“Suck it up and run the world.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – They All Bow Down

Scandal Season 6, Episode 5
“They All Bow Down”
Posted by Sage

Hello again, Lovers of Liberty! It’s SO good to be with you again, since the gif-cap took a bye week on episode 4. To sum up “The Belt”: prison is NO place for a former Chief of Staff, and Tom admitted that he was paid by someone to say that Cyrus ordered the hit on Frankie Vargas. Our assassin is still out there and the country still doesn’t have an incoming president. So, shall we see what Jake Ballard’s been up to this whole time?

“Not since Christ stood among the lepers has there been such excitement.” InDecision 2016 is Sally Langston’s domain, and she is currently living. (When isn’t she?) She seems to be a proponent of Mellie and Jake, but we all know she’s a fickle bitch.

Vanessa: “I feel like Jackie O. or something.”
Jake: *rolls eyes* 

“America is not electing Olivia Pope. They are electing Mellie Grant and Jake Ballard.” Vanessa tells Jake not to get so grumpy about his “sister” (yikes) telling him what to do and instead to keep his eye on the prize. (Kim: “Every woman on this show is Lady Macbeth.”)

“He is after all…a murderer.” Sally is reveling in Cyrus’s bad luck.

She’s also teasing a sit-down interview with picture-perfect patriot couple, Jake and Vanessa. Who hate each other.

“That’s political money.” “It’s a political lie.” Jake is so done with this campaign and his fake marriage.

Quinn wants to help Cyrus, but Liv does not want to hear it right now.

“Huck found Vanessa.” Olivia spins some yarn to Sally about Vanessa having a vicious flu and being unable to make it out of bed for the interview.

“Lady, you are nuts.” “Maybe, but I ain’t sorry.” In reality, Vanessa is drunk and disorderly and just crashed her car into a tree with a himbo bartender in the front seat. She’s also defiant af.

“Did you wake up this morning knowing you were going to ruin our lives?” “Like you give a damn what I woke up thinking.” While the Gladiators erase all evidence that Vanessa’s little “accident” ever happened, Vanessa and Jake perform a modern revival of Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?

“You say dance, the monkey dances.” Jake’s version of “playing nice” is being faux-deferential to Olivia, insisting on calling her “boss” and “m’am” until she’s about to either slap him or do him on the desk. (Pick the second one, please, it’s been so long since we’ve had Jake/Olivia hate-sex!)

“Let’s get this over with because I am late for getting away from you.” Get Liv some ointment for that burn.

“I don’t want to win, I have to win. There has to be a point.” Olivia needs to win a “clean” election to redeem her shady dealings in Defiance during Fitz’s first run. She’s a good person, that’s her thing…

“Are you sleeping with her?” Vanessa isn’t an idiot. She senses the intensity between Jake and Liv and totally calls it. So, of course, Jake tells her she’s crazy. Then he fills up her glass, because no one will take a drunk, jilted woman seriously.

“There are places we can send you, nice places.” EVERYONE IS GASLIGHTING HER, THIS POOR WOMAN.

“Give me one more reason to LAY YOU OUT, RIGHT HERE, Vanessa…I am not here for it, not today.” Wow, Liv is only a champion for other women when it suits her, huh?

“I remember because it was when the redhead took my champagne away.” Someone was texting Jake on election night who wasn’t Olivia, according to V.

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“You don’t get to have both.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – Hardball

Scandal Season 6, Episode 2
“Hardball”
Posted by Sage

It’s week 2 of Scandal Season 6 and America still doesn’t have a president picked out. (Just like IRL! No president…no president at all.) Olivia is 500% sure that Cyrus ordered Frankie Vargas’s assassination, but the White House isn’t going to help her prove it. Meanwhile, Mellie has to choose between her personal life and her career when she’s presented with two attractive propositions. To the gifs!

We’re back at the RNC and Marcus is tearing up during Mellie’s acceptance speech Huck is like,”You’re embarrassing us.”

So Marcus’s feelings for Mellie run DEEP. It’s not just a sex thing. But can it also be a sex thing?

“We made this campaign together so now, let’s make history together.” She’s killing it and she knows it. The crowd goes wild.

“You cried, well I think that’s beautiful.” Mellie and Marcus have a moment over some champagne, and Olivia is watching them like a hawk.

Olivia: “Knees together.”
Mellie: 

Olivia comes to the Oval to play the incriminating voicemail from the dead videographer for Fitz and Abby so they’ll finally start taking Olivia’s accusations against Cyrus seriously.

