“Mama, I’m coming home.” – Supernatural Recap – Mamma Mia

Supernatural Season 12, Episode 2
“Mamma Mia”
Posted by Dawn and Jaymee

Let’s just start off by saying, it’s really painfully unfortunate that it’s become known around the circuit (and by circuit we mean the hunting/demon/angel/whatever community) that the best way to get information is via the younger Winchester’s “little Winchester,” if you get the drift. With the opening scenes of this episode, all the SPN fandom could be heard screaming, “NO, SAMMY, NOT AGAIN,” because Sammy is rolling around in bed with Jodhpurs aka Toni Bevell, Woman of Letters.

After all Lucifer put Sam through in “The Devil in the Details” (Season 11, Ep 10), showing him that his worst move ever was turning his back on Dean for a girl and a dog, now he’s banging this disaster? For shame, Sam. For super shame, considering most of us can’t even appreciate your hot, shirtless, broad-shouldered self because really, TONI BEVELL??? This opening with the sex and the wine and the candles cannot be really happening. Our Sam wouldn’t do this AGAIN. How many times is this now, Sammy, forsaking family and friends and all common sense for a little strange? And then we had to wait to find out because it was a quick cut to Cas, who is still Dean’s errand boy, traveling all over the place hunting down information on Sam. Which honestly is fine, it’s fine, but really, it wouldn’t kill you to say thank you, Dean. Cas doesn’t even have wings anymore; he’s riding around in a stolen truck for goodness sake. It’s not as easy as it used to be for him.

Jay: Wait, no, forget everything I just said cause my little Destiel heart just exploded. I need a moment. Or three.

Dawn: I am not Destiel at all and even I am all pitter-patter over this please-help-me-with-my-personal-problems BFF moment. And I love Dean admitting he is having a hard time with the very thing he wanted most of all. My little angtsy boy is growing up.

Yes, that’s right—Dean turned to Cas for advice on how to deal with Mommy. And he gets “Sasstiel” for his troubles, too!!

Dean’s “yeah, thanks, buddy” face is everything, but then it’s even better when Mom comes in and is SO Mom because of course she eavesdropped on that phone call. Mary is sassy AF herself, the way she just rolls with Dean’s defensive sarcasm like she’s been doing it for the past 33 years, and if we ever wondered where our boys got their sass from, now we know. It seems they also inherited “no chick flick moments” from her too, because she cuts right to the chase and bluntly asks Dean about his fear of overwhelming her.

Can we take a moment to appreciate the amazing Mary Winchester, please? Dean’s defensive sarcasm? Check. Sam’s no beating around the bush about feelings? Check. Bad ass hunter mojo? Check. And since there is no chance of her becoming a love interest for our boys, could it be possible that Mary is the Lady BAMF we have been waiting for, for all these years? We had our predecessors, to be sure, primarily in Ellen and Charlie, but it’s starting to feel like Mary is The One True Lady BAMF, and we are all the better for it. Of course this probably means she is in for a terrible, heart-breaking end that will send us all to either the bottle or the asylum, but for now, revel in it.

And speaking of angst, here comes the first heart wrench of the episode: Mary’s confession about her fears about meeting Sam, what Yellow Eyes did, and all the self blame she carries because of it. Like mother, like son. Let’s add that to the previous list—Dean’s penchant for blaming himself for everything? Check. Maybe seeing that in Mary will help Dean understand what it feels like to watch someone you blame themselves for things that were so blatantly not their fault.

Sam and his bed partner are still super cozy and we all puke in our mouths a little because this is SO NOT RIGHT! Sam, come on. You have endured countless sessions of torture of all kinds– mental, physical, psychological, whatever–but bad choices with women are your downfall every single time. Then one question too much reveals this to have been a trick, and we can all breathe again.

Jay: At this point, I feel a little guilty about how mad I was at Sam for his sorta-betrayal, but, then again, not really and if any, only a little.

Dawn: Yeah. Sorrynotsorry.

Let’s talk about how often Sam has been forced to hallucinate. It’s pretty solid proof of the Winchester/Campbell fortitude that his brain isn’t just pudding. That said, the Men of Letters clearly know that Sam’s weakness is lady parts, because of all the hallucinations Toni could have chosen, of all the varied things she could have used to get to Sam, she opted for vagina. This Woman of Letters is no joke now; that was serious and dangerous spellwork on her end. Thankfully, she goes back to something our boys know much more intimately, which is blades and bruises.

