“Time to switch positions.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – Fates Worse Than Death

Scandal Season 6, Episode 3
“Fates Worse Than Death”
Posted by Kim

When Season Six of Scandal premiered, I was SUPER bummed that we jumped over the entire Presidential Campaign to get to election night. We skipped over SO MUCH good stuff. Needless to say, I’m THRILLED with how they are toggling between the present day and the highlights of the Campaign. This week, we get to spend time with our favorite master manipulator, Cyrus Beene. TO THE GIFS.

It’s 76 Days till the Inauguration and we still don’t have an OFFICIAL President.

Okay, I get that Cyrus is the Devil but let’s take a moment to appreciate that he would be the First Openly Gay President.  The ONLY white hetero man on that Presidential ballot was Jake and I just want to thank Shonda Rhimes for creating this universe.

“For the first time since election night, you seem you. I like it. Mr. President.” I love how Michael has transformed from Male Escort and marriage of convenience to Husband of the Year. Cyrus does NOT deserve him.

Abby calls Cy in FULL BossBitch mode and tells him to shut his blinds. “In 30 seconds, you no longer talk to ANYONE.” Aw yeah, the shit is about to hit the fan.

David Rosen is giving a press conference saying they are expanding the investigation into Frankie’s death. When asked if this will include Cyrus, David simply replies “Anyone and Everyone” with a dead ass “CYRUS DID IT” face.

Never one to listen to anyone, Cyrus opens his front door and finds a swarm of press and paparazzi on the front lawn.

“Now every idiot with a smart phone thinks he’s Ken Burns.”


 

“Charlie we are NOT making a sex tape.” COULD YOU EVEN IMAGINE.

“We need to focus!” Huck has no patience for this twitterpaited nonsense known as Charlie and Quinn.

We flashback to the night of the Vice Presidential Debate, where Cyrus DEMOLISHED Jake.

Ooooooooh Frankie seems VERY buddy buddy with Jennifer Fields aka the Campaign Volunteer who incriminated Cyrus before someone blew up her cabin.

“Who is THIS?” Cyrus’ Spidey Senses are telling him we could have another Fitz/Olivia on the Campaign Trail situation on our hands and he isn’t having it.

Back in the present, Cyrus is spiraling. “I am being set up by Olivia Pope.”

“To answer your question, no, I didn’t do it.” Michael is like “Okay, yeah, sure babe. But DIDN’T YOU?”

Lizzie Bear shows up at Cy’s back door. “I crawled across the lawn to get here. My hands touched the ground. Let me in.” BLESS.

“You are literally a snake in the grass.” I love how much they hate each other but are also the best of friends?

“Has ANYONE taken your call?” Lizzie pulls no punches and hits Cy right where it hurts. They BOTH know he’s being shut out.

“And how do you want to help YOU?” Cy knows Lizzie’s visit isn’t selfless. She wants something and what she wants is to be his Chief of Staff.

Back to the night of the VP Debate, Liv and Cyrus engage in some fake “Oh I miss  you so much” banter and some backhanded compliments regarding his performance in the debate.

“I’m saying you’ve changed, you’ve evolved, you’ve grown. You’ve gotten good at this.”

“So I’m no longer the troll under the bridge who grunts and snorts, there’s lipstick on this pig now, and look at the monkey dance? That doesn’t even make sense.” Look, I’m with Cyrus here. This conversation would make my head explode.

“I was wrong. I’m saying I was wrong. Look at you. You’ve bloomed. So maybe putting yourself on Frankie’s ticket wasn’t the worst…” JUST STOP TALKING OLIVIA.

“Putting myself on the ticket? I put myself on the ticket? That’s what you think?” I meeeeeeeean, it’s what we all thought, Cyrus. BUT ALSO this is Olivia Pope’s fatal flaw: she throws around comments like this and COMPLETELY underestimates how deep they cut and how it just kicks people’s pride into overdrive. She did it with Abby and now she’s doing it with Cyrus.

“I made his policies, I hid his secrets, I ran his country. Watched the two of you grope each other like a cheap porno. And none of you ever saw me. And that’s fine. You think what you want to think of me. I certainly have all kinds of opinions about Olivia Pope.” YASSSSSS I LIVE.

“You better watch yourself.” Part of me misses when Liv and Cyrus worked TOGETHER but seeing them as adversaries is just so much more fun because they are both MASTER manipulators.

Meanwhile, Abby continues to be the best as she silently stands in judgement of Fitz for pursing the Cyrus angle. She gives him the judgy silent treatment until Fitz can’t take it anymore and I JUST LOVE how she is the only woman on this show to have never been dickmatized by him.