Gimme that orange coat.

“Just because he killed Frankie doesn’t mean he didn’t feel bad about it.” Olivia is immune to Cyrus tears.

Meet FBI director Angela Patterson, another black woman in a position of power!

“The election is over, Liv. And so is this meeting.” Fitz threw his support behind Cyrus, so an investigation would look bad for HIM. God, Fitz is the fucking worst.

“I’ll take care of Mellie, you make sure we get that confession.” They’re going to pin the assassination on their guy whether he did it or not.

“Tweets like, “get that dumb Mexican off my television.” Their guy IS a racist dick, so they’ve got that going for them.

“It’s a less polite way of saying go have sexual intercourse with yourself.” McClintock won’t sign a confession, even though they’re offering to make a deal. He maintains that he didn’t shoot Vargas. They’re wasting their time.

“It’s Mr. McClintock as in my parents came to America before yours did David…ROSEN.” Aw, an antisemite too. How perfectly irrelevant to the current state of our government!

Olivia orders Quinn to get to what’s left of the videographer’s cabin to search for evidence.

“I’m reminded of a movie where two women drive off a cliff together.” “We’ll drink later.” Update: Mellie and Olivia are still best girlfriends.

“Get it done.” Aware that Mellie also believes Cyrus killed his running mate, Fitz makes her sit down with him to “compromise.”

“You’re gonna kill me right. I’m assuming that’s your plan.”

“I want you to join my administration as vice president on a unity ticket.” Whaaaat.

“I’m supposed to serve you? I’m suppose to allow you to just walk away with a job I have worked for, I have bled for, I was born for?” Mellie ain’t accepting no consolation prize.

“If you think the only presidential candidate left in this election is going to get down on her knees and be a good little girl for YOU, the man who tried to murder his way into the Oval, honey, you better think again.”

“I’m not the bad guy here, Mellie. Not this time, at least.” The Cyrus who cried wolf? I don’t think so.

“You can do this. You have me.” Another flashback. Marcus is teaching Mellie how to pitch so she can impress white male voters with her all-American-ness.

“I can’t think of anything better than this. Can you?” “No.” I’m reminded of another uber romantic late night baseball date…

“Show me how you grip it.” “No, no, Miss Scully, the pleasure’s all mine…”

It’s all too intimate and obvious. Mellie freaks and leaves before she can do something stupid like kiss him.

“Who’s going to walk you down the aisle?” Charlie and Quinn are dressed like FBI agents and coming through the cabin wreckage. But Charlie wants to talk wedding planning. That ceremony is gonna be lit.

They find Jennifer’s laptop, but have to hand it over to be cataloged.

Abby calls in Jake to help her get a confession out of McClintock. HI JAKE.

“Stop doing that. Coming up to me with your concern. You didn’t choose me. Nobody does.” In the present, Marcus finds Mellie after her meeting with Cyrus and checks in on her. Something SO HAPPENED.

MOONSHINE TIME. Another flashback: Mellie and Marcus watch her throw out the first pitch. She kills it, does a dirt-off-the-shoulder move. The people love her. Mellie wants to celebrate with her favorite booze.

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You’re Gonna Need a Right Hand Man – Scandal Gif-Cap – That’s My Girl

Scandal Season 5, Episode 21
“That’s My Girl”
Posted by Sage

I’ve spent the last six months telling people who quit the show during the endless loop of Olitz that Scandal is THE REALNESS again. A season finale with zero deaths? No bombs? Negative extra-marital affairs? YEP. And it was still one of the best Scandal bows ever. Because as the real world is currently reminding us, elections are WACKADOO. Let’s to the gifs.

“My father wanted a grandson.” Jake is having a friendly after-dinner drink with his new father-in-law discussing Vanessa’s grandfather being kind of a dick.

“You’re the son I never thought I wanted.” 

“I’m sorry sir, I’m sorry you think of me as a son, but there’s another man who thinks of me as his son too.” Jake poisons his new dad for his old one (but not the old-OLD one, who he murdered last week – try to keep up) so that Vanessa (and Jake) will get her inheritance faster.

“It’s only a few more seconds…almost there.” And he’s dead.

Tom tells Cyrus that he found Michael in Virginia with Ella. Cyrus would rather pick a VP than talk about his child.

“The man-child who’s been soiling his pants at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for the past eight years.” The Liberty Report is at the GNC shading Fitz and it is beautiful.

Cyrus asks David to be Frankie’s running mate and tells him that Frankie is an “honest, across the aisle soldier.”

