Scandal Season 5, Episode 17
“Thwack!”
Posted by Sage
Tonight, on a very special episode of Scandal, everything goes to hell and I scream for the last 10 minutes. But in retrospect, haven’t we been headed here for a long, long time? Let’s find out. To the gifs!
DUE TO ADULT CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
Lillian Forrester is spotted going into medical center. In a very fetching head scarf. Please tell me Fitz gave her an STD.
“You’re following her?” “You made that my job when you started dating her.” President’s jump-off gets a tail, dude. Them’s the rules.
“It’s actually worse, much worse.” Lillian isn’t pregnant, but she DOES have a secret.
Olivia wants Mellie to get Latinos behind her campaign.
“No, you never speak Spanish. Ever to anyone, please.”
Liv wants her to meet with a Cardinal Suarez to get his endorsement.
“Why are you meeting with a reporter from the Times?” Shit fuck shit fuck, it’s Andrew.
“I feel good too, being able to speak again. Especially when I have so much to say.” Andrew has been meeting with Lillian to feed her the West Angola story. You know the one. When Fitz started an actual war to rescue his mistress from her kidnappers?
“This time you’re not just up against Fitz and Cyrus and Mellie. You’re up against me: the bitch you left for dead.”
There’s a clandestine meeting in the White House kitchens. “Anyone care to cop to that?” Fitz asks about Andrew’s condition. Cyrus can’t stop giggling, because they’re all fucked. And he is not. laughing.
“Cyrus has immunity.” It was one of his conditions when he returned to Fitz’s side. He’s untouchable, and still an evil genius.
“We are not going to kill him.” “Why?” “Did you just say WHY?”
“If we kill Andrew, we’re no better than he is.” Abby, this isn’t about goodness any more.
“Mellie talks to Andrew.” “I’m sorry, is this your meeting now?” “Yes.” The next step is to destroy any paper or digital trail.
“Thank you. For coming when I called.” “You didn’t call, Abby did.” Take several seats, Fitz.
“Huck, it was you, right? You put Andrew in that coma.” Liv LOSES HER SHIT on Huck, (she’s terrified) and instructs him not to take him out now.
“What did I miss?” Oh, Marcus. You’re going to have to be a much worse person to gain entrance to this club.
“I don’t do it anymore.” “That’s what you said last time.” Lizzie corners Huck in the parking garage and gives him the file on Andrew’s whereabouts. He protests, but takes the folder anyway.
Alex shows Frankie a new ad that capitalizes on his hero moment at the state capital. Cyrus suggests they go low-key and use social media to spread it instead. Cyrus wins. Alex is not pleased.
Alex spots Tom in the news footage. But why would someone so nondescript catch his eye? FORESHADOWING.
“You want the truth, Andrew? You didn’t choose me. You chose him.” Mellie visits Andrew to try to reason with him.
She even tries to act like they’re getting back together someday.
“It still works, Mellie. Unless I disgust you.” He takes her hand and puts it under his blanket. HOW DID I NOT SEE HOW TERRIBLE HE WAS FROM THE FIRST MOMENT? I am slipping.
“The man wants to be Pope. Praising an adulteress is not how you move up in that organization.” If Andrew and Mellie’s affair gets out, she can kiss the support of any religious institutions and voters goodbye.
“MELLIE. SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.” Liv will HANDLE THIS, GOD DAMN.
Olivia pops by Rowan’s house to ask them to watch Lillian for her. As per usual, Jake is happily munching away. “It’s nice having a friend in the NSA isn’t it?”
“Say ‘thank you.'” This dynamic is soooo weird.
“When it fails, you’ll be left for one option and one option only.” Rowan already knows what Liv is going to do, even if she can’t admit that she’s capable of it.
Huck comes into the medical center in the middle of the night and sticks Andrew with another needle.
“Is he dead? You said he wasn’t dead.”
“I never tried to kill you. I KNOW how to kill people.”
“How much will it take to get you to drop this story?” Abby and Liv kidnapped Andrew to the underground White House bunker to get the terms and conditions of his bribe.
“I’m writing a book.” “Nobody wants to read that book.” People want to hear about heroes, Liv says. And no matter how he tells this story, Andrew is not that.
“$10 million AND you represent me in the book deal.” Abby nods, giving Liv the okay to take this deal. I think the second part is more important to Andrew than the millions.
“Cardinal Suarez has been waiting for 25 minutes.” “Oh.” “Yeah…oh.” Marcus over here just trying to do his job.
Lillian has been through legal with the West Angola story. They’re good, and almost ready to publish.
“It’s the best bad idea we have.” Another kitchen clubhouse meeting. The implicated parties are agreeing to pay Andrew off.
“I’m in for my fair share,” Lizzie says. Then Cyrus pipes up, taking his wallet out of his pocket: “My fair share: $1.” Cyrus has misplaced all his fucks.
“You have $5 million dollars?” “I’ve been a Republican my whole life.” Heh.
