“Suck it up and run the world.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – They All Bow Down

Scandal Season 6, Episode 5
“They All Bow Down”
Posted by Sage

Hello again, Lovers of Liberty! It’s SO good to be with you again, since the gif-cap took a bye week on episode 4. To sum up “The Belt”: prison is NO place for a former Chief of Staff, and Tom admitted that he was paid by someone to say that Cyrus ordered the hit on Frankie Vargas. Our assassin is still out there and the country still doesn’t have an incoming president. So, shall we see what Jake Ballard’s been up to this whole time?

“Not since Christ stood among the lepers has there been such excitement.” InDecision 2016 is Sally Langston’s domain, and she is currently living. (When isn’t she?) She seems to be a proponent of Mellie and Jake, but we all know she’s a fickle bitch.

Vanessa: “I feel like Jackie O. or something.”
Jake: *rolls eyes* 

“America is not electing Olivia Pope. They are electing Mellie Grant and Jake Ballard.” Vanessa tells Jake not to get so grumpy about his “sister” (yikes) telling him what to do and instead to keep his eye on the prize. (Kim: “Every woman on this show is Lady Macbeth.”)

“He is after all…a murderer.” Sally is reveling in Cyrus’s bad luck.

She’s also teasing a sit-down interview with picture-perfect patriot couple, Jake and Vanessa. Who hate each other.

“That’s political money.” “It’s a political lie.” Jake is so done with this campaign and his fake marriage.

Quinn wants to help Cyrus, but Liv does not want to hear it right now.

“Huck found Vanessa.” Olivia spins some yarn to Sally about Vanessa having a vicious flu and being unable to make it out of bed for the interview.

“Lady, you are nuts.” “Maybe, but I ain’t sorry.” In reality, Vanessa is drunk and disorderly and just crashed her car into a tree with a himbo bartender in the front seat. She’s also defiant af.

“Did you wake up this morning knowing you were going to ruin our lives?” “Like you give a damn what I woke up thinking.” While the Gladiators erase all evidence that Vanessa’s little “accident” ever happened, Vanessa and Jake perform a modern revival of Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?

“You say dance, the monkey dances.” Jake’s version of “playing nice” is being faux-deferential to Olivia, insisting on calling her “boss” and “m’am” until she’s about to either slap him or do him on the desk. (Pick the second one, please, it’s been so long since we’ve had Jake/Olivia hate-sex!)

“Let’s get this over with because I am late for getting away from you.” Get Liv some ointment for that burn.

“I don’t want to win, I have to win. There has to be a point.” Olivia needs to win a “clean” election to redeem her shady dealings in Defiance during Fitz’s first run. She’s a good person, that’s her thing…

“Are you sleeping with her?” Vanessa isn’t an idiot. She senses the intensity between Jake and Liv and totally calls it. So, of course, Jake tells her she’s crazy. Then he fills up her glass, because no one will take a drunk, jilted woman seriously.

“There are places we can send you, nice places.” EVERYONE IS GASLIGHTING HER, THIS POOR WOMAN.

“Give me one more reason to LAY YOU OUT, RIGHT HERE, Vanessa…I am not here for it, not today.” Wow, Liv is only a champion for other women when it suits her, huh?

“I remember because it was when the redhead took my champagne away.” Someone was texting Jake on election night who wasn’t Olivia, according to V.

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Impeachment Week 2K15 – Scandal Gif-Cap

Scandal Season 5, Episode 6
“Get Out Of Jail, Free”
Posted by Sage

The investigation into President Grant’s conduct rages on, and Sally Langston is truly living her best life. Lovers of Liberty, the smell of blood is in the air and wolves are circling. On to the gifs.

“It’s Impeachment Week here at the Liberty Report, and boy do we have a treat for you.” Sally is filled with barely restrained glee at Fitz’s misfortune, and I’m kind of with her.

random citizen

“Just remember Senator, if there’s anything there that makes you uncomfortable, you can just say ‘I don’t recall.'” Mellie is being coached on her testimony, and promised that the committee will go easy on her.