“No, I mean, whom do I have to kill for you? Or imprison for you? What does the Dark Lord Master Cyrus Beene want in return for this?” David knows the drill.

“You two are cut from the same cloth.” Cyrus is really laying it on thick about Frankie’s goodness, hoping to appeal to that part of David Rosen that still thinks he’s wearing the white hat.

“Male, married, and military.” There are three possibilities for Mellie’s running mate who tick all the necessary boxes.

One of them got caught selling expired condoms.

“I was a coke dealer.” Governor Bill Wagner of Missouri is the only one who comes clean about his past, which makes it possible for OPA to scrub it down for him.

“He’s perfect.” Mellie is sitting next to Marcus on the conference room table, by the way. Their thighs are touching.

Edison comes to visit, tells Olivia what Jake said. Why Edison CARES is unclear. Didn’t Jake threaten his whole life and family and everything he stands for?

“I’m not asking you if you understand, I’m asking you what you’re gonna do about it.”

“Your father is building a war chest…you need to save him.” Huck is on Liv about climbing up Jake’s hair and rescuing him from Rowan’s tower too. But…isn’t Jake a grown-ass man?

“Mr. Beene, Eli Pope.” Rowan is at Vargas for President headquarters and he’s going to give the campaign $30 million. Cyrus is like:

“If I only went where I was welcome, I’d never leave the house.” Rowan threatens to tell Frankie what Cyrus did in Harrisburg. He wants Jake on the ticket.

Doug Morton, aka Wagner’s old coke dealing buddy, is getting moved to Albuquerque with a new ID and a nice chunk of change. So forget you saw anything.

Mellie wants Fitz to speak on opening night instead of closing night, because this sniz is about her, goddammit.

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll even end up in Vermont.” Abby looks HORRIFIED.

“My take is that…he’s a soulless dead-eyed monster who murdered the love of my life in cold blood.” Cyrus dreams about saying this to Frankie when he asks what Cyrus thinks of Jake as a VP. *blows a kiss to the sky* For James Novak.

“I think he’d be great.” GREAT. SO GREAT. Everything’s fine, we’re all fine here….how are you?

evans salad

 

Lizzie and David do a Bartlet White House walk and talk!

“I knew it! This is great.” “Is it?” “Well, not for the country, but for you.” Lizzie is flying high about David and Frankie, because it puts her back in the game. David, she’s not so confidant about.

“I’m gonna vote for Frankie Vargas and I have a golden retriever at home named Barry Goldwater.”

David blames Lizzie for him losing Susan. “I cried. Multiple times. Tears. In my eyes.” TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN SHITTY ACTIONS, ROSEN.

“Well, I don’t want to either, but this is where we are.”

Fitz is in Abby’s office reading Liv’s medical records. I’d be shocked that a representative of the US government is spying on one of its citizens, but. Also HER BODY IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

“You’re a big boy Cyrus, just say no.” Cyrus tells Olivia about what he did in Harrisburg and that Rowan has it over him.

“You set that up?” “Pretty good, right?” “They were martyred for Jesus! For Political Jesus!” Cyrus is really torn up about it.

“This election should be you and me competing for the Oval.” HEAD TO HEAD. The student vs the master.

“It’s an 8,000 word love letter to himself.” Fitz’s speech for Mellie is all about Fitz. I’m about to have a heart attack and die of not-surprise.

Marcus walks Mellie to the stage to confront Fitz about it and gives her advice. KISS.

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The Devil Went Down To Florida – Scandal Gif-Cap – Buckle Up

cat fight

Scandal Season 5, Episode 19
“Buckle Up”
Posted by Sage

Forget Team Cap or Team Iron for a few days. I wanna know if you’re Team Liv or Team Abby. A standoff between these two ladies has the potential to cause as much death and destruction as an intra-Avengers fight. Let’s see who scored the most points, shall we?

“By dawn’s early light, a political cat fight.” Susan is living.

Abby and Liv “going at each other tooth and nail.” She’s not even reporting on the candidates, really. But face it, the real good stuff is going on behind the scenes.

“I’d just as soon be shot in my face by a cannon then be tagged as a…feminist. However, I will admit that it’s hard to watch too smart, talented women tear each other apart like this.” “Hard.” Please. This translates to “thanks for the ratings, hos!”

“How late do you think you’ll be?” “Wish I knew.” Michael has questions for Cyrus and Cyrus is SO DISMISSIVE it’s actually painful.