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“The view from here” – Scandal Gif-Cap – Survival of the Fittest

Scandal Season 6, Episode 1
“Survival of the Fittest”
Posted by Kim

Aaaaaaaaaaand we’re back. GOD IT HAS BEEN SO LONG.

When we last saw Scandal, Mellie had just won the Republican Nomination for President. Cyrus had pulled a fast one and gotten on the VP Ticket with Frankie Vargas. We were ready for a Battle Royale, where our fictional President would be either a woman or a Latino. It was a DREAM. And then Kerry Washington had to go and get pregnant again (CONGRATS) and our beloved Scandal was pushed to midseason, after the ACTUAL election that turned the world upside down. How will Scandal play out in this new reality we’re all living in? Let’s get to the gifs and see.

We open with Huckleberry Quinn traipsing through the woods on some sort of mission. Remember when they used to have hate sex? If I have to, so do you.

“He could have gotten to her.” How much time have we jumped? Who is he? WHO IS HER? GOD I MISSED THIS SHOW.

In typical Scandal fashion, the Cabin in the Woods explodes.

We flash back 24 hours and it’s Election Night. Team Mellie is gathered around the TV watching the returns come in. The map is an equal distribution between red and blue. Suddenly, Scandal has become a documentary and it’s TOO REAL. (Except Frankie Vargas has a moral compass.)

“I want ‘I voted’ stickers on everyone!!!”

It all comes down to California, which is hilarious because California hasn’t gone Republican since 1988. But it IS Mellie’s home state, so making it a battleground makes total sense. PS I always forget Mellie is a Republican.

 “Olivia’s Business Walk is my favorite thing.” – Sage

Olivia shoots back some whiskey after talking to Charlie who apparently works here now. She knows.

Frankie wins. I get that this makes better television, but DAMN SHONDA IF I DIDN’T NEED THIS. Why why why why.

“Obviously there has been voter tampering!” Mellie goes straight to denial.

“And make sure that the entire campaign staff is aware that this race is far from over.”

“Mellie needs you.” At least Fitz recognizes this is the most important relationship on the show.

“I NEED A MINUTE.” What Fitz isn’t getting is that this loss means as much, if not more, to Olivia as it does for Mellie. And she needs a minute to deal with that before she has to be the bastion of strength for her candidate.

DON’T SEEK COMFORT FROM HIM OLIVIA.

I forgot Will’s wife from Glee was here. She’s drowning her sorrows in booze, so she can stay.

“NO WE ARE STILL IN THIS!!!” WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.

“You have to make the call now, Mellie, before too much time goes by! You wait too long, the press out there is gonna say you’re ungracious. They’re gonna label you a sore loser.” I mean that’s actually what happened IRL, like I said, this show is now a documentary.

“And because you’re a woman, half of them are gonna call you a bitch, and half of them are gonna report that you cried.” AIN’T THAT THE TRUTH THOUGH.

“You don’t go down like that. We don’t go down like that.”

“Make the damn call.”

Olivia can’t even deal with this.

Mellie, my sad queen. Bellamy Young is SO GOOD, y’all. The way she lowers her voice as she speaks to Frankie is so brilliant. WHERE ARE HER EMMY NOMINATIONS?

Olivia giving Mellie prompts for the phone call.

Mellie drinking the victory champagne in the bathtub. Gurl, same.

Mellie and Liv passing the bottle back and forth. PLEASE BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

“You know what gets me? Cyrus. Cyrus Beene was on the winning team. Cyrus Beene gets to hold public office. Can you believe?”

The way they laugh when they say “Vice President Beene” though.

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You’re Gonna Need a Right Hand Man – Scandal Gif-Cap – That’s My Girl

Scandal Season 5, Episode 21
“That’s My Girl”
Posted by Sage

I’ve spent the last six months telling people who quit the show during the endless loop of Olitz that Scandal is THE REALNESS again. A season finale with zero deaths? No bombs? Negative extra-marital affairs? YEP. And it was still one of the best Scandal bows ever. Because as the real world is currently reminding us, elections are WACKADOO. Let’s to the gifs.

“My father wanted a grandson.” Jake is having a friendly after-dinner drink with his new father-in-law discussing Vanessa’s grandfather being kind of a dick.

“You’re the son I never thought I wanted.” 

“I’m sorry sir, I’m sorry you think of me as a son, but there’s another man who thinks of me as his son too.” Jake poisons his new dad for his old one (but not the old-OLD one, who he murdered last week – try to keep up) so that Vanessa (and Jake) will get her inheritance faster.

“It’s only a few more seconds…almost there.” And he’s dead.

