“Time to switch positions.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – Fates Worse Than Death

Scandal Season 6, Episode 3
“Fates Worse Than Death”
Posted by Kim

When Season Six of Scandal premiered, I was SUPER bummed that we jumped over the entire Presidential Campaign to get to election night. We skipped over SO MUCH good stuff. Needless to say, I’m THRILLED with how they are toggling between the present day and the highlights of the Campaign. This week, we get to spend time with our favorite master manipulator, Cyrus Beene. TO THE GIFS.

It’s 76 Days till the Inauguration and we still don’t have an OFFICIAL President.

Okay, I get that Cyrus is the Devil but let’s take a moment to appreciate that he would be the First Openly Gay President.  The ONLY white hetero man on that Presidential ballot was Jake and I just want to thank Shonda Rhimes for creating this universe.

“For the first time since election night, you seem you. I like it. Mr. President.” I love how Michael has transformed from Male Escort and marriage of convenience to Husband of the Year. Cyrus does NOT deserve him.

Abby calls Cy in FULL BossBitch mode and tells him to shut his blinds. “In 30 seconds, you no longer talk to ANYONE.” Aw yeah, the shit is about to hit the fan.

David Rosen is giving a press conference saying they are expanding the investigation into Frankie’s death. When asked if this will include Cyrus, David simply replies “Anyone and Everyone” with a dead ass “CYRUS DID IT” face.

Never one to listen to anyone, Cyrus opens his front door and finds a swarm of press and paparazzi on the front lawn.

“Now every idiot with a smart phone thinks he’s Ken Burns.”


 

“Charlie we are NOT making a sex tape.” COULD YOU EVEN IMAGINE.

“We need to focus!” Huck has no patience for this twitterpaited nonsense known as Charlie and Quinn.

We flashback to the night of the Vice Presidential Debate, where Cyrus DEMOLISHED Jake.

Ooooooooh Frankie seems VERY buddy buddy with Jennifer Fields aka the Campaign Volunteer who incriminated Cyrus before someone blew up her cabin.

“Who is THIS?” Cyrus’ Spidey Senses are telling him we could have another Fitz/Olivia on the Campaign Trail situation on our hands and he isn’t having it.

Back in the present, Cyrus is spiraling. “I am being set up by Olivia Pope.”

“To answer your question, no, I didn’t do it.” Michael is like “Okay, yeah, sure babe. But DIDN’T YOU?”

Lizzie Bear shows up at Cy’s back door. “I crawled across the lawn to get here. My hands touched the ground. Let me in.” BLESS.

“You are literally a snake in the grass.” I love how much they hate each other but are also the best of friends?

“Has ANYONE taken your call?” Lizzie pulls no punches and hits Cy right where it hurts. They BOTH know he’s being shut out.

“And how do you want to help YOU?” Cy knows Lizzie’s visit isn’t selfless. She wants something and what she wants is to be his Chief of Staff.

Back to the night of the VP Debate, Liv and Cyrus engage in some fake “Oh I miss  you so much” banter and some backhanded compliments regarding his performance in the debate.

“I’m saying you’ve changed, you’ve evolved, you’ve grown. You’ve gotten good at this.”

“So I’m no longer the troll under the bridge who grunts and snorts, there’s lipstick on this pig now, and look at the monkey dance? That doesn’t even make sense.” Look, I’m with Cyrus here. This conversation would make my head explode.

“I was wrong. I’m saying I was wrong. Look at you. You’ve bloomed. So maybe putting yourself on Frankie’s ticket wasn’t the worst…” JUST STOP TALKING OLIVIA.

“Putting myself on the ticket? I put myself on the ticket? That’s what you think?” I meeeeeeeean, it’s what we all thought, Cyrus. BUT ALSO this is Olivia Pope’s fatal flaw: she throws around comments like this and COMPLETELY underestimates how deep they cut and how it just kicks people’s pride into overdrive. She did it with Abby and now she’s doing it with Cyrus.

“I made his policies, I hid his secrets, I ran his country. Watched the two of you grope each other like a cheap porno. And none of you ever saw me. And that’s fine. You think what you want to think of me. I certainly have all kinds of opinions about Olivia Pope.” YASSSSSS I LIVE.

“You better watch yourself.” Part of me misses when Liv and Cyrus worked TOGETHER but seeing them as adversaries is just so much more fun because they are both MASTER manipulators.

Meanwhile, Abby continues to be the best as she silently stands in judgement of Fitz for pursing the Cyrus angle. She gives him the judgy silent treatment until Fitz can’t take it anymore and I JUST LOVE how she is the only woman on this show to have never been dickmatized by him.