Alex calls him, but Michael doesn’t want to help. Alex knows Cyrus was involved in shooting and hopes Michael can give him proof.

“You’re exhausted, I know, but you’ll get a day off when you’re president.” THE IRONY.

Lizzie locks David and Susan together in their hotel room so they can keep up the charade of their relationship. They are both MISERABLE.

“Governor Baker has the state of Florida on lockdown.” And we’re calling it a “bake-off,” which is fun.

“Hold on, Susan can’t drink gin.” “What?” “You told me gin makes you mean.” “Being cheated on makes me mean.” THAT’S MY GIRL.

It’s on in Florida. Every Republican candidate is headed South to kiss the ring of their powerful governor.

“She can take the stairs.” Olivia presses the “door close” button before Abby can reach the elevator. So that’s the level of petty we’re at now.

“MELLIE: MADE FOR AMERICA.” Mellie’s plane!

“It’s an internal problem.” Abby comes up with a scheme to ground Mellie and therefor Olivia. No flights can leave while Air Force One is on the runway. But what if they were dealing with some “mechanical issues”?

“What Edison Davis doesn’t have is kids.” Alex wants to use Frankie’s daughter’s cancer to score political points.

“No, but we can shame them off.” Olivia calls Air Force One out in the media.

“You can’t just lie to the FAA….go back into your office and do your job so I can do mine.” Fitz has had it. He knows the delay is fake. But Abby is not budging.

“Can I level with you? I like Susan. I think she’s smart. I think she’s personable. I don’t think she’s got what it takes to be president.” Baker blackmails Rosen. She wants him to drop an investigation into the corrupt activities of a certain company in exchange for Susan’s endorsement. Also, HELLO ANNIE POTTS.

“This is the one.” Baker picks out David’s tie.

FOUR HOURS INTO THE PLANE STAND OFF. Don’t these people have a country to run?

“Who among us hasn’t gone over the edge and killed somebody once?”

“She wants to know why you’re here when you should be saving Jake.” Quinn and Huck are still on Olivia’s mental health patrol.

“YOU SHOULD BE OVER A CLIFF WITH ME. AND YET, YOU ARE SITTING HERE, HAVING ME EXPLAIN YOUR JOB TO YOU.” Olivia hasn’t got time for amateur therapy hour.

Mellie goes to Marcus to talk out a plan to get the plane in the air. I still ship it.

“What the hell is she doing?” Mellie disembarks and walks out onto the runway, solo. The press LOSES IT.

“Wanna talk?” “I think it’s a very good idea.” Fitz is being…nice. I don’t like it.

“That crafty broad. I really underestimated her.” Color Lizzie impressed with Baker and her kickbacks.

“I took an OATH.” “We get it, you are a special snowflake.” David, are you sure you want to be crowing about your ethics right now?

“Congrats, Mellie. I’m proud of you.” “Think how proud I could make you if I could get to Florida.” (I know she’s playing him here because Mellie doesn’t give a flying fuck if Fitz approves of her or not. Anyway, well done.)

“One of them is about to go full Tonya Harding on the other. And when that happens I think we know who’s going to leave who a blubbering mess on the floor.” But who is Oksana in this scenario?

“You’re telling me you don’t know? Olivia…Andrew.” Fitz decides to tell Mellie that her campaign manager murdered her ex-lover, in front of about a dozen media outlets.

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Okay, She Did That. – Scandal Gif-Cap – Thwack!


Scandal Season 5, Episode 17
“Thwack!”
Posted by Sage

Tonight, on a very special episode of Scandal, everything goes to hell and I scream for the last 10 minutes. But in retrospect, haven’t we been headed here for a long, long time? Let’s find out. To the gifs!

DUE TO ADULT CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Lillian Forrester is spotted going into medical center. In a very fetching head scarf. Please tell me Fitz gave her an STD.

“You’re following her?” “You made that my job when you started dating her.” President’s jump-off gets a tail, dude. Them’s the rules.

“It’s actually worse, much worse.” Lillian isn’t pregnant, but she DOES have a secret.

Olivia wants Mellie to get Latinos behind her campaign.

“No, you never speak Spanish. Ever to anyone, please.”

Liv wants her to meet with a Cardinal Suarez to get his endorsement.

“Why are you meeting with a reporter from the Times?” Shit fuck shit fuck, it’s Andrew.

“I feel good too, being able to speak again. Especially when I have so much to say.” Andrew has been meeting with Lillian to feed her the West Angola story. You know the one. When Fitz started an actual war to rescue his mistress from her kidnappers?