Tom tells Cyrus that he found Michael in Virginia with Ella. Cyrus would rather pick a VP than talk about his child.

“The man-child who’s been soiling his pants at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for the past eight years.” The Liberty Report is at the GNC shading Fitz and it is beautiful.

Cyrus asks David to be Frankie’s running mate and tells him that Frankie is an “honest, across the aisle soldier.”

“No, I mean, whom do I have to kill for you? Or imprison for you? What does the Dark Lord Master Cyrus Beene want in return for this?” David knows the drill.

“You two are cut from the same cloth.” Cyrus is really laying it on thick about Frankie’s goodness, hoping to appeal to that part of David Rosen that still thinks he’s wearing the white hat.

“Male, married, and military.” There are three possibilities for Mellie’s running mate who tick all the necessary boxes.

One of them got caught selling expired condoms.

“I was a coke dealer.” Governor Bill Wagner of Missouri is the only one who comes clean about his past, which makes it possible for OPA to scrub it down for him.

“He’s perfect.” Mellie is sitting next to Marcus on the conference room table, by the way. Their thighs are touching.

Edison comes to visit, tells Olivia what Jake said. Why Edison CARES is unclear. Didn’t Jake threaten his whole life and family and everything he stands for?

“I’m not asking you if you understand, I’m asking you what you’re gonna do about it.”

“Your father is building a war chest…you need to save him.” Huck is on Liv about climbing up Jake’s hair and rescuing him from Rowan’s tower too. But…isn’t Jake a grown-ass man?

“Mr. Beene, Eli Pope.” Rowan is at Vargas for President headquarters and he’s going to give the campaign $30 million. Cyrus is like:

“If I only went where I was welcome, I’d never leave the house.” Rowan threatens to tell Frankie what Cyrus did in Harrisburg. He wants Jake on the ticket.

Doug Morton, aka Wagner’s old coke dealing buddy, is getting moved to Albuquerque with a new ID and a nice chunk of change. So forget you saw anything.

Mellie wants Fitz to speak on opening night instead of closing night, because this sniz is about her, goddammit.

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll even end up in Vermont.” Abby looks HORRIFIED.

“My take is that…he’s a soulless dead-eyed monster who murdered the love of my life in cold blood.” Cyrus dreams about saying this to Frankie when he asks what Cyrus thinks of Jake as a VP. *blows a kiss to the sky* For James Novak.

“I think he’d be great.” GREAT. SO GREAT. Everything’s fine, we’re all fine here….how are you?

evans salad

 

Lizzie and David do a Bartlet White House walk and talk!

“I knew it! This is great.” “Is it?” “Well, not for the country, but for you.” Lizzie is flying high about David and Frankie, because it puts her back in the game. David, she’s not so confidant about.

“I’m gonna vote for Frankie Vargas and I have a golden retriever at home named Barry Goldwater.”

David blames Lizzie for him losing Susan. “I cried. Multiple times. Tears. In my eyes.” TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN SHITTY ACTIONS, ROSEN.

“Well, I don’t want to either, but this is where we are.”

Fitz is in Abby’s office reading Liv’s medical records. I’d be shocked that a representative of the US government is spying on one of its citizens, but. Also HER BODY IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

“You’re a big boy Cyrus, just say no.” Cyrus tells Olivia about what he did in Harrisburg and that Rowan has it over him.

“You set that up?” “Pretty good, right?” “They were martyred for Jesus! For Political Jesus!” Cyrus is really torn up about it.

“This election should be you and me competing for the Oval.” HEAD TO HEAD. The student vs the master.

“It’s an 8,000 word love letter to himself.” Fitz’s speech for Mellie is all about Fitz. I’m about to have a heart attack and die of not-surprise.

Marcus walks Mellie to the stage to confront Fitz about it and gives her advice. KISS.

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“That’s American greatness.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – Trump Card

Scandal Season 5, Episode 20
“Trump Card”
Posted by Kim

Good news, everyone. The race for the White House is back in full swing AND I saw Hamilton since the last time I did a gif-cap, so I can now use those gifs and actually know what they mean. Who is going to be in the room where it happens? Let’s get to the gifs and find out.

“This is our country. I aim to keep it that way.” Hollis is leading the primary now. Look at your life, America. Look at your choices.

“It’s like Throwback Thursday: Gladiator Reunion.” Liv and Abby unite so they can shut this madness down.

“No more campaigning against each other.” Then Liv and Abby give each other the fakest goodbyes possible.

“I need something LEGAL on Susan.” Yeah the whole not campaigning things lasts 30 seconds.