“So before Miss Pope made that announcement, you had no idea.” “No idea at all.”

“It’s an ambush.” The committee has a signed affidavit from Jeanine Locke, the campaign staffer who took the fall for Olitz almost two years ago. They’re confronting Mellie with it in the middle of the hearing.

“I was about to go on TV and say I never slept with the president, when the First Lady approached me…” “Keep reading.”

“I don’t recall.” “WE SEE YOU, GRANT FAMILY.”

“That might save me from having to testify, but what about Olivia?” Fitz could be smart and invoke his Executive Privilege, but he continues to think with his dick. Much to the dismay of the rest of his team.

“We called you here to discuss a wedding. Our wedding.” If Fitz and Olivia get married, Olivia won’t have to testify. But she’ll also be MARRIED. To Fitz.

“Passport, ID, all ready to go.” ELISE IS VISITING ROWAN IN PRISON.

A guard leads Rowan to the lobby and stabs him. Rowan chokes him out with his own nightstick.

“Have you stopped to consider how insane this idea is?” Yes, marrying Fitz IS insane. You see what’s happening to the last woman to make that mistake.

“I MARRIED A WHORE.” Cyrus took one for the team, why can’t anyone else?

“Okay. We’ll find another way.” Cy is going to have a stroke.

“You were actually our second call. Do you know an Elise Martin?” Elise was the only other person to visit Rowan in prison besides Jake. Jake does not like this news one bit.

“Don’t lie to me.” Jake cocks his gun and aims it at Elise.

“I’m here to kill him.” YAY, you can still be friends.

“This should be good.” The hearings are going miserably for the Grant camp and Sally is getting off so much on it.

“We’re trying to avoid perjury.” “Or worse.” OPA is back in business, and even Abby is there! Feels like old times.

“Most importantly, he is freaking hot.” I don’t want to hear video Jeanine or anyone else compliment Fitz ever again.

The committee calls Huck by his civilian name, Mr. Munoz.

“It was Harrison.” “And he’s dead – that’s great!” OPA blames the video leak on Harrison, cause he’s not there to argue about it.

“We’re all going to hell.” They’ve been through worse.

“I’ve been attacked….My life is in danger.” Rowan calls Olivia from his hospital bed and begs her sympathy. She hangs up on him.

“You’re probably the most discreet person in the country.” “One of them.” Susan Ross visits David Rosen to find out if there are legal obstacles to resignation. “I want to quit my job as Vice President of the United States.”

“Don’t you feel weird? Eleanor Roosevelt had sex in here.”

“This isn’t traffic court, it’s the US government.”

“And if I get married…what in the hell do you think this is?” LIFE WITH FITZ IS ITS OWN PRISON.

Quinn visits Rowan to tell him she won’t help him either. WHY WOULD ANYONE.

Olivia walks into Fitz’s bedroom and finds rose petals, candles, and Fitz on the balcony in a tux. God, I hate him so much.

“This is my do-over. I get it, Liv, why you weren’t crazy about the marriage idea.” He gets down on one knee…

“Fitz, please get up.” Olivia moves to leave.

“This is not what I wanted…not this…not some fake storybook romance.”

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Little White Lies – Scandal Gif-Cap

give me an oh yeah

Scandal Season 5, Episode 2
“Yes”
Posted by Sage

Just when you thought our Scandal gif-caps couldn’t get any more absurd, Kim dared me to do my first one of season 5 entirely in One Direction gifs. And seeing as I never back down from a challenge that involves me sifting through hundreds of moving images of the cherubic face of Harry Styles, here that gif-cap is, in all its glory. Scandal: season 5, episode 2. Take it away, boys.

“With that seductress Olivia Pope distracting him, with a body made for…” Calm down, Sally. Everybody’s body is made for that.