“This time you’re not just up against Fitz and Cyrus and Mellie. You’re up against me: the bitch you left for dead.”

There’s a clandestine meeting in the White House kitchens. “Anyone care to cop to that?” Fitz asks about Andrew’s condition. Cyrus can’t stop giggling, because they’re all fucked. And he is not. laughing.

“Cyrus has immunity.” It was one of his conditions when he returned to Fitz’s side. He’s untouchable, and still an evil genius.

“We are not going to kill him.” “Why?” “Did you just say WHY?”

“If we kill Andrew, we’re no better than he is.” Abby, this isn’t about goodness any more.

“Mellie talks to Andrew.” “I’m sorry, is this your meeting now?” “Yes.” The next step is to destroy any paper or digital trail.

“Thank you. For coming when I called.” “You didn’t call, Abby did.” Take several seats, Fitz.

“Huck, it was you, right? You put Andrew in that coma.” Liv LOSES HER SHIT on Huck, (she’s terrified) and instructs him not to take him out now.

“What did I miss?” Oh, Marcus. You’re going to have to be a much worse person to gain entrance to this club.

“I don’t do it anymore.” “That’s what you said last time.” Lizzie corners Huck in the parking garage and gives him the file on Andrew’s whereabouts. He protests, but takes the folder anyway.

Alex shows Frankie a new ad that capitalizes on his hero moment at the state capital. Cyrus suggests they go low-key and use social media to spread it instead. Cyrus wins. Alex is not pleased.

Alex spots Tom in the news footage. But why would someone so nondescript catch his eye? FORESHADOWING.

“You want the truth, Andrew? You didn’t choose me. You chose him.” Mellie visits Andrew to try to reason with him.

She even tries to act like they’re getting back together someday.

“It still works, Mellie. Unless I disgust you.” He takes her hand and puts it under his blanket. HOW DID I NOT SEE HOW TERRIBLE HE WAS FROM THE FIRST MOMENT? I am slipping.

“The man wants to be Pope. Praising an adulteress is not how you move up in that organization.” If Andrew and Mellie’s affair gets out, she can kiss the support of any religious institutions and voters goodbye.

“MELLIE. SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.” Liv will HANDLE THIS, GOD DAMN.

Olivia pops by Rowan’s house to ask them to watch Lillian for her. As per usual, Jake is happily munching away. “It’s nice having a friend in the NSA isn’t it?”

“Say ‘thank you.'” This dynamic is soooo weird.

“When it fails, you’ll be left for one option and one option only.” Rowan already knows what Liv is going to do, even if she can’t admit that she’s capable of it.

Huck comes into the medical center in the middle of the night and sticks Andrew with another needle.

“Is he dead? You said he wasn’t dead.”

“I never tried to kill you. I KNOW how to kill people.”

“How much will it take to get you to drop this story?” Abby and Liv kidnapped Andrew to the underground White House bunker to get the terms and conditions of his bribe.

“I’m writing a book.” “Nobody wants to read that book.” People want to hear about heroes, Liv says. And no matter how he tells this story, Andrew is not that.

“$10 million AND you represent me in the book deal.” Abby nods, giving Liv the okay to take this deal. I think the second part is more important to Andrew than the millions.

“Cardinal Suarez has been waiting for 25 minutes.” “Oh.” “Yeah…oh.” Marcus over here just trying to do his job.

Lillian has been through legal with the West Angola story. They’re good, and almost ready to publish.

“It’s the best bad idea we have.” Another kitchen clubhouse meeting. The implicated parties are agreeing to pay Andrew off.

“I’m in for my fair share,” Lizzie says. Then Cyrus pipes up, taking his wallet out of his pocket: “My fair share: $1.” Cyrus has misplaced all his fucks.

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Let’s Clean Out the Old Barn and Put On a Debate! – Scandal Gif-Cap – Pencils Down

Scandal Season 5, Episode 15
“Pencils Down”
Posted by Sage

The Republican primary candidates meet in their first official debate and Scandal drags another character out of the past to join the Democratic race. To the gifs!

“The first gift? Hollis Doyle.” Ironically, Scandal‘s Trump is the only candidate who’s not someone else’s puppet.

“Well yours truly has agreed to host the first Republican debate.” Of COURSE Sally Langston is running this thing. Poor yourself a drink and down it every time Hollis asks her about her menopause.

“Nobody speaks better for Hollis Doyle than Hollis Doyle.”