“Ceasefire get broken. We need to be protected.” Okay, so the not campaigning against each other IS on but Liv wants to be prepared for the moment it’s OFF.

“We’re gonna have a war on our hands.” #TeamSusan searches for dirt on Mellie so they can be ready too. This gon get nasty REAL quick.

“I brought lunch to you!” David continues the “Kiss Susan’s Ass Until She Forgives Me” 2016 World Tour.

“We are going to burn Hollis Doyle and his hillbilly hate to the ground.” Susan explains why she’s coming up with all sorts of neutral language about Mellie. It’s all about destroying Hollis for the moment. Then they can get back to destroying each other.

All of David’s legalese.

“You want to take me on a vacation?” I mean it’s the least he could do.

“I focus on all the ways I intend to make it up to you.” YOU BETTER.

“I’d like for us to get old together. Eyes on the prize.” UM.

“I don’t want to be a woman who thinks a thing is happening that’s not happening.” SAME.

“I may or not be suggesting that we get married.” UM YOU COULD PROPOSE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, YOU SHIT. SUSAN DESERVES ROMANCE.

“Ask me like a normal person.” That’s right. Stand up for your right to a proposal!

SHE SAYS YES. Really?

“He likes holding people’s babies. He likes talking to people. He truly wants the country to be a better place.” Liv and Cyrus meet up and Cyrus goes on about how Frankie is actually a good person and he doesn’t understand why he’s losing in the polls.

“You believe he’s the real thing.” You know, I don’t think Cyrus ever talked about Fitz this way, so Liv in awe.

“No. YOU believe. You. Cyrus Beene, you are a believer.” 

“If I’ve lost my touch, I need to know.” If Frankie is so great and Cyrus has picked a good one then WHY IS HE LOSING? I know Cyrus is the devil, but he’s pretty vulnerable here, which is why Olivia has mercy on him.

“You’re not losing to Edison. You’re losing to my father.”

“So what are we doing? What’s the plan? I’m happy to go all in with whatever you’ve got going on.” Honestly, bring back the evil genius dream team.

“I’m not fighting my father because there’s no way to win.” DON’T GIVE UP OLIVIA.

“My father was command, Cyrus.” EVERYONE DRINK.

“It’s about you. What you want.” Rowan pulls Abby into one of his shady limo meetings.

“This will crush Mellie and give your gal a real shot.” Soooooo…Rowan tells Abby all about Olivia aborting Fitz’s baby because somehow that will ruin Mellie. And because he’s Satan.

“Ask yourself a simple question. What would Olivia Pope do?” Fair point, Rowan.

“Our target for destruction: Hollis Doyle, the devil you’d love to have a beer with.” Abby, Liv, Huck, and Quinn gather in the OPA conference room to go through the file on Hollis. JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.

“No matter what he does, America loves him.” YEP.

“Hollis loves him some women and women love Hollis.In all my years, not a one of them fillies ever needed an arm twist to roll in my hay.” That is how he responds to rape allegations? I want to vomit.

“His numbers went up?” I weep for fictional (and real) America.

“Books and thoughts? They don’t hurt people! Well…maybe books.” He just keeps running his mouth and counteracting everything.

“You’re looking at the front-runner for the Republican nomination.” #TeamEdison thinks they have this thing in the bag.

“You feel me, brother? This is America, you have another crop of supporters.” Edison wants to speak out against Hollis but Rowan warns him to not piss off the white people who want to vote for Edison so they can feel superior. AMERICA.

“That is an incredibly simplistic view, Rowan. Race is nothing more than a social construct.” I don’t understand how Edison, a man who deep down is a man of integrity, got roped into this mess. Also, he’s not here to be used for his race.

“You’re going to get there by making everyone forget that you are black.” THIS IS AWKWARD.

“So maybe it’s smarter to let the Republicans go after Hollis.” Edison REALLY wants to be President though.

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The Devil Went Down To Florida – Scandal Gif-Cap – Buckle Up

cat fight

Scandal Season 5, Episode 19
“Buckle Up”
Posted by Sage

Forget Team Cap or Team Iron for a few days. I wanna know if you’re Team Liv or Team Abby. A standoff between these two ladies has the potential to cause as much death and destruction as an intra-Avengers fight. Let’s see who scored the most points, shall we?

“By dawn’s early light, a political cat fight.” Susan is living.

Abby and Liv “going at each other tooth and nail.” She’s not even reporting on the candidates, really. But face it, the real good stuff is going on behind the scenes.

“I’d just as soon be shot in my face by a cannon then be tagged as a…feminist. However, I will admit that it’s hard to watch too smart, talented women tear each other apart like this.” “Hard.” Please. This translates to “thanks for the ratings, hos!”