“Liv. Liv. Everything is going to be okay.” Fitz and Olivia’s relationship has just been outed to the entire world and he leaves her alone the second after it happens. Still a fuck-nugget, I see.

“So you’re telling me this leak is internal.” NOT THE ISSUE RIGHT NOW, FITZ.

“The leak is really not the issue…There’s blood in the water. We’re going to need a statement. We’re going to need a game plan. We’re going to need…a bigger boat.” This. This is what Abby Whelan has been training for. Shine, Abby, shine.

“If a statement is being made, Olivia and I are making it together.” Someone please assassinate him, already.

“It’s Liv, she’s the best in the business. The president’s about to get Poped.” 

“She will not be able to hide.” She’s just gotta keep moving, is all.

“Put the gun away. They’re reporters, not assassins.” Huck is about to splatter a tabloid journalist all over the conference room, but sure, Jake “fixed” him.

“I need to work.” Liv wants a case to calm her nerves and restore some normalcy.

chill out

“Well for starters, I am here so you can apologize to me.” MELLIE.

“She’s not just a mistress now. She’s America’s mistress. History will preserve her as such.” There are worse things. Ask Marilyn Monroe. Or don’t…okay, there aren’t worse things.

harry princess

“It was smart. Risky, but smart.” The president thinks Mellie did it because he’s a reactive, close-minded idiot.

“They make Senator Grant look weak and frigid and sexless and like she can’t keep a man. And we both know America will never elect a woman who can’t get laid.” I want to establish an American monarchy just so Mellie Grant can be queen.

“David’s here!” And surely will make no personal or professional gain from cleaning up everyone else’s mess.

“This whole situation is a load of malarkey and doo-doo.” Susan is here to defend the president’s honor, but he’s got nothing left to defend.

“That Olivia is in the wind and she took the strings with her…she handled it wrong. I want the puppet to dance.” Lizzie Bear is flying blind without Olivia’s advice on this one.

“Lay off, Perkins, he’s here to help.” Quinn is still mad at Huck, because mass murders do take some time to process.

“How does a guy facing a murder charge even get bail?” “By being rich and white.” 

The case-of-the-week is to find Gavin Price, aka G-Preezy, a spoiled brat who was arrested for the murder of his father and then ran.

“You don’t say no to Liv. Besides, she took my car keys.”

“Right now, you are no better than some two-bit, bus stop divorce attorney.” David gets no respect. No respect at all, I tell ya.

“You got it, Ruthie.” Olivia and Huck track Gavin’s father’s watch to a pawn shop.

“Table’s ice cold.” “Hopefully I can warm it up.” Liv finds Gavin at a nearby casino and cuffs his weak, posh-boy ankle to the stool.

“My plan just arrived.” “Nice to see you.” JAAAAAAAKE.

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“I’m not a human, just a spectacle.” – Scandal Gif-Cap

Scandal Season 5, Episode 1
“Heavy is the Head”
Posted by Kim

Greetings, Gladiators!  Can you believe it’s our third season gif-capping Scandal? How time flies!  Where were we?  Oh, yes.  Papa Pope has been vanquished.  Mellie is now a senator.  Fitz has kicked her out of the house.  Cyrus has been fired and Lizzie Bear has his job.  Quinn tortured Huck.  Oh yeah…Olivia and Fitz are together for reals.  Ugh.  I keep telling myself that its Scandal and their happiness will be short-lived.  It’s a comfort.  To the gifs!!

“Lovers of liberty, good evening…” Sally Langston still has her TV show which would be the worst show I would watch EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Sally’s monologue is intercut with Fitz and Olivia doing it.  Sigh.

“It’s a story and not a very original one at that.” Sure, Sally is talking about Princess Emily of Caledonia, an American who married a prince, but she may as well be talking about Olitz too.

Liv’s dress for the State Dinner though. 

“Yes, let’s start an international incident.” “Yes let’s.” Calm yourself, Fitz.  Your wang can wait a few hours.

Eye sexing all across the room during the state dinner. UGH. 

