“I’m not a human, just a spectacle.” – Scandal Gif-Cap

Scandal Season 5, Episode 1
“Heavy is the Head”
Posted by Kim

Greetings, Gladiators!  Can you believe it’s our third season gif-capping Scandal? How time flies!  Where were we?  Oh, yes.  Papa Pope has been vanquished.  Mellie is now a senator.  Fitz has kicked her out of the house.  Cyrus has been fired and Lizzie Bear has his job.  Quinn tortured Huck.  Oh yeah…Olivia and Fitz are together for reals.  Ugh.  I keep telling myself that its Scandal and their happiness will be short-lived.  It’s a comfort.  To the gifs!!

“Lovers of liberty, good evening…” Sally Langston still has her TV show which would be the worst show I would watch EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Sally’s monologue is intercut with Fitz and Olivia doing it.  Sigh.

“It’s a story and not a very original one at that.” Sure, Sally is talking about Princess Emily of Caledonia, an American who married a prince, but she may as well be talking about Olitz too.

Liv’s dress for the State Dinner though. 

“Yes, let’s start an international incident.” “Yes let’s.” Calm yourself, Fitz.  Your wang can wait a few hours.

Eye sexing all across the room during the state dinner. UGH. 

“They can’t have a state dinner without the First Lady of the United States!” But they CAN with the First Mistress, Mellie.

“The President didn’t call you the minute he kicked Mellie out?”  Abby, bless her, is trying to engage in some girl talk and Liv isn’t giving her ANYTHING.

“One day you’re a regular person and the next you’re the most famous person on the planet.” 

Emily comes out of the stall and as awkward as the situation is, I can really only focus on her fierce eyebrow game. 

“I stopped being a real person.” 

“I’m not human, just a spectacle.” 

Later that night, Liv gets called away from Fitz’s bed because of an emergency.  She arrives at the scene of an accident. Princess Emily’s body lies uncovered, very very very dead, with her tiara in the road. Subtlety, thy name is not Scandal.  Honestly, this scene felt a little icky.

The Queen is shady AF. 

“I know you can’t save her life, Olivia, but perhaps you can save her dignity.” 

Liv tries to get all the photos by telling all the papers they are better than this. 

When all but one paper gives up the goods, Liv stages a photo-op of Richard crying over Emily’s body to give the papers something else to run. 

“She was and always will be America’s Princess.” 

It turns out that Emily’s car was sabotaged.  This is now a murder investigation. 

“There are limits to my power.”  “I’ve seen what you can do with your power, David.” 

Mellie storms into Lizzie Bear’s office.  “You will guarantee that the President shows up for his wife.”

“Why did you betray me after everything I did for you?” 

“You only do anything for your own benefit.” 

“I was your bitch.” 

“Your payment is that I got you elected.” 

“The President regrets to inform you that he is unable to attend your little swearing in.” Way harsh, Lizzie Bear.

“Are you saying we committed regicide to cover-up a flu and a life choice?” Abby has lost her patience trying to explain Mellie and Cyrus to the press.

Liv ducks and hides from Abby so she won’t see her at the White House. FRIENDSHIP.

“You can’t summon me here for lunch.” Good to know Liv still has some of her spine.

“Don’t LIV me.” 

“You owe her this.” LIV STANDING UP FOR MELLIE. Tell me again why they can’t be the power team?

Fitz DOES go to the swearing in because he’s whipped. Or afraid of Liv. I choose the latter.

“I’m glad you came around.”  Instead of being nice, all Fitz has to offer is a bitch face.

Fitz serves Mellie with divorce papers. 

“I’ll never sign.” Okay, part of me wants Mellie to sign so she can just BE FREE but the other part doesn’t want her to give Fitz the satisfaction.

“You have so many qualities I despise but I do admire your brilliance.” 

“My bucket list is done. You? Your biggest accomplishment so far is waving and smiling.”

“Until you actually fire me I’d like to be able to do my job.” Abby has no time for all this fuckery, she has a country to run.

