Scandal Season 5, Episode 3
“Paris is Burning”
Posted by Kim
I love when episodes take place as if they were in real-time. This week on Scandal, we have Abby Whelen and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day as Abby desperately tries to keep the White House running after Olivia outs herself to the press as Fitz’s mistress. My notes for my initial watch of this episode were well over a thousand words, so a LOT of shit went down. Let’s get right to it, shall we? Fasten your seat belts, this is a long gif-cap.
Abby scurrying around in a panic after Olivia’s admission to the press. She does a LOT of scurrying in this episode. In power heels, no less.
“Shut it down or get fired, people.” Abby is NOT fucking around here.
Meanwhile, Fitz and Mellie are bullshitting their way through their “We’re totally happy” interview.
“Olivia has been an important friend to us.” Mellie’s buzzing.
Abby runs in and stops the interview because she can’t allow this farce to be released now.
Fitz and Mellie see Liv on TV. Mellie is enraged (“Yes? YES?!”) while Fitz bites back a grin.
LizzyBear rallies the staff. “The word of the day is SILENCE.”
“Oh look, it’s the girl who can’t shut her legs or her mouth.”
“We can spin this…” aka “You have several options. They are all terrible, but you have them.”
“I am not saying ANY of that.” Of COURSE Fitz chooses to dig his heels in and throw a tantrum.
“We cannot lie, we have no choice.”
“We will inform you when it’s time to do the interview.” Mellie is shoved out of the room like SHE’S the one who did something wrong and I just really am ready for her to go Daenerys Targaryen on their asses.
“There are other options to consider. You cast me as the trashy home wrecker.”
“I loved what you said.” Fitz and Liv smile and make out like they haven’t just caused a National Scandal.
“I can’t imagine what else you must be feeling.” Mellie just rewards Abby with a stony glare and I LOVE IT.
“Hi there, Red.” CYRUS IS HERE CYRUS IS HERE CYRUS IS HERE.
“Oh crap.” This is the only proper response to this development, really.
“The Junior Senator of the great state of Virginia has asked me to serve.” THIS IS EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED.
“There are going to be some things we would like in return.” Cyrus/Mellie 2016, y’all.
“What do you want?” “I want to destroy Olivia Pope.” Hell hath no fury like Mellie Grant scorned.
“This is a very important moment, don’t waste it being human.” Good old Cy, always thinking bigger.
“Think like a champion. Think like a warrior.”
“Tell me what the inscription on your monument will be when history books glorify you.” GOOD GOD I MISSED CYRUS AND HIS ARIAS.
“What do you want?” “I WANT THE OVAL.” OMG IT’S HAPPENING.
“She’ll get nothing and she’ll like it.” Honestly, Fitz, I don’t know how you think you’re in any position to not give Mellie EXACTLY what she wants.
“You can’t be involved.” I do mildly feel bad that LizzyBear has been tasked to babysit Fitz even though that’s technically in her job description.
“Move now or you’re fired.” Honestly, Fitz, WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO? JUST SHUT UP AND LET THE PROFESSIONALS WORK.
“So fire me. I am doing my JOB, Sir.” This is the most I have ever liked LizzyBear, who is tired of his shit.
Back at the Pope and Associates office, Quinn is fielding calls and Huck is plugging away on the computer.
“You were going to turn off the internet?” “Oh no, I was going to erase the internet.” THAT is the Huck we fell in love with, y’all. Not the creepy as fuck super tortured Huck. MORE OF THAT PLEASE, SHOW.
Jake comes in and unplugs all the technology.
“We’re just going to sit here and do nothing.” Jake tells Huckleberry Quinn that Olivia has no grand plan for them so what’s the point.
“My plan is to sit here and drink the majority of this vodka, get remarkably wasted, and watch the world end.” AKA just a typical day.
“First of all, the President will support the Senator’s bid for the White House. That doesn’t mean waving a few pom-poms and phoning in a couple of interviews on the Sunday circuit. It means that, politically, the President is her bitch. He will be by her side on the trail, at the click of her ruby-red heels. He will fill her collection plate as many times as she asks. Got it?”
Mellie’s other demand is that Fitz and Liv can’t go to public functions together. “Not until Senator Mellie Grant becomes President Mellie Grant.”
Cyrus has a few demands of his own. Mainly, he will only negotiate with Abby. Sorry, LizzyBear.
“This is how we do it. By giving Mellie what she wants.” Thank GOD Olivia still sees reason.
“For 20 years of marriage, a few campaign stops and a little discretion isn’t too much to ask.” Seriously. You bitches are getting off EASY.
Then Liv has to go and say that Abby is only being used to create a wedge between them, which is exactly the wrong thing to say after Abby’s been busting her ass all day.
Liv chases Abby down, but she is having NONE of it. Get ready for some righteous fury, y’all.
“I had to get up on that podium and be humiliated in front of my peers.”
“You left me to die up there.”
“You didn’t think I’d be good enough at my job to handle it.”
Meanwhile the Gladiators are discussing James Bonds and Martinis, as all spies do.
