Season 3, Episode 11: “Ride, Sally, Ride”
Posted by Sage
And we’re back! All our Scandal players clearly spent the hiatus at the ropes, spitting water into a bucket and getting massaged by their trainers, because they came out swinging in this winter premiere. And K.Wash is SO PREGNANT, you guys.
It’s Sally vs. Fitz; James vs. Cyrus; Mellie vs. Olivia; Quinn vs. Sanity; and Harrison’s sexual prowess vs. the strength of his mahogany desk. It’s been months since we’ve gotten to celebrate the crazy together, so on to the gif-cap!
“She’s running.” Mellie is tottering around the White House in her Jimmy Choos announcing Sally’s candidacy to everyone like we didn’t see this coming.
Mellie and Sally pass each other in the hall and LASERS SHOOT FROM THEIR EYES. This White House isn’t big enough for the both of them.
“The President wanted to review the numbers with his new campaign manager.” UGHHHHHHHgughghghg.
“Selfish quitter. Loose cannon. Endangering our troops.” Also: cold-blooded murder-y Jesus freak.
“I can not and will not resign as Vice President.” WELL PLAYED, Ms. Langston.
“He is a straight, white man.” Fitz’s chosen running mate is a dude-bro, just like him. I mean, at this point..
“We just need one unguarded moment and we can nail these bastards.” Sneak Abby and Harrison in there with a few cases of wine.
Harrison asks David to look into Adnan. And if we don’t find out who that is soon, I will throw things.
“Killed two birds. And some people.”
“Quinn Perkins is not B6-13, never will be.” But…
Mr. Teri Hatcher! Jon Tenney is Andrew Nichols, Fitz’s longtime friend and colleague.
“But he’s an age-appropriate playboy for the most part. So, you know, props for that.” Let it never be said that Abby doesn’t give credit where credit is due.
“He’s clean.” The only person on this show so far! *ballons fall* *marching band bursts through doors*
“Loyalty above all. That’s why he put Jake Ballard in charge of B6-13.” Ask Fitz’s wife how loyal he is, I DARE YOU.
“No, it makes me think of you. And how you let me hate you.” So close to that teary reconciliation. So close.
“You’re skipping around a field full of bombs and mistaking them for daisies.” Rowan Pope is a master of the metaphor and I am so here for it.
“I know all his secrets. I know where EVERY body is buried. And the greatest weapon I can use against him calls me “Dad.”” Olivia’s like, “Wait, who’s that? Oh.”
“Run, Olivia, run.” BUT YOU KNOW SHE WON’T.
“I am Publius.” Somebody is Deep Throating via text. So cutting edge!
“This question has been asked and answered to death months ago.” Let’s get on to more important things.
“If I had dirt, don’t you think I’d have dumped it by now?”
Not unless it benefitted you, Cyrus.
“Abortion, really? Because when I stop and rank the things you’ve done sin-wise…” I’d watch my mouth around crazy Sally and the devil inside her or whatever.
“He used my hand as a vessel of murder. A vessel of sin.” See?!
“As opposed to the corpse-moving obstructor of justice that you are.”
“I’ll just babysit…wait tables.” Just one minute…
“As long as people have to live together, someone’s going to pay to have someone else killed.” Brian McKenzie says while charming salespeople in Home Depot.
We’re kidnapping children now, Quinn?
“That’s what you say. That’s ALL you say.” This lady walked into two traps at once.
“M.E. never signed off.” And finally someone is looking into the messiest cover-up in (fake) political history.
“The night he died, he took a spill in the bathroom, bashed his head on the toilet.” Daniel Douglas was Drunk Uncle.
“Harrison Wright, it’s your butler calling.” Hurray for more David/Harrison storylines! BUT: SHONDA, INTEGRATE HARRISON OR ELSE WE ARE SUING FOR CUSTODY.
“You need to focus on the big picture, like getting your husband to at least appear to prefer you to his alleged mistress.”
“I would never embrace Fitz’s whore.” Mellie is finally becoming her own Wind Keeper. Take charge, my ice cold queen.
“I don’t care. Just pick one and date him.” Let’s start with #1 and see how far we get!
“We are the normal ones, you and me. We need to borrow a gun, we ask.” When Fitz finally kills Olivia in a jealous rage, Abby should take over Pope & Associates.
“Do you even know how to use it? The safety and the clip and how you’re not supposed to tuck it into your waistband or you could shoot off your penis?” Please do not kid around about Harrison’s penis, it is important to us.
“One supermodel. Plus one who was just swimsuit and one runway.” “That you even know those distinctions is a problem.” …That he’s so tuned into the fashion world?
“Door open, Lauren.” “Door closed, Lauren.” How many times has poor Lauren had to listen to this?
“You are not going to start dating some man for show. And you are not resigning.” Possessive much? I’m running out of ways to express my boiling hatred of Fitzgerald Grant.
“There’s only one man I trust to guard that grave.” Siiiiiiigh. Jake, my little Captain America.
Adnan is Nora from HIMYM! And she and Harrison have a sexy, tense hello. AND THEN THEY DO IT ON HIS DESK.
“You’re my enemy. You were be unworthy of the title if you were that stupid.” Am…am I the only one who ships Cyrus and Leo just a tad?
James bugged his husband’s office. Par for the course for this relationship.
James is Publius, duh. Who DIDN’T see that one coming?
“You need to give me back Quinn.” “I don’t have her.” Well SOMEBODY does, and it’s not good.
“I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States.” “Don’t we all?” Remember how romantic and idealistic you felt when people would say this on The West Wing? Now it’s like…
Leo has a clandestine meeting with Olivia’s dad. I don’t know what they’re planning, but Fitz should probably just run.
“Every day of the past 12 years, I have dreamed of this.” “Being on the ticket?” “Being near you again.” Nichols is in love with Mellie. Like…really in love with her. After all these years of being pushed down and pushed aside, how can she resist? And maybe that’s the scandal that’s going to bring Fitz down. And it’s his own stupid fault.
Kim takes the reins again next week to recap another superbly titled episode, “We Do Not Touch the First Ladies.” You hear that, Andy? Keep those Teri-paws to yourself. Welcome back to Washington, Gladiators! See you next time.