“The greatest scam on earth.” – The Mindy Project Recap

The Mindy Project Season 4, Episodes 4 & 5
“The Bitch Is Back” & “Stay At Home MILF”
Posted by Sage

A few years ago, a friend of mine was fretting to me about not being ready to take care of her first child. “Are you kidding me?” I asked. “Do you know how many idiots have raised kids and managed not to kill them? Trust me, you’re going to be fine.” Anyway: Mindy and Danny.

Little Leo has joined the family, and neither of his idiot parents are having any trouble bonding with the little guy. In “The Bitch Is Back,” Mindy is relishing the last days of her maternity leave, marathoning Dora (“Thanks for turning me on to this show, Leo.”) and looking beatific while she shames grown men into giving up cabs for her. Leo is set to meet his weird aunts and uncles who, to be clear, should never be left alone with him, during his first visit to Schulman & Associates. Over breakfast, Danny tells Mindy that she may not have to give up her time with the only person in the world she loves more than him (“And I was like ‘Danny? Who dat?'”); she can decide to be a mom full-time, and let Danny be the breadwinner for the both of them. We all saw this coming.

Leo gets a little peckish on their way into the office, so Mindy discreetly starts to breast feed him on the train. A scandalized Southern gentleman played by Raising Hope‘s Garret Dillahunt shames her for it, so unappreciative he is of a mother’s duty to care for her child and how lucky he is to be exposed to his fellow commuter’s “beautiful cans.” His reaction offends Mindy deeply, because she doesn’t fuck with the idea of strange men policing women’s bodies, but also because she’s used to doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Face it, ladies, she’d fight just as hard for her train buddy’s right to clip his toenails on a rush hour trip. This is why we love her.

Southern train prude turns out to be Jody Kimball-Kinnery, Jeremerrry’s childhood playmate and the new doctor at S&A. He’s been hired along with his nurse sister Collette Kimball-Kinney to fill the gaps left by Mindy and Adrian (who?). Jody prides himself on upholding traditional gender roles, meaning that he prefers the ladies in his company to be ladies. This partiality does not bode well for his working relationship with Mindy, who was apparently the sole reason for the sheer bulk of the practice’s monthly toilet paper order. He’s charmed everyone else, however, leaving Mindy to rage at Danny about how Jody is the one-man opposition to all her personal beliefs. (“Like the right to hate-watch other people’s wedding videos?” “No. Women’s rights, or whatever.”) Danny takes advantage of Mindy’s discomfort with the new guy by lightly suggesting that maybe, just maybe, she’d be better off avoiding him completely and staying at home with Leo. He does this while making a tiny model of New York City, so that wins him back 1/2 a point on the “Danny Needs To Step Off” Index Of Control.

The new dad may share some of Jody’s stone-age parenting ideals, but lucky for Mindy, “The Today Show and Big Bracelet” have sold Danny on the idea of the “push present.” Beverly and Tamra look on in disgust as he tries and fails to come up with an adequate thank you for what his fiance did to bring his kid into the world. Attempt #1 is a another choreographed dance, hilariously now a hackneyed blow-off gift when it comes from Danny. And attempt #2 is a “luxurious cranberry turtleneck sweater” from a mom gift guide that Mindy mistakes for trash and gives to Morgan. (“If you saw the garment, you’d understand.”) Tamra takes pity on Dr. C mainly to save her the secondhand embarrassment of his terrible ideas; she takes him jewelry shopping and learns the real purpose of the diamond baby ring he’s about to buy for Mindy. He wants her to choose to be a stay-at-home mom, but he’s subtly trying to push her into it so she’ll remember it as her idea. It makes fiscal sense, he argues. And she misses Leo when she’s not with him. Tamra is not buying it. But Danny may be buying her silence.