“They can’t have a state dinner without the First Lady of the United States!” But they CAN with the First Mistress, Mellie.

“The President didn’t call you the minute he kicked Mellie out?”  Abby, bless her, is trying to engage in some girl talk and Liv isn’t giving her ANYTHING.

“One day you’re a regular person and the next you’re the most famous person on the planet.” 

Emily comes out of the stall and as awkward as the situation is, I can really only focus on her fierce eyebrow game. 

“I stopped being a real person.” 

“I’m not human, just a spectacle.” 

Later that night, Liv gets called away from Fitz’s bed because of an emergency.  She arrives at the scene of an accident. Princess Emily’s body lies uncovered, very very very dead, with her tiara in the road. Subtlety, thy name is not Scandal.  Honestly, this scene felt a little icky.

The Queen is shady AF. 

“I know you can’t save her life, Olivia, but perhaps you can save her dignity.” 

Liv tries to get all the photos by telling all the papers they are better than this. 

When all but one paper gives up the goods, Liv stages a photo-op of Richard crying over Emily’s body to give the papers something else to run. 

“She was and always will be America’s Princess.” 

It turns out that Emily’s car was sabotaged.  This is now a murder investigation. 

“There are limits to my power.”  “I’ve seen what you can do with your power, David.” 

Mellie storms into Lizzie Bear’s office.  “You will guarantee that the President shows up for his wife.”

“Why did you betray me after everything I did for you?” 

“You only do anything for your own benefit.” 

“I was your bitch.” 

“Your payment is that I got you elected.” 

“The President regrets to inform you that he is unable to attend your little swearing in.” Way harsh, Lizzie Bear.

“Are you saying we committed regicide to cover-up a flu and a life choice?” Abby has lost her patience trying to explain Mellie and Cyrus to the press.

Liv ducks and hides from Abby so she won’t see her at the White House. FRIENDSHIP.

“You can’t summon me here for lunch.” Good to know Liv still has some of her spine.

“Don’t LIV me.” 

“You owe her this.” LIV STANDING UP FOR MELLIE. Tell me again why they can’t be the power team?

Fitz DOES go to the swearing in because he’s whipped. Or afraid of Liv. I choose the latter.

“I’m glad you came around.”  Instead of being nice, all Fitz has to offer is a bitch face.

Fitz serves Mellie with divorce papers. 

“I’ll never sign.” Okay, part of me wants Mellie to sign so she can just BE FREE but the other part doesn’t want her to give Fitz the satisfaction.

“You have so many qualities I despise but I do admire your brilliance.” 

“My bucket list is done. You? Your biggest accomplishment so far is waving and smiling.”

“Until you actually fire me I’d like to be able to do my job.” Abby has no time for all this fuckery, she has a country to run.

“I thought you’d be happy. You don’t look happy.” IDK, Fitz, maybe consult Olivia before you decide to go off-book from your carefully established plan?

It turns out that the Princess was having an affair with her bodyguard. Which would naturally make SOMEONE in the Royal Family want to kill her.

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“You see me for what I am.” – Scandal Gif-Cap

I love weddings

Scandal Season 4, Episode 17
“Put a Ring on It.”
Posted by Kim

It’s been so long since Cyrus has had the central story I TOTALLY forgot that he was in a sham relationship with a prostitute.  Whoops.   To the gifs!

Liv is dreaming about Fitz and about throwing the ring in his face and running in the hallway. 

bad feeling star wars

There’s some sort of late night emergency and you know what that means…GLADIATORS ASSEMBLE! Discuss in the comments who is who.

As he hustles to meet with the Gladiators, Cyrus breaks the family portrait of him and James with their (strangely absent this season) daughter. 

Michael was very indiscreet at a bar and got caught in a “compromising” position. 

Michael’s photos are all over the tabloids. 

The only way to diffuse the crisis is for Cy and Michael to get married post-haste. 

“It sounds like a shotgun wedding!” “It is and you’re the pregnant bride.” 

