Me and My Shadow – Supernatural Recap

supernatural shadow

Posted by Sarah and Dawn

Sarah: I don’t know anything about this episode other than that it maybe involves family drama. I’m still mad at SPN for last ep’s cannibal bullshit.

Dawn: This is a Kripke ep, so it’s all mythos and dysfunction, all the time. Also there is likely to be some John-rage on my part. Let the angst begin.

This week’s gif theme is Sleepy Hollow. Because a) why not, and b) Tom Mison.

sleepy hollow these are good

Apparently, three hot Winchesters aren’t enough for us. So shall we?

Season 1, Episode 16: The Benders
Written by: Eric Kripke

The Story So Far: brothers, fathers, dysfunction, bickering, and a crazy blonde who is not to be trusted. Also, never let her make a phone call.

The ever-helpful chyron tells us we’re in Chicago, IL. A slim brunette in an outfit last seen in the 90s (were the 90s retro in 2005?) walks down a dark street with both earbuds in, because this episode was directed by a dude. A guy shoulder-checks our presumably Deadshirt!RockerChick on an otherwise empty street. She continues on, listening to a guitar solo as she rounds the corner onto another dark street. When her sound suddenly cuts out, she stops in the middle of this deserted, dark street, annoyed.

Sarah:Does SPN even have a woman in the writer’s room? Because I will suspend my disbelief and be all about the monsters, but shit like that is covered in Lady Street Survival 101.
Dawn: Clearly it’s been a while since you’ve seen the idiots in heels they don’t know how to walk in heading down the street. I still see this shit far, far, far too often.

Anyway, the music cuts out and the wind screams, MEREDITH, which is probably Deadshirt!RC’s name, and not a subtle admission that Grey’s Anatomy is popular in the demon world.

sleepy hollow growling

Deadshirt!Meredith keeps hearing her name called, and she tries to respond. Eventually she realizes that she’s being chased by the world’s creepiest talking shadow and she RUNS all the way home to her alarmed apartment, where she finally relaxes, though she probably shouldn’t because this is, after all, Supernatural. While Deadshirt!Meredith checks her messages, the world’s creepiest talking shadow creeps across some walls and kills her by Wolverining her shadow. There’s even blood spatter on the shadow.

sleepy hollow crane

One week later. The boys park Baby across from Deadshirt!Meredith’s building and prepare their Alias of the Week– alarm company employees, complete with costumes Dean cannot stop bitching about. Sam looks chuffed. That’s really the only word for it. Dean is all freaked about the cash (“You think credit card fraud is easy?”), while Sam is pleased as punch to have a uniform to back up their sure-to-be ridic story.

Sarah: Dean just called Our Town “cute.” ::grumbles::

The boys easily talk their way inside. The landlady is none too impressed with their company’s services, seeing as how the system had stayed armed the entire time D!M was being torn to pieces inside her apartment. Landlady is kind of awesome in her crabbiness. She gives them a chance to look around, as they want to make sure it “never happens again.” Sam is even more pleased because he isn’t having to lie to make his alias work.

Once the landlady departs, Dean and Sam get to work. They chat about what Dean was able to glean from his perky, officer-of-the-law friend (Amy, who is charming and perky and a Sagittarius who loves tequila and has a tattoo, because priorities). She couldn’t tell him anything they didn’t already know…except for one little detail they kept out of the papers: D!M’s heart was missing. Dean thinks maybe werewolf, which is a neat little tidbit to tuck away in the back of your SPN mythos file, since actual werewolves won’t show up in this show until Season 2. Sam is convinced it’s a spirit. This seems to spark some kind of idea in Dean’s formerly tattoo-and-tequila-stuck mind, because he takes another look at the blood-spattered carpet and asks Sam to find some masking tape.

All that Sam is apparently able to find was some kind of black tape (Sarah thinks electrical tape, but Dawn thinks it tears way too easily for that), but that’s fine because all the better to make a weird symbol stand out when Dean starts taping the blood spatter together. Neither of the boys have ever seen that symbol before. Nor does anyone explain how Dean knew exactly what spatter to connect to what spatter, since it didn’t appear that any of them were numbered. Or why some of the spatters didn’t get connected. Maybe Scary Demonbits has a special section that works like Connect the Dots. Or maybe that was a skill Dad taught his boys when they were kids. Seems very John Winchester. “Ok, boys, it’s family fun night! Daddy splattered pig’s blood all over the motel room wall. See how it’s like a bunch of dots? Here’s some tape. Make some shapes for Daddy.” That’s John Winchester. Putting the fun in dysfunctional.

Sleepy hollow crane surprise

Anyway. To the bar! (Which is probably where John was while the boys were playing Connect the Spatters. Dawn is still mad at John.)

At the bar, Dean is chatting up a very pretty bartender. That’s probably an SPN Life Lesson. Been a while since we had one of those! SPN Life Lesson #34: Dean’s priorities are 1) Sammy, 2)hot chicks, and 3) the case; in the event (1) being in danger, (2) & (3) mean NOTHING, along with the rest of the world and everyone in it. But as long as Sammy is ok, bring on the chicks and the weirdness.

Anyway, Priority #1 walks through the door, so Dean leaves pretty bartender behind. Sammy, Scary Demonbits in hand, is all about the research. But he also knows his brother, so he asks if Dean got anything other than her number. Dean can’t resist for more than a minute before flashing a grin. And the number. Sammy responds with one of the best lines of the night:

sleepy hollow upstairs brain

Other than said number, Dean’s come up empty. Meredith was a regular waitress with a regular life, right up until the moment she got Deadshirted. Sammy also doesn’t have much — Dad’s notebook has nothing resembling the symbol they found/entirely made up. They back-and-forth about the first victim, a banker, and then Sam’s attention is suddenly elsewhere, to the point where he gets up without saying a word and make his way across the bar to a blond, sitting alone.

Hey there! It’s Meg! From “Scarecrow!” Good old “I need to make a call can I borrow blood from your jugular” Meg. She’s super, huh?

sleepy hollow excuse me

Well, Sam sure thinks so! Because he has no idea she’s a darksider yet. She flashes him a super innocent a grin and acts totally surprised to see him and he falls for it. Possibly because of the big hug. He’s all kinds of perplexed to discover her in Chicago when she said she’d be in Los Angeles. She has a ready story, and he buys it, eagerly. “Gosh, Sam, what are the odds we’d run into each other?” And Sammy is just smiling away. Oh, Sammy. She MAKES the odds.

sleepy hollow what is wrong

Dean clears his throat and Meg snarks at him instantly, causing Sam to have to introduce them. Meg proceeds to lights into Dean for dragging Sam around and treating him like luggage. Dean is understandably WTF and he makes his exit, presumably to go talk to a chick who actually wants him around.

sleepy hollow exercise freedom

Once Dean walks away, Meg “apologizes” for snarking at Dean, but is also sure to add that if she were in Sam’s shoes, she’d kill Dean. YEP, SHE SURE WOULD. She oh so subtly suggests they get together while they are both in town, because she will show Sam a “hell of a time.” YEP, SHE SURE WILL. This chick is dropping hints like ANVILS, ffs, but Sam is seemingly oblivious. He takes her number and we also get her last name — Masters. Meg Masters. Get to know her, kittens. She never quite becomes a series regular, but she’ll be popping her infernal little head up for several seasons. She gets better, though, and eventually way more interesting. Winchester’s Honor.