“How late do you think you’ll be?” “Wish I knew.” Michael has questions for Cyrus and Cyrus is SO DISMISSIVE it’s actually painful.

Alex calls him, but Michael doesn’t want to help. Alex knows Cyrus was involved in shooting and hopes Michael can give him proof.

“You’re exhausted, I know, but you’ll get a day off when you’re president.” THE IRONY.

Lizzie locks David and Susan together in their hotel room so they can keep up the charade of their relationship. They are both MISERABLE.

“Governor Baker has the state of Florida on lockdown.” And we’re calling it a “bake-off,” which is fun.

“Hold on, Susan can’t drink gin.” “What?” “You told me gin makes you mean.” “Being cheated on makes me mean.” THAT’S MY GIRL.

It’s on in Florida. Every Republican candidate is headed South to kiss the ring of their powerful governor.

“She can take the stairs.” Olivia presses the “door close” button before Abby can reach the elevator. So that’s the level of petty we’re at now.

“MELLIE: MADE FOR AMERICA.” Mellie’s plane!

“It’s an internal problem.” Abby comes up with a scheme to ground Mellie and therefor Olivia. No flights can leave while Air Force One is on the runway. But what if they were dealing with some “mechanical issues”?

“What Edison Davis doesn’t have is kids.” Alex wants to use Frankie’s daughter’s cancer to score political points.

“No, but we can shame them off.” Olivia calls Air Force One out in the media.

“You can’t just lie to the FAA….go back into your office and do your job so I can do mine.” Fitz has had it. He knows the delay is fake. But Abby is not budging.

“Can I level with you? I like Susan. I think she’s smart. I think she’s personable. I don’t think she’s got what it takes to be president.” Baker blackmails Rosen. She wants him to drop an investigation into the corrupt activities of a certain company in exchange for Susan’s endorsement. Also, HELLO ANNIE POTTS.

“This is the one.” Baker picks out David’s tie.

FOUR HOURS INTO THE PLANE STAND OFF. Don’t these people have a country to run?

“Who among us hasn’t gone over the edge and killed somebody once?”

“She wants to know why you’re here when you should be saving Jake.” Quinn and Huck are still on Olivia’s mental health patrol.

“YOU SHOULD BE OVER A CLIFF WITH ME. AND YET, YOU ARE SITTING HERE, HAVING ME EXPLAIN YOUR JOB TO YOU.” Olivia hasn’t got time for amateur therapy hour.

Mellie goes to Marcus to talk out a plan to get the plane in the air. I still ship it.

“What the hell is she doing?” Mellie disembarks and walks out onto the runway, solo. The press LOSES IT.

“Wanna talk?” “I think it’s a very good idea.” Fitz is being…nice. I don’t like it.

“That crafty broad. I really underestimated her.” Color Lizzie impressed with Baker and her kickbacks.

“I took an OATH.” “We get it, you are a special snowflake.” David, are you sure you want to be crowing about your ethics right now?

“Congrats, Mellie. I’m proud of you.” “Think how proud I could make you if I could get to Florida.” (I know she’s playing him here because Mellie doesn’t give a flying fuck if Fitz approves of her or not. Anyway, well done.)

“One of them is about to go full Tonya Harding on the other. And when that happens I think we know who’s going to leave who a blubbering mess on the floor.” But who is Oksana in this scenario?

“You’re telling me you don’t know? Olivia…Andrew.” Fitz decides to tell Mellie that her campaign manager murdered her ex-lover, in front of about a dozen media outlets.

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Okay, She Did That. – Scandal Gif-Cap – Thwack!


Scandal Season 5, Episode 17
“Thwack!”
Posted by Sage

Tonight, on a very special episode of Scandal, everything goes to hell and I scream for the last 10 minutes. But in retrospect, haven’t we been headed here for a long, long time? Let’s find out. To the gifs!

DUE TO ADULT CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Lillian Forrester is spotted going into medical center. In a very fetching head scarf. Please tell me Fitz gave her an STD.

“You’re following her?” “You made that my job when you started dating her.” President’s jump-off gets a tail, dude. Them’s the rules.

“It’s actually worse, much worse.” Lillian isn’t pregnant, but she DOES have a secret.

Olivia wants Mellie to get Latinos behind her campaign.

“No, you never speak Spanish. Ever to anyone, please.”

Liv wants her to meet with a Cardinal Suarez to get his endorsement.

“Why are you meeting with a reporter from the Times?” Shit fuck shit fuck, it’s Andrew.

