Star Trek Into Darkness: A Comprehensive List of All The Times We Overreacted

Posted by Sage

When your co-editors go to the movies together, we should probably offer preemptive apologies to everyone around us. It’s virtually impossible for us to sit quietly when the emotions roll in; there’s lot of hand-holding, random arm movements, and strangled squealing. Maybe we should just put a few rows in between us.

Our behavior in Star Trek Into Darkness was even worse than usual. We’re both fans of the 2009 series reboot, and the sequel built on all the best aspects of the first one, namely: hot guys in uniforms and excessive displays of heroism and bromance. In space! It’s my favorite movie of the summer so far for sure. And now, let’s relive all the Enterprise moments that had us flailing to beat the band.

**Editor’s note: Neither of us are Trekkie purists, so any complaints about crimes against the source material will be politely ignored. Thank you and good night.

Surprise Cameo by Noel Clarke, aka Mickey Smith

I had heard vague talk of a reference in Star Trek Into Darkness that Doctor Who fans would appreciate, and so was expecting a shout-out to the Chameleon Circuit or some other spacey-wacey term. But then we meet the Harewoods, whose daughter is dying and who are thus ripe for being blackmailed by the mysterious John Harrison. And is that…it couldn’t be…is that MICKEY SMITH?

It was such a joyful surprise to see Noel Clarke, who was surely cast due to his popularity with sci-fi fans in addition to his acting skillz. In the grand tradition of third-wheel Mickey, however, Noel’s character didn’t exactly end up on top.

Jesus Christ, Chris Pine’s eyes are EXTREMELY blue.

Eat your heart out, Shatner. Everything about that face is distracting: the old-timey movie star jawline, the pillowy upper lip, and most rudely, those supernaturally blue eyes. To make matters even worse, JJ insists on near constant close-up shots of that gorgeous visage throughout the WHOLE MOVIE. Was he saying words? I don’t even remember.

Literally every word out of the mouth of Bones.

DAMMIT MAN, WHY MUST YOU BE SUCH A PERFECT SECONDARY MALE LEAD?

Every piece of Bones’ dialogue had us giggling. Props to Karl Urban, who gives our Dr. McCoy the distinct air of a man who is 300% done with this whole “boldly going” thing.

BENEDICT. CUMBER. BATCH.

That voice.

That acting.

That sheer badassery.

Between this film and August: Osage County, Benedict is poised to take the US by STORM. And everyone who is constantly like, “I don’t get it,” is going to get it. I feel like a proud mama. His cheekbones alone deserve their own specialty Oscar.

And the performances couldn’t be farther from each other on the spectrum. Little Charles is simple, kind, downtrodden. And John Harrison is…fucking KHAN!

Scotty saves the day.

When Kirk accepts Scotty’s hastily-offered resignation, Simon Pegg is giving us his runtiest, most miserable, homeless puppy-dog look. So it was with great relief and elation that we welcomed our favorite Scot back to save everyone’s asses. Bonus points for the gag of him running back and forth in the cargo bay.

Calm down, everyone. As if this single shot could compare with the gratuitous amount of man candy in this film.

It’s worth one eye roll, and nothing more.

Sulu as Acting Captain!

Maybe it’s because I like George Takei and John Cho so much, but I have the distinct feeling that, with enough Trek exposure, I could be a Sulu fangirl to be reckoned with. The scene in STID when he took over Kirk’s Captain duties gave me the tingles. Look at how confident he looks in that chair! Swoon.

Kirk and Spock say their goodbyes.

They say that “every story is a love story,” and this one belongs to James T. Kirk and Mister Spock. I think they also say, “what’s the point of a sci-fi franchise without the potential for slash ships?”, or maybe that’s just me.

Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine’s co-interviews reach near RDJ/Jude Law levels of obvious guy love, and that IRL friendship bleeds quite nicely into that of their characters. Who didn’t shed a tear when they said their goodbyes to each other after Kirk sacrificed himself to save his crew family? Seriously, who? I want names and addresses. I was personally a mess.

Luckily, McCoy, a tribble, and a little Khan blood come to the rescue and our heroes live to gaze significantly at each other another day. Let’s celebrate with a little Mat Kearney, shall we?

He did it. He said the thing!

The build up was awesome. And our theater cheered. Maybe we weren’t so alone in our feelings after all.

Bonus Potential for Overreaction: The Star Trek Cast Being Charming and Weird

There’s no technical feat or highbrow acting that can make me love a movie more than the evidence that the cast and crew just had a blast MAKING it. And promoting it. And screening it. And getting ready to make another one. It may be a massive-budget, tentpole summer sequel, but that love radiated out of this film and right into my own visceral emotional response. Tell us, readers: did Star Trek bring the feels for you too, or did it leave you cold?

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