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“That’s American greatness.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – Trump Card

Scandal Season 5, Episode 20
“Trump Card”
Posted by Kim

Good news, everyone. The race for the White House is back in full swing AND I saw Hamilton since the last time I did a gif-cap, so I can now use those gifs and actually know what they mean. Who is going to be in the room where it happens? Let’s get to the gifs and find out.

“This is our country. I aim to keep it that way.” Hollis is leading the primary now. Look at your life, America. Look at your choices.

“It’s like Throwback Thursday: Gladiator Reunion.” Liv and Abby unite so they can shut this madness down.

“No more campaigning against each other.” Then Liv and Abby give each other the fakest goodbyes possible.

“I need something LEGAL on Susan.” Yeah the whole not campaigning things lasts 30 seconds.

“Ceasefire get broken. We need to be protected.” Okay, so the not campaigning against each other IS on but Liv wants to be prepared for the moment it’s OFF.

“We’re gonna have a war on our hands.” #TeamSusan searches for dirt on Mellie so they can be ready too. This gon get nasty REAL quick.

“I brought lunch to you!” David continues the “Kiss Susan’s Ass Until She Forgives Me” 2016 World Tour.

“We are going to burn Hollis Doyle and his hillbilly hate to the ground.” Susan explains why she’s coming up with all sorts of neutral language about Mellie. It’s all about destroying Hollis for the moment. Then they can get back to destroying each other.

All of David’s legalese.

“You want to take me on a vacation?” I mean it’s the least he could do.

“I focus on all the ways I intend to make it up to you.” YOU BETTER.

“I’d like for us to get old together. Eyes on the prize.” UM.

“I don’t want to be a woman who thinks a thing is happening that’s not happening.” SAME.

“I may or not be suggesting that we get married.” UM YOU COULD PROPOSE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, YOU SHIT. SUSAN DESERVES ROMANCE.

“Ask me like a normal person.” That’s right. Stand up for your right to a proposal!

SHE SAYS YES. Really?

“He likes holding people’s babies. He likes talking to people. He truly wants the country to be a better place.” Liv and Cyrus meet up and Cyrus goes on about how Frankie is actually a good person and he doesn’t understand why he’s losing in the polls.

“You believe he’s the real thing.” You know, I don’t think Cyrus ever talked about Fitz this way, so Liv in awe.

“No. YOU believe. You. Cyrus Beene, you are a believer.” 

“If I’ve lost my touch, I need to know.” If Frankie is so great and Cyrus has picked a good one then WHY IS HE LOSING? I know Cyrus is the devil, but he’s pretty vulnerable here, which is why Olivia has mercy on him.

“You’re not losing to Edison. You’re losing to my father.”

“So what are we doing? What’s the plan? I’m happy to go all in with whatever you’ve got going on.” Honestly, bring back the evil genius dream team.

“I’m not fighting my father because there’s no way to win.” DON’T GIVE UP OLIVIA.

“My father was command, Cyrus.” EVERYONE DRINK.

“It’s about you. What you want.” Rowan pulls Abby into one of his shady limo meetings.

“This will crush Mellie and give your gal a real shot.” Soooooo…Rowan tells Abby all about Olivia aborting Fitz’s baby because somehow that will ruin Mellie. And because he’s Satan.

“Ask yourself a simple question. What would Olivia Pope do?” Fair point, Rowan.

“Our target for destruction: Hollis Doyle, the devil you’d love to have a beer with.” Abby, Liv, Huck, and Quinn gather in the OPA conference room to go through the file on Hollis. JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.

“No matter what he does, America loves him.” YEP.

“Hollis loves him some women and women love Hollis.In all my years, not a one of them fillies ever needed an arm twist to roll in my hay.” That is how he responds to rape allegations? I want to vomit.

“His numbers went up?” I weep for fictional (and real) America.

“Books and thoughts? They don’t hurt people! Well…maybe books.” He just keeps running his mouth and counteracting everything.

“You’re looking at the front-runner for the Republican nomination.” #TeamEdison thinks they have this thing in the bag.

“You feel me, brother? This is America, you have another crop of supporters.” Edison wants to speak out against Hollis but Rowan warns him to not piss off the white people who want to vote for Edison so they can feel superior. AMERICA.

“That is an incredibly simplistic view, Rowan. Race is nothing more than a social construct.” I don’t understand how Edison, a man who deep down is a man of integrity, got roped into this mess. Also, he’s not here to be used for his race.

“You’re going to get there by making everyone forget that you are black.” THIS IS AWKWARD.

“So maybe it’s smarter to let the Republicans go after Hollis.” Edison REALLY wants to be President though.