Fitz says he GAVE Mellie money in the divorce, like she had no part in earning it. And he shushes Liv to listen to Abby.
“Money first, or no deal.” Huck gives Olivia a look before he makes the transfer. He doesn’t like this and neither do I.
“Come to think of it, I’d also like an apple pie.” Andrew’s price goes up and up until it’s clear he’s just been playing them the whole time. Nothing is going to stop this story from being printed.
“I don’t want that money. I don’t need it. The look on your faces right now is worth more to me than anything money could ever buy.” He wipes his mouth with the NDA.
“Here’s what we’re going to do now. I am going to go before the American people and say that I faked the assassination attempt against Andrew to gin up support for the war.” Fitz has a hard-on for heroism and he proposes accepting the entire blame.
“Sir, respectfully, this is not the time to fall on your sword.” This isn’t a selfless thing, just so we’re all clear on Fitz still being a cancer on the American people.
“Liv, he’s giving up.” “He’s being the president. Finally.”
“Every bullet we took for him, every time we nailed ourselves to the cross so that HE WOULDN’T BLEED.” Turnabout is fair fucking play, as far as Liv is concerned. Let him take the fall.
“What’s the point of being a monster if you’ve got no teeth.” Abby wants another way – a way that involves crushing Andrew and WINNING.
“You were never a monster. You’re Abby. And you could always come back and work for me.” OH.
“You bring me my waaaarm apple pie?” “Not quite.”
SECOND ADULT CONTENT WARNING.
“Mellie Grant: One Affair, Many Lies.” The subject of the piece has shifted. Someone made a deal. No more West Angola; now it’s just a hit piece on a female candidate.
Liv assumes it was Elizabeth North who threatened Andrew.
“Abby…ABBY.” Abby stares blankly and resolutely back at Liv while Liv tries to “fix” a situation that Abby herself already gamed.
“I run the Oval now. He’s mine to handle, I’m his leader…I DON’T WORK FOR YOU, YOU WORK FOR ME.” The student becomes the teacher something something.
“You are no longer welcome here without my permission.” This friendship has been through the WRINGER, but honestly, Olivia was being horrifically patronizing and needed to be taken down many pegs.
“I’m not looking for a therapist, Marcus.” Marcus tries to offer an ear to his boss and she looks at him like he stepped on her dog.
Olivia needs Jake to get her into the White House.
“I did not betray you I just…did my job.” Abby breaks the news to Fitz that she swapped his plan for a much better one. Because she’s smarter than him, and that’s what they pay her for.
“Good for her, she probably learned that from me.” Liv takes all the credit for Abby expertly exploiting Andrew’s weaknesses. Cocky much?
“So let’s talk about what you REALLY want…” Do you REALLY want to know that, Olivia?
“Do you talk this much in bed? Are you this chatty on your hands and knees?” Aw, here it goes.
“You think you can take Mellie down without me burning everything to the ground?” Think of how far Olivia was willing to go to get Fitz elected. She’ll do all that and more for Mellie, and they’re not even doing it. (Yet.)
“You say you know me, well, I know you too. Under those expensive clothes you’re still a cheap slut who thinks she’s something better than that.”
“It surprised me how much you went for…what do you think you’d go for now? What’s an aging porn star go for?”
“You have nothing to offer me, how could you? I already got everything I wanted. Everything I needed and deserved. Revenge. I got revenge.”
“YOU THINK YOU GET REVENGE? YOU DON’T. THAT’S MINE. THAT’S MINE.” Olivia picks up a metal chair and bashes Andrew’s head in. Repeatedly. While screaming. The sound effects are nauseating. He is very, very dead.
“Are you okay?” Liv sits on the floor, Andrew’s blood spattered across her face. She’s unresponsive until Fitz picks her up.
“Oh my god.” Olivia gets in the car with Huck and Quinn, still blood-stained. She asks for her change of clothes. They just stare at her. They’re murderers, they know.
“In one hour, you will issue a press release.” Olivia puts it in Abby’s hands to convince Lillian that Andrew was delusional before his death and that there was never any story. Abby does exactly as Liv says, and so does everything else. She’s like the friggin’ Godfather, y’all.
“Never. Cross me. Again.”
“Tonight the nation mourns the death of a genuine American hero.” Andrew gets worshipful eulogies; the most gushing one comes from Fitz. He has no other choice, but it’s hard to hear.
Mellie has Suarez’s support.
TOM IS IN BED WITH CYRUS EATING BROWNIES. Scheming AND boning, why didn’t I see this coming??
Alex goes to Cyrus’s house to see the ex-hooker husband. He shows him candid photos of Tom and Cyrus together.
“Why do I have a sinking feeling we had something to do with this?” Marcus is tired of being protected, and I don’t blame him one bit. It’s insulting.
Olivia stares at her dad’s door. He opens it, and isn’t surprised to see her. “Welcome home.”
Well, white hat, it’s been real. Everybody is evil now, except for precious flower Susan Ross. And man, am I glad that she wasn’t around to see this.
Loved it! So funny 😀
Thank you!