Jay: Cue one of the hottest clips Supernatural has given us in a long time, sexy, sweaty Winchester skin, sharp, deadly, blades and a slow sensual pursuit of pain. I’ve never really been attracted to Sam until just this very moment when Toni slides the tip of that cold, sharp, steel over his bronzed, sweat-covered collarbone and neck, and lips… and… and I know, I am losing focus, mmmm, but hot-dayum.

Dawn: (looking up from furiously writing knife-play fan fic) Sorry, did you say something?

Toni isn’t adept at torture. Her bumbling attempts are far below Sam-torture standards. We have to hand it to her for spellwork, but this is amateur hour, so let’s end this scene with another half-assed “oops did she kill Sam with that” cutaway. Yawn.

Back to Dean and his laptop and his coffee and his mom at the bunker. Mary says, “[John] was a great father,” and we have to pause as Dawn laughs so hard she nearly chokes to death and Jay’s vision goes red with suppressed rage. Jensen Ackles is the king of expressions in this ep, because his shocked and surprised and sad and emotional little bunny face is clearly screaming, “Don’t disagree with your mother, and REALLY don’t tell her about the alcoholism and the abuse and the abandonment and all the other horrors of your childhood, and just let her remember her husband they way she needs to.”

Jay: And you know what, no, cue the rage, well maybe just me, maybe it’s just my rage, because no, you do not talk about John to Dean and you most CERTAINLY do not tell Dean that John was a good father. FOR CHUCK’S SAKE, Mary, you have NO idea! This has to be some sort of set-up for a bigger plot because, no, don’t you pull that shit on our Dean; don’t you dare.

DAWN: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the stream of unintelligible screaming curses going on in my head because FUCK YOU, JOHN. FUCK. YOU. FOREVER.

Thank Chuck that Cas saves the (emotional) day (again). And he’s found Sam, but he can’t get in to help because the place is warded AF. Dean is all ready to save his brother single-handedly, and Mary is like, that’s adorable. And it is adorable how Dean tries to handle his mom but it’s is absolutely AWESOME how Mary just shuts it down.

Can this just be Mary’s signature gif forever? Because it really is. And then she makes it even better by simply saying, “Good chat,” and walking away.

We love her forever.

Remember how Toni knew all about Sam and vaginas? Yeah. She asks about Ruby.

ENTIRE SPN FANDOM: OH NO SHE DIDN’T

Oh, yes she did. But before Sam has time to panic, Toni’s phone rings and it’s Mick, a new Brit and a Man of Letters and guess what? Turns out that Toni wasn’t *exactly* following orders. She has been a bad girl, in fact, and now Mick has to come clean up her mess.

OH HOORAY, IT’S TIME FOR OUR SECOND FAVORITE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY. Rowena is dating for money, and Crowley looks amazing in white and we all need a moment to appreciate the suaveness that is Mark Sheppard. He should go for this look more often.

So Rowena is mad, but Crowley is smart, so they conspire to get Lucifer. Who is looking for a new vessel. Where can he find a vessel like that?

Ladies and gentlemen, Rick Springfield. We’ll make this quick: emotionally vulnerable rock star, heavy drinker since losing his wife to suicide, dead wife shows up in hotel room, says she is an angel (archangel, technically. THE archangel, really), Vince Vincente (seriously) the rockstar says yes, Lucifer gets fun new vessel. So Lucifer has a type when it comes to vessels.

Jay: Not for nothing this was a really great scene by Rick Springfield. I totally felt those tears, and that voice waver, it was great. I could feel the pain of regret in every second of that scene.

Dawn: I guess to be Lucifer’s vessel, you gotta “Love Somebody.” He’s gonna push it just a little too far one night. ::dies laughing::

In the Impala, on the way to save Sammy, this conversation happens:

But there is also angst, because Mary never wanted this for her boys. Dean helps, and almost spills the beans on what a COMPLETE DOUCHENOZZLE Dad was, but manages to turn it around.

And now we rant. Because we are all trying NOT to think of all the times Dean tried to live a normal life himself, all the ways he tried to maintain the smallest sense of normalcy for him and Sammy, all the holidays, and that one time he tried to take a girl to a dance AFTER BEING ABANDONED AT BOONDOCKS JUVVIE, ESSENTIALLY, and then taken BACK to the fucked-up life at the last possible second. And it breaks our hearts because, Dean, you’re not your father and you never will be because you are BETTER than that, so please stop lumping yourself in with him and for CHUCK’S SAKE, stop turning Sam into some kind of saviour, because if it wasn’t for you Sam would have never had any sort of normalcy in his youth and instead he would have walked right down the path you did, right behind John, good little soldier number two, but he didn’t, because of you. (And maybe Bobby but don’t get us started on that rant yet). Because you gave him everything John didn’t, and more. Where is Cas when we need him? YOU DESERVE TO BE SAVED, DEAN WINCHESTER. You deserve to be loved, and cherished, and forgiven for everything you THINK you did wrong. You are deserving. Of so, so much. You are worthwhile. You are.