“I feel good too, being able to speak again. Especially when I have so much to say.” Andrew has been meeting with Lillian to feed her the West Angola story. You know the one. When Fitz started an actual war to rescue his mistress from her kidnappers?

“This time you’re not just up against Fitz and Cyrus and Mellie. You’re up against me: the bitch you left for dead.”

There’s a clandestine meeting in the White House kitchens. “Anyone care to cop to that?” Fitz asks about Andrew’s condition. Cyrus can’t stop giggling, because they’re all fucked. And he is not. laughing.

“Cyrus has immunity.” It was one of his conditions when he returned to Fitz’s side. He’s untouchable, and still an evil genius.

“We are not going to kill him.” “Why?” “Did you just say WHY?”

“If we kill Andrew, we’re no better than he is.” Abby, this isn’t about goodness any more.

“Mellie talks to Andrew.” “I’m sorry, is this your meeting now?” “Yes.” The next step is to destroy any paper or digital trail.

“Thank you. For coming when I called.” “You didn’t call, Abby did.” Take several seats, Fitz.

“Huck, it was you, right? You put Andrew in that coma.” Liv LOSES HER SHIT on Huck, (she’s terrified) and instructs him not to take him out now.

“What did I miss?” Oh, Marcus. You’re going to have to be a much worse person to gain entrance to this club.

“I don’t do it anymore.” “That’s what you said last time.” Lizzie corners Huck in the parking garage and gives him the file on Andrew’s whereabouts. He protests, but takes the folder anyway.

Alex shows Frankie a new ad that capitalizes on his hero moment at the state capital. Cyrus suggests they go low-key and use social media to spread it instead. Cyrus wins. Alex is not pleased.

Alex spots Tom in the news footage. But why would someone so nondescript catch his eye? FORESHADOWING.

“You want the truth, Andrew? You didn’t choose me. You chose him.” Mellie visits Andrew to try to reason with him.

She even tries to act like they’re getting back together someday.

“It still works, Mellie. Unless I disgust you.” He takes her hand and puts it under his blanket. HOW DID I NOT SEE HOW TERRIBLE HE WAS FROM THE FIRST MOMENT? I am slipping.

“The man wants to be Pope. Praising an adulteress is not how you move up in that organization.” If Andrew and Mellie’s affair gets out, she can kiss the support of any religious institutions and voters goodbye.

“MELLIE. SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.” Liv will HANDLE THIS, GOD DAMN.

Olivia pops by Rowan’s house to ask them to watch Lillian for her. As per usual, Jake is happily munching away. “It’s nice having a friend in the NSA isn’t it?”

“Say ‘thank you.'” This dynamic is soooo weird.

“When it fails, you’ll be left for one option and one option only.” Rowan already knows what Liv is going to do, even if she can’t admit that she’s capable of it.

Huck comes into the medical center in the middle of the night and sticks Andrew with another needle.

“Is he dead? You said he wasn’t dead.”

“I never tried to kill you. I KNOW how to kill people.”

“How much will it take to get you to drop this story?” Abby and Liv kidnapped Andrew to the underground White House bunker to get the terms and conditions of his bribe.

“I’m writing a book.” “Nobody wants to read that book.” People want to hear about heroes, Liv says. And no matter how he tells this story, Andrew is not that.

“$10 million AND you represent me in the book deal.” Abby nods, giving Liv the okay to take this deal. I think the second part is more important to Andrew than the millions.

“Cardinal Suarez has been waiting for 25 minutes.” “Oh.” “Yeah…oh.” Marcus over here just trying to do his job.

Lillian has been through legal with the West Angola story. They’re good, and almost ready to publish.

“It’s the best bad idea we have.” Another kitchen clubhouse meeting. The implicated parties are agreeing to pay Andrew off.

“I’m in for my fair share,” Lizzie says. Then Cyrus pipes up, taking his wallet out of his pocket: “My fair share: $1.” Cyrus has misplaced all his fucks.

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“Do you want to be a boss?” – Scandal Gif-Cap – The Miseducation of Susan Ross

Scandal Season 5, Episode 16
“The Miseducation of Susan Ross”

Posted by Kim

There is NOTHING like an election to revive a long-running political drama. Scandal is at its BEST right now and I am loving it. TO THE GIFS.

We pick up right where we left off last week…The Republican Debate. 

Susan, reeling from dumping David, just looks miserable up there. 

Mellie, on the other hand, is SLAYING.

“It’s a big problem. we need to do better.” Susan has completely shut down and can barely work out a response.

“This is very bad.” Thank you, Captain Obvious.

“If you were to lose the nomination…” “Not going to happen.” Mellie is poised and confident and *I* want to vote for her.

