally photo ready for that Oscar.  Gold goes great with Black and White.

17.35

While we wait for the celebs, I’m pondering what Sage and I are going to order for dinner.  Any thoughts?

21.57

We’re confused because there are still 4 minutes left.  WHAT AWARDS SHOW FINISHES WITH 4 MINUTES TO SPARE?

See you at the Oscars!

21.55

Actors gave this award to actors for acting about acting! #SAGception

21.50

GET READY FOR YOUR OSCAR AT LAST JULIANNE MOORE.

Shouting out her Soap Opera Roots and talking about the joy of being with other actors.  She’s killing this.  She’s waited so long for this.  All hail the Queen.

21.40

This probably just cemented the Oscar. Eddie wasn’t expecting this and he shouts out all the people in the running for Best Actor, nominated or not.  Precious sunflower.

21.38

When will the relentless appetite of Downton Abbey be satistifed??

21.33

Look at Rashida and Andy and their glasses.

21.26

Kevin Spacey for House of Cards – another no-show. The SAGS are strugglin’, y’all.

21.25

It was a rough year, you guys.

21.23

Viola is still throwing shade for that New York Times Article and she should NEVER STOP.

21.22

ALL HAIL QUEEN VIOLA.

21.16

Reminder that HammBone is not nominated in this category and that True Detective is a MINI-SERIES NOT A DRAMA.

21.08

Stop name dropping Debbie except DON’T STOP.

21.00

Princess Leia, y’all.

20.56

Still looking for confirmation other than what we can SEE in pictures that Amy Poehler is with child.

IF YOU ARE NOT, WE ARE SORRY AMY WE LOVE YOU.

20.51

Frances is still not amused.

20.43

RUFFALO, WHERE ARE YOU? Step away from your Tumblr and pick up your award.

20.31

Also, next step Oscar, Papa MacGuff.

20.25

No, you know what’s next Patty? A fucking OSCAR.

20.18

Can’t be mad at that many beautiful, funny ladies on one stage. Orange is the New Black takes the Comedy Ensemble award!

20.11

Never seen Shameless, but yay for the Mace.  And I love how happy Felicity was for him.

20.09

And now I’m crying.  Thanks, Uzo.

20.07

YAY UZO but it’s still bullshit they combine supporting and leading performances at the SAGs.

20.03

I always LOVE the opening of the SAG Awards.

19.49

AND JENNIFER ANISTON DENIED THE MANI-CAM TOO.

19.39

Emma Stone owns that menswear game like…

19.29

Maria forcing everyone to do the Mani-Cam, kicking and screaming.

19.27

SNAPS FOR ELLE WOODS.

19.21

Julia Roberts gives no fucks because she’s Julia Roberts.

19.14

Ummmm, guys? Is Amy Poehler announcing another pregnancy here today?

19.07

Keira is pregnant and thus gives no fucks about tight clothes nor taking her shoes off.

We worship her.

19.06

Amanda Peet, I will give you a million dollars to dress like the hot woman that you are.

19.03

Maria needs to STOP AWKWARDLY HUGGING PEOPLE.

19.02

Julianne Moore refuses to do the Mani-Cam. QUEEN.

19.00

We love you, Natalie Dormer.

18.58

What is with all this FLAT HAIR business?

18.45

Not nearly enough people are drunk and happy.

18.37

JLD shaking up her usual look.  Digging the lace.

18.29

Totally forgot Tatiana was nominated until JUST NOW.

18.26

Ethan Hawke, you guys.  My LOOOOOOOOOVE.

18.19

I dig Tony Hale’s Beard.

18.11

No one is there yet, so they are vamping.

18.10

NO GIULIANA YOU GUYS!

18.03

Eddie Redmayne loves Friends and Rachel Green, cementing his perfection.

18.01

Ryan Seacrest, like Naomi Campbell before him, doesn’t get out of bed for the SAG Red Carpet.

23.06

That felt fast and furious.  See you in 2 weeks for the SAGs!  Thanks for reading.

 

23.02

I was a little scared after the Comedy upset, but Boyhood wins.  We’ll have a big discussion about it when we do out post on the Oscar Nominations later this week.

22.59

Redmayne wins the battle of the biopics.

(Also we don’t know what this is from but we’re into it.)

22.51

BUT REALLY REESE SHOULD HAVE WON.

 

22.47

Budapest pulls another upset! There’s no through line. THIS ISN’T HELPING OUR OSCAR POOL.

22.37

OUR EMOTIONS KEATON.

22.33

I mean I hated Birdman but Keaton is great. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut are we really going to give him an Oscar for making a movie when he is an actor and that is his job? Sorry not sorry.