“There is no bigger stage. There is no bigger moment.” 

“I can’t bother the President with my hooker troubles.” 

“A Gay Republican White House Wedding.” Please tell me that was printed on the invitations.

Liv convinces Mellie to host the wedding. 

Quinn and Huck pay off the bartender to tell the reporters that it was just Michael’s bachelor party. 

By hosting the wedding, Mellie can make a break away from her husband’s beliefs, which will gain her votes in her senate race. BECAUSE OF COURSE FITZ DOESN’T BELIEVE IN GAY MARRIAGE.

“Love is love.”  Mellie for President!

“You’re doing great out there.” Leo’s subtext is “I’m going to take you home after this and do naughty things to you.”

We flashback to Cyrus proposing to his girlfriend Janet but all I can focus on is his wig. 

“I am Catholic. I have been saving myself. I can’t get divorced like those girls from Holyoke.”

“I hear we’re running a kooky wedding service out of the White House.” 

Fitz finds out Liv is behind the wedding planning and does the only thing he can do…look constipated.

“The President’s views remain unchanged.” BECAUSE HE IS THE WORST.

“Do I have to be here for this? I have a country to run.” At least we’re admitting that Cyrus is in charge of the country now.

Cyrus tells Michael to stop whining about his parents having to come to the wedding. Put on your big boy underpants, dude, this is all your fault anyway.

On Cyrus’ wedding day we see him and his best man/racquetball buddy/lover. “Happily married men don’t play.”

Sally Langston has her own talking head show because of course she does. 

Sally proclaims that everything about Cyrus and Michael’s relationship is a lie. She also publicly offers 10K for anyone who can substantiate her claim.

“There is a word for you, Sally.” 

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“I am the Scandal.” – Scandal Gif-Cap

Posted by Kim

Scandal 3 x 18

“The Price of Free and Fair Elections”

Sorry for the delay, Gladiators!  I’ve been in tech all week for Little Wars, which opens tomorrow in NYC (Get your tickets here!  I’m playing Agatha Christie!).  But don’t worry, I made time to watch this batshit crazy season finale!

In true Scandal fashion, last week’s bomb cliffhanger was resolved in the first ten minutes of the episode, leaving us to wonder just what WAS up Shonda Rhimes’ sleeve.  People died, Mellie drank, secrets were told, people were double crossed and there was illicit sex.  So basically…just your standard episode of Scandal.  To the gifs!

FAIR WARNING: this gifcap contains gifs from Season Four of Game of Thrones.  If you are unspoiled, first of all, congrats for living under a rock, and secondly TURN BACK NOW.

“It’s a miracle we caught this in time, isn’t it Cyrus?”  Jake knows what’s what and he KNOWS that Cyrus tried to get Sally blown to pieces.

The Bomb goes off right as Fitz yells “If there IS no bomb…”

Leo tells Sally this is her 9/11.  “Be Jesus.  Go in there and Be Jesus.”

Sally helping victims. 

“Don’t put the President of the United States on a split-screen!”

“GIVE THE PRESIDENT THE RESPECT HE DESERVES.” Which, to be honest, is none.

Sally leading prayers at the church.

“We’re going to lose the election on Tuesday.” 

“Let’s be honest.  We lost the election today.”  That plan of yours didn’t work so well, did it, Cy?

ANDREW IS ALIVE AND WELL.  PRAISE JESUS.

“I’m gonna lose?” Poor baby Fitz.

“I want a refund.  I want our money back.” Drunk and vicious Mellie is my favorite Mellie.

“I thought we hired her to WIN.” 

“Olivia, tell your dad what’s wrong.”

“I don’t like him, but Olivia,  I do love you.”

“When she stabbed you, I was scared.”

ABBY AND HARRISON WALKING IN ON HUCK AND QUINN.

“He got stabbed by Liv’s mom…which TURNS YOU TWO ON?”

“Voldemort gets away Scot free again.” 