Back to the Crowley Contingency before we both have aneurysms. Hunting Lucifer, blackmailing each other, the family business. Threats and FERGUS! Extortion and MOTHER! All the goodness that makes this our second favorite most dysfunctional family and god, we want them to have their own show sometimes.

Dean and mom arrive at farmhouse; Dean is like Cas please help me with my mommy. Cas tries, bless him. Mary’s eyeroll is a thing of beauty.

So Dean goes to inspect the house alone and after 12 seasons, you’d think he’d have enough sense to NOT fall into a trap on the premises, BUT NO. The one thing that Dean Winchester is really fucking good at is OBLIVIOUSLY BUMBLING INTO TRAPS.

Really, Dean? Even after Castiel told you about all the wards?

And apparently Lucifer has plans, and can’t make rehearsal.

Oh, Sammy. “Screw you” never really gets old, does it? We love your sass. But since Toni has Dean now, that throws a wrench in the works. And not for nothing, but honestly Dean could have thrown Toni down those stairs at any moment, but then we wouldn’t have had more Mary BAMF, and so we are good with that, really. And also we suspect that Dean is too gentlemanly to toss a woman down the stairs, even this woman. John would have done it, of course. SEE DEAN? YOU’RE NOT YOUR FATHER. Anyway, Toni gets a few licks in but again, she clearly wasn’t watching all that closely for all those years because everybody knows the biggest mistake you can make is bringing both brothers together. Also has anyone else forgotten at this point that Sam had no idea Dean was still alive? Yeah, this is the first time since last season that the boys are seeing one another. Dean’s all like, oh hey Sammy, yeah, I’m alive, and Sam’s all like, am I still hallucinating, and then we see the realization hit him: My brother is alive, and this bitch just made a huge mistake. Seeing that realization was delicious. Nice job, Jared.

OH EM GEEE Hell reunion! Adorable Crowley-specific banter, deal making, some Lucifer sass and then! Luci, how silly of you. Have you been hanging out with Dean too much, or maybe you boys just don’t learn, charging into obvious traps like that… Don’t you remember what happened in “Hell’s Angel” (11×18)? Donna, take it away again please.

Just as it’s about to get good at the reunion, it’s back to brass knuckles and a weak right hook from Toni. Lucky for us, no one looks prettier in red than Dean Winchester, and a mouthful of blood just brings out those lush, full lips of his, which then proceed to spit some gorgeous sass: “I just came by for some tea and a beating!”  #SassChester

OH HELL TO THE NO, SHE DID NOT JUST BRING UP BENNY. ‘Cause everyone knows that if Dean had a type it would be, tall, dominant, blue eyed, dark haired, men with unique ways of speaking, and you do not mess with things that Dean Winchester likes. You don’t mess with his Cas and your don’t mess with his Benny. And we all know that chopping Benny’s head off to save his brother was one of the hardest things he had to do since watching Cas wade out into the water and disappear. Jesus Christ, Dean didn’t burn Benny’s body SPECIFICALLY because he wanted to be able to bring him back. When Toni has the gaul to breathe Benny’s name in Dean’s presence, his death glare in response everything we are all feeling.

And now, can we get some wild applause for the makeup and special effects department because Lucifer’s acid-ravaged face (courtesy Crowley) is incredible. Like Walking Dead effects level incredible.

Sadly for Crowley, the one thing you don’t want to do is piss off Lucifer, the Morning Star, the arch-iest of all archangels. And then HOLY HELL YES, you beautiful archangel with your beautiful wings. Be still our quivering nethers.

Jay: Is it bad that I’m still picturing Mark as Lucifer? Once a Lucifer, always a Lucifer and Mark is my Lucifer. And my goodness, be still my Wing-Kink heart.

Dawn: Excuse me. I need to go find all my old Tiger Beat magazines and wallpaper my room because damn, Rick.

Even Rowena, who’s got to know her second death at this archangel’s hands is up and coming fast, is all aflutter over those big feathery beauties. And it is at this moment that we realize how much grander arch angels wings are than Seraphs, because while Castiel’s wings were beautiful and imposing and albeit broken all of the time, here we have Lucifer with his massive, thick, unbroken wings and they are magnificent.