22.27

This is an upset, but we’re fine with Alice from Luther winning.

22.26

I like to think that Linklater is also winning this for the Before trilogy too.

22.23

Kim: Fuck me, In Memoriam is going to be terrible.

22.17

I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD TO BE YOUR HUSBAND.

22.15

“You’ve caught the brass ring.”

22.14

HE CALLED HER JULES.

22.13

Oh, we spotted that One Fine Day clip in that package. NEVER FORGET.

22.12

Will legit vote for him when he runs for President.

22.11

DOUG AND CAROL.

22.10

We’re just going to spam Clooney right now.

22.09

I know they are both married but you can’t tell me George and Juliana aren’t a little bit in love.

22.08

DOUG AND CAROL 4EVA.

22.03

“I just want to be better.” Srsly, was there a Awesome Speeches 101 class before the ceremony? Cause people be awesome tonight.

22.00

Now that the Cranst is out of the way and HammBone is STRANGELY NOT NOMINATED, this was a cakewalk for Keiser Soze.

22.00

GUYS GUYS GUYS FOX MULDER. FOX MULDER ON THE GG STAGE.

21.55

Drama series goes to freshmen Showtime drama, The Affair!

21.52

WHAT IS THIS EMOTIONAL MCDONALD’S COMMERCIAL?

21.48

Add Maggie to the list of ladies fucking slaying their speeches.

21.39

DAT SPEECH THOUGH JEFFREY.

21.38

This is the year for erstwhile character actors to be recognized.

21.35

Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda though.

21.33

Never forget Linklater made School of Rock and it’s amazing.

21.32

GUYS I HATED BIRDMAN AND THIS IS GONNA BE THE LONGEST AWARDS SEASON.

21.28

BABIES.

21.24

And we just tapped our giant wine bottle.  Bad for this blog, good for my board meeting tomorrow.

21.20

Ummmm, Rob Marshall didn’t mash up all those fairy tales. Stephen Sondheim did.

21.19

Well done, Patricia.  You are magnificent.

21.14

Salma Hayek still gets invited to these things?

21.06

I ADORE Emily Blunt, but Amy was fabulous in this role.

21.04

Ricky Gervais, snark and booze as per usu.

LOOK I RHYMED.

21.02

Will Bomer pull down another Globe for his Montgomery Clift next year??

20.51

PRINCE.

20.49

Original Song is invalid because Lost Stars isn’t nominated.  Seriously, people.  Watch Begin Again.

20.43

“To love.”

People be killing it with the speeches.

20.41

Transparent with a HUGE upset.

20.37

CALLED IT BITCHES.

20.34

BENNY LOVES TO PHOTOBOMB.

20.26

Billy Bob takes the Globe and gives a non-speech.

20.26

I can’t believe Renner just commented on JLo’s globes, yet I can.

20.24

Fargo bests True Detective! Youuuuuu betcha.

20.17

Lady Edith is so happy for her though.

20.16

Season 4 was garbage, but Anna is a gorgeous actress.

20.15

SAVE KATE FOX. #ripBenandKate

 

20.13

J.K. Simmons says you could have this Golden Globe…

20.12

SHERLOCK AND RACHEL GREEN.

20.11

“Let’s talk about television.” “I hear we’re out of time.”

20.09

We can’t even keep up this is so awesome.

20.06

NEVER FORGET.

20.05

Now I want cake.

20.03

Amy and Tina are killing it per usual.

20.03

Oprah is sitting in front of Cheryl Strayed. WOMEN.

20.01

If we drank every time the Sony Hack was referenced we would be dead right now.

19.57

Closing this live blog and heading over to our ceremony post. See you there.

19.48

Alan Cumming in a GOLD DAMN SUIT.

19.47

Allison Janney, National Treasure.

19.41

George is terrified right now.

19.40

Also Sage and I made the right call ordering sushi. This is everything.

19.37

If there is not a Joey and Pacey picture by the end of the night, I will burn Utica to the ground.

19.35

Rachel Green everyone.

19.22

Hold please, we are eating.

19.19

GUYS KATHERINE HEIGL JUST SAID SHE HAD A FULLER FIGURE AND I CAN NOT.

19.17

Claire Danes gives no fucks.

19.15

JLo both Lupita and Gwynnie did capes better than you.

19.15

Someone’s into butterflies, I see.

19.11

Giuliana just had a Clooney MELTDOWN. Drink Drink Drink.

19.09

CLOONEY.

19.05

Guiliana talked about Clooney. DRINK!

19.02

HOW is Steve such a stately silver fox??

19.01

Still not over Julianne taking Keira Knightley’s slot in Comedy actress BTW.  WATCH Begin Again people and join me in my rage.