We leave the bar. Dean understandably wants to know who the hell that was. And hooray! Sammy is not as gullible as we thought. In fact, he thinks it’s crazy weird that he’d run into Meg in Illinois. Way to go, Sam! For the record, it’s because she’s a crazy weird demon lady. You’re welcome!

sleepy hollow easy target

Sadly, Sam can’t hear us. And also there is something more pressing at hand, because Dean is pissed. HERE COMES THE FAMILY DRAMA!! Dean asks Sam if he’s being kept against his will and Sam reminds him that back in Indiana (all those episodes ago), they were having a pretty huge fight. And since that’s all over now (it’s never over), Sam wants to get back to the case, which he is sure is their kind of “weird.” And also that Meg is their kind of weird, since he doesn’t buy that her random coincidence is all that random (that’s our Stamford Sammy!) So he suggests a role reversal — Dean does the research while Sam watches the hot (demon) chick. He doesn’t put it that way, of course, but Dean mocks him about it anyway, with a nice call back: “Maybe you’re thinkin’ a little too much with your upstairs brain, huh?.” But he agrees, because priorities. And off they both go to their respective duties.

duty to one another sleepy hollow

A few hours later, Dean calls Sammy. He found Meg Masters in Andover — even her high school photo. So nothing useful there. But he was able to find the symbol, which is Zoroastrian magic meant to call up something called a Daeva (which sounds like Beyonce or Lady Gaga but is actually more akin to a “demonic pit bull,” making it nasty in the traditional sense as opposed to the Ms Jackson sense). According to Dean’s research — which included a call to one of Dad’s hunter friends, it takes a major player to control a Daeva. Dean clearly thinks there’s trouble a-brewing.

Dawn:Do you think the Hunters have lodge meetings where they all sit around drinking cheap whiskey and comparing notes, and instead of watching skin flicks, they watch horror movies and talk about all the things they would have done in place of the dumb teenagers in the movie? Fan ficcers, get on that for us, would you?

sleepy hollow i like it

So. Nasty ancient demon, super dangerous to control, requires a major player. We all pretty much know that’s Meg, right? Right.

And by “we all,” we mean all of us but the Winchesters. Because Dean is totally trying to wingman for Sammy, who hangs up on him.

Sam is parked outside Meg’s apartment, where there HAPPENS to be an open window, where she HAPPENS to be standing in front of when she HAPPENS to take off her shirt. Screw it, let’s call that SPN Life Lesson #35: Demons are not subtle. (Yet.) Sam watches and is rightfully interrupted by a woman who calls him a pervert.

sleepy hollow helping

By the time he’s recovered from his shock at being called out on behavior that is normally Dean’s domain, Meg is dressed and on the street. Sam tails her to a seemingly abandoned building. He tries the door, which is locked and somehow he doesn’t have his lockpick kit on him, so instead he finds an elevator shaft and begins to scale it. You know, like you do. And also it’s kind of hot to watch Sam scale a metal cage (SO much better than last ep’s cage, gotta say).

He climbs all the way to Meg’s floor, where creepy mannequins and a lot of melty black candles abound. He watches and hears Meg’s bloody phone call home, which makes it very clear that she a) is not who she claims she is and b) knows exactly who they are. Neither he nor we have any idea who she is talking to — certainly someone higher up the demonic food chain than she is, though.

Meg hangs up, as it were, and blows out the black candles. She leaves the room, which gives Sam the opportunity he needs to squeezes through the grate and get a good long look at her black altar, which comes complete with Meg’s dial-a-demon bowl, all kinds of nifty brass goodies, the Daeva-controlling symbol drawn in blood, and oh look! A burnt human heart.

sleepy hollow this is unacceptable

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Get Bent – Supernatural Recap

supernatural the benders

Posted by Sarah and Dawn

Sarah: I have no idea what this is about.

Dawn: I do. It’s a John Shiban, so that means Monster of the Week. And boy is this one is fucked, so let’s just get to it.

All gifs for this recap belong to Peter Capaldi. Irritated Peter Capaldi. Disapproving Peter Capaldi. Fuckity swearing fuck Peter Capaldi. YOU’LL SEE WHY. Also, swearing Peter Capaldi gifs might be our spirit animal, so expect a gif-heavy recap this time around. Go on and do it for us, Peter.

capaldi brows

Season 1, Episode 15: The Benders
Written by: John Shiban

The Story So Far: Uh, nothing. Oddly, we get no background intro this time. Curious. But you know the drill. Two brothers, hunting monsters, dysfunctional relationship with Dad, salting and burning, shotguns, Impala, classic rock, blah blah blah. On to the ep.

Chyron says Hibbing, Minnesota. A young kid is sitting in bed, blankets pulled up to his chest. Growly noises are coming from the TV. We see a tiny Godzilla figure on the mantle, and so let’s go out on a limb and guess that the famous Japanese monster is responsible for the noise. Little horror movie kid is distracted by a squeaky engine and hops out of bed to play Peeping Tom. He sees a guy carrying garbage bags across a parking lot to a dumpster. Ominously. Like he’s a bad guy, but since this is SPN, he’s more likely a deadshirt. And a REALLY stupid one, at that. GarbageBag!Deadshirt hears something skittering in a dark parking lot, goes to check LIKE AN IDIOT, and gets dragged under a car, screaming.

in the loop so dense

Flash forward to a displeased mom-type telling two men that her son has already told his story to police, and that the more he says his presumably-crazy story, the more he believes that it’s true. Mom clearly does not think it is true.

Cut to Sam and Dean, looking super hot in some sort of police uniforms…ooh, STATE police uniforms. They doff their cowboy hats to the sound of exploding ovaries everywhere, and encourage Evan, the skinny kid from the previous scene, to tell them what he saw.

Turns out Young Evan heard what sounded like a monster. Aaaand he’d been watching Godzilla vs Mothra. This excites Dean, who loves GvM more than the original Sammy likes the remake. Really, Sammy? We are disappointed.

the hour please stop

Still, though, it’s a beautiful bonding moment and a sweet, simple way for the writers to keep communicating how close these two really are. Well done on that bit, Shiban. Appreciate that compliment. because it’s probably the only one you’re getting this recap. But still, well done. Even Capaldi approves. FOR NOW.

capaldi laughing

So the story mom doesn’t believe but that Evan is pretty darn earnest about this: Evan saw a monster grab Deadshirt!Mr. Jenkins and drag him underneath a car. It had a whining growl.. That is apparently a BIG SUPER CLUE, and all the brothers need to hear.

Cut to Kugel’s Keg, where Sam does Homework while Dean plays darts. Sam notes that Daddy Dearest has marked the area in Scary Demonbits. Seems the whole place is a hotbed of missing persons, but they can’t tell if it’s their sort of gig. Sam wants to get to the Motel of the Week, which he saw five miles back. Dean wants another beer but decides to let it go, though not without busting his brother’s balls at least a little. Dean needs to take a leak, so “Grandma” Sam ventures outside. Alone. In the foggy dark. In a hotbed of missing persons activity. Way to go, Sammy. To the surprise of no one, he hears similar sounds to the ones Mr. Jenkins did. And, like Jenkins, Sam goes to investigate. Remember when Sam was smart?

But hey, no worries! It’s just a pissy ginger cat! Sam has a chuckle but his relief is short lived, which we know because the camera shows us his feet. Almost as if we are looking at them from underneath a car…

capaldi in the loop clown minefield

By the time Dean comes out of the bar, Sam is gone. Pissy ginger cat is there. Scary Demonbits is there. Baby is there. But no Sammy. Well, shit, son. Cue the ominous string section.

Sarah: VERY OMINOUS STRINGS is the name of my next band.

Dawn: Your first single should be Pissy Ginger Cat Knows Better Than You, Sam.

Dean is ever so slightly panicked, and is asking total strangers if they’ve seen his brother. No dice. He looks around (taking in some nearby security cameras) but sees nothing but fog. It’s clear he’s worried sick.

The next morning, Dean chats up a pretty police officer, still under the guise of his Alias of the Week. Frankly, we are amazed he waited until the next morning, but then he probably spent all night exhausting his own pretty impressive investigatory skills, so cops are the only option. He says he’s not there to investigate the Jenkins case. It’s his….cousin. Yah, his cousin, see? And they were out drinking and he disappeared, see?