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“Do you want to be a boss?” – Scandal Gif-Cap – The Miseducation of Susan Ross

Scandal Season 5, Episode 16
“The Miseducation of Susan Ross”

Posted by Kim

There is NOTHING like an election to revive a long-running political drama. Scandal is at its BEST right now and I am loving it. TO THE GIFS.

We pick up right where we left off last week…The Republican Debate. 

Susan, reeling from dumping David, just looks miserable up there. 

Mellie, on the other hand, is SLAYING.

“It’s a big problem. we need to do better.” Susan has completely shut down and can barely work out a response.

“This is very bad.” Thank you, Captain Obvious.

“If you were to lose the nomination…” “Not going to happen.” Mellie is poised and confident and *I* want to vote for her.

“Vice President Ross is a decent, hardworking public servant, and she would be worlds better and far more deserving of this office than the misogynist playboy to my left.” LADIES SUPPORTING LADIES.

“I can only imagine what your plans for Camp David would be.” 

“A lot like your ex-husband’s I’d expect.” Touche, Hollis.

“Listen, if all it takes to be presidential is to shake hands and give speeches and know which color lipstick to wear to the party, then go ahead on. Take your pick of one of these Bettys.” OH MY GOD.

“How presidential is it to have your ex-husband’s ex-mistress running your campaign?” 

“Susan? Having fun?” Fitz calls for a commercial break pep talk and I feel so strange for not hating him.

“You only need one moment. One punch. One good one is all it takes.”

“We’re in real trouble here because of YOU.” LizzyBear lets David have it and for once it’s merited.

“How do we know this Grant ain’t the same as the other one?” 

“Because it’s the 21st century. You can’t look at a man anymore and assume that his wife shares the same positions, nor can you hold the wife accountable for his actions.” MELLIE.

“We are not our husband’s keepers. We are our own women with our own beliefs.” 

“In case there is ANY doubt on where I stand with the President, you’ll notice he’s my ex-husband, not my husband.” 

“It IS a good line.” Bless Abby for not being afraid to admit when her opponent kills it.

Susan parrots Mellie’s line and it looks like all is lost. BUT THEN SHE ADDS “…but maybe we should be”. 

“I’m talking now.” YAS SUSAN HAS DECIDED TO SHOW UP.

“I bit my tongue because we are not our husband’s keepers.” DUDE. Susan launches into the story of how she lost her husband and she is NAILING it.

“I blamed myself. I had an opinion and I didn’t voice it.” This is BEAUTIFUL.

“No, we are not our husband’s keepers, but maybe we should be America’s. Next question.” And Susan just won this round.

“America HATES me.” Mellie’s loss sends her into a spiral of self-pity because she KNOWS she’s brilliant and doesn’t understand why she’s not connecting with the general public.

SO MANY MELLIVIA FEELINGS. ALL I HAVE WANTED FOR THREE SEASONS IS FOR THEM TO TEAM UP AND IT IS AS BEAUTIFUL AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

“Mellie, I will get you the Oval. Come hell or high water.” Like father, like daughter.

“BECAUSE HE’S NOT HER HUSBAND.” GASP. Susan just won the debate based on the story about her husband and he is NOT her husband???

“Susan Ross is a liar. And we’re going to find out why and we’re going to take her down.” SUSAN I TRUSTED YOU.

“America doesn’t care about you winning the debate. You won David.” This makes me sad because it’s true.

“What’s HE doing here?” I am LIVING for how much she hates him. Bless.

“You need to sell this love story.” Much like Hazza, Susan looks like she’d rather die than touch Taylor David.

“I want her to be President, I owe her that.” Honestly, it’s the least you can do.

“You need Quinn. You need Huck. But you don’t need me?” Can we get a good story for Marcus in season six?

“I need YOU to do your job.” And his job is to babysit Mellie while she makes an appearance on Kimmel. CROSS PROMOTION FTW.

Not only was Susan never married to John, her daughter is not his either. 

“You’re holding out on me.” Liv and Alex meet to follow-up on their respective dirt.

“You gave me a RUMOR.” Oh, come on, Alex. Do your homework. Rumors usually have truth to them.

Oh I kind of want Alex and Olivia to do it?

Susan’s baby daddy is in PRISON. 

“Your hand is dangerously close to the flame. Watch out kid.” Cyrus tries to warn Alex against going after Edison based on a rumor, but Alex won’t be deterred.

THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE MELLIE DO MEAN TWEETS.

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Let’s Clean Out the Old Barn and Put On a Debate! – Scandal Gif-Cap – Pencils Down

Scandal Season 5, Episode 15
“Pencils Down”
Posted by Sage

The Republican primary candidates meet in their first official debate and Scandal drags another character out of the past to join the Democratic race. To the gifs!

“The first gift? Hollis Doyle.” Ironically, Scandal‘s Trump is the only candidate who’s not someone else’s puppet.