Mindy is on the case for another solution to the Jody problem; she’s looking for a reason for Jeremy to fire him. But if the boss isn’t sufficiently embarrassed by reminders of all his “coward’s forfeits” in the family’s pre-supper wrastling bouts to kick Jody out of the practice, the forced confessions of Mindy’s patients aren’t going to do it. Though she is able to round up some pretty damning evidence. Mr. Morrison wasn’t permitted to watch his child’s birth so that his memories of his wife’s lady parts wouldn’t be tainted. Mindy’s horrified reaction to this is the most wonderful (“Your vagina’s not supposed to be a mystery!”); I bet she made Danny get in there with a magnifying glass after Leo came out, just so he could see exactly what he did to her. Mrs. Morrison insists that Jodi was otherwise “the perfect gentleman,” and won’t be further part of Mindy’s coup. Get it together, Mrs. Morrison.

Mindy confronts the office with this new information; it’s an intervention that leads to her accidentally squirting breast milk into Jody’s face. Before that though, Jody gives an impassioned defense of his self-diagnosed sexism – the patronizing, man-trashing version that’s supposed to make women feel good about being considered other. Men come out worse in Dr. Kimball-Kenny’s scenario, he insists, so Mindy and her sisters should be happy not to be lumped in with them. Mindy knows that it’s condescending bullshit, but everyone else seems to buy it. (Beverly: “Do racism next!”) Jeremy demands she apologize to Jody, but Mindy Lahiri doesn’t take anything she did back except the unintentional super-soaking. She quits the practice, reasoning that she doesn’t fit in there any more. (I.E. She’s no longer the strongest personality in the room. Also Jody is most definitely a dick.)

Danny can’t help himself; he’s so thrilled that Mindy’s decided to be with their son all day, even though Mindy came to that choice under extenuating circumstances. He’s still projecting the pain of his childhood onto her. But Danny does take some of Tamra’s aggressive lecturing to heart. And he takes it quite literally. I die. And yet, I can’t help but feel cheated of the preceding scene. Danny crying about his all-consuming love for his firstborn child while a bored Brooklynite inks him? DVD extras, please.

The secret parenting campaign continues in “Stay At Home MILF,” and even with two episodes devoted to this debate, there’s still a plot hole the size of a house-parent’s to-do list. Mindy’s business venture was a significant plot point last season; it represented a feasible reason for Mindy to stay in New York with other cities offering new professional opportunities. But in these episodes, “going back to work” is all about going back to work at S&A. There’s just one mention of the fertility practice, which is miraculously still afloat after months of being run by zero doctors and one Morgan Tookers. If I were Mindy, I’d take a break from S&A and work solely at my own business where I could set my own hours. Who am I kidding? If I were Mindy, I too would be pantsless and covered in empty potato chip bags, teaching my newborn son how to work an iPhone and designing a poster board of “Baby First Enemies.” (“Louis Tomlinson’s future child” is on there, so low-key confirmed that Mindy is a Larrie, amirite?)

This won’t do for Danny, who has a June Cleaver concept of a stay-at-home-mom that includes regular piano tuning and “maintaining a positive attitude that sets the tone for the rest of the household.” Mindy takes on the challenge, confident that she can succeed in this line of work the same way she succeeded in medicine. (“You’re up early. Is miss piggy co-hosting The Today Show?”) She just has to apply herself. And follow every last bit of smug instruction from the pastel nightmare of a blog, Modern Mominista. (“You can tell it’s a really classy site because all the banner ads are for anti-depressants.”)

“Take pride in your appearance” is step 1, and Mindy’s technicolor family sitcom housewife wardrobe is on point. But as soon as she’s decked out in her Lily-Pulitzer-meets-Lucille-Ball house dress, her fascist virtual jailer demands she get on her hands and knees and “scrub the floor with all organic products.” The lifestyle this blog is selling is at minimum 50% about moms maintaining an illusion of perfection for the benefit of their family. It’s a prestige mommy no-no to let the cracks show. That’s not Mindy’s jam. When Danny brings home take-out and rejects her (to be fair) 5th consecutive dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup, she snaps. (“Your job is fun.” “If you think this is so easy, Danny, why don’t you try it?”) Yay. I love a good trading places second act.