Officer Skeptical thinks perhaps Sam is an alcoholic. Dean insists that Sam was taken. Officer Skeptical is actually Officer Helpful, and sits down with “Greg Washington” to investigate Sam Winchester. What she learns is that Dean is dead, according to medical records, and was suspected of murder. Dean nods knowingly, because that Dean Winchester sure was the black sheep of the family, doncha know. “Handsome though,” he adds helpfully.

Modest too. So nice that Dean keeps what’s really important in sight.

capaldi sassy smile

Officer Helpful née Skeptical does the usual checking of the usual databases. Dean wants to use the county traffic cameras to see who (or what) took Sammy. Officer HnS wants him to fill out a missing persons report. Dean’s not so down with that. He knows the county has a terrible track record with missing persons. Sam, he insists, “is coming back. I’m bringing him back.” His face is kinda inarguable. Look:

Supernatural bringing him back

Dawn needs a moment, because Season 10 actually starts next week and Holy Mother of Sin, Dean looks so YOUNG in this episode. They’re just babies! Disturbed, dysfunctional, criminal babies.

Meanwhile, in what we can only presume is another part of Evillll, Minnesota, Sammy wakes up in an iron cage. He can’t stand fully upright and he’s in the dark. He shakes the bars a bit, determines that he can’t get out just yet, and looks around. He spots another unconscious prisoner — NotQuiteDeadshirt!Mr. Jenkins.

Also, it’s nice that Sammy looks a bit like, “Oh, a dark cage. Must be Thursday.”

Back in the light of day, Officer HnS has pulled the traffic camera reports, which show a rusty old camper with brand new plates. She and Dean agree it must have been involved. Just then, Dean spots a rusty old van making a terrible whining growl.

“I’ll be damned.” says Dean.

“I’ll be double damned,” says Sarah, who thinks she knows where this is going.

“mumblehhphdamnedseason10mumble,” says Dawn, because her hands are clapped over her own mouth and she doesn’t want to spoil, sweetie.

Come on, Sammy! Prove us wrong. Kick the shit out of that cage and be somewhere slightly less invested in the latest reprint of To Serve Man.

Sadly, Sam’s kicking only serves to wake the other cage-tenant, who turns out to be the missing Mr. Jenkins. Anybody want to place bets on his odds? Here’s a hint — bet low. Really, really low. Jenkins the soon to be deadshirt thinks we’re in the country, as “it smells like the country.” Of course it does.

capaldi head tilt

Sarah: I HATE obligatory cannibalism episodes (OCE), ever since I watched the “Countrycide” episode of Torchwood. People in cages in the country and dudes driving around in rusty old cars with new plates are pretty much all I need to believe that I’m watching SPN’s OCE. I really fucking hate episodes like this. I hate cannibals as much as I hate zombies (see: Sarah’s Very Sound Reasons for not watching Hannibal OR The Walking Dead.). Look out, SPN. Now I’m rage watching you.

THE MONSTERS ARE MEN. WOMP WOMP.

capaldi really

Dawn: It’s still not going to be worse than The X-Files “Home.” Because nothing can be. Rob Zombie couldn’t make a more disturbing backwoods cannibal story than that. No one can. There is none more disturbing than that. SARAH IS NEVER TO WATCH IT. EVER.

Sarah: I could write a book filled with reasons I am never going to watch it. Ever. Not to worry.

Now that we are temporarily done venting, back to our boys. Sam and Jenkins confer briefly. It’s clear Sammy still thinks monsters got him. Jenkins is a fucking pessimist, and he should be, because he is the last lamb to the slaughter before the bad guys get theirs, mark our words. Cannibals or no cannibals, ain’t nothing standing up to Big Brother Winchester, not after they took his Sammy. No fucking way.

capaldi under control

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Welcome to Sam’s Nightmare – Supernatural Recap

SPN priests

Posted by Sarah and Dawn

Sarah: This week’s episode is all about nightmares. Like the kinds urban legends inspire in me. And the sort that we have when our lives feel so fraught that our subconsciousness tries to work shit out while we’re too unconscious to object. So that is my prediction for this episode: scary and fraught. Probably with Family Dynamics Drama.

Dawn: Oh, it’s a mythos episode! While I do enjoy some Monster of the Week, the reason I have been a long-time fan of this show is because of how well (most of the time) the writers handle the overarching mythology of each season. Things are about to get a lot more real for the Brothers Winchester, and they still don’t have Daddy John to help them through. So how will Dean handle the changes little bro is going to experience in this episode? My prediction: not well.

In a continuing effort to theme our gifs, this week we celebrate The Simpsons and the recent marathon of every episode ever on FXX. Let’s do this.

Bart and Conan

Season 1, Episode 14: Nightmare
Written by: Sera Gamble and Raelle Tucker

The story so far is all about family, family, family. We get flaaaaaaames, how Sam wants to find Dad, and a reminder that Sammy is having some pretty weird shit happening up in his noggin. We also great a great shot of Dean’s very uncomfortable face following Sam’s revelation about prophetic nightmares. We couldn’t get a gif of that, but this works pretty well:

Homer screaming

We can’t really blame Dean.

So, we open. No chyron this time. Hrm. Wonder what that could mean. A car blasting “Running on Empty” rolls into the driveway of a suburban home and the camera lingers on a Michigan license plate. The episode’s first Future Deadshirt (Deadshirt!Driver – why are they always D!D? SPN is turning into a valid argument for never driving anywhere ever, unless you’re in Baby) looks back in alarm as the garage door closes, seemingly of its own free will (this is why we should never let our gadgets think for themselves). Then, the car locks itself and turns on, because somebody at SPN has clearly read Christine. The radio starts traveling from station to station as the car fills with carbon monoxide and the driver struggles to escape. He dies, terrified and suffocated. That’s bad.

Suddenly, though, it’s not D!D or anyone finding him. It’s a very confused Sammy, clearly having just woken up. We flash between shots of his face and the awfulness that just happened in a garage somewhere, and we feel about as WTF as Sam does. He sits up in bed, wakes his brother, and is very clear: “We have to go. Right now.”

Dean is confused but this is Sammy, so he gets his fine ass out of bed and the next thing we know, it’s Baby, speeding through the rainy night. Sam is on the phone, using our first Alias of the Week: Detective McReady. Detective McReady has a badge number and everything, and he reports a “signal 480 in progress.” Since he also has a license plate number, it seems the people on the other line are taking him seriously.

Dean tries to convince Sam that this is just a nightmare, just a plain old nightmare like everyone has. But his argument is proved invalid when Sam’s phone call produces a real name and a real address. Dean becomes a lot more concerned when they arrive in Saginaw, Michigan, just in time to see the body bag getting zipped up. Sam looks sad. Dean’s expression is a bit more like this:

Homer why must life be so hard

After the credit sequence, Sam and Dean work the crowd for info. Happily, Sam has walked up to the most talkative neighbor in existence ever, who tells the boys that Jim was a church-goer who seemed “so normal,” and who died only an hour or two before — right while Sammy was dreaming about it.

Sam wants to know why he’d be having prophetic dreams without getting enough of a chance to do something to stop it. Clearly Scary Demonbits didn’t include any notes on how psychic powers sometimes work. Also, Sam is convinced this was murder of the supernatural kind. Dean is not convinced, but from the expression on his face, it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t give two fucks how it happened, really, because there is something way more important going on — he is worried about Sammy. Very worried. So he tries to hide it by being a dick, because Dean. “You look like crap.” “Nice. Thanks.”

Dean wants to talk to the family. Sammy insists that they’re grieving and won’t want to. But Dean has himself an idea.

The next morning brings our second Alias of the Week – one that is “a whole new low” for them, according to Sam.

Simpsons priest

Yup, that’s right – the Brothers are impersonating Fathers. And, lo, the world of fan fiction did tremble at the very thought. Even Dawn is thinking back to her Catholic school days in a whole new light.