“Well yours truly has agreed to host the first Republican debate.” Of COURSE Sally Langston is running this thing. Poor yourself a drink and down it every time Hollis asks her about her menopause.

“Nobody speaks better for Hollis Doyle than Hollis Doyle.”

“Y’all think some little buzzer is gonna stop the truth from tumbling from these jaws?” Olivia wants a light and a buzzer; she thinks Sally will go soft on her favorites.

“I’m pulling Mellie and auctioning off a one-hour exclusive interview with her to your competition.” Olivia is in no mood to play games. She lays down her ultimatum.

“5…4…3…2…” And she gets what she wants.

SUSAN KILLING IT IN DEBATE PREP.

“Is Mellie….?” “Being Mellie? Yes.” Mellie is the Marcia Clark of this election and I’m already furious on her behalf.

“I’m announcing in the morning.” LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN. Hello, Edison aka Broadway’s Norm Lewis.

“You vouched for me on national television, I owe you.” Oh right I forgot about that.

“It’s about time we had our first black president.” “It’s about time we had our first woman president.”

“It’s an addiction.” “Stop talking.” Despite her best efforts to send him packing, David keeps trying to talk to Abby about his gross relationship problems. Maybe she should start keeping a bucket of cold water behind her desk.

“Stop seeing her.” “Which her?” “I don’t care!” If you’re man enough to fuck two women you’re man enough to deal with the consequences bye.

“David needs to come up and hug you, Susan.” Oh TERRIFIC, that won’t be awkward at all.

“We’re offering a product. We’re offering belief.” Frankie Vargas says SI, SE PUEDE!

“To turn out votes we gotta take it to the streets.” Who IS this guy.

It’s Frankie’s brother Alex. Cyrus is not delighted to make his acquaintance.

“He’s knows you’re in charge.” “Yes, but I’m not sure he likes it.” OOH did Cyrus hitch his wagon to a candidate with a BIGGER wagon?

“Smug and arrogant.” “She seems, I don’t know, too smart or something.” Voter focus groups are eating Mellie alive for all the wrong reasons. Dope cat sweater though.

“You’re a know-it-all, Mellie.”

“And now I’m supposed to dumb it down?….Mellie Grant, woman of the people, fine.” Get on our level, you fierce queen.

Quinn is monitoring Jake for Olivia. Liv advances their work to “Plan B.”

“Vanessa Moss? We went to college together at Smith.” Quinn puts on her best pearls, throws a frosted pink gloss over her homicidal tendencies, and cozies up to Jake’s fiance.

“I’m sorry, women?” “He’s got a couple of them, apparently.” Abby accidentally outs David’s field-playing to Susan, unaware that she’s one of the women being played.

“Susan, HEY.” “I’m sorry, what are we talking about?” She starts to lose her focus. NOT NOW, WOMAN.

“Debate prep is for ninnies.” Hollis spends the days before the debate doing his real campaigning: throwing around folksy sayings and showing off at the gun range. The press is hard.

“Lose the bitch face.” Mellie’s bitch face is very dear to me, how dare you.

“Also you need to watch your arms.” “I’m losing less arms.” “Use a little less than that.”

“Did you break your girlfriend?”

“Wedding books. There something you want to tell me?” Quinn is way out of her league with this tail job: she’s not Vanessa’s favorite wedding planning buddy.

Alex Vargas shows up at OPA and says he has dirt on Susan Ross. He’ll give it to Olivia in exchange for dirt on Edison. Dirt on SUSAN, political unicorn?

“We gotta get Mellie out in public before the debate.” To Gettysburger!

“Oh, heavens no, I can wait my turn like anybody else.” Yes, yes, be more vapid Mellie, IT’S WORKING.

“But…Gettysburger’s closed on Sundays.” Annnnnd she’s down, with a huge faux pas.

“IT’S BURGERGATE.” Heh.

“Stop thinking and start doing. FIX IT OLIVIA.” Obviously Mellie’s mistake is Olivia’s problem. That’s what she does, son.

work bitch

Cyrus tries to break the news about Edison to Frankie, but Alex is already on it. Alex is like:

“Are you cheating on me?” OKAY, SO WE’RE DOING THIS.

“It’s just you, only you…I’m not smooth enough to have an affair.” Just…ugh. David, seriously. She fucking knows. She cornered you. And now to LIE? I wanted him to deserve Susan just like I wanted him to deserve Abby before her. Not to play dumb and lose any dignity he has left.

“I must say your voicemail surprised me. There was a note of helplessness. A daughter who needs her daddy to make her boo-boo go away.” Olivia goes to her dad to get advice about Alex’s proposal. And Rowan is right for once.