Crowley wisely GTFOs, leaving his mum once again in Satan’s hands. Families, am I right?

And Luci leans in close and whispers, “You spoil that boy” and it is subtle, perfect, and pure evil. It’s a departure from Mark Pellegrino’s Lucifer, and it firmly establishes Springfield’s interpretation on the character as darker, deeper, and very, very dangerous. And the Devil speaks the truth, because as much as Rowena flaunts her distance from her son, she does in fact spoil him. A witch strong enough to contain Lucifer’s power, even for as short of a time as she did, should have no problem dealing with, or banishing, or even hiding from her own son, but she doesn’t, because we think deep down inside she wants him to need her, wants him to seek her out and turn to her when he has no one else. Just another reason why we love this dysfunctional family.

Back to our First Family, Dean wants to know who “Angry Spice” is and fuck, we love him so much. And right on cue Angry Spice is back and ready to poke the proverbial Sass-Bear that is Dean Winchester again. Sending Dean full on into his patented sass-deflection; snark-defense triggered, initiate the snappy-come-back protocol, all sass on deck, all sass on deck.

Toni: You live in the Men of Letters bunker… and yet you know nothing

Dean AKA Sass-monster: Right…What a waste… *bloody, shit-eating grin*

Toni threatens torture of very sensitive areas of Dean’s body, and it’s the first and so far only time she is actually kind of frightening. It doesn’t work or last because BOSS BAMF LADY IN THE HOUSE, YO.

Sam is dumbfounded. Mary rains pain down on Toni and tells her to get on the ground and the whole fandom explodes in a collective cheer of vengeful joy as Mary bashes the butt of her Glock right into Toni’s pretty little face. Toni hits the floor and Mary, perfect Mary, so her sons’ mother, sasses, “That’s the ground.” We literally cannot with her awesome.

Toni almost gets the upper hand when Mary sees Sam, but Winchesters are Stronger Together and Toni therefore doesn’t stand a chance, until she whips out spellwork again and Force Chokes Mary! But luckily Dean knows exactly how to break Toni’s mind hold over Mary and knocks her out cold with one well placed punch to the face, sassing all the way.

DEAN: Turns out this ape did read a book or two. #SassChester

Enter Mick with Castiel on his heels. Mick is clearly the smarter Brit since he compliments our Winchesters and their abilities to handle his agent, then explains that the London Branch just wanted to get to know our Boys, but since no one likes an olive branch covered in blood and torture, ain’t nobody really buying it. Mick is all, I’m a good guy, I swear. Sure you are, Mick. We’ll all get right on thinking your offer over. And then everybody parts ways, like Sam wasn’t just held in a basement and tortured for days, Winchesters (and Cas) one way, British Men of Letters agents the other.

Back at the bunker, we learn Mary doesn’t cook because she’s a hunter. Where did Dean get all his domestic skills from, then? Because it sure as shit wasn’t John.

Lo and behold, Dean finally gets his pie! All it took was 12 seasons, repeatedly stopping the apocalypse, reuniting God and His sister, saving Sam from yet more torture, seeing his mother get raised from the dead, and surviving Purgatory. You eat you some pie, Dean. You eat all that pie.

Dean is being his most adorable self to break the tension between Sam and Mary. OMG so cute. And poor Sam; Mary seems to handle things the same way all Winchesters do, with awkward staring and sarcastic comments. Remember, Sam has no real memories of his mother. He never thought he would know her. Sammy grew up in the back of an Impala or, when he was lucky, at Bobby’s junk yard. He has no idea what it feels like to have mom kiss your booboos, or snuggle you up and read you stories, or make you sandwiches the crusts cut off, and suddenly we’re not crying, you’re crying.

Oh, are you not crying yet? We can fix that. Sam delivers John’s journal to Mary and finally, oh holy Chuck in heaven, finally, after a little more awkward convo, this happens:

Sam is crying and Mary hugs just like Dean does, arms up over Sam’s shoulders like he’s still the little boy, and Sam’s confession that Mary is his blank, his missing piece and having her there fills that hole, and oh, Christ, THIS is why Sam was always so easily swayed by the love of a woman because he was looking for someone, anyone, to fill that Mom-sized hole in his heart and yes, we’re all crying again because now, right now, JUST now, that hole is filled.

But of course we can’t end on a high note, can we SPN writers? And we are left with two big questions:

1. Who the hell is this Mr. Ketch Mick mentions?
2. Why did Mary get so melancholy when looking not at a picture of John, her husband, but of BOBBY?????????? Because that is who the camera focused on.

We seriously cannot even.