18.59

CRAZY EYES YOU LOOK AMAZING.

18.52

Still not over Chastain.

18.50

JESSICA CHASTAIN WINS EVERYONE ELSE GO HOME.

BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS.

18.48

PACEY WITTER, FINE FOR LIFE.

18.48

Tina and Amy are queens in case you didn’t know.

18.45

Fuck all you trolls who drove Lena off Twitter.

18.45

Gratutious Matt Bomer in Magic Mike gif.

18.35

In related news, Sage just got here, which means we have wine now.

18.33

Take a drink everytime Giuliana brings up George Clooney.

18.30

Life long love affair with Ethan Hawke, you guys.

18.24

Gina Rodriguez is so lovely and bubbly and I am certain she is going to win tonight.  Not loving the bottom of her dress, but her face and hair are fantastic.

18.22

Naomi’s snake necklace is mesmerizing.  Love the yellow.

18.16

I wish Hader had done that interview as Stefon.

18.13

Allison Tolman looks SPECTACULAR. Gorgeous dress that flatters her bod, flawless hair, make-up, and jewels. Curvy ladies represent!

18.09

Our love for Brits has NOTHING to do with The Royals, E!.  Nice try.

18.09

Eddie Redmayne is wearing a velvet tux jacket and I’m not mad about it.

18.04

I mean at least Rosamund won’t have any trouble nursing her baby through the show.

18.01

We begin with Ryan and a selfie stick so that is a harbinger for how this will go tonight.

17.54

Pictures of Rosamund Pike’s dress have hit the internets and I CANNOT.

SAGGY BOOBS ARE UNFORGIVABLE.

22.55

And that’s our show!  I still think it’s super awkward to not give the cast a bow.  They worked so hard!

Thanks for joining me!

And one last Walken gif…

22.51

Awkward transition to Minnie Driver.

22.47

SERIOUSLY…please listen to everything Kelli O’Hara has ever done.

22.42

SEE?! They ARE Dany and Drogo!

22.40

Awkward sword fighting.

 

22.35

Borle’s wrists are like half the size of his forearms.  FAKE.

22.32

Me right now, in this last half hour.

22.24

The boat rocking back and forth effect was HILARIOUSLY bad.

22.21

FINALLY more Hook dancing!

22.18

I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES.

 

22.17

Hook be creeping.

22.13

Because I haven’t posted one of these in a while.  This is for you Shannon.

22.12

Yeah, the muscles are definitely fake.  Final call.

22.10

“How can you think of food right now?” “I’m ALWAYS thinking of food.”

#priorities

22.07

The accent going in and out is KILLING ME.

22.04

Mother and Father will adopt you!! Sure they will!

21.57

I hope this girl gets a LOT of offers after this.

21.55

PETER COME ON. ALSO WENDY COME ON, HE’S NOT INTO IT.

21.52

Do I spy SYTYCD’s Alex Fucking Wong in Tiger Lily’s Tribe?

21.51

Just got serious Dany and Khal Drogo vibes from Peter and Tiger Lily.

21.46

“To die would be an awfully big adventure” just makes me think of Hook and now I has sad.

21.40

Farmer’s Tan or Make-Up line for your FAKE MUSCLES, Christian Borle??

FAKE.

21.36

Legit Broadway Singer, Guys.  Thank God.

21.35

Peter and Wendy in this scene.  Wendy is Cher.  Obviously.

21.27

WENDY AND TIGER LILY CAT FIGHT!

21.26

Poor Wendy has no idea just HOW bad a boyfriend Peter is.

21.21

How can the Lost Boys go to school when they have CLEARLY all been to college for musical theatre?

21.17

I have now decided Borle’s muscles are real. HELLO.

21.13

I’m laughing SO hard at Walken.

21.11

Discuss what kind of mother Wendy would be.

21.09

THE END OF HAMLET!

21.06

“Oh what pleasure she’ll bring us…”

HMMM.

21.02

Which one is Rufio?

BANGARANG.

20.57

DYING FOR INTO THE WOODS.

20.56

Walken is killing the dancing.

20.54

I’ve convinced myself that Borle’s muscles are fake.  And now can’t stop trying to figure it out.

 

20.49

Let’s take a moment to appreciate that they cast an actress of Indian Descent as Tiger Lily and NOT Rooney Mara.  #SHADE

20.47

YOU TAP DANCE CHRIS WALKEN!

20.45

Dancing and Singing Pirates!

20.44

OR ARE THOSE MUSCLES FAKE ONES NOW THAT I LOOK?

DISCUSS.

20.42

WHOA.  Who knew Christian Borle had those arms?

20.35

The flying looks pretty spectacular you guys.

20.34

Michael has his priorities in order.