“I should just take the dirt, right? It’s stupid that I’m even asking.” Yep.

“I brought you here because I’ve already decided to do it.” The job always comes first. And this information could get her candidate elected. It’s not show friends, it’s show business.

“This man has been nothing but nice to you.” “I get that, but.” “But WHAT?” Okay but why do you CARE, Rowan?

“You’d no longer be Robin Hood, Olivia. You’d be…” “You.” Did that not already occur? What have I been watching?

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“How do the big dogs sleep?” – Scandal Gif-Cap – I See You

Scandal Season 5, Episode 14
“I See You”

Posted by Kim

This week on Scandal, an unexpected figure from seasons past returns to stir up some shit, Mellie and Susan are sexually harassed by said figure, Liv and Huck do some spying, and Abby makes a power move. It’s all so dirty and twisted, I immediately needed to shower aka this was a fantastic episode. TO THE GIFS.

We open with an awkward family dinner with Jake, Vanessa, Rowan, and Olivia. Olivia killing it with the fake laughter.

Meanwhile, Quinn and Charlie break into Vanessa’s apartment to install cameras. 

“Superstitious AND sentimental.” Liv is DYING.

“Jake…he just thinks the world of you.” DOES HE VANESSA? I mean I certainly hope so considering that bedroom scene last week.

“The sister I never had.” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, this meeting with Vanessa was clearly staged, right? It’s too much of a meet cute to be real, even on TV.

“I see you, Vanessa Moss.” BUT WHAT DO YOU SEE?

Sally is calling Frankie a two face for deciding to run for President after he swore not to. 

“Cyrus running Vargas? Who put that idea in your head?” Cy’s assistant tries to play innocent but fails.

“You think the Press Secretary has time to bring coffee?” Abby meets with Quinn and neither of them have coffee, which is terrible.

Abby asks Quinn to look into Cyrus for her. 

“She’s not stalking, she’s focusing.” Liv has been glued to the surveillance cameras since they’ve been installed like she’s binge watching the latest season of Daredevil.

“Keep pretend running OPA, Quinn.” Abby may as well have patted her head. BUT QUINN REALLY IS RUNNING OPA THOUGH.

Huck and Marcus bond as they watch Javi’s soccer game. Welp. Their spying reveals that Kim has a new boyfriend.

“Please tell me you’re not taking that meeting.” Liv warns Mellie against a meeting with SOMEONE.

“I don’t think he’s the devil, I KNOW he’s the devil.” Okay, whoever this is, it’s NOT a good thing.

HOLLIS DOYLE. SEASON TWO REALNESS. And yes, he IS the devil.

Huck asks Charlie if he recognizes Kim’s new boyfriend. They decide he is this guy named Six Toes and he’s actually using Kim and Javi to get to Huck.

“If  he finds you, he’s not gonna get even by just cutting off your toes.” So the only answer is for Huck to get to him first. I’m sure this will end great.

“I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR HIPS.” Mellie’s FACE when Hollis starts being a lecherous pig though.

“You’re leaner and meaner.” I NEED A SHOWER.

“You gonna put out for me, Mellie Grant?” I need to go through a purification ritual after this scene.

“See how far up her skirt SHE’S willing to let me go.” Hollis threatens to take his money and support to Susan by continuing to be a disgusting pig. I hate everything.

“The man’s a disease. I’m not letting him infect Susan.” That may be the one pure thing Fitz has said EVER. It was bound to happen I guess.

“You were right. Cyrus Beene is cheating on the President.” 

“I’m in bed with two different women… literally.” “And we’re done here.” Let’s have a moment of silence for David and Abby’s relationship. 

“One is horrible, wicked, cruel, possibly an actual witch. The other is a wonderful person.” David, you forgot to say that your diamond shoes are too tight.

“A presidential campaign is a marathon.” Liv is not at all freaking out about Hollis not giving Mellie any support.

So Jake and Vanessa are getting it on in her hallway and then JAKE LOOKS RIGHT INTO THE CAMERA STARING INTO OLIVIA’S SOUL. 

“Show’s over.” Jake shows up at Liv’s apartment bearing all the cameras.

“This is pathetic. Low.” 

“I want to know why you chose her.” 

“You walked away from him over and over, time after time, because you knew in your gut, you knew if you said yes, he’d own you, he’d consume you, he’d be no different than your father, but over time, Fitz manipulated you. He made you feel like… Like you owed him. It’s what he does best. You knew that more than anyone, and you still fell for it.” Dropping truth bombs ERRYWHERE.

“Man, that has got to turn your world upside down, to go from being the smartest person in the room to the biggest fool… to realize you’re just another textbook example of daddy issues, played out on a national stage.” Where is the lie though?

