Scandal Season 5, Episode 11
Posted by Sage
I’m not saying it was putting Olivia and Fitz back together that sent Scandal ratings down, but it was putting Olivia and Fitz back together that sent Scandal ratings down. Fortunately, we’re all clear now that the show’s true OTP is Mellie and Olivia, or Ollie. They’re about to burn everything down, and it’s my esteemed privilege to watch them do it. Tally fucking ho.
Cyrus remembers his years with Fitz, not all fondly.
“Sir, I have to go.” He says with extra strength hidden meaning because he can’t with Fitz’s drama queen personality anymore. Fitz doesn’t pick up what Cyrus is putting down.
“That means you can cut chapter 2 and replace it with a chapter on why you stayed.” Olivia is cracking the whip on Mellie’s pre-candidacy autobiography.
Also, Mellie’s walking around OPA in her bare feet, and the familiarity is making me feel things.
“When Fitz was screwing another woman, you didn’t seem to care and we want to know why.” “Wow, you really can compartmentalize like nobody’s business.” That’s why she’s the queen, boo.
Mellie eats all the snacks in the break room and then asks for more. My kind of woman.
“It’s called multi-tasking.” Huck supposed to be fact-checking the book, but he’s watching soccer and blowing off Marcus instead.
93% of a sample think Susan is a viable Presidential candidate. “It’s a wake-up call,” Lizzie tells her. Susan’s polling strong like bull.
“If you turn your back on this, if you don’t even explore the option, you will regret it every day for the rest of your life.” Susan says no, but Lizzie isn’t letting the conversation drop. Whyever could she be so invested? I thought she didn’t even like Susan.
“A profile like this is fine, when you’re out of office.” A “loaded gun” journalist wants to do an intensive article on the President and all his advisers give it the hell no. Fitz wants to do it, of course.
“It’s none of their business.” “You can’t SAY that.” Olivia is struggling to help Mellie understand that writing a softball memoir is worse than not writing one at all.
“You don’t know, do you?” “Well, do you know why you left?” Why don’t all of us forget Fitz ever happened?
Annabeth Gish is Lillian Forrester, our intrepid writer. Here, Annabeth, have some whale songs.
“We’re calling this our Year of Achievement.” “Year of Achievement? Catchy!”
“Mr. President, did you just compare yourself to Putin?” He actually fucking SMIRKS.
“I want a conversation with a man. A meaningful one.” And the meaning is: I want to see you naked.
Mellie and Liv destroy a bunch of Chinese food, kick off their shoes, and lay around talking. “It’s nice, right?” Ladies, you’ve got work to do.
“Is that the kind of reverse psychology crap you learn from your therapist?” “I don’t have a therapist.” Mellie’s FACE.
Mellie knows about Vermont, lol.
“As far as real relationships go, you were just a blip on his radar.” Fitz can’t have a real relationship because his COLD DEAD HEART cannot feel love.
“So what’s on the agenda today?” “Down, boy.” Rosen gets on his hands and knees VERY quickly. This is not his first time.
“That woman is my shot at the Oval!” Apparently that can wait. Lizzie is at David’s office to Lysistrata him in to convincing Susan to run. For Lizzie’s own personal gain, of course.
“Because that muppet is in love with you! Do some convincing, give her what she wants.” NO, DAVID. NO.
“I wanted to see if you’d like to get out of here.” Susan is all lit up. She’s so flattered and proud to have his time. SHE IS SO PURE AND THESE MONSTERS ARE GOING TO BREAK HER.
“Have you been to the top of the Washington monument?” “No. Yes.” Susan Ross is a better American than you.
FINALLY. GETTYSBURGER. Why hasn’t some enterprising Washington DC burger chef opened a real one yet?
“Now that comes with Freedom Fries, but you’re also gonna want Union Rings.” “I thought I had to choose.” “No, Union and Freedom go together!”
“You’re gonna miss it. The worst. The fights.” Cyrus won’t sit idly by while Fitz wastes the final days of his presidency. This isn’t the man he thought he was getting elected.
“Are we done?” “I believe so, sir.” You’ve served through disaster after disaster, Cyrus. Save yourself.
Olivia comes home. Jake silently follows her to her bedroom. They’re both taking clothes off while they walk. God, I love this hate-sex arrangement.
“This isn’t happening again.” “Yes, it is.”
And I guess we’re not mentioning the NSA thing for the time being? Not in the bedroom, at least.