So Dean (ahem, Father Simmons) and Sam (Father Freely) are the new junior priests over at St. Augustine’s. While Dawn mutters the Act of Contrition to herself for all the things she is thinking about the Winchesters in their priestly vestments, it’s no surprise that Winchester Charm gets them into the house immediately. D!Jim’s brother is pissed and wants fuck all to do with men of the cloth, but his widow (BETH BRODERICK from Sabrina the Teenaged Witch, and lately, Under the Dome) is super thankful.

Sarah: So am I. Beth Broderick is a talented actress with an amazing voice. I hope she is in all the scenes.

Father Dean is thankful for the repast food, which he doesn’t hesitate to sample, much to the chagrin of Bitchface.

Homer eating

“Tone it down,” Sam cautions quietly. Anyway, Mrs. Deadshirt is crushed and confused by her husband’s apparent suicide. She’s more than happy to have her son, Max — who found his father’s body — talk to Father Sammy. Meanwhile, Father Dean asks a bunch of leading questions about trouble with their house, but there’re none of the usual signs — no weird leaks, electrical shortages, or odd settling noises at night. With that line of questioning getting him no where, Dean asks to use the restroom. Sure. Snoop city, here Dean comes.

Father Sammy is also striking out with Max, who looks older than Sam and is also brooding in the creepy way: dead eyes, the whole nine yards. Sam tries to be cute and sympathetic, and Max is having none of it. Max is angry and mourning and therefore immune to Puppy Dog Eyes.

Upstairs, Dean has what looks like a model iPad he couldn’t possibly have owned back in 2006 when this ep originally aired. It’s got all kind of stuff attached to it including what looks like laser beams, but it’s not yet another funky homemade Winchester EMF detector — this time it’s an INFRARED THERMAL SCANNER, ladies and gentlemen, and we’d like to point out how INSANE it is that Dean thinks he is a stupid brother because WTF it has laser beams. Anyway, he sweeps for spooky stuff and finds nothing, then hears someone coming up the stairs. It’s Sam. Who has also found nothing. Looks like they broke out those collars for nothing. Except, you know, our edification.

Back at the MoW, Dean cleans their traveling armory because the Winchesters are aptly named, while Sam tries to figure out what the hell is wrong with the Millers — and himself. Dean is pretty sure there’s nothing supernatural about the house. Sam tries to continue theorizing but something is clearly wrong from the way he keeps squinting his eyes and rubbing his forehead. And just like that, he’s overcome with the world’s worst supernatural migraine. Dean is at his brother’s side in seconds and we discover that just like Angel’s Doyle and Cordelia, Sam is now having visions while awake. This cannot be good.

This time, he’s seeing Deadshirt!Jim’s bereaved brother, Roger, who is enjoying a nice beer in the privacy of his own home. He probably can’t hear the ominous music. Or notice the black shadow that moved across the room. Or see the window open all by itself. Are we about to have our first Deadshirt! by defenestration?

NOPE. It’s way worse than that. Roger notices the open window; he closes and locks it. It unlocks itself and opens again. Nothing about this is good. Also Roger is an idiot, because when your LOCKED WINDOW opens itself, the last thing you do is STICK YOUR HEAD OUT OF IT because now you’ve turned it into a lovely apartment-sized guillotine. Cue massive blood splash.

We focus back on the MotW and Sammy’s desperation: “It’s happening again. Something’s gonna kill Roger Miller.”

Off they ride in the trusty Impala. Sam gets the address; it’s pretty clear that his head is still aching. Dean grumbles about the possibility that Sam will puke inside of Baby, because upholstery. Sam is worried about the possibility that his show is suddenly copycatting the House of Whedon (oh, sorry — that’s Sarah’s fear). Actually, Sam is just flat out goddamn frightened about what is happening to him. It’s nice acting on Jared Padalecki’s part because despite the fucking weirdness that he is dealing with, when he talks he is nothing but a scared little brother wanting big brother to fix it all, or at least explain why it’s happening. Dean is gruff, but determined: “I don’t know, Sam, but we’ll figure it out. We’ve faced the unexplainable every day. This is just another thing.”

Sam isn’t buying it — he thinks this is freaking Dean out. It’s possible Dean hesitated a little too long before denying any such freak out. For all the Winchester Charm when it comes to other people, these two are complete crap at lying to each other. (At least, in season one… )

They get to Roger Miller’s, and Roger is still alive! But they freak him out and he won’t talk to them because he thinks they are crazy missionaries.

Flanders narrowing eyes

So they break into the building by way of the fire escape. Despite some pretty damn impressive climbing skills, they don’t make it in time — they hear the sound of the window slamming on vertebrae and arrive at the bloody evidence. Though how they missed the decapitated head falling down into the street, we have no idea. Sam looks understandably nauseous, but before he can say anything about it, Dean tells him to start wiping down their fingerprints so the cops won’t trace them to the scene. Dean takes a look inside via a non-bloody window and finds NOTHING.

Back on the street, Sam says that he saw something in his vision, some kind of black shape. He is convinced a vengeful spirit is stalking the men in the Miller family. And that’s something the Millers and the Winchesters have in common, according to Sam: “Both our families are cursed.”

Dean is offended. This happens:

Supernatural cursed

Supernatural pretty dark

Supernatural you're dark

It’s adorable in that Winchester Brothers gallows humor kind of way, and it makes us feel like this:

Homer watching TV

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Get Your Kicks – Supernatural Recap

Supernatural Sam Suit

Posted by Sarah and Dawn

Sarah: This is the one about the racist ghosts, right? I predict I will find some very problematic tropes in this episode. Also, I am guessing that they knew from the get that they were going to call episode 13 “666” because it is Supernatural, tropes are tropes.

ANYWHO. I am ready to be distracted, even if it is by an episode which I predict will make me feel tremendously unimpressed by its ham-handed handling of racism in America as sort of solved in 45 minutes by two very traditionally handsome white men.

Woah. Maybe this episode should watch out. I’m not feeling very friendly, even to the hot and do-gooding brothers Winchester.

Dawn: This week I had the flu. In Florida. In August. Also I have two large dogs, and I work for myself. So basically, sick days? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, it was not pleasant. This is the first day all week that I have been upright for more than ten minutes, and I am drowning in deadlines. But I am here for you, SPN fans. Yes, yes, I am. And since I saw this ep long before the current atrocities were happening, I am not as worried as Sarah. Also, Dean with a girl. The ONLY girl they ever hooked him up with that I actually liked. Let’s get on the road.

Also to celebrate Saturday, August 24, and the premiere of the new season of Doctor Who, it’s all Doctor gifs, all the time. Except for when it’s SPN. So…

Doctor Who 11 Allonsy

Season 1, Episode 13: Route 666
Written by: Eugenie Ross-Leming and Brad Buckner

The Story So Far: The recap is still happening – only now it tells us that Sammy has “gotta find Dad” because it’s all he can think about. “We KNOW,” says everyone who has been watching episodes 1-12. Sammy is a little obsessive.

Chyron Person informs us that we’re in Cape Girardeau, MO. Sarah has decided that we are going to call it Gerard Depardieu for the rest of this recap because she feels like it, and Dawn is so punchy from being sick that she considers this to be hysterically funny and possibly Sarah;s best idea ever. Also, hey, remember Gerard Depardieu? He turned out to be way problematic.

Sarah: I also need to say that right now recapping an episode about racism that takes place in suburban/rural Missouri feels pretty loaded given recent events.

Dawn: I took way too many historical criticism classes in college to compare a TV show that originally aired in 2006 to recent events, and also the world is a fucking awful place and I refuse to let it take my boys from me.

It’s about to feel way more loaded now that we’re watching a black man driving his car down a street deserted…aside from a GIANT FREAKING SEMI truck whose presence makes our Deadshirt!Driver’s radio short out, and then bears down on his car, all the while gunning its engine. The horrible truck speeds and speeds, surprising Deadshirt!Driver, who tries to get away (though we already know he won’t, because this is the teaser). Suddenly, just as quickly as it appeared, the evil truck of doom is gone and D!D’s radio returns to normal. He gets just enough time to take a relieved breath or three before the truck reappears — this time, stopped dead in the middle of the road and facing him. D!D makes a three-point turn and prepares to get the hell out of there when the truck takes after him again. This time, it hits his car repeatedly and runs him off the road before vanishing mysteriously. The car is totaled and its occupant most assuredly deceased.