“Voldemort gave you your job.” 

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This Place About To Blow-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh – Scandal Gif-Cap

Scandal Flesh and Blood if we're gonna die

Scandal
Season 3, Episode 17: “Flesh and Blood”
Posted by Sage

This week on I Still Know What You Did Last Scandal, the dissolution of B6-13 brings lots of people who want each other dead together under one roof. It’s six days until the election. Six days until Mellie has her “face pressed up against the glass of history.” (Calm down with those metaphors, Shondita.) Six days until Fitz gets his second term or Sally turns the country into the 4-year Director’s Cut of Jesus Camp. Mama Pope’s got a bomb, Papa Pope’s got a vendetta, and Quinn has her thigh-high stockings on, just in case. We’re as ready for this as we’ll ever be, so let’s get this party started.

“Did you really just…treason!?” Soooooo…what you’re saying is me dismantling the country’s most secret and powerful national security force WASN’T cool?

Alex Kingston No

They can’t alert Homeland Security to the threat without blowing up the President’s spot, re: that whole plane crash thing. So?

Tenth Doctor Who cares

“You mean the sacrifice of sleeping with me so you can hack into my phone?” Ah, the hardship.

Do I regret it New GirlNew Girl Would I do it again

“Really?” “Really?” David still can’t believe he somehow got himself involved with all these unstable individuals.

Donna Meagle side eye

Rowan struts in to a James Brown score all, “Mr. President. How can I be of service?” The man’s got style.

RDJ Spotlight Me

Like Maya/Marie, Dominic Bell is a terrorist for hire. Hardly anyone on this show, good or bad, is driven by any kind of idealogy.

Breaking Bad dollar

“I’m doing this for me.” Rowan has a score to settle.

Tina Your ass is grass

Brian McKenzie and Quinn are being all domestic again. It’s disturbing as balls.

Warm bodies don't be creepy

“Command. Other command.” Awkwaaaard.

Jamie Lannister waving

Jake and Rowan are bickering like children. Draining whatever faith anyone in that room has of this operation being successful.

Slap fight Between two ferns

“So. Are you guys like, an item now?” Leave it to Abby to say what everyone else is thinking.

Supernatural Sam Whack a doo

“He will break your bones and step over your body on the way in.” Jake is having none of Olivia’s hero worship of her dad.

Lion King simba crying

“You think he’s your dad, but that’s just a part he’s playing.”

Patrick Stewart Acting

Meanwhile, Leo’s having secret meetings behind the bleachers with a cute little field hockey girl. Errrmmm…

Chilton nervous

Sally and Fitz are having a tug of war over who gets to score political points by giving Senator Hightower’s eulogy. As is befitting the legacy of someone we’re told was a legitimately a  great man. Sigh.

30 Rock let me talk

“Ya’ll tell me what you decide. Either way, I get to stand by my man.” Drunk and Over It Mellie>>>>

loyal to Joffrey Game of Thrones

Sexy ladies, arming a bomb! Pencil skirts and bad intentions! 

Justin Bieber blow stuff up

Quinn is weirdly ping-ponging back and forth between Huck and Brian McKenzie and when will this eeeeennnnndddd?

Sleepy Hollow This is awkward

“The man was a soldier on the battle lines of immigration.” Wait, wait, wait: there are people in this town who are actually making policy?

The West Wing What's Next

“I’m telling you I’m losing.” “I’m telling you I’m black. Sally doesn’t have the NAACP.” Best line of the night, obviously.

Bob Ross Beauty is Everywhere

“If you’re dead, how am I supposed to-“ GURL.

Sherlock side eye

“I miss you.” Ru has a message for you, Fitz:

Ru Paul You're basic

“They love me in Flint.” I bet they do.

White people psych

Cyrus probably shouldn’t be on the phone to schmooze donors.

Downton Abbey Instrument of Torture

Harrison calls Rowan Papa Pope! Talk about misreading a room.