“Your girlfriends aren’t girlfriends. They’re marks. Nothing you do is real.”

“Vanessa likes Hugh Grant movies, she reads Vogue and takes multivitamins. But, Liv, that is precisely what I want.”

“Did you pretend that you were her? Did you get off when she got off?”

“I thought his fifteen minutes were up.” Cyrus plays dumb when Abby questions him about the Vargas campaign.

“What other governor have you spoken to 27 times over the past 2 weeks?” ABBY DID HER HOMEWORK THOUGH.

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“It felt so gross.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – The Fish Rots from the Head

veep don't

Scandal Season 5, Episode 13
“The Fish Rots from the Head”
Posted by Sage

A new presidential candidate officially enters the race. Not to be outdone, Fitz enters…everyone. To the gifs!

“Cover A made me look frigid. Cover B, there’s gotta be some warm blood flowing behind those eyes, wouldn’t ya say?” Mellivia are still bro-ing out, putting the final touches on Mellie’s pre-campaign auto-biography. I never want this to end.

“What are we going to do about Susan Ross?” Um, swaddle her in soft fabrics and rock her to sleep?

s1

“You need Fitz.” Olivia tells Mellie exactly what she doesn’t want to hear about Fitz’s endorsement, and then clarifies: what’s best for her is if Fitz doesn’t endorse either current candidate.

“From time to time, a pick will be made. We refer to the picks only as guests.” As press secretary, Abby’s main function is now to organize and administrate Fitz’s tawdry hook-ups. And this is your weekly reminder that C.J. Cregg wouldn’t have stood for this shit.

“Who doesn’t want to be on TV?” Cyrus encourages Carlos from Desperate Housewives to ride the wave of attention in the wake of his City Hall hero moment.

s2

“Call me your biggest fan…the Lovers of Liberty want to hear from you, Governor.” Sally Langston would love to get her Evangelical hooks in him too.

s3

“Oh, I didn’t see you there, little Cyrus Beene.” Heeeee.

“I don’t wanna use that experience as a platform for my education bill or anything else. It’s unseemly.” Aw, look: it has integrity. Cyrus:

s4

“It can’t hurt to have an ally in Washington.” Until your entire family is dead and you’re a vacant husk of a person. What show are you watching, Cy?

“The secret service screwed up?” I’ll say.

s5

“I can’t believe Megan’s dead. I need a cigarette like right now.”  We’ve got a dead hooker, folks. How cliche.

“‘This one?’ She has a name.” The agents treat their living AND dead entertainment with all the respect you’d expect.

ross seriously haunted

“This can’t get out. For the president’s sake.” “How noble.” *jack-off motion*

Quinn springs into action. She gives all the agents an alibi and tells Erin (the other one) that she was never there. Marcus is assigned to scrubbing Megan’s phone and Huck to erasing the old digital trail and creating a new one. 

“Okay, when are we going to stop hearing from Reverend Marcus?” Marcus’s conscience won’t shut the hell up, and Quinn finds it difficult to do her job with the voice of morality in her ear.

ant-man take care of this idiot

“Does she rescue puppies and orphans in her spare time?” Abby catches up with Liv while Liv spies on Jake’s date.

that was mine hiddleston

“This isn’t a date. He’s up to something.” Vanessa is too perfect. Too connected. Jake runs in Rowan’s world. Something is afoot. Or Olivia is just jealous.

not how it works

“If he doesn’t think you can do the job, then the American people won’t think you can do either.” David and Susan are a regular thing now. (And HOW MUCH DO I LOVE that Susan has such a varied grown-woman nighttime wardrobe? A lot. I love it a lot.) David ruins their post-coital cuddling (for me) by pressing Susan to get Fitz’s endorsement. Where is your SOUL, David?

“He’s going through a phase.” “And I’m a female candidate for president.” Susan knows about Fitz’s late-night activities and she doesn’t want to be associated with a cad.

“I got 26 minutes, take off your pants.” Lizzie yells at David for not adequately playing Susan. Then it’s time for more sexual humiliation.

“I don’t have much time to follow football. Can we sit?” The president meets with the Governor and he’s a reaaaaaaal dick about it. (Maybe jealous because he’s never done anything selfless and/or heroic in his entire charmed life?)

clara are you trying to scare me?

“You think I can still get on Sally Langston?” Realizing that he won’t be able to get his education plan through the way he’d prefer, Frankie (that’s Carlos, I promise I’ll stop calling him that) falls in line with Mr. Beene’s scheme. Cyrus is walkin’ on sunshine.

harry prancing

“There was a dead body. She doesn’t like dead bodies. She’s not like us.”

s6

“She misses the White House.” Quinn diagnoses Olivia as “bored.” Fine, but just…not that again. We JUST escaped.

s7

Marcus tells his colleagues that everything had already been deleted Megan’s phone and cloud, before he even touched it. Ruh roh.