Cut to Sam and Dean at a gas station. Sam thinks he found a quicker route through PA – “around that construction.” Dean informs him that they’re no longer headed for the freedom state, as an old friend of his has called – her father was killed the night before, and she thinks “it might be our kind of thing.” She never, ever, never would have called if she didn’t need the brothers, Dean informs Sam. So they need to head to her immediately.

Doctor Who Hmmm

Right, Ten? We’re certainly intrigued. So is Sam. He’s also a little bit tickled — not not by the destination, but by the revelation that his gruff big brother managed to date a real live human person for more than one night. But gruff Dean is gruff and he is not a in a sharing mood because SPN Life Lesson #3 is very clear on this, Sammy, and you should know how your brother feels about that.

Doctor Who Eyeroll

Nine, we feel you. But Dean is Dean, bless him. “Am I speaking a language you’re not getting here?” he asks, clearly perturbed that they are having any sort of conversation involving the mere possibility that he has feelings.

Then Sam realizes that the reason she knows what the brothers do for a living is that Dean told her, meaning he broke big family rule numero Uno – the one he never broke while dating Jessica.

Sam has gone from zero to furious in a total of about five seconds. The Bitchface is so epic it should probably have gotten its own credit. (Sadly we could not find a gif of the Bitchface form this actual ep, but here’s one that’s damn close.)

Supernatural Sam Bitchface

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Well, I Guess It Would Be Nice If I Could Touch Your Body – Supernatural Recap

Supernatural Dean Half Smile

Posted by Sarah and Dawn

Sarah: Whelp. Here we are. It’s Tuesday night and I have just worked about 12 hours at 3 different jobs (yay, the future, right?). I, for once, am fully ready to have the bejeesus scared out of me. Don’t know why, not gonna question. All I know is this episode is called “Faith.” Ahem.

George Michael Faith
Also it stars a post-Darla Julie Benz.

Wreak havok
On days like today, Darla is fully my copilot. Havoc, ahoy!

Dawn: I have been living with a broken air conditioner for over a week now. In Florida. In August. So my faith in anything not strong at the moment. Can those darling Winchester boys help me out? Christ, I hope so. Though I am a little nervous that Dean might take off his shirt again, because it’s already damn hot in here. Also while Sarah knows Ms. Benz as Darla, I know her as Mrs. Dexter. Also she is blonde. I am not holding out hope for her surviving the episode. But then this ep was written by the Misses Gamble and Tucker, and they have been known to save a blonde. Let’s see how it goes.

Season 1, Episode 12: Faith
Written by: Sera Gamble and Raelle Tucker

The Story So Far: We get the basic history, including a lot of mentions of Dad. But not a single flame! Again! Who does a fangirl have to service to get some goddamn flames up in this piece?

Supernatural Crowley

(Don’t worry if you don’t know who that is. You will, and then you will totally laugh at that gif. Trust us.)

Anyway. We open on those handsome Winchester Boys prepping for battle. Dean spouts some mumbo-jumbo while digging around in Baby’s trunk, telling Sam, “I want this Rawhead extra freakin’ crispy!” Ew. But ok. And they only get one shot, so make it count, Sammy.

Life and death. Sounds like a plan.

The boy pull out their best cop-movie “cover me” moves and descend into the ickiest basement, where they open a cabinet and find two adorable dirty and terrified extras from a touring production of Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins Dick Van Dyke

Our boys help the kids make a run for it but something grabs Sam’s leg! What is it? Dean fires a taser and, from the really angry noises, scores at least an direct hit. He yells for Sam to get the kids out of here, and the younger Winchester wisely listens to his big brother. But not before tossing his own taser to Dean, just in case.

A fairly gross-yet-generic monster of the week corners Dean, who goes down in a puddle. A PUDDLE, DEAN. MADE OF WATER. WHEN YOU HAVE A TASER. MADE OF ELECTRICITY. But Dean never paid attention in science class and also there is a monster, so he tases away. He kills the creature, but because he is LAYING IN A PUDDLE GODDAMN IT DEAN, the rules of superconductivity bite him right in the ass. So our Dean is zapped almost to death along with the rawhead. Sam, who has rushed back down the stairs, is understandably upset at finding his unconscious brother lying in said puddle. Because Sam paid attention in science class.

Dawn: Let that be a lesson to you, boys and girls. Pay attention in school.

Neil Degrasse Tyson Science

We cut to a hospital, where an apologetic nurse is asking Sam — sorry, we mean Mr. Birkowitz — for Dean’s insurance. Also, there are cops waiting. Is this an ep of The Twilight Zone? Cops are being kind and thankful to Sam, who’s making that sad puppy face the entire world just can’t get enough of. Sam excuses himself from Helpful Cops 1 and 2 in order to talk to the ER doc. The doctor very apologetically explains the facts: Dean’s heart is so damaged that he is going to die. Sam, being Sam, is like, nope. There has to be some kind of treatment. Kind Doctor, who clearly does not know who he is dealing with, says no, because he “can’t work miracles.” The editors cut rapidly from a talking heads two shot into a closeup, the better to see those sweet Sammy eyes as they start to well up. He heads for Dean’s room. He is very Sad Panda.

Sad Panda

Sarah: I get it. This episode isn’t scary. It’s depressing. Okie doke.

But we don’t have long to relish our lip wobble, because Dean is here with snark to save the day. “Have you ever actually watched daytime TV? It’s terrible.” That’s our boy — always bitching in the face of adversity. He further intones that he has put the Snuggle teddy bear on his hit list and we are SO GLAD because that thing is practically Satanic in its insidiousness. JUST LOOK AT IT.

IT’S TOTALLY GOING TO EAT THAT BABY’S SOUL.

Anyway. Dean is not stupid (at least, not when we’re not talking about the electroconductive properties of fucking water) and he can see the writing on the wall. Dean wants Sam to take off without him, and he warns Sam to take care of Baby or he’ll haunt his brother. Dean wants to talk about the End of His Life. Sam is Not Having Any Of That. Look at this face — he is like the anti-Lauren Cooper. That boy is WAY bovvered:

Supernatural Jared Watch me

Sarah: DID SOMEONE REPLACE MY SCARY SHOW WITH A SOAP OPERA? WILL DEAN GET TRANSFERRED TO GENERAL HOSPITAL? THIS SCRIPT MAKES ME THINK YES.
Dawn: OH MY CROWLEY, LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT. YOUR HEART IS BLACK, SARAH. DID SOMEONE BURN IT ON A CEILING, FFS?

Anyway. Sam, surrounded by piles of medical journal articles on cardiovascular health and treatment, leaves a voicemail for Dear Old Dad. Surprisingly, he’s not tearing his Dad a new asshole for sending them on yet another dangerous hunting mission what the fuck John you suck at parenting. Instead, he leaves a determined message: “Don’t worry, cause I’m uh…gonna do whatever it takes to get him better. Just wanted you to know.”

And just in time to, because there is a knock at the door and of course it’s Dean, who is NOT going to die in a hospital that lacks hot nurses. Dean is way stoic. Sam is Not Having It. That seems to be his theme his episode. It’s actually a pretty good moment between the brothers, because stoic Dean is just Dean being Dean, and it’s cool to see Sam not only not buying it, but also calling him out on it.

DEAN: You’re not gonna let me die in peace, are you?
SAM: I’m not gonna let you die, period.

Dawn: I love that exchange. It’s not the last time they are going to have a conversation where Sam takes Dean to task for his macho bullshit, but it’s probably the only time they’re going to do it without raised voices. That’s our Sammy!

Rory let me love you

While Dean was checking himself out of the world’s most lax ER, Sam was digging through Scary Demonbits and calling up Dad’s pals, one of whom knows a faith healer — “The real deal,” swears Sam. “We’re going.” Dean looks less than convinced. We don’t really blame him.