“Y’all think some little buzzer is gonna stop the truth from tumbling from these jaws?” Olivia wants a light and a buzzer; she thinks Sally will go soft on her favorites.

“I’m pulling Mellie and auctioning off a one-hour exclusive interview with her to your competition.” Olivia is in no mood to play games. She lays down her ultimatum.

“5…4…3…2…” And she gets what she wants.

SUSAN KILLING IT IN DEBATE PREP.

“Is Mellie….?” “Being Mellie? Yes.” Mellie is the Marcia Clark of this election and I’m already furious on her behalf.

“I’m announcing in the morning.” LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN. Hello, Edison aka Broadway’s Norm Lewis.

“You vouched for me on national television, I owe you.” Oh right I forgot about that.

“It’s about time we had our first black president.” “It’s about time we had our first woman president.”

“It’s an addiction.” “Stop talking.” Despite her best efforts to send him packing, David keeps trying to talk to Abby about his gross relationship problems. Maybe she should start keeping a bucket of cold water behind her desk.

“Stop seeing her.” “Which her?” “I don’t care!” If you’re man enough to fuck two women you’re man enough to deal with the consequences bye.

“David needs to come up and hug you, Susan.” Oh TERRIFIC, that won’t be awkward at all.

“We’re offering a product. We’re offering belief.” Frankie Vargas says SI, SE PUEDE!

“To turn out votes we gotta take it to the streets.” Who IS this guy.

It’s Frankie’s brother Alex. Cyrus is not delighted to make his acquaintance.

“He’s knows you’re in charge.” “Yes, but I’m not sure he likes it.” OOH did Cyrus hitch his wagon to a candidate with a BIGGER wagon?

“Smug and arrogant.” “She seems, I don’t know, too smart or something.” Voter focus groups are eating Mellie alive for all the wrong reasons. Dope cat sweater though.

“You’re a know-it-all, Mellie.”

“And now I’m supposed to dumb it down?….Mellie Grant, woman of the people, fine.” Get on our level, you fierce queen.

Quinn is monitoring Jake for Olivia. Liv advances their work to “Plan B.”

“Vanessa Moss? We went to college together at Smith.” Quinn puts on her best pearls, throws a frosted pink gloss over her homicidal tendencies, and cozies up to Jake’s fiance.

“I’m sorry, women?” “He’s got a couple of them, apparently.” Abby accidentally outs David’s field-playing to Susan, unaware that she’s one of the women being played.

“Susan, HEY.” “I’m sorry, what are we talking about?” She starts to lose her focus. NOT NOW, WOMAN.

“Debate prep is for ninnies.” Hollis spends the days before the debate doing his real campaigning: throwing around folksy sayings and showing off at the gun range. The press is hard.

“Lose the bitch face.” Mellie’s bitch face is very dear to me, how dare you.

“Also you need to watch your arms.” “I’m losing less arms.” “Use a little less than that.”

“Did you break your girlfriend?”

“Wedding books. There something you want to tell me?” Quinn is way out of her league with this tail job: she’s not Vanessa’s favorite wedding planning buddy.

Alex Vargas shows up at OPA and says he has dirt on Susan Ross. He’ll give it to Olivia in exchange for dirt on Edison. Dirt on SUSAN, political unicorn?

“We gotta get Mellie out in public before the debate.” To Gettysburger!

“Oh, heavens no, I can wait my turn like anybody else.” Yes, yes, be more vapid Mellie, IT’S WORKING.

“But…Gettysburger’s closed on Sundays.” Annnnnd she’s down, with a huge faux pas.

“IT’S BURGERGATE.” Heh.

“Stop thinking and start doing. FIX IT OLIVIA.” Obviously Mellie’s mistake is Olivia’s problem. That’s what she does, son.

work bitch

Cyrus tries to break the news about Edison to Frankie, but Alex is already on it. Alex is like:

“Are you cheating on me?” OKAY, SO WE’RE DOING THIS.

“It’s just you, only you…I’m not smooth enough to have an affair.” Just…ugh. David, seriously. She fucking knows. She cornered you. And now to LIE? I wanted him to deserve Susan just like I wanted him to deserve Abby before her. Not to play dumb and lose any dignity he has left.

“I must say your voicemail surprised me. There was a note of helplessness. A daughter who needs her daddy to make her boo-boo go away.” Olivia goes to her dad to get advice about Alex’s proposal. And Rowan is right for once.

“I should just take the dirt, right? It’s stupid that I’m even asking.” Yep.