“We’re drinking. Technically, we’re drunk.” Liv calls Jake from the White House and whines about her choices to a man she used to have sex with. SENSITIVITY.
“I think I made a mistake.” Your biggest mistake was choosing Fitz, Liv.
“Just say the word, Liv, and I’m on my way.” Ugh, Jake. SHE IS NEVER GOING TO PICK YOU WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF?
“What’s next? My blood? My kidney?” Fitz still can’t properly wrap his head around Mellie’s demands WHICH ARE NOT MUCH.
FINALLY, Fitz and Mellie settle on terms. But Mellie REALIZES she’s letting them off easy. “I can’t accept this.” YAS GIRL YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE.
“I should have asked for more!” But seriously though…that’s the worst feeling when you realize you’ve been lowballed.
“What more is there?” “I DON’T KNOW! I JUST WANT MORE!”
“You have lost it, Cyrus. You have sat at home too long with your tv and your whore and you have lost your edge. The Cyrus I knew was an animal.” She has a point though. Cyrus COULD be doing more.
“I’ll see what I can do.” I have a bad feeling about this.
Cyrus goes to Fitz. “I apologize I haven’t been able to come through for YOU.” Um, what?
“You need to take her back.” COME AGAIN?
“It’s an unfair sacrifice but it’s one you need to consider.” OH GOD CY IS TURNING ON MELLIE AND TRYING TO GET HIS JOB BACK AND I CAN’T.
Liv finds Mellie in her giant closet. “I’m looking for my hooch.”
“You’re going to need the hooch.” (Also Mellie’s reaction when she FINDS the hooch = priceless. Bless you, Bellamy Young.)
“Do you like to decorate, Olivia? Those 111 Christmas trees just don’t design themselves.”
“What the hell, you want some? I didn’t poison it.” Have I mentioned that drinking Mellie is my favorite Mellie?
“Your wants, your needs, nobody cares anymore.” It’s not easy being First Lady, you guys. Especially when your husband is Fitz.
“THIS is what makes you feel alive.” This being the hooch.
“Whatever hooch you dig up around here? Consider it my parting gift.”
“Can you give us a minute?” “Fine but we only have ten of them.” I love that Abby is having none of Olivia’s shit.
“You take her back and we wait.” UGGGGGHHHH NO. WHY LIV WHY.
“I want to know what made you decide to give up.”
“On you? On us? On everything I’ve worked for my entire life? What exactly am I giving up on here, Fitz?”
“You ever think about what I am giving up?” Short answer: no.
“I just wanted one last moment alone with this view.” Of the green screen.
“You’re feeling abandoned because I abandoned you.” Understatement of the CENTURY.
“I didn’t always say thank you, but deep down I know how I got here. I know and I’m sorry.” DON’T FALL FOR IT MELLIE.
“You think you can just apologize to me?”
“I have sacrificed SO MUCH for you. What did you ever sacrifice for me, Fitz?”
Fitz THEN plays on Mellie’s White House Aspirations and how she WILL win. “I believe that as strongly as you ever believed in me.” Sadly, this works and Mellie agrees to take Fitz back. WE WERE SO CLOSE.
“I’m just not used to any of this.” NGL, Liv’s apology to Abby is pretty weak.
“You should know the view from here. I think you are very good at your job.” Fine. At least SOMEONE sees that Abby is amazing.
“I learned all my moves from the best in the business.”
“No matter how undignified I sound, I want my job back. Let us finish what we started.” Seeing Cyrus grovel like this is physically painful.
“I am your guy. I have your back. Forever. Always.”
“You do not work here anymore. You can go.” Cyrus’ face COMPLETELY changes at Fitz’s dismissal and RUH ROH YOU JUST WOKE UP THE SLEEPING BEAST.
“Did you…get everything you asked for? I don’t think anything is different.” CYRUS YOU EVIL GENIUS.
“You got played.” YOU BOTH DID, CYRUS.
“You were right to change clothes. That dress is gonna look great on camera.” Checkmate.
As Mellie and Fitz walk to the interview, Cyrus’ words play in her head and we flashback to JUST EVERYTHING Mellie has lost.
“You ALMOST had me.” PEACE OUT BITCHES.
The TV is back on at Pope and Associates and for SOME REASON the sub-headline “The Louvre is Burning” sends Jake in to a tizzy.
“Let me fix this.” TIME FOR ABBY TO DO HER JOB.
Abby throws Liv under the bus in the briefing room. Liv watches like a proud mama. “She’s handling this exactly the way I would.”
“You don’t tell me what to do in the Oval Office!” Even when Liv is taking a personal beating, Fitz makes this about him.
“Sit down. Sit there and watch me choose you.”
“You know Olivia Pope has a certain reputation…” Abby is SO GOOD at her job.
Cut to Papa Pope watching this press conference from prison. That’s right, you’re still here, aren’t you?
Jake arrives and tells Papa Pope the Louvre is on fire. He visually recoils. You know it’s bad if Papa Pope has a bad reaction.
“And Nero fiddled while Rome burned.”
And that’s our episode! What is Lazarus One? What will be Cyrus and Mellie’s next move? Leave your thoughts in the comments!