“I thought you’d be happy. You don’t look happy.” IDK, Fitz, maybe consult Olivia before you decide to go off-book from your carefully established plan?

It turns out that the Princess was having an affair with her bodyguard. Which would naturally make SOMEONE in the Royal Family want to kill her.

Fitz, however won’t go after them because it threatens his naval base plans.  Liv: “I’m terribly misguided in the belief that someone in this office might be interested in doing the right thing.”

“I’m running a country here.” Reminder that Fitz is still a petulant child.

“The good news is that I don’t work for you.” 

“Is he hurting you? On the inside?”  I know Huck is trying to show he cares, but that line is creepy as hell.

“You always fix me. I can’t go home until you FIX ME.” (You knew this one was coming…)

“I don’t fix people. Not on the inside.” 

“I just witnessed a lover’s quarrel in the Oval Office.” If that’s what you want to call it, Lizzie Bear.

“Honestly, I had no idea.” NO ONE TELLS ABBY ANYTHING.

Mellie shows up at Cyrus’ house, wanting to work with him. 

“No. No, I’m not helping you anymore.” NO CYRUS I NEED YOU AND YOUR EVIL PLOTTING.

“You think he’s going to ask you to come back, Cy? He doesn’t want you.” 

“He doesn’t want you any more than he wants me. He hates us.” The question is…why do you two still CARE? They are both SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIM.

“You know me. Truth, justice, and the American way.” It’s been a long summer without David Rosen’s sass.

Sooooo…Emily was pregnant.  Princess Mia would have never gotten herself in this situation.

“There will be no such investigation.” I KNEW THE QUEEN DID IT.

“My son still wouldn’t have seen it.” 

“She had one job: to give us an heir and a spare.  And she failed.” Question: do you think the Royal Family ACTUALLY refers to Prince Harry as the Spare?

“I haven’t dismissed you, where are you going?”  “To get justice.” “I am justice.” One of my favorite exchanges during our live-tweet of the episode was my friend Kerry saying “I like her. It’s like if Clarisse Reynaldi was capable of murder.”  The next reply? “Are you kidding Clarisse Reynaldi is TOTALLY capable of murder.”

“Oh not all fairy tales have happy endings, my dear.” 

“Now you may go.” 

Ever resourceful, Liv decides to tell Richard what his mother did. Her gag order doesn’t apply to him, after all.

“You’re going to abdicate because of health reasons.” YAS RICHARD YAS.

“Next time I see you, I’ll be at your funeral.” ICE COLD.

“You were right. Not all fairy tales have happy endings. But evil queens? They tend to go down.” 

“I need you to help me.” OH HEY JAKE NICE TO SEE YOU.

Fitz’s Naval Bases are dead in the water with Richard on the throne. 

“I’m sorry you had a bad day at work. I had a good one.” This level of sass!Olivia is the only way I’ll get through her being with Fitz.

“You seemed to have changed your mind.” Yes, please please PLEASE change your mind.

“We put this out into the light.” DON’T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT STANDING IN THE SUN.

“The minute the world finds out about us, we stop being you and me.” I wanted to use a Larry gif for this, but I didn’t want to taint their pure and true love by using it in the context of Olitz.

“How can we make it work in public when we can barely make it work in private?” That’s putting it mildly!

“I want to slow down, I want our problems fixed.” 

“I want to be ready before the world is watching.” 

Abby catches them and her bitch face is EVERYTHING. 

SALLY HAS OUTED FITZ AND OLIVIA AND SHE HAS PICTURESSSSSSSSS. 

 

Surely this is the work of Cyrus and Mellie, yes? I am SO HERE for Cyrus and Mellie taking Fitz down.

“You, Mr. President.  I’ll see you soon.” 

And that’s our premiere!  Next week, Sage will take you through the Olitz fallout, and she’s been dared to do the entire recap in One Direction gifs.  Her whole life has been building towards this gif-cap.  Till then, leave your thoughts in the comments!