Baby drives through some gnarly, muddy potholes, and even though we can’t see the expression on Dean’s face as this happens, we assume it’s something like this:

Clint Eastwood

They have reached a tent in the middle of a muddy field, where many people in various stages of illness and disability are milling(ish) about. Some are on crutches. And it turns out we DO get to see Dean’s pissed off face, and it is indeed as irritated as we thought, especially once he sees the sign that reads “The Church of Roy LeGrange. Faith Healer. Witness The Miracle..” Yeah. Not a happy Dean.

“You’re a lying bastard,” he snaps at Sam, “Thought you said we were going to see a doctor.” Sam can’t really argue, but that doesn’t keep him from trying: “I believe I said a specialist.” Weak, Sammy. We love you and your big ol’ eyes, but yeah — weak. But Reverand LeGrange is supposed to be the real deal, and let’s face it — if there is a chance out there to save his brother, Sam is taking it.

“Reverend LeGrange is a great man,” offers a lady from the ADR looping session as a totally different lady walks by, obscured by her umbrella. Dean is ornery. Sarah likes it. Dawn is thrilled she’s joined the club.

SaeH: Also, I don’t remotely believe that they’re about to kill off their lead in Season 1 E12. Unless you’re Joss Whedon about to go on a tear (pour one out for Tara, Doyle, and Wash, yeah?), you have to work pretty hard to convince me you’d axe any of your leads this early in the game.
Dawn: Don’t forget Game of Thrones Pour one out for…well, far too many to list here. Valar morghulis! But not quite yet, SPN.

Hey, hold up! Someone is also protesting the good Reverend by way of yelling at an unsympathetic cop that the Rev is “bilking people out of their hard-earned money,” and for a brief and glorious moment we think perhaps the Winchesters have wandered on to the set of Carnivale, because JUST IMAGINE the magic that would have resulted from a SPN/Carnivale crossover. Seriously, take a few minutes with that. Can you even? We can’t even.

Can't even

Goddamn you, HBO. ANYWAY, back to faith healing. Dean is Scully. Sam is the Mulder-iest Mulder ever. HE JUST WANTS TO BELIEVE WHY CAN”T YOU JUST LET HIM BELIEVE and also he’s totally backed up by Julie Benz, flashing her friendliest smile. Dean warms immediately. Darla, err, umm, Mrs. Dexter, err actually her name is Layla totally has his number. And judging from the very Dean-esque smirksmile on his face, we’re betting he’s hearing those Clapton lyrics in his head, most notably that whole “you got me on my knees” bit. Oh, Dean.

Supernatural Dean Puppy

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Rain on the Scarecrow, Blood on the Ground – Supernatural Recap

supernatural pain in the ass

Posted by Sarah and Dawn

Hi frands (friends and fans? I mean, Sprint coined “framily,” so it’s sort of a thing now. Right?). Anyway, frands, we’re back. Really. Sarah is wearing an engagement ring (so’s her fiance) and looking at venues; Dawn is kicking ass and taking names in Florida (after the misery of the move itself). So now here we are, and we are ready to spend a little quality time with our favorite hotties of the haunted, the Winchesters.

SARAH: I was born in Nebraska, land of corn, so you’d figure I’d be able to face a scarecrow without too much trouble, right? WRONG. Those things are terrifying. I don’t trust stuffed shirts, for one. They screw up everything. And pretty much the title tells us who the bad guy is, right? I’m guessing this scarecrow is going to axe murder a whole bunch of people. Will I be right? Probably. IT’S SUPERNATURAL. EVERYBODY DIES. OR GETS SCARED TO DEATH.

DAWN: John Shiban is proving to be hell on wheels when it comes to Monster of the Week episodes (which there are a lot of in S1, it’s true). This time, he takes on a rural horror trope — the scarecrow. Because those motherfuckers are CREEPY. I mean, think about it: Children of the Corn, Dark Night of the Scarecrow, Jeepers Creepers. Scarecrows are no one’s friend; don’t even trust the one from Oz! They’re all shifty, I tells ya. Shifty! So did Shiban bring the straw-filled shiveries or was it all just old shirts and dead leaves? Read on, outlanders…

Season 1, Episode 11: Scarecrow
Written by: John Shiban

The Story So Far: Uh, nothing! Not a single flame. We open directly in Burkitsville, Indiana, ONE YEAR AGO. That never bodes well.

Sarah: I can already tell that someone is dead.
Dawn: (sniffle) My little baby SPN fangirl is growing up so fast.

An unusually attractive couple is giggling over their good fortune at getting lost in the Nicest Town in America. They’ve been gassed up, given directions, and even been handed a free homemade apple pie (which is probably poisoned, because this IS Supernatural, after all). The Nicest Teenager In America compliments Boyfriend’s tattoo. The couple is given directions back to the highway — “…turn right on Orchard Road” has probably never sounded so ominous before. Indeed, mere TV seconds later, it’s raining and the Unusually Attractive Couple (UAC) find their car sputtering and dying in the middle of nowhere. Along with their cellphone.

community congratuhorrible

UAC find themselves on the edge of a creepy orchard. An actual freaking owl hoots in the distance. Deadshirt!Boyfriend (DS!B) suggests heading to a “house over there.” Deadshirt!Girlfriend (DS!G) is like, uh, no, totally not going. But DS!B is insistent: “We need help. We can’t just wait here.” In the giant metal thing with the locks on it. Which brings us nicely to SPN Life Lesson #30: Given the options “just wait there” or head into dark woods/dark alley/dark abandoned building of any kind, pick the former.

DS!G stupidly ignores her own feelings of fear and trepidation in favor of following DS!B and bringing us to SPN Life Lesson #31: Go with your gut, lest someone spew them all over the ground for you. For you see, silly DS!G, you CAN just wait there. But you won’t.

Dawn: (singing) Buona sera, signorina, buona sera. It is time to say goodnight to Burkitsville. Though it’s hard for me to whisper buona sera when I know that something’s coming for the kill.

Deepest apologies to Dean Martin. And all of Dawn’s dead Italian relatives who will likely be rising from their graves to haunt her ass for that one. Let’s continue.

So off they go, into the deep, dark, creepy yonder because SPN Life Lesson #25 taught us that no one on this show has ever seen a goddamn horror movie. And DS!B drives that lesson home like a Mack truck when they come across the creepiest scarecrow ever and he proceeds to make fun of it. So now it’s pretty much a guarantee that haunted scarecrow is going to ax murder UAC everywhere. But by all means, keep walking! You’ll totally reach safety before the opening credits roll!

ha ha ha

DS!G looks back at Creepy Scarecrow, which moves. IT FREAKING MOVES. But rather than run screaming back to the car (i.e., the big metal thing with the locks on it), she just gasps, grabs DS!B’s arm a little tighter, and suggests that they “just hurry.” We are offended both as feminists (though admittedly, DS!B is coming off just as stupid) and as people with actual brains in their heads. And also we are not surprised when the crunch of footsteps comes next. Or the inhuman moan. They run. But really badly.

Sarah: Maybe they were distracted by the traffic light that directed them to run in circles. Red, green, it’s practically Christmas.

adventure time turn crazy

DS!B disappears somehow, leaving DS!G to wonder where he is, breathe heavily, and run some more until she trips. Over the skinned corpse of Deadshirt!Boyfriend. More screams and the suspicious sound of straw moving as the camera pans back to show that INDEED, The Scariest Scarecrow of Scareland has slipped its bonds. So he’s probably the one making all the terrible murder sounds while DS!G screams her head off. Roll opening credits.

Cut to Our Intrepid Winchesters! Hello, boys, we’ve missed you!

Sarah: Hi, sleeping Winchesters. How do you manage to do that? Sleep, I mean. Given your line of work and all?
Dawn: Dean sleeps shirtless. DON’T QUESTION THE BOY, SARAH. JUST LET HIM SLEEP.