“I brought you here because I’ve already decided to do it.” The job always comes first. And this information could get her candidate elected. It’s not show friends, it’s show business.

“This man has been nothing but nice to you.” “I get that, but.” “But WHAT?” Okay but why do you CARE, Rowan?

“You’d no longer be Robin Hood, Olivia. You’d be…” “You.” Did that not already occur? What have I been watching?

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“It felt so gross.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – The Fish Rots from the Head

veep don't

Scandal Season 5, Episode 13
“The Fish Rots from the Head”
Posted by Sage

A new presidential candidate officially enters the race. Not to be outdone, Fitz enters…everyone. To the gifs!

“Cover A made me look frigid. Cover B, there’s gotta be some warm blood flowing behind those eyes, wouldn’t ya say?” Mellivia are still bro-ing out, putting the final touches on Mellie’s pre-campaign auto-biography. I never want this to end.

“What are we going to do about Susan Ross?” Um, swaddle her in soft fabrics and rock her to sleep?

s1

“You need Fitz.” Olivia tells Mellie exactly what she doesn’t want to hear about Fitz’s endorsement, and then clarifies: what’s best for her is if Fitz doesn’t endorse either current candidate.

“From time to time, a pick will be made. We refer to the picks only as guests.” As press secretary, Abby’s main function is now to organize and administrate Fitz’s tawdry hook-ups. And this is your weekly reminder that C.J. Cregg wouldn’t have stood for this shit.

“Who doesn’t want to be on TV?” Cyrus encourages Carlos from Desperate Housewives to ride the wave of attention in the wake of his City Hall hero moment.

s2

“Call me your biggest fan…the Lovers of Liberty want to hear from you, Governor.” Sally Langston would love to get her Evangelical hooks in him too.

s3

“Oh, I didn’t see you there, little Cyrus Beene.” Heeeee.

“I don’t wanna use that experience as a platform for my education bill or anything else. It’s unseemly.” Aw, look: it has integrity. Cyrus:

s4

“It can’t hurt to have an ally in Washington.” Until your entire family is dead and you’re a vacant husk of a person. What show are you watching, Cy?

“The secret service screwed up?” I’ll say.

s5

“I can’t believe Megan’s dead. I need a cigarette like right now.”  We’ve got a dead hooker, folks. How cliche.

“‘This one?’ She has a name.” The agents treat their living AND dead entertainment with all the respect you’d expect.

ross seriously haunted

“This can’t get out. For the president’s sake.” “How noble.” *jack-off motion*

Quinn springs into action. She gives all the agents an alibi and tells Erin (the other one) that she was never there. Marcus is assigned to scrubbing Megan’s phone and Huck to erasing the old digital trail and creating a new one. 

“Okay, when are we going to stop hearing from Reverend Marcus?” Marcus’s conscience won’t shut the hell up, and Quinn finds it difficult to do her job with the voice of morality in her ear.

ant-man take care of this idiot

“Does she rescue puppies and orphans in her spare time?” Abby catches up with Liv while Liv spies on Jake’s date.

that was mine hiddleston

“This isn’t a date. He’s up to something.” Vanessa is too perfect. Too connected. Jake runs in Rowan’s world. Something is afoot. Or Olivia is just jealous.

not how it works

“If he doesn’t think you can do the job, then the American people won’t think you can do either.” David and Susan are a regular thing now. (And HOW MUCH DO I LOVE that Susan has such a varied grown-woman nighttime wardrobe? A lot. I love it a lot.) David ruins their post-coital cuddling (for me) by pressing Susan to get Fitz’s endorsement. Where is your SOUL, David?

“He’s going through a phase.” “And I’m a female candidate for president.” Susan knows about Fitz’s late-night activities and she doesn’t want to be associated with a cad.

“I got 26 minutes, take off your pants.” Lizzie yells at David for not adequately playing Susan. Then it’s time for more sexual humiliation.

“I don’t have much time to follow football. Can we sit?” The president meets with the Governor and he’s a reaaaaaaal dick about it. (Maybe jealous because he’s never done anything selfless and/or heroic in his entire charmed life?)

clara are you trying to scare me?

“You think I can still get on Sally Langston?” Realizing that he won’t be able to get his education plan through the way he’d prefer, Frankie (that’s Carlos, I promise I’ll stop calling him that) falls in line with Mr. Beene’s scheme. Cyrus is walkin’ on sunshine.

harry prancing

“There was a dead body. She doesn’t like dead bodies. She’s not like us.”

s6

“She misses the White House.” Quinn diagnoses Olivia as “bored.” Fine, but just…not that again. We JUST escaped.

s7

Marcus tells his colleagues that everything had already been deleted Megan’s phone and cloud, before he even touched it. Ruh roh.