20.33

John and Michael are precious.

20.29

Even when she is computer animated, Tinkerbell is a wonderful bitch.

20.28

I love Wendy’s obsession with Mermaids.

20.24

Williams’ lung capacity is MUCH better when she’s just standing there.

20.21

The REAL question is…how are John and Michael still asleep through all of this?

20.20

Allison is VERY feminine as Peter.  Lesbian subtext becomes not so subtexty.

20.17

Williams seems VERY nervous.  Relax, Gurl.  BREATHE.

20.15

I don’t know how I feel about these British Accents.

20.15

“You mustn’t touch me.”

20.11

I will miss Tinkerbell and her bitchface.  (OOOH…maybe she should have been played by Laura Benanti!)

20.08

SING IT KELLI!

20.05

Is the sound oddly canned to anyone else?

20.04

Mrs. Darling is being played by Kelli O’Hara, who is Audra McDonald, sans Tony Awards.  She’s glorious.  Do yourself a favor and listen to The Bridges of Madison County post-haste.

19.58

T-Minus Three Minutes!

23.01

AND I AM SPENT.  THANKS FOR JOINING ME!!

23.00

“Some part of me will always be Screech.  And you know what? I’m okay with that.”

22.59

“No one wanted to see us grow up.”

22.58

I really need a “Where are they now” montage.

22.56

“Go out there and make them laugh.”

22.54

MARK IS APOLOGIZING TO DUSTIN FOR HIS SUFFERING.

22.53

“Where’s Dustin?”

22.52

Aw, they are graduating and the gang is all back together.

Except Tori.  Fuck her.

22.46

So Dustin’s “friend” is going to betray him unless he gets him a big part on the show and THAT is why they have been friends.

IT IS ALL A LIE.

REMINDER THAT DUSTIN SUFFERED.

22.44

“I hear you’re up for a movie…”

22.43

Dustin has moved on to weed except I thought there was no hope in dope?

22.40

“The girl they cast…to replace us?”

22.38

Tiffani and Elizabeth are leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaving.

To do Showgirls and 90210.  Remember that?

22.35

“Saved By The Bell isn’t going to last forever.”

Guys, shit is getting real.

 

 

22.33

“What’s Saved By The Bell without Zack and Kelly?”

Truth.  Those episodes with Tori SUCKED.

22.32

“Elizabeth has been wanting to do movies for awhile.”

22.31

Now Tiffani and Mark-Paul are drinking and Mark doesn’t appreciate wine.

22.30

“I got wasted and I got laid. Isn’t that what you always wanted?”

22.28

Dustin was drunk at a fan event.

Because he suffers.

22.27

DUSTIN DOESN’T GET TO GO ANYWHERE EXOTIC.

REMINDER THAT HE SUFFERS.

THANKS TO SAGE FOR THIS GIF. I MISS YOU.

22.26

“We can’t keep the kids from growing up.”

22.23

Dustin does some boxing and karate and then drinks from his secret flask.

22.19

I AM NOT SCREECH!!!

22.18

Elizabeth can’t get people to take her seriously because of Jessie you guys.

22.17

Slater’s midriff shirt.

22.12

And we have Dustin’s first vodka from a random straggler drinking on the studio lot.

22.11

IT’S CAFFEINE PILLS, IT’S NOT LIKE SHE’S ADDICTED TO HEROIN.

22.10

YAS THEY DID THE SCENE.

22.07

“Do you think you could introduce me to Mark-Paul?”

*SAD FACE*

22.06

“My first kiss was with Tori Spelling. The beautiful daughter of an important TV producer.”

22.05

“You only had to look at which characters on the show were dating.”

22.01

“If the network doesn’t kill us, the hormones might.”

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS AND IT WAS WORTH IT.

22.00

CAT FIGHT WITH TIFFANI AND LARK OVER MARK I LOVE IT.

21.59

“WE NEED TO PRACTICE.”

YAS.

21.55

It’s okay, Lark.  Troy Barnes understands about birthdays.

21.54

Mark and Lark were a thing?

21.52

“Next week you’re playing a lady janitor!!”

Reminder that Dustin struggled.

21.48

OH MY GOD DUSTIN’S FANTASY SEQUENCE.

21.48

So Mario was a man whore who made out with groupies and Dustin was jealous.

21.47

“MASH was a comedy.  All in the Family was a comedy.  And they did deeper things”

Cause Saved By The Bell is on that level.

21.45

“I figured after high school, I’d go some place exciting.  But everyone still sees me a sophomore.”

JUST WAIT ELIZABETH.

21.44

I AM MAKING THOUSANDS!!!

DO YOU WANT TO BE GROUNDED AGAIN?