“Vice President Ross is a decent, hardworking public servant, and she would be worlds better and far more deserving of this office than the misogynist playboy to my left.” LADIES SUPPORTING LADIES.

“I can only imagine what your plans for Camp David would be.” 

“A lot like your ex-husband’s I’d expect.” Touche, Hollis.

“Listen, if all it takes to be presidential is to shake hands and give speeches and know which color lipstick to wear to the party, then go ahead on. Take your pick of one of these Bettys.” OH MY GOD.

“How presidential is it to have your ex-husband’s ex-mistress running your campaign?” 

“Susan? Having fun?” Fitz calls for a commercial break pep talk and I feel so strange for not hating him.

“You only need one moment. One punch. One good one is all it takes.”

“We’re in real trouble here because of YOU.” LizzyBear lets David have it and for once it’s merited.

“How do we know this Grant ain’t the same as the other one?” 

“Because it’s the 21st century. You can’t look at a man anymore and assume that his wife shares the same positions, nor can you hold the wife accountable for his actions.” MELLIE.

“We are not our husband’s keepers. We are our own women with our own beliefs.” 

“In case there is ANY doubt on where I stand with the President, you’ll notice he’s my ex-husband, not my husband.” 

“It IS a good line.” Bless Abby for not being afraid to admit when her opponent kills it.

Susan parrots Mellie’s line and it looks like all is lost. BUT THEN SHE ADDS “…but maybe we should be”. 

“I’m talking now.” YAS SUSAN HAS DECIDED TO SHOW UP.

“I bit my tongue because we are not our husband’s keepers.” DUDE. Susan launches into the story of how she lost her husband and she is NAILING it.

“I blamed myself. I had an opinion and I didn’t voice it.” This is BEAUTIFUL.

“No, we are not our husband’s keepers, but maybe we should be America’s. Next question.” And Susan just won this round.

“America HATES me.” Mellie’s loss sends her into a spiral of self-pity because she KNOWS she’s brilliant and doesn’t understand why she’s not connecting with the general public.

SO MANY MELLIVIA FEELINGS. ALL I HAVE WANTED FOR THREE SEASONS IS FOR THEM TO TEAM UP AND IT IS AS BEAUTIFUL AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

“Mellie, I will get you the Oval. Come hell or high water.” Like father, like daughter.

“BECAUSE HE’S NOT HER HUSBAND.” GASP. Susan just won the debate based on the story about her husband and he is NOT her husband???

“Susan Ross is a liar. And we’re going to find out why and we’re going to take her down.” SUSAN I TRUSTED YOU.

“America doesn’t care about you winning the debate. You won David.” This makes me sad because it’s true.

“What’s HE doing here?” I am LIVING for how much she hates him. Bless.

“You need to sell this love story.” Much like Hazza, Susan looks like she’d rather die than touch Taylor David.

“I want her to be President, I owe her that.” Honestly, it’s the least you can do.

“You need Quinn. You need Huck. But you don’t need me?” Can we get a good story for Marcus in season six?

“I need YOU to do your job.” And his job is to babysit Mellie while she makes an appearance on Kimmel. CROSS PROMOTION FTW.

Not only was Susan never married to John, her daughter is not his either. 

“You’re holding out on me.” Liv and Alex meet to follow-up on their respective dirt.

“You gave me a RUMOR.” Oh, come on, Alex. Do your homework. Rumors usually have truth to them.

Oh I kind of want Alex and Olivia to do it?

Susan’s baby daddy is in PRISON. 

“Your hand is dangerously close to the flame. Watch out kid.” Cyrus tries to warn Alex against going after Edison based on a rumor, but Alex won’t be deterred.

THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE MELLIE DO MEAN TWEETS.

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Let’s Clean Out the Old Barn and Put On a Debate! – Scandal Gif-Cap – Pencils Down

Scandal Season 5, Episode 15
“Pencils Down”
Posted by Sage

The Republican primary candidates meet in their first official debate and Scandal drags another character out of the past to join the Democratic race. To the gifs!

“The first gift? Hollis Doyle.” Ironically, Scandal‘s Trump is the only candidate who’s not someone else’s puppet.

“Well yours truly has agreed to host the first Republican debate.” Of COURSE Sally Langston is running this thing. Poor yourself a drink and down it every time Hollis asks her about her menopause.

“Nobody speaks better for Hollis Doyle than Hollis Doyle.”

“Y’all think some little buzzer is gonna stop the truth from tumbling from these jaws?” Olivia wants a light and a buzzer; she thinks Sally will go soft on her favorites.