Mindy returns to work on Monday after reluctantly praising stay-at-home-dad Danny’s “restaurant-quality” french toast to find Morgan and Collette knee-deep in a sham relationship. Collette is gay, and out to everyone at work except for her brother. Jody is living within the delusion that his sister just hasn’t found the right man yet (“To spot her at the gym? I can do that.”), and he’s determined to couple her up in time for a family wedding. If you’re going to fake-date anyone, Morgan is your guy. (“What a hot and natural couple.”) He’s 100% committed to the charade, and, even more importantly, he likes being half of a twosome. And he likes Collette, who so far we see to be very sweet and capable. Again, I say that the only female friends who can share a scene with Dr. L and not be overshadowed by her personality are the ones who are as larger than life in character as she is. Collette helped Mindy out in the last episode by offering some insight into her brother’s psyche (“You got under his skin too.”), and it’s Mindy’s turn to return the favor. And then she tries to get some approved commiseration in, because she is who she is. (“I’m in the closet too!” “Hard no.”)

Both of these women need to tell their men the truth, even if those men aren’t ready to hear it. Because it’s not their job to protect them. When Collette comes out, she comes out hard – over Jeremy’s intercom. (“I’m a lesbian. Over and out.”) Jody is used to his own version of reality being catered to, and that needs to change. (“Really? every halloween I went as John Elway.”) He insists that any reluctancy he has to accepting this fact has nothing to do with homophobia and everything to do with the dream of a future family life that he’s been carrying around since he and Collette were kids. (Uhhh, same thing? Possibly same thing.) He won’t have a brother-in-law to drink on the porch with as they both grow old and grey. He’s been looking forward to having that person in his life. (MAYBE THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU, JODY.) But Collette adores her old-fashioned brother, and assures him that she is that person, already. She’s enough, and now that she’s not hiding this massive part of herself from him, Jody and Collette can really be as close as Jody always thought they were.

After losing both of his freshly baked pies and several clean shirts to parenting mishaps, Danny should be primed to hear some truths too. Instead, he carries on the charade of glossy, error-free child-rearing that he kicked off that morning. (With some help. Annette does a mean hospital corner.) Mindy comes home fresh from a day back in her element, where she was good enough to impress her new work nemesis, Jody. Even her “Monster Mash” hysterectomy playlist couldn’t dissuade him from giving her a slug of his post-surgery craft whiskey. Mindy doesn’t know what she’s doing as a mom, but she’s going to feel it out. And fuck it up sometimes. She does know what she’s doing at work, and losing the part of her life where she feels most confident and in control isn’t going to be good for her or her family. Danny gets caught out in the lie when Mindy finds an overkill towel swan (“You said origami is disrespectful to Pearl Harbor vets.”) and can at last admit that he’s never done anything as hard as this. (“By the way, we’re switching to those diapers that are bad for the environment.”)

Before Mindy can do Glee proud and live her truth, fate does the job for her. Mindy has to go back to work out of necessity, but Danny doesn’t know how much she missed it. Little Danni calls from California to tell our Danny that his dad has had a heart attack. He’s stable, but Danny is going to be out the door as soon as possible, because Danni is handling this on her own and because no matter what his dad has done, he’s still his dad. If Danny didn’t understand his father’s choices before, they seem practically sociopathic now that he’s fallen in love so hard with his own kid. How could he have walked away from that? Why isn’t Danny’s name tattooed on his chest? It doesn’t matter now, because we’re talking about the very best of the Castellanos here. And family is fucking family, flaws and all.

Random Thoughts & B-Stories:

• “Your maternity leave has been hell for me.” “As it should be.”
• “For your information, Jewish is fine.”
• Jeremy’s Mr. Belding intercom can stay.
• Mindy: *makes Tennessee Williams reference* “Whoa, am I smart?”
• “This coming out is becoming less touching.”

Do you think Danny’s dad is going to survive this, fam? How are you feeling about the Kimball-Kinney’s so far? Who’s your celeb baby nemesis? Let me know in the comments.