21.43

“They are supposed to be funny and sweet.”

21.39

Now that we’re on commercial let’s take a moment to laugh about the “I don’t know about this Jerry Seinfeld, he’s too Jewish” comment.

21.37

“The show that wouldn’t die got another chance.”

META META

21.34

“ALL THE OTHER KIDS GET TO BE COOL!!!!”

21.33

“In church, they tell us we shouldn’t have pride.”

21.31

The Lark/Lisa is not too shabby though.  Well done, Lifetime.

21.30

We were like REAL teenagers.

UH HUH.

21.29

Is this REALLY the best they could find for Mario Lopez?

21.27

I just told them about my dancing.

21.24

Let’s cry for Dustin cause he had to stay in the locker all the time.

21.19

They keep implying that Mario, Tiffani, and Elizabeth are going to have a threesome OMG.

21.19

“I guess you’re just not blonde enough, kid.”

21.17

LET US AGAIN REMIND YOU THAT DUSTIN DIAMOND’S LIFE IS HARD AND HIS DAD HATES HIM.

21.16

“Dancing is my passion.”

HEE HEE HEE.

21.14

“Maybe we’ll become one of those great comedy teams…”

21.11

Why does that TV Studio look like the offices of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce?

21.06

Reminder that Dustin Diamond has had a really tough life, y’all.

21.04

FIRST TIME OUT AND NOW SCREECH IS TAKING OVER.

“This is MY Story.”

21.01

THESE ACTORS LOOK NOTHING LIKE THE PEOPLE THEY ARE PLAYING.

With the exception of Screech.

20.48

LESS THAN 15 MINUTES.  Me right now:

23.03

OMG THEY FINISHED ON TIME.  Thanks for joining us friends!  T-Minus a month till the TV season!

22.59

And Breaking Bad completes its near sweep of the Drama Category.  Rightfully so!

22.51

Is anyone who works for Modern Family embarrassed about this yet?

22.49

So glad it seems the Emmy Voters aren’t falling for this “True Detective is a DRAMA” bullshit.

22.47

AARON PAUL IS LOSING HIS SHIT AS PER USUAL!!!!!!!!

22.45

Oh hey, I know this chick.

22.42

THIS DOES NOT MAKE UP FOR THE DRAMA SERIES SNUB FOR THE GOOD WIFE BUT IT HELPS. YAY JULIANA!!

 

22.37

A lady writer who’s not sharing the credit with a dude? DO NOT PLAY HER OFF.

22.35

REMEMBER WHEN KATHERINE HEIGL STOLE SANDRA OH’S EMMY???

#neverforget

22.35

Joe Morton won my heart as well as this Emmy when he took Fitz down like twinkly lights after Christmas.

22.32

It’s fine, Vince Gilligan. You’re already the recipient of several Head Over Feels fantasy Emmys for your work here and with a pair of super attractive FBI agents.

22.28

I think we all know why Anna Gunn won two years in a row…

J/K! It’s because she fucking deserved it.

22.20

I don’t know how Billy got through that.  A gentleman and an amazing tribute to his friend.  We love and miss you Robin.

22.15

It’s been a rough year.

22.11

Aaron Paul is the epitome of CLASS you guys.

22.08

KING AARON PAUL.

21.56

I feel like the Tony Awards win every year, as they should.

21.54

Whoa whoa whoa, was NOT expecting Hardwick for a second time this week.

21.46

SARAH SILVERMAN WON, THIS IS GREAT.

21.43

Okay, now can we be shallow about Mark Ruffalo?

21.41

Bravo to Larry Kramer and The Normal Heart.

21.34

HEY HEY HEY, GO TEAM FARGO AGAIN.

21.30

Weird Al is better than you. At any given moment.

21.27

We forever love Jessica Lange for being fucking fabulous.

21.25

Sherlock basically swept that category. Knee caresses for everyone!

21.24

SERIOUSLY, GUYS. HIGH FIVE FOR MARTIN FREEMAN.

21.22

WHAT WHAT WHAT EVERYONE CHECK ON TUMBLR. CAUSE BENEDICT JUST WON.

21.17

We just wish they were doing a “REALLY??” segment.

21.12

Basically, if you’ve got Martin Freeman, you gon win. GO TEAM FARGO.

21.09

AND AN EMMY.

21.04

EMERGENCY WE ARE OUT OF WINE.

21.02

OVER JULIA AND TOLMAN REALLY?

20.59

YOU GUYS SHERLOCK WON. IT WON.

20.50

Cranston doesn’t think he’s gonna win, so he’s just going out like that.

20.49

First, they force Mindy to get up at the buttcrack of dawn just to get snubbed, then they stick her with presenting this C-list category.