“I’m pulling Mellie and auctioning off a one-hour exclusive interview with her to your competition.” Olivia is in no mood to play games. She lays down her ultimatum.

“5…4…3…2…” And she gets what she wants.

SUSAN KILLING IT IN DEBATE PREP.

“Is Mellie….?” “Being Mellie? Yes.” Mellie is the Marcia Clark of this election and I’m already furious on her behalf.

“I’m announcing in the morning.” LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN. Hello, Edison aka Broadway’s Norm Lewis.

“You vouched for me on national television, I owe you.” Oh right I forgot about that.

“It’s about time we had our first black president.” “It’s about time we had our first woman president.”

“It’s an addiction.” “Stop talking.” Despite her best efforts to send him packing, David keeps trying to talk to Abby about his gross relationship problems. Maybe she should start keeping a bucket of cold water behind her desk.

“Stop seeing her.” “Which her?” “I don’t care!” If you’re man enough to fuck two women you’re man enough to deal with the consequences bye.

“David needs to come up and hug you, Susan.” Oh TERRIFIC, that won’t be awkward at all.

“We’re offering a product. We’re offering belief.” Frankie Vargas says SI, SE PUEDE!

“To turn out votes we gotta take it to the streets.” Who IS this guy.

It’s Frankie’s brother Alex. Cyrus is not delighted to make his acquaintance.

“He’s knows you’re in charge.” “Yes, but I’m not sure he likes it.” OOH did Cyrus hitch his wagon to a candidate with a BIGGER wagon?

“Smug and arrogant.” “She seems, I don’t know, too smart or something.” Voter focus groups are eating Mellie alive for all the wrong reasons. Dope cat sweater though.

“You’re a know-it-all, Mellie.”

“And now I’m supposed to dumb it down?….Mellie Grant, woman of the people, fine.” Get on our level, you fierce queen.

Quinn is monitoring Jake for Olivia. Liv advances their work to “Plan B.”

“Vanessa Moss? We went to college together at Smith.” Quinn puts on her best pearls, throws a frosted pink gloss over her homicidal tendencies, and cozies up to Jake’s fiance.

“I’m sorry, women?” “He’s got a couple of them, apparently.” Abby accidentally outs David’s field-playing to Susan, unaware that she’s one of the women being played.

“Susan, HEY.” “I’m sorry, what are we talking about?” She starts to lose her focus. NOT NOW, WOMAN.

“Debate prep is for ninnies.” Hollis spends the days before the debate doing his real campaigning: throwing around folksy sayings and showing off at the gun range. The press is hard.

“Lose the bitch face.” Mellie’s bitch face is very dear to me, how dare you.

“Also you need to watch your arms.” “I’m losing less arms.” “Use a little less than that.”

“Did you break your girlfriend?”

“Wedding books. There something you want to tell me?” Quinn is way out of her league with this tail job: she’s not Vanessa’s favorite wedding planning buddy.

Alex Vargas shows up at OPA and says he has dirt on Susan Ross. He’ll give it to Olivia in exchange for dirt on Edison. Dirt on SUSAN, political unicorn?

“We gotta get Mellie out in public before the debate.” To Gettysburger!

“Oh, heavens no, I can wait my turn like anybody else.” Yes, yes, be more vapid Mellie, IT’S WORKING.

“But…Gettysburger’s closed on Sundays.” Annnnnd she’s down, with a huge faux pas.

“IT’S BURGERGATE.” Heh.

“Stop thinking and start doing. FIX IT OLIVIA.” Obviously Mellie’s mistake is Olivia’s problem. That’s what she does, son.

work bitch

Cyrus tries to break the news about Edison to Frankie, but Alex is already on it. Alex is like:

“Are you cheating on me?” OKAY, SO WE’RE DOING THIS.

“It’s just you, only you…I’m not smooth enough to have an affair.” Just…ugh. David, seriously. She fucking knows. She cornered you. And now to LIE? I wanted him to deserve Susan just like I wanted him to deserve Abby before her. Not to play dumb and lose any dignity he has left.

“I must say your voicemail surprised me. There was a note of helplessness. A daughter who needs her daddy to make her boo-boo go away.” Olivia goes to her dad to get advice about Alex’s proposal. And Rowan is right for once.

“I should just take the dirt, right? It’s stupid that I’m even asking.” Yep.

“I brought you here because I’ve already decided to do it.” The job always comes first. And this information could get her candidate elected. It’s not show friends, it’s show business.

“This man has been nothing but nice to you.” “I get that, but.” “But WHAT?” Okay but why do you CARE, Rowan?

“You’d no longer be Robin Hood, Olivia. You’d be…” “You.” Did that not already occur? What have I been watching?

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