“But you know what scares me even more, Sally? The future.” Frankie is killllllin it on the Liberty Report.

“You need to find out why he doesn’t want to run. NOW.” Until he clarifies that he has no interest in becoming president.

niall no one look for me

Michael isn’t paying much attention to Cy’s ravings, because he’s practicing braiding on Ella’s doll’s hair like a proper house husband. Sweetness.

s8

“Sir, we need to stop Frankie Vargas in his tracks.” Lizzie Bear smells competition for the Oval.

She suggests to Fitz that they send Susan to do Sally’s show to “tear into” the education plan. Not like she has a say in any of this.

s9

Against OPA’s wishes, Marcus requests the dead hooker’s autopsy report. To no one’s surprise: Megan was murdered. The blunt force trauma happened before the drugs entered her system. She didn’t fall.

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“Everyone loves a hero.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – Wild Card

Scandal Season 5, Episode 12
“Wild Card”

Posted by Kim

Greetings, Gladiators! Fitz is single and ready to mingle (ew) and making Abby’s beautiful ginger hair go gray (a crime worthy of impeachment).  Everybody is making moves as we hurtle towards the election (surely that is season 6, right?). Mellie is MIA for ANOTHER episode. Liv is back to believing that her Dad is NOT the devil. Same old shit but a different day, amirite? To the gifs!

We open with Fitz and Lillian making out in the back of a limo, his hand all the way up her skirt because Fitz is that classy. 

Abby interrupts them by getting into the limo but Fitz doesn’t remove his hand from Lillian’s skirt. 

“I’m not mad. It’s fine. It’s kind of sexy.” Honestly, Monica Reyes. First you are working with CSM and NOW THIS. What happened to you.

Abby’s bitch face regarding these two gives me life. 

“Are we at war? Did California fall into the ocean?” This man is running the country, remember.

“You’re wild carding, sir. Please tell me you know what that means.” I love that there is lingo for Fitz chasing tail.

“I need to put in a request to get laid? That’s what you’re telling me?”

“Get as far away from me as you possibly can and never bring this up again.” AGAIN LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD.

I die for Olivia’s yellow coat. She has upped her fashion game SO HARD since dumping Fitz’s ass.

“You saw your chance and you pounced.” Clearly Rowan is ALSO on Team Liv + Mellie. He’s so proud that Liv has finally made a power move.

“Jake isn’t built like us. He’s always up for the fight but he isn’t built for it.” I mean all of his actions up till now say the very opposite but okay Rowan.

“I’m not talking about the warrior. I’m talking about the man.” Soooooooo somewhere between all the hate sex with Olivia and taking over the NSA, Jake has found time to meet someone. OKAY.

“I’m sorry. I’ve overstepped again. I just want what’s best for both my kids.” Your kids that are also boning. This just crossed into creepyville.

Susan announces her candidacy whilst David and Lizzy-Bear watch in bed. Susan nails it, natch. God, these people are going to eat her alive. She’s too good, too pure.

Susan calls David to get his reassurance that she was awesome. Lizzy-Bear loves it. “Tell her she was great. Tell her now!”

“I wish I could have been there.” THEN WHY WEREN’T YOU, DAVID? STOP THINKING WITH YOUR WEINER.

“I have the house all to myself.” Susan invites David over for dinner to celebrate. There’s a 100% chance sex is on the table.

“You’re one creepy bastard, you know that?” Huck makes it clear he doesn’t approve of Liv and Jake’s shag sessions. Jake gives no fucks.

“Otherwise, you’re just sleeping with the enemy. The Liv I know would never do that.” Huck drops some truth bombs about the Jake and Rowan situation and the thing is…He’s RIGHT. When has Rowan ever NOT been scheming? WAKE UP, LIV.

“When you snap back to reality and realize what’s going on, you know where to find me.” 

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Secret Diary Of A First Lady – Scandal Gif-Cap – The Candidate

first wives don't get mad

Scandal Season 5, Episode 11
“The Candidate”
Posted by Sage

I’m not saying it was putting Olivia and Fitz back together that sent Scandal ratings down, but it was putting Olivia and Fitz back together that sent Scandal ratings down. Fortunately, we’re all clear now that the show’s true OTP is Mellie and Olivia, or Ollie. They’re about to burn everything down, and it’s my esteemed privilege to watch them do it. Tally fucking ho.