20.47

Best Awards Show Makeout Since this:

20.45

Brave face, Amy. BRAVE FACE.

20.38

Oh wow, Jim Parsons wins. What a flerkin’ surprise.

20.33

That WAS a great speech though.  And yay Lady Directors!

 

20.33

Modern Family is going to take everything and Parks and Rec will be snubbed again. S’not okay.

20.31

Hurray for lady directors, but we were pulling for Jodie.

20.22

And the Jackal picks up her second Emmy of the year.  A shame it’s for Mom though.

#ducktieburns

20.18

LOUIE GETS IT AND COULD GET IT.

20.11

Everyone’s rocking the navy tuxes this year. It’s lots of fun.

20.10

We like Ty Burrell just fine and I dig his glasses, but come on, Emmys. Let’s switch it up.

20.09

FLAWLESS MONOLOGUE SETH.

20.09

“TV’s always up.”

20.06

I am just glad Seth and I have the same feelings about the How I Met Your Mother finale.

20.05

“New phone, who dis?”

20.03

Seth calling out dramas submitted as comedies. Ahem.

20.03

“The Emmys are on a Monday in August, which means the Emmys are about to get cancelled.”

#Accurate

20.01

AND HERE WE GO.

19.57

Breaking: Seth and Matthew are wearing the same tux.

#BITCHSTOLEMYLOOK

19.56

Billy Bush trying to be relevant in any possible way.

19.54

Breaking news: 5 years later and 4 years after the trend died, Kelly Osbourne still maintaining that purple hair.

19.51

WE ARE SO CONFUSED BY JON VOIGHT.

Also no one watches your show. #ducktieburn

19.46

You’ll always be Knox Overstreet to us, Josh Charles!

19.46

19.44

We are Bill Masters gazing hungrily at Lizzy Caplan right now.

19.36

WE FORGOT TIM RIGGINS WOULD BE HERE.

#texasforever

19.26

Reminder that JRobs is looking to move halfway to an EGOT tonight.

19.21

Seth’s responses to Giuliana asking him about E! shows…

19.16

Because we can’t use enough Magic Mike gifs, let’s celebrate future Emmy Winner Matt Bomer.

19.12

CHINESE FOOD IS HERE!

19.11

I still think the Leading Actor in a Comedy Category is a fucking JOKE.

19.09

KATE MCKINNON. The reigning Head Over Feels Supporting Actress in a Comedy, by the way. Fucking recognize.

19.06

Matthew in his three piece blue and black tux WINS. Alright, alright, alright.

19.06

Yooooooo I just spotted Dennis Reynolds. And he looks fly.

19.02

“I don’t want to fight with you, Giuliana.” – Sarah Silverman as she adjusts her boobs and shows us the contents of her clutch.

18.59

Add Sarah Silverman to the list of ladies whose boobs we appreciate.

18.57

I don’t understand the craft-project nature of Kerry Washington’s dress.

18.57

So the Clutch Cam is actually a thing and now Heidi Klum is talking about a Twerk Cam.

18.48

JLD! Hey, sexy lady.

YEP. BRINGING IT BACK.

18.40

And we’re here!  All we’ve done so far is comment on people’s boobs so that’s how this night is going to go.

00.06

Between this and a 4 show weekend, I’m ready to pass out!  Thanks for joining us folks!

00.04

12 Years a Slave wins and Steve McQueen’s speech honors all people who have been or are still enslaved. We are spent.

23.58

So Gravity takes all the filmmaking awards, but 12 Years wins picture and all is how it should be.

23.53

What’s happening in Leo’s head right now, tbh:

23.51

Alright, alright, alright.

23.44

Cate Blanchett crazies her way into an Academy Award. Let’s make sure to give Woody Allen zero credit for this, mmmkay?

23.37

Congrats, Alfonso, but I still don’t forgive you for Prisoner of Azkaban.

23.29

Spike Jonze: 10/10, would bang.

23.19

LET IT GOOOOOOOOOO LET IT GO!  CAN’T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORRRRRE!!

John Travolta never bothered us anyway.

23.17

Despite how the Academy and John Travolta attempted to BUTCHER the live performance, “Let It Go” WILL NOT BE STOPPED.

23.08

And thus Goldie Hawn became her character from First Wives Club.

23.01

WORK IT, BETTE.

23.00

My inner 12 year old girl is dying over Bette singing “Wind Beneath My Wings”.

22.47

Let’s discuss the fact that Sydney Bristow and Sherlock Holmes just shared a stage.

22.44

Benedict is on stage at the Oscars and he’s taking it so SERIOUSLY and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

22.38

If you had “Pink killing it” on your Oscar Bingo card, YOU WIN.