“But you know what scares me even more, Sally? The future.” Frankie is killllllin it on the Liberty Report.

“You need to find out why he doesn’t want to run. NOW.” Until he clarifies that he has no interest in becoming president.

niall no one look for me

Michael isn’t paying much attention to Cy’s ravings, because he’s practicing braiding on Ella’s doll’s hair like a proper house husband. Sweetness.

s8

“Sir, we need to stop Frankie Vargas in his tracks.” Lizzie Bear smells competition for the Oval.

She suggests to Fitz that they send Susan to do Sally’s show to “tear into” the education plan. Not like she has a say in any of this.

s9

Against OPA’s wishes, Marcus requests the dead hooker’s autopsy report. To no one’s surprise: Megan was murdered. The blunt force trauma happened before the drugs entered her system. She didn’t fall.

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It Must Be Nice, It Must Be Nice To Have Olivia On Your Side – Scandal Gif-Cap – “Rasputin”

Scandal Season 5, Episode 8
“Rasputin”
Posted by Sage

I love it when Scandal makes up countries. It makes it feel even more like an AU version of our own international relationships. The AO3 tags for this episode would include “hat porn,” “closet sex,” “secret gay affair,” and of course, “bondage.” (HI ROWAN.) This is the last episode before the much touted winter finale, so let’s get to the gifs.

“Tell me it’s not true, Liv.” The episode kicks off with an obvious flash-forward: Olivia in a cold interrogation cell and Fitz hoping that her being there is all one big misunderstanding. It never is though, is it?

“A disarmament deal between the United States and the Republic of Bandar.” Fitz DOES do some running of the country between bitching and moaning sessions. His administration is about to end years of sanctions against a middle eastern nation. It would be a feather in the cap of the whole Grant team.

“The biggest push for peace since the toppling of the Berlin Wall.” Hyperbole is the BEST.

“I’m always happy for a chance to see Miss Pope.” Cyrus worries that the Bandarians(?) will shun Olivia as a whore, but they already love her because guess what, she’s handled some things for them.

“The president gets all the credit while we do all the work.” Susan’s dropping some truth bombs and it’s delicious.

“Kill me now. Do not translate that.” LizzieBear clearly thinks that working with Susan is below her.

“But I need your help…I would like to defect, can you help me?” The interpreter for the minister of energy slips in some cries for help when he’s translating for Olivia. She takes the Minister to meet the chef (also from Bandar) and the translator tells her that he will give her the location of a secret nuclear facility if she can get him asylum.

“He didn’t looked smitten, he looked scared.” Navid isn’t dazzled by the “blue jeans and the mini skirts” as Cy suggests. Fitz okays it for OPA to handle digging into Navid and his claim.

“I’m okay, Red. We’re living in a new world, Red. A world where Olivia Pope is judge, jury, and executioner.”

“If you go back on the deal, I’m going to tell Fitz what we did. What you did.” Mellie pops into the episode to threaten Liv about their misguided girl plan to free Rowan.

“Helen of Troy…hello.” Oh, TOM. Get some new jokes.

“I’m being hunted, Olivia…Ballard is the least of my concerns.” Look who’s back, with his old-school soul soundtrack.

“You should be afraid.” “Why?” “Because am afraid.” Rowan claims that if the people who’re looking to take him out succeed, Olivia loses her protection. And she’ll just be ceding control to an organization worse than B6-13.

“Oh, Olivia. I take tremendous pride in who you have become.”

Huck has never heard of Lazarus One. But he likes their mission statement: kill Rowan Pope.

“FASTER.” NOT MY TEMPO, Marcus.

“Any chance this guy’s a spy?” Huck finds “no chatter” indicating that Navid’s intentions are anything but pure.

Navid gets sick at a meeting, and ends up safe in a hospital bed. Olivia had given him a pill, like some haute couture Friar Lawrence.

“If this checks out, you’ll have your asylum.” America! Fuck yeah!

“You want me to put my foot in my mouth.” “Yes, Susan, I do.” “Well why didn’t you say so?”

“But what do I know, I’m just a woman.” The President of Bandar steps away from the negotiation, just as Grant hoped he would. Bless Susan Ross for never, ever putting her own ego over serving the country.

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