We have picked up exactly where left them — sleeping in the Motel of the Week with Dean’s adorable little retro flip phone ringing away. Sam answers and holy fuck bananas, it’s DAD. Camera cuts back and forth between the boys (Sam on phone, Dean eventually waking and looking Very Concerned) and really, really close shots of bits of John Winchester’s face (proving to us all that Jeffrey Dean Morgan can rock the scruff like a motherfucker). Dad is not forthcoming with details, which pleases Sam not at all.

supernatural sam bitchface

Their tender conversation quickly becomes the tensest thing ever as Dad refuses to tell Sam where he is or what he is doing (going after the demon that killed their mother and Sam’s girlfriend) and orders the boys to stop looking for him. Sammy is irate. Dad issues orders. Dean grabs the phone and does what Dad says — write down a set of names, which are three different couples, all from different states, who all went missing. While Dean is dutifully jotting down some names their dad gives him, Sammy is giving his jaw muscles the workout of the century. It’s actually amazing he’s still able to speak given how hard he’s clenching that shit. Because Sam doesn’t give a crap, regardless of the strange coincidences and the pattern that emerges from said coincidences. He just doesn’t give a flying fuck. He wants to go to California to find Dad. Dean wants to listen to Dad, because that’s what Dean does — he follows orders. ignores and Dean follows. Sam doesn’t get it and things get even more tense as the following conversation occurs:

SAM: I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question him.
DEAN: Yeah, it’s called being a good son! (Sam gets out of the car; Dean follows) You’re a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. Don’t care what anybody thinks.
SAM: That’s what you really think?
DEAN: Yes, it is.
SAM: Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California.
DEAN: Come on, you’re not serious.
SAM: I am serious.
DEAN: It’s the middle of the night! Hey, I’m taking off, I will leave your ass, you hear me?
SAM: That’s what I want you to do.
DEAN: Goodbye, Sam.

For the record, variations on this conversation will happen quite a few times over the next nine seasons. Make a note of that.

supernatural got a pen

By morning, Dean is in Burkitsville, debating giving Sam a call on the Cutest, Oldest, Wee-est Flip Phone ever. But no. He heads for Scotty’s Cafe instead, where he introduces himself to Scotty as “John Bonham.” THANK ALL THE THINGS that Scotty responds, “Isn’t that the drummer for Led Zeppelin?” Way to go, Creepy Townsperson. Way to go.

“John Bonham” is looking for his pals, the UAC. Scotty is having none of it. They “don’t get many strangers around here,” he says, though he forgets to add “because all our visitors die horrible deaths by Scarecrow.” Hey, look, sometimes things slip your mind, you know?

Meanwhile, Sammy wanders down a highway, like you do, and comes upon a hot blonde chick, like you do. Could it be road love? Probably not, because a) you’re watching Supernatural and b) she takes off with a Shady Van Guy who refuses to let Sam tag along. That might have been a mistake, Shady Van Guy. Blondie looks tough (in utter defiance of SPN Life Lesson 24, wherein being a blond lady on this show is a terrible idea — we suspect she’s going to buck the trend). And also we’re not real sure about her intentions towards our Sam. What say you, Lafayette?

true blood shit

Back to Dean, who is at the gas station run by the Nicest Townspeople In Town, who are clearly actually the opposite of that as they are lying flatly about meeting UAC the year before. Too bad for them, they are caught out by their daughter, who recognizes DS!B’s (who was actually DeadShirt!Husband, our bad) neat tattoo. Ooopsie!! OF COURSE they remember UAC! The Nicest Liars in all of Liarsville happily point Dean in the same direction they once pointed the UAC.

Dean drives Baby down the creepy highway of doom. And he’d have gone right past the scene of the crime if it weren’t for that meddling EMF detector going all kinds of crazy. So off he goes into the orchard from hell, where he spies the a Scary Scarecrow of Scareland hanging on its pole. This thing is super freaky nightmare stuff, even in daylight. In fact, kinda worse in daylight. Which is it’s a fucking TERRIBLE IDEA for Dean to climb up for a better look, though he does so anyway. All the better to make fun of SSS, but Dean gets away with that because he’s Dean fucking Winchester. Plus it gets us a classic and oft-quoted SPN line: “Dude, you fugly.” And that’s when he spots Deadshirt!Husband’s tattoo. “Nice tatt,” he says, and BAM! Blackout. Which made Sarah do this:

will and grace jack scared

Sarah: I jumped like four feet.

Dean and Baby return to town and also to Sweet Blonde Emily, who, it turns out, is the niece of the Nicest Townspeople and not their daughter at all. He flirts, she smiles, and he learns that she came to town when he was 13 after losing her parents in a car accidents. She assures him that “everybody is nice here” and that she loves the podunk little place, calling it “blessed.”

sherlock moriarty ordinary people

Dawn: As our official longtime watcher and alleged show expert, I feel that this would be a good time to remind everyone out there in SPN land that this show’s primary focus is on Judeo-Christian mythology (with occasional forays into Pagandom), so calling anything “blessed” is not a great sign.

Emily has also seen the scarecrow, but she can’t tell him who owns it – it’s just ALWAYS BEEN THERE and really, Dean, shouldn’t that be a fucking clue to run? Except then there’s be no show. Dean also asks about the red truck behind Emily. They’re having car trouble, she reports. A couple. A guy and a girl. We know from the look on Dean’s face that he is remembering what Daddy told him, because good little soldiers always remember the words of their commanding officer. Oh, Dean.

Sarah: I’m just going to take a break right now and guess that this is some Wicker Man shit.

Back to Sam! Who is in a bus station, being told that the next bus to Sacramento isn’t until tomorrow morning. Sam is having a rough night. He’s about to spend many hours in a bus station. He thinks about calling Dean and decides against it. But wait! There’s the hot blonde girl from the side of the road! Who is is also going to California. “No way!” “Yeah!” “Me too!” (Seriously, that’s the actual conversation.) How serendipitous! Blondie’s name is Meg. We suspect that she is trouble.

Dawn: I don’t trust how she said she “cut off” Shady Van Guy. Sam should have asked her which parts she meant.

true blood slap that bitch

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Top 10 Reasons Supernatural Should Help You Move

Supernatural Driving

Posted by Dawn

Hello Hunters, Angels, and Demons! It’s been a while since our last SPN recap, and we swear on Castiel’s wings that we will get back on the creepyfunball this week. Life has a way of getting in the way of our viewing pleasure, especially when dealing with two dogs on an interstate move. In fact, that delightful little trip was fraught with so many frustrations and foibles that it had this recapper longing for a life of shotguns, demon knives, monsters, and (especially) two handsome brothers to make it all a little better. So have this giftastic list by way of apology, and tune in later this week as we rejoin the family Winchesters and whatever is trying to kill them this time.

Supernatural Bring It On

1. First and most importantly, if Supernatural was in charge of moving, the movers would look like this:

Supernatural Sam Shirtless

Supernatural Dean Shirtless

Supernatural Misha Shirtless

2. They would be experts at properly packing your trunk:

Supernatural Junk in the Trunk

What, you never had to make an interstate move with the King of the Crossroads in your trunk? WHATEVER, DON’T JUDGE ME.

3. Car broke down? No problem.

Supernatural Butt Wag

4. You’ve been so busy that you forgot to eat? Dean is on it.

Supernatural Dean Eating

Supernatural Pie

5. MOVING IS FRUSTRATING, RIGHT? Don’t worry. Sam’s got you.

Supernatural Too Precious

Supernatural Keep Going

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Crazy Train – Supernatural Recap

Supernatural Sam face

Posted by Sarah and Dawn

It’s been an exciting couple of weeks over in the Supernatural-writin’ wing of Head Over Feels. Sarah got engaged (it being the era of the internet, you can see the moment in its grainy glory here at 02:59:04) and Dawn headed off to Florida! Now that the dust has settled, so to speak, our ladies of Salt and Sass are back at it with Season 1, Episode 10.