22.37

I just love Pink you guys.

22.27

Bill Murray just shouted out Harold Ramis.

22.27

I love how JLaw went to TOWN on her pizza.  And how Brad Pitt made his topping preference known: Pepperoni at the Jolie-Pitt household it is.

22.15

LUPITA TAKES IT. Does this mean the Best Picture race has been decided?

22.12

Ellen has been playing it pretty safe, but we’re here for her selfie game.

22.05

Liza has a blue streak in her hair a la Britta Perry

Sorry not Sorry for 2 Britta gifs in a row.

21.59

If the U2 song wins, it’s all due to context. Because that song is a sonic yawn.

21.38

Kerry Washington was really into that pizza idea.  FEED THE PREGNANT WOMAN SOMEONE!

21.34

The Best Live-Action Short goes to one that does NOT star Martin Freeman.

21.32

This is what I did when Kate Hudson walked out in that dress…

Gurrrrrrrrrrl you BROUGHT it.

21.25

I’m so proud of Zef right now.

21.16

FROZEN WINS.  Let’s hope this bodes well for “Let It Go”…

21.03

My friend Zane and I have the exact same ballot in our pool, so it comes down to how long the ceremony will run.  SO PICK UP THE PACE GUYS.

21.00

Catherine Martin, the only artist who gets any recognition for Baz’s movies.

20.54

LUPITA AND MERYL AND AMY DANCING!

20.49

BRAVO on that speech Jared.  Way to start out the show with all my tears.

20.43

Beautiful angel Jordan Catalano takes it home!

20.42

And Jordan Catalano is now an Academy Award Winner.

20.39

Quoth our friend John: “Ellen is cosplaying as the third Doctor.” Yep.  We see it.

20.34

Ellen’s sparkly blazer!

20.09

WHY AREN’T WE TALKING TO CELEBRITIES ABC?

19.56

I will never be over how perfectly ombred Jared Leto’s hair is.

19.26

Cate’s dress is very BritBrit in the “Toxic” video…

19.23

KWash that dress just about makes me forgive you for the SAGs.

19.19

Ryan unaware of Bette’s history as an Academy Award nominee.

19.15

Hai Benedict!

19.15

Sage’s actual reaction to Benedict Cumberbatch on the red carpet.

19.07

Jared Leto and June Squibb looking FAIRLY adorable together on the red carpet.

18.59

Ethan Hawke at like, early ’90s levels of hotness.

18.51

Lupita wins Best Dressed, everyone else go home now.

 

18.49

I mean. Lupita.

18.44

Ryan with the understatement of the century, as he describes 12 Years as “touch to watch.”

18.37

JINX, KIM. YOU OWE ME A COKE.

18.35

Idina is looking regal in green as well. Love that shade on her.

18.34

Idina Menzel in (Elphaba) Green, which is seeming to be the color of the night.

18.17

Viola Davis looking FIERCE in green.  Never forget that she should be an Oscar Winner.

18.12

Got my wine.  Got my cheese dip.  I just don’t have my Sage.  WAAAAAAAAAAAH.

22.09

Another one down folks!  Thanks to Kelly from TV Mouse for sitting silently in the room with me!  And thank YOU for reading!  See you at the Oscars!

22.07

My jaw just hit the floor. Ladies and Gents, we have an Oscar Race between American Hustle and 12 Years a Slave

22.00

The Lady Blanchett.

And yep.  Three out of Four of these Oscar Races are sealed.  It all comes down to Supporting Actress, and to that winner will go Best Picture.

21.49

All right, All right, All right.

Next Stop Oscar.

21.44

BREAKING BAD!!!!!

21.32

Hanks gets stuck with the “In Memoiram” segment.

21.29

As it should be.

21.26

People will never get past their love of the Dowager Countess, even when Anna Gunn deserved it.

21.18

And that dear readers is how you do a lifetime achievement speech.

21.14

Rita doing a victory dance and then promptly cursing.

21.08

Lifetime Achievement to Rita Moreno. So now I’m singing West Side Story, obviously.

20.59

Peggy was robbed.

20.45

Montage on the importance of the Union.

20.39

“We’re going to party now.”

20.35

The comedy categories for SAG are BEYOND boring and lazy.

PARKS AND REC IS THE GREATEST ENSEMBLE ON TV AND YOUR CATEGORY IS INVALID.

20.30

PHIL DUNPHY FINALLY WINS.

And Ty’s speech is FLAWLESS.

20.28

Julia’s speech however is flawless.

20.26

The Comedy Actress Category is INVALID as Amy Poehler is not in it.

20.19

Kerry Washington is presenting which means we have to see her outfit again.