Cyrus remembers his years with Fitz, not all fondly.

joey friends lied

“Sir, I have to go.” He says with extra strength hidden meaning because he can’t with Fitz’s drama queen personality anymore. Fitz doesn’t pick up what Cyrus is putting down.

rick and morty shit together

“That means you can cut chapter 2 and replace it with a chapter on why you stayed.” Olivia is cracking the whip on Mellie’s pre-candidacy autobiography.

wuss friends monica

Also, Mellie’s walking around OPA in her bare feet, and the familiarity is making me feel things.

“When Fitz was screwing another woman, you didn’t seem to care and we want to know why.” “Wow, you really can compartmentalize like nobody’s business.” That’s why she’s the queen, boo.

rihanna wink

Mellie eats all the snacks in the break room and then asks for more. My kind of woman.

brooklyn nine nine coffee

“It’s called multi-tasking.” Huck supposed to be fact-checking the book, but he’s watching soccer and blowing off Marcus instead.

work and drink mad men

93% of a sample think Susan is a viable Presidential candidate. “It’s a wake-up call,” Lizzie tells her. Susan’s polling strong like bull.

harry one direction strong

“If you turn your back on this, if you don’t even explore the option, you will regret it every day for the rest of your life.” Susan says no, but Lizzie isn’t letting the conversation drop. Whyever could she be so invested? I thought she didn’t even like Susan.

misfits i sense fuckery

“A profile like this is fine, when you’re out of office.” A “loaded gun” journalist wants to do an intensive article on the President and all his advisers give it the hell no. Fitz wants to do it, of course.

taraji haters

“It’s none of their business.” “You can’t SAY that.” Olivia is struggling to help Mellie understand that writing a softball memoir is worse than not writing one at all.

liam payne no

“You don’t know, do you?” “Well, do you know why you left?” Why don’t all of us forget Fitz ever happened?

no memtory gandalf

Annabeth Gish is Lillian Forrester, our intrepid writer. Here, Annabeth, have some whale songs.

whale calls the x-files

“We’re calling this our Year of Achievement.” “Year of Achievement? Catchy!”

tori kelly bored

“Mr. President, did you just compare yourself to Putin?” He actually fucking SMIRKS.

get out hot fuzz

“I want a conversation with a man. A meaningful one.” And the meaning is: I want to see you naked.

desire x-files

Mellie and Liv destroy a bunch of Chinese food, kick off their shoes, and lay around talking. “It’s nice, right?” Ladies, you’ve got work to do.

x-files checkers

“Is that the kind of reverse psychology crap you learn from your therapist?” “I don’t have a therapist.” Mellie’s FACE.

jane the virgin why are you laughing

Mellie knows about Vermont, lol.

genie jaw drop

“As far as real relationships go, you were just a blip on his radar.” Fitz can’t have a real relationship because his COLD DEAD HEART cannot feel love.

colbert oh snap

“So what’s on the agenda today?” “Down, boy.” Rosen gets on his hands and knees VERY quickly. This is not his first time.

right in the butt broad city

“That woman is my shot at the Oval!” Apparently that can wait. Lizzie is at David’s office to Lysistrata him in to convincing Susan to run. For Lizzie’s own personal gain, of course.

friday shoo

“Because that muppet is in love with you! Do some convincing, give her what she wants.” NO, DAVID. NO.

one direction no

“I wanted to see if you’d like to get out of here.” Susan is all lit up. She’s so flattered and proud to have his time. SHE IS SO PURE AND THESE MONSTERS ARE GOING TO BREAK HER.

star trek kiss

“Have you been to the top of the Washington monument?” “No. Yes.” Susan Ross is a better American than you.

creed the office us

FINALLY. GETTYSBURGER. Why hasn’t some enterprising Washington DC burger chef opened a real one yet?
how i met your mother robin burger

“Now that comes with Freedom Fries, but you’re also gonna want Union Rings.” “I thought I had to choose.” “No, Union and Freedom go together!”

brooklyn nine nine the man knows me

“You’re gonna miss it. The worst. The fights.” Cyrus won’t sit idly by while Fitz wastes the final days of his presidency. This isn’t the man he thought he was getting elected.

pretty woman mistake

“Are we done?” “I believe so, sir.” You’ve served through disaster after disaster, Cyrus. Save yourself.

liz lemon what fresh hell

Olivia comes home. Jake silently follows her to her bedroom. They’re both taking clothes off while they walk. God, I love this hate-sex arrangement.

nicki minaj wink

“This isn’t happening again.” “Yes, it is.” 

the 100 i'm in charge

And I guess we’re not mentioning the NSA thing for the time being? Not in the bedroom, at least.

Cyrus makes his move on the other grant, joining Mellie’s bitter-table-for-one. “I already have an eye on someone to run my campaign.” “Right.”

the flash joe feeling so attacked

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