Cyrus makes his move on the other grant, joining Mellie’s bitter-table-for-one. “I already have an eye on someone to run my campaign.” “Right.”
“We made him. We made Fitzgerald Grant III. We made a president.” “We? We? Drink up.” Suddenly Cyrus’s kingmaker status isn’t being appreciated like it should be. He’s lost.
“So this is the love shack. Where all the magic happened.” A hammered Mellie shows up on Olivia’s doorstep with a bottle of moonshine.
“It was working. That’s why I stayed.” Okay, drunken girl talk. Time to bond.
“I used to wonder if it’s all men or just Fitz that suck the life out of you. Now I think it’s all the powerful men. They’ve been told their whole lives they deserve everything, they should have everything. And it makes them so weak. They think everything belongs to them by default, and if they don’t get it, they just fall apart.” SHONDA.
“I deserved you. I warranted you. I justified you.”
“I started liking myself again. Because I was alone and I was free.” Gimme a ballot, I’ll vote for her right now.
“And so I stayed. Because the three of us? We WORKED.” Husband, wife, and mistress: the holy trinity of American politics.
“Mellie, you can’t actually write that.”
“What do you think their Secret Sauce is made out of?” “Crack. I think it’s made out of crack.” David rented out Gettysburger for Susan and it feel almost like a real date and my heart hurts.
“She wants you to make a run? I didn’t know. Well, I agree with her. You’d make an amazing president.” Don’t. Fucking. DO THIS, ROSEN. You’re supposed to be one of the ones with a soul.
“She picked someone useless, unthreatening, unpolished, unelectable.” Susan has no illusions about why she was selected by Mellie for the VP gig. But Mellie’s preconceptions don’t tell Susan’s whole story, so Rosen kisses her.
“Don’t you ever call yourself names in my presence again.” Oh.
“You were mean.” “Of course I was, you’re my husband’s mistress.” Mellie’s plastered and this is when she’s the most real. Bring it.
“WHY? I wanted to fight, you never fought.” Oh, hold on.
“With you around, I didn’t have….I had an out. You were my out, Mellie. You kept him unavailable.” Do I ship it??
“So I left for the same reason you stayed. Because I was scared.” “Okay.” “Mellie. That’s what you write.”
“You had the power the whole time. It just took you a little longer to realize. THAT’S what you write.”
“It’s my cousin, sir. He died an hour ago.” Cyrus makes up a fake, dead cousin to get out of DC for a while. Wherever could he be going?
“I don’t know, I wasn’t listening….I have an enormous crush on you.” “Wow, this couldn’t be any more awkward. How about we nix this whole interview, and instead, you have dinner with me?” Congratulations on thinking with your dick again, Mr. President. I am 100% sure this will blow up in your face.
“Game’s over, I’m out. Susan Ross is a good person…She’s a political unicorn.” YES, LEAVE HER BE.
“She filed the paperwork. She’s running…Come on, Rosen. Let’s make a president together.” David can’t resist Lizzie’s icy sex appeal and he’s really doing this, isn’t he? To Susan, the only person in that whole town who isn’t acting on her own self-interest 95% of the time?
“Who’s that? He’s a beast.” “That’s my son.” Marcus gets a sentence out of Huck. Progress.
“This is good. This is really good.” “You think so?” “I know so…This. This is everything.” Mellie and Olivia break the trickiest chapter of her book. Mellie ought to dedicate it to moonshine.
If they wait for formal publishing, they’ll lose valuable time. Oops, part of the book leaked online. Anonymously.
“Because of the first time in my adult life, I was more than an accessory…” Even Sally Langston is living for it.
“I like America. And now I’m hoping America will call me.” Susan gives her first interview about her candidacy. She’s so sincere. Like a tiny bunny. I CAN’T LOOK.
“I told you, Red. You’re the work wife, not me.” Cyrus is not available to bail any part of the Grant administration out, thank you very much.
Cyrus snuck out to meet a prospective candidate: an unnamed Pennsylvania governor. And, gasp, a DEMOCRAT. Will he be the Josh Lyman to this guy’s Matt Santos?
“Generous, civic-minded, forward-thinking, RIGHT.” Cyrus is so hard right now. Time to make another king.
WELL, it’s certainly shaping up to be an interesting election year. Will Susan be eaten alive by the game? Will Mellie burn out before she can even get started? And can Cyrus mint new political royalty with the tried and true tricks he has up his sleeve? I’ll be munching on my extra large order of Freedom Fries, watching it all go down.