Poor Little Rich Kids – Scandal Gif-Cap

Scandal
Season 3, Episode 15: “Mama Said Knock You Out”
Posted by Sage

No longer the Maris Cranes of the Scandal world, the two eldest Grant children finally made an in-the-flesh appearance this week. And let me tell you, if you assumed that the spawn of a marriage as twisted and loveless as Fitz and Mellie’s would be royally screwed up, well….you’d be correct. Flee, Jerry and Karen. Flee back to boarding school and stay there. Until it’s time to publish your respective tell-alls, that is.

“I saw that sit-down you did with Dominique Strauss-Kahn.” Just when I’d almost completely forgotten about that French bastard.

Olivia tries push the interview. Noah – not to be confused with $125 million worth of Russell Crowe getting rained on – isn’t having it.

“Jerry, Karen: we need to talk.” They’re like, “Yes, new mom?”

“Be nice.” Mellie has to REMIND Fitz to be warm to his own children. Let’s see how that goes.

Excruciating family dinner time!

“And at the end of the day, let’s all just remember that we love each other.” “Yeah.” “Right.” 

“Liv thinks if we separate B6-13 from their money supply, we can starve them to death.” Nice to see Team Pope working together again, even if it is on a lost cause. Anyway, let’s find that caaasssh.

“You don’t take down B6-13. You run, you hide, or you die.” Yep, got it.

“I’ll kill Huck in a second, if you want me too.” Quinn thinks Brian McKenzie’s homicidal devotion is sweet. But as long as she and Huck have their psycho lust thing going on, Huck is safe.

Blah, blah, blah, Ukrainian terrorists in Baltimore, blah blah blah. I meaannn…I’m very concerned.

“It was a beautiful funeral, Cy.” JAMES IS STILL DEAD. GODDAMMIT.

“Can we not discuss my kids right now?” “Why must my children insist on existing just to make me feel guilty about bending my mistress over my desk whilst they’re just a couple hundred feet away?”

GET IT, MELLIE. Andrew and Mellie are having a full-blown affair at this point and I am NOT mad about it.

“You like it there?” Oh, my.

“Both.” *gulp*

“Andrew. Stay away from her. The last thing this campaign needs is another sex scandal.” “Glass houses, Olivia.” Nice restraint from Andrew, who still seems quite the good man. I would’ve laughed in her face. Hello, kettle? This is Monica. You’re black.

“Don’t play this game any more.” “You told me I was supposed to drag everyone into the light.” Olivia’s Existential Crisis, brought to you by Daddy Issues.

“Why are you still with him? After everything he’s done to you? To us?” Out of the mouths of babes, amirite?

Dimitri or Ivan or whoever was supposed to meet with Adnan and Olivia’s mom. And wouldn’t show up. Mama Pope is terrifyingly serene and smiley about it.

Quinn and Brian McKenzie have a lover’s quarrel while sharing their favorite hobby. Torturing some poor bastard.

“Is it okay if I drill for a bit?”

Turns out Jerry is running an anonymous anti-Grant Twitter account. He’s the only one here with a sense of humor.

Karen finds Andrew and Mellie together! Olivia sees it too. And chimes in with a “HAVEN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING A GOD DAMN DOOR?” I made up that last part.

Adnan shows up at Pope & Associates to talk about Marie. Hrrrrmmm…

“I owe her.” *Growing old and grey waiting on Harrison’s backstory*

Adnan wants complete immunity before she says a word. Sounds legit.

“You were on your knees with Uncle Andrew.” Well, that’s it. You guys have been great.

“Why on earth would I give him to you? So you can puff out your chest and announce his detention to swing state pancake breakfasts?” It’s amusing to me that Jake assumes Fitz has planned ANYTHING.

“This is not a game, Mr. President, and you’re not getting your ball back.” No more pick-up games. No more towel snapping in the locker room.

Cyrus comes at Jake. Crushing grief and all, but can we all agree that his face was HILARIOUS?

“He was just doing his job. Serving at the pleasure of the president. Just like the rest of us.” Killing people is so, like, whatever.

“No cupcakes?” Morris isn’t going to waste his cheerful greetings on people with no baked goods.

“What I know is that you are a terrorist.”

…she says, in full voice, right outside the White House security checkpoint. Mama Pope wouldn’t be worried, even if she knew.

“You’re nothing but the help.” Time for an uncomfortable realization!

“I never would have turned on you.” Suuuuuure.