Seth Cohen Really Great

“I found him. He’s heavy.” And Quinn’s giving Huck a look that says, “Heeeeyyyyy….”

She's the Man I'd Tap That

Field hockey girl is seducing Jerry! Which takes about .5 seconds, cause he’s in high school.

Teenagers The Little Mermaid

She delivers Leo a paper bag that presumably contains a full condom. Which the US News & World Report college issue ranks right under a diverse list of extracurriculars as a foolproof way of getting into Harvard.

You nasty Raven

“Just because I sell you a canvas doesn’t mean I know where you’re going to hang it.” Dominic is an ar-TISTE, y’all.

Sensitive Beyonce

“Question him, don’t hurt him.” Mmmm-hmmm.

Friends Yeah Right

Leo and Sally are gonna run a paternity test on Jerry! Hope Fitz is getting that dance ready.

You are not the father Maury

“You’d have to be an idiot to be this reckless. And you are not an idiot.” YES. Mellie and Olivia respecting each other! Break away from these toxic men!!! GO OUT THELMA AND LOUISE STYLE.

Mean girls sluts and whores

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“Am I Your Fluffer, Fitz?”- Scandal Gif-Cap

Posted by Kim

Scandal 3 x 16

“The Fluffer”

While the pacing wasn’t QUITE as furious as the past few episodes of Scandal, “The Fluffer” DID get the action ready for the final arc of Season Three, proving the episode title was not JUST a commentary on the Olitz relationship.  Evil Puppet Master Shonda Rhimes moves all her pieces into place in this episode setting up what is sure to be an explosive finale, in more ways than one.  But enough talk…let’s get to the gifs!

ABBY in the White Coat.  Looking fabulous I might add.

Nobody talking in the meeting.

Fitz walking out cause Olivia is not there. Proving he is the biggest baby in the country.

“Promise me you won’t hurt him.” Even after everything Fitz has done to her, Olivia still defends him.  Sigh.

“I promise I wont touch a hair on his head.” Note the phrasing.  He can hurt OTHER parts, he just won’t touch anything on his head.

“I would have gone with anonymous former government employee.” I’m so glad David and his quips live to see another episode.

“I’m not going to do it.”  So everyone is going to a petulant baby in the episode.  Alrighty then.

“You deserve something REAL.”  Stawwwwwwwwwwp with your perfection, Andrew.

“Someone whose not just playing the part of the man who loves you but SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY DOES.”

The title of Jeanine’s book is Taken for Granted.  Bless you, book publishers.

“The President of the United States is definitely a baguette.” (So THAT’S why he gets all the ladies?)

“THIS is our legacy?”   Like I said, even in the midst of his grief, Cyrus’ one-liners are everything.

Mellie’s reaction to the Jeanine story is everything.

“Olivia and I need the room.” Subtext: So we can have another angst filled argument where I demean her.  BECAUSE I LOVE HER. #theworst

“You sent Gabby to me in your place.” Her name is ABBY, you cretin.  She’s worked with Olivia for years and you can’t even be bothered to learn her name, you jerk.

Fitz wanting to kick Andrew off the ticket because he is SOOOOOO jealous over Mellie.  Because there is only one person whose allowed to have orgasms in the White House and it’s him.

“What service can I render for you today? Am I here to stroke your ego?”

“Maybe I’m here to make you feel hot and manly and ready so you’re not jealous of your wife’s boyfriend?”

“Am I your fluffer today, Fitz? What service am I billing you for today?” Guys, if only Olivia would just stand by her glorious takedowns of Fitz…everything would be okay.

“You’re being disgusting and petty and jealous.”

“WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?”

“The movie just STOPS.  It’s just me waiting for a house in Vermont that I can’t live in and a man that makes me promises he can’t keep.” See…it’s like she’s taking it all back and being pathetic again.

“I am NOT the bad guy.”

“I didn’t HAPPEN to you.” Keep telling yourself that, Fitz.  Because you most DEFINITELY happened to her.

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