Sarah: Welcome back, my similarly scared SPN sister-fans! I am getting hitched! (at some point! In 2015!) I spend a lot of time doing this:

Parks I Love You and I Like You

Aaaanyway. I have yet to watch the second season of American Horror Story because I read that it takes place in an abandoned asylum and that (shocker) scares the crap out of me. On the other hand, I love ghost stories and stories of haunted buildings and hospitals and the like. So color me both terrified and intrigued by this episode.

Dawn: Forgive the lateness, my demons and angels — I spent the last two weeks dealing with an interstate move, and I swear it almost made me want to live in an abandoned asylum. Because I love me some abandoned asylums. Madness and the supernatural go together like me and Dean Winchester — a great combination that is entirely in my imagination.

Season 1, Episode 10: Asylum
Written by: Richard Hatum

We start our episode with the usual teensy recaplet, this time with descriptive title cards! So now we know for sure how old Sammy is. It’s like watching a movie trailer that isn’t, quite. Also no flames, and so we are kinda bummed. But bonus Baby, which is kinda cool.

Thanks to our ever-helpful chyron person, we know we’re at Roosevelt Asylum in scenic Rockford, Illinois. It’s abandoned, graffitied, and creepy as fuck, as all derelict asylums should be, and this doesn’t bode well for anyone. We meet Sgt. Exposition and his helpful partner, Clueless Rookie. Sgt. Expos comments that they just can’t keep those gosh darn kids out of said abandoned asylum. When his partner seems confused, he launches into an expository monologue that actually begins with the words, “That’s right, I forget, you’re not from around here.”

Basil Exposition Meme

Sgt. Expos tells Clueless Rookie that as local legend has it, spending the night at Roosevelt Asylum will cause you to go insane…driven there, helpfully, by the spirits of its inmates.

Then they charge into the Asylum, announcing their presence. Because when cops on TV announce their presence, things always go well.

Sgt. Expos is really taken aback that this latest group of kids has brought bolt cutters with them. We consider that enterprising, really. And also practical, and proof that these particular teens believe in research and preparation.

Clueless Rookie treks down to the Boiler Room. It’s dark and ominous. Sarah nominates him for our Deadshirt of the night; Dawn thinks it’s too obvious. Meanwhile, Sgt. Expo’s creepy and dangerous situation turns out to be a McGuffin – instead of DANGER, he finds TEENS! Mission accomplished.

Back in the Boiler Room, though, Deadshirt!Rookie opens a door marked with a BioHazard warning he totes fails to notice. While he’s trying to figure out why his flashlight has gone out, another door opens behind him.

We cut immediately to teens driving off in a sportscar, overseen by Sgt. Expos. He radios for Deadshirt!Rookie, who appears, RIGHT BEHIND HIM. And is also now extra creepy.

Here's Johnny The Shining

So no winner yet on Deadshirt roulette. Both cops get in the car together and prepare to drive off – Sgt Expos is behind the wheel, and Creepy Rookie is creeping pretty intensely in the passenger seat. Also his nose is bleeding inexplicably.

Suddenly it’s Later That Night, and Creepy Rookie has creeped upstairs to his pretty blond wife.

Shit, there’s a new candidate for first Deadshirt of the night. Could be, especially because CR (actually named Walt) is reaaaaaaaaaallly methodically taking off his gear and emptying his pockets – gun, watch, etc. – while Blonde Wife apologizes for what is apparently not the first time tonight. He grabs his gun, and from outside the house, we see and hear two gunshots.

Oh, great, SPN. A murder-suicide.

Now we’re with the Brothers Winchester, who are bickering inside of their Motel Room-of-the-Week. Sammy wants to call the Feds to report their father missing. Dean is afraid of his wrath if they go that route. Sam doesn’t care…not after KANSAS, where he Should Have Been (and, we the audience know, Actually Was). The brothers continue to bicker while Dean’s we-love-the-mid-2000s flip phone rings and rings. He opens it and ZOOOOM goes the camera to reveal coordinates.

“I don’t believe it!” Dean says, “It’s a text message. Coordinates.”

Sam is not on board, as their father can “barely work a toaster.”

Dean thinks Something is Afoot, though, because the coordinates are for (surprise, surprise) good old Rockford, IL! Not only is Deadshirt!Rookie’s murder-suicide on Dean’s computer, he lets us know that Papa Winchester had previously earmarked Roosevelt Asylum in Scary Demonbits. Well, then. So we have a total of seven unconfirmed sightings and two deaths — well, four, now.

Sam is annoyed that their dad wants them to work a job. Dean is just thrilled that there’s some sort of communication and is gonna follow those coordinates no matter what, dammit. Just so we are clear, Sam is the Rebel. Dean is the Good Son. Or at least the obedient one. Some are born to their roles. Some achieve them. And others find those roles thrust upon them. These two boys got all three.

Next thing we know, Baby is parked outside of The Terminal Pub.

Sarah: I sincerely hope that the locations department FINDS some of these pubs and that it’s not all just clever art dept. signage. Just saying.

The World's End Drink

Inside the Terminal Pub, Dean approaches Damian Gunderson (nee Sgt. Expos), who is, understandably, having a beer. He unleashes his alias of the week – Nigel Tufnel with the Chicago Tribune.

OK, Dean is out on a serious limb if he truly thinks that anyone Sgt. Gunderson’s age will truly never have heard of Christopher Guest’s infamous Spinal Tap character. But apparently, Spinal Tap is not a timeless classic in the SPN universe. It’s okay though, because Sgt. Gunderson is totally capable of calling Dean out for his asshole move even if he does believe his name is “Nigel.” And as soon as he does, there’s Sammy to the rescue, shoving Dean off the barstool and telling him to “show a little respect.”

So, this case kicks off with Sammy’s dreams coming true then. He gets to call his brother a “serious jerk” in service of a case. He calls it method acting, which Dean doesn’t get (and which makes Sarah wince). But the beer Sam bought Sgt. G pays off – he gets the goods on the Deadshirt and the Asylum.

It’s daybreak, and the brothers Winchester are breaking into Roosevelt. It looks like the aftermath of a terrible frat party. They land at the South Wing, which is where two kids died in 1972. Dean figures if it were truly something icky, the body count would be higher. Sam helpfully points out that it looks a whole lot like someone usually chains that shit up…though whether to keep something in or some other folks out, it’s hard to say.

Dean calls Sam “Haley Joel Osment” and it’s kinda the line of the night. Big Brother is trying to come to grips with Sam’s emerging talents, and it’s not going so well.

Supernatural Cas Understatement

The South Wing is creepy as fuuuuuuck. The brothers are sort of 50/50 between spirits possessing people and spirits driving people nuts. After bickering about WHAT IT MEANS that their father isn’t with them, they find a door plate that says “Chief of Staff: Sanford Ellicott.”

Dawn: Dr. Stanford Ellicott just sounds like a creepy old mad scientist from a Hammer Horror movie or a Gothic novel.

Next thing we know, Sam is paying a visit to a Dr. James Ellicott, a local psychiatrist. Sam is playing a slightly AU version of himself – a “local history buff” – which is how he just HAPPENS to know that this Dr. Ellicott is related to the Dr. Ellicott who worked in the South Wing at Roosevelt. He tries to get Dr. E to talk about an incident in the South Wing, but today’s Dr. Ellicott isn’t biting – he reminds Sam that they’re on his dollar, and there to talk about Sam. Shockingly, Sam plays along, or tries to. He is spectacularly bad at talking about himself, though it’s pretty clear he wishes he were. He tries to drive things back to the South Wing again, and is challenged with a toss-off comment that is also A Clue — If Sam is truly such a history buff, he knows all about the riot, the doctor remarks, before telling Sam he’s avoiding the real subject: Sam. The doctor dangles info about the Roosevelt Riot in front of Sam, promising to tell him all about it if Sam can just tell him one true thing about himself.

Oprah suspicious

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