Adnan makes her move. And it’s a panties move, because Harrison is a simple bitch.

“I can’t just cancel it.” “Then what are we paying you for?” I would go to war for Team Mellie at this point.

“She’s doing it with Uncle Andrew, dad!” Nooooo, Karen, don’t blow up their spot yet! I’m not done with these two!

Fitz goes storming off and punches Andrew in the face. His running mate. In front of lots of men in suits. While he’s running for reelection.

“I want you out of B6-13. I want you safe.” The ick-factor on this ship though.

“You put your tongue in your mouth and now I deserve to live?” I…I just…

Quinn licks Huck’s face and they start furiously groping again. I must cleanse my memory of these images.

During sexytimes, Adnan sticks Harrison with a needle. He passes out. D’oh.

Rowan gives another overblown speech, this time to remind Jake what he’s given up by taking over Command. “Guess what? YOU’RE ALONE.”

“No, but thank you. For reminding me that when I decide to kill you, I need to do it all by myself.” Threat? Promise? Either way, I need that showdown to happen eventually.

“This is not just some sleazy affair, Mellie and I.”

He does peace out pretty speedily though.

“We should get some ice for your hand – let me look at it.” HE CAN FIX HIS OWN HAND, MELLIE.

“How long have you been screwing Andrew?” Ohhhhhh, you motherfucker.

FOR YEARS, Fitz has been carrying on an affair with a member of his senior staff, yet thinks he’s in the position to judge and humiliate Mellie for seeking fulfillment elsewhere. And so begins another of my Fitz-related meltdowns.

“That having a baby changed you, that you weren’t a sexual person anymore.”

That baby is the one who’s most likely a product of her rape by his father, by the by.

“You made it clear that that part of our marriage was dead. That you were dead inside.”

“You ruined our marriage. You shut me down. You locked the door. You killed us.”

“I never would have cheated.” That’s RICH.

“I spent 10 years with a wife who wouldn’t let me touch her. Ten years. And I never blamed you. It wasn’t your fault you didn’t want me. Poor Mellie, my wife’s dried up.” DRIED UP? Somebody hold my earrings.

“Don’t you see what you did.” If Mellie wouldn’t service him, Fitz had NO CHOICE but to find the next warm and willing body to get on top of. It’s all Mellie’s fault! I mean, what was he supposed to do? Help her work through her issues? Be there for her? Try to figure out what was wrong? He had other priorities.

“Those kids never had a chance.” “Kids, did I ever tell you about the time your mother wouldn’t put out for me, thereby causing every one of our family’s problems and ruining your lives? By the way, I smothered a cancer patient with a pillow.”

“Don’t you dare put this on me. I’ve given my life for you.” He’s not worth it, Mellie. Walk away.

“All you’ve done is deny me love and scheme to have power.” He wants to know ONE THING she’s lost. “ONE THING,” he keeps yelling, but obvious set-up is too obvious. Mellie saves that secret for another day.

“I’M TALKING TO MY WIFE. Liv…I’m sorry.” Fitz goes running after Olivia to grovel at her feet for speaking sharply, though verbal abuse segueing into rough sex is just like, a Tuesday afternoon for them.

“Tell me we’re not the help.” Olivia demands coddling from Cyrus, who’s still grieving his husband. I’m just about done with Olivia this week.

“All of this, your regret, your apologies. You need to direct it to your children. To your wife.” Did she just…make sense?

Brian McKenzie moves into Quinn’s. A live-in psychopath. Cute.

David got Adnan immunity (whoops) and Abby pushes him against a wall to make out with him in thanks. They’re so cute, I could eat them up.

But wait. Where’s Harrison?

What ever happened to Pope & Associates always being three steps ahead? Adnan obviously stole a crap-ton of sensitive information from Olivia’s computer, including the President’s schedule, security layouts, “contingencies to the contingencies,” etc. Jake wants to see how it plays out. That’s right – Command sees all.

Cyrus plays with Ella in a scene that serves no purpose but to further break our hearts.

The Grants are one big, happy family in their live interview.

Rowan and Olivia have another split-screen phone conversation like they’re best girlfriends in an ’80s sex comedy. He gives her the goods on the B6-13 budget: “It’s not funded by one department, it’s funded by all of them.” What interesting yet USELESS information!

Talk to me, Gladiators. I need all your thoughts on Andrellie, President Butthead, and the steady, sharp decline of the formidable Olivia Pope. What did you think of “Mama Said Knock You Out”? Leave it in the comments.