WHY OLIVIA WHY.

20.14

Next Stop…Oscar, Mister Leto.

20.12

20.08

SCREAMING FOR LUPITA.

20.03

I LOVE THESE “AND I’M AN ACTOR” SPEECHES.

20.02

And we begin!

19.57

WE SWITCHED TO TNT JUST IN TIME FOR THIS.

19.52

Emma Thompson is basically in flip flops, except they are definitely Louboutins.

19.50

ONLY TWELVE MINUTES TO GO GUYS.

19.46

ALERT: BENEDICT HAS BEEN SPOTTED ON THE CARPET.

19.43

I do hate how Jen and Ben rarely walk the Red Carpet together.

19.34

ARMPIT VAGINAS.

19.31

I LITERALLY CANNOT WITH WHAT KERRY WASHINGTON IS WEARING.

19.26

Cate Blanchett’s dress is EVERYTHING.

19.19

Prince Aaron Paul. Yeah Bitch.

19.13

Only Matthew can get away with that suit jacket.

19.08

“I feel old and dry tonight.” – Sofia Vergara.

IF SHE IS OLD AND DRY THEN WHAT I AM I?

19.05

It’s all downhill after Jared and Emilia.

18.59

Jordan Catalano and The Khaleesi though.

18.54

Julie Bowen is in orange to match her skin.

18.45

Kelly and I both just shouted “SAWYEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!” at the TV.

18.37

LADY MARY AND HER CLEAVAGE.

18.31

We’re talking fashion again, Giuliana and Kelly? Clearly no one wants to talk to you!

18.24

Vada Sultenfuss looks AMAZING.

18.22

Imma need to drink MUCH more if I am going to endure this dearth of celebrities.

18.20

IT’S 6:19 AND WE HAVE YET TO SEE A CELEBRITY.  WHERE ARE THEY??

18.17

Hey Giuliana, being in one movie doesn’t even make you a MINOR movie star.

Sorry, T-Swift.  You know I love you.

18.13

Shocked by Ariel Winter’s Cleavage.  Isn’t she only 16???

Also, my boobs hurt on her behalf.

18.09

I can’t handle Ross Matthews for 2 hours.

18.06

I love how Seacrest is clearly too important for the SAGs.

17.45

T-Minus 15 minutes.  Let’s all try and figure out what the most cringe worthy thing Giuliana will say on the red carpet.  Remember last year when she called Julie Bowen and Sofia Vergara “The Best Looking Oreo She’d Ever Seen”.

23.02

Cheers to Steve McQueen and 12 Years a Slave. Looks like the Oscars are going to be a 12 Years/American Hustle face-off.

23.00

AND WE MADE IT TO THE END. SEE YOU GUYS AT THE SAGS. We’re spent.

22.53

McConaughey made it happen, just like his mama told him too.

22.49

Cate Blanchett + Vodka = my new OTP.

22.39

Sorry, I loved American Hustle, but Her…well, I’ll let this gif speak for itself.

22.29

LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Beyond classy speech.  You are a gentleman and a scholar.

We’ll never let go.

22.23

Not that we don’t love B-99, but we’re INCREDIBLY shocked.

22.19

This win does not excuse what you did to Prisoner of Azkaban, Alfonso.

NEVER FORGET.

22.12

I know he makes a practice of not going to Awards Shows, but REALLY Woody Allen? Not even showing for the DeMille award?

SIDE EYE.

21.58

JUSTICE SERVED. AMY POEHLER HAS A GOLDEN GLOBE. REPEAT: AMY POEHLER HAS A GOLDEN GLOBE.

21.57

Frozen winning does NOT make up for losing Original Song.

21.51

I was led to believe Cumberbatch would be here. I AM NOT PLEASED.

21.39

NEVER FORGET.

21.36

ANDY SAMBERG, YOU JUST WON A GOLDEN GLOBE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NEXT?!

P.S. WE ARE FREAKING OUT

21.29

Emma Thompson is Emma Thompson and Emma Thompson gives no cares. #queen

21.23

Jordan Catalano takes a Golden Globe! Could an Oscar be next? #eatyourheartoutAngelaChase

21.20

Upset about Tatiana and KWash? Us too.

21.10

21.09

HURRAH AMY ADAMS! (will this aid her on the way to an Oscar Nod?)

21.07

Heeeeeeeey RDJ

21.04

KILLING ME WITH THESE WINNERS TONIGHT. #oldpeople

21.01

NOT OVER IT.

20.55

ELSA WAS FUCKING ROBBED.

20.52

But who HASN’T partied on a boat in St. Bart’s with P.Diddy?

20.49

Crying over the real Philomena.

20.43

AW YEAH BREAKING BAD!