Mellie’s first State Dinner as POTUS is one with potentially historic stakes. Quinn Perkins & Associates are on the hunt for new clients. Jake doesn’t give a shit about the memory of FDR. Olivia is trying VERY hard not to land herself a new boyfriend. And the Mellivia shipper are truly blessed. I think that about covers it. Here come the gifs.
“We’re running out of hotels.” “Have you seen my purse?” “Five-star hotels.” Curtis and Olivia are still doing it, but the power dynamic is VERY uneven. I love it.
“Oh, you’re giving yourself 5 stars now?” I mean, he looks pretty 5-star to me.
Curtis wants to daaaaaate her. He wants to kissss her. Love her and marry her. Olivia is like, pass.
“I’m really not sure how to make myself anymore clear.”
“I like us to be informal.” Cyrus is not into this “Mr. Vice President” stuff, even though he’s seeing Olivia about official state dinner business. (Liv has to be Mellie’s First Lady for these purposes, which sucks for her, but is also a pretty dece Mellivia prompt.)
Cyrus doesn’t want to sit next to tech billionaire Fenton Glackland, a name that he can’t say without sounding like he’s about to ralph.
“Did I mention Mellie is trying to charm a dictator into a nuclear arms treaty?” Liv does not have time to deal with Cyrus’s social concerns.
“I thought you were asking to be my date, which would be fine.” Abby tries to charm four tickets to the dinner out of David Rosen for her and the rest of QPA over Chinese food. They seem aaaaawfully cozy. (Where is Leo?? Did he DIE?)
“Is it more sad than the idea that I can be bought with a plate of lo mein and an egg roll?” Oh, David. She always did have you wrapped around her little finger.
“I would be delighted to discuss the way to remove all nuclear weapons from the entire planet…starting with countries who have the most. The United States for example. That would be historic, don’t you agree?” Mellie meets with the Bashrani leader, President Rashad, in the oval. He is defiant and not in the mood to be positioned by a superpower.
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it sometimes. But you know…I prefer being a Gladiator.” Abby, this is where you BELONG.
“It never turns off, you never stop being president.” Mellie tells Liv that she wants to skip the dinner and go to Georgetown and pick up guys.
“I am single POTUS, you know what that means. It means I’m a human chastity belt.” Mellie needs to GET SOME. She DESERVES IT.
“Olivia there is a famine in my lady bits. My vagina is beautiful, she is welcoming, but she is getting treated like a murder house. I can’t get anything in there.” Bellamy Young, ladies and gentlemen. No one could pull this off like her.
“You know what I need? A vibrator. The president needs a vibrator.”
“I just keep thinking: how would Ken Burns immortalize this moment in your documentary?” Olivia LOSES it, and you do have to appreciate the absurdity of the situation. But Mellie’s sexual frustration is REAL.
“It’s lonely. I do know. I really do know. But this is the job. You have to do the job.” “I know.” I can think of one easy solution to this and it involves Olivia kissing Mellie RIGHT NOW.
“If I can’t get laid, I can at least do something about nuclear proliferation.” Atta girl.
Olivia finds Jake setting up B613’s new mini fridge in FDR’s old therapy pool room. She asks him to dig for some dirt on Rashad.
I spy a Jared Kushner lookalike at this state dinner.
“I passed a churro cart on the way over and couldn’t resist.” Fenton is Hank! They’re minerals, Marie!
“I found a poodle on the side of the road once. I tried to massage its heart and keep it alive. It didn’t work.” As someone who hates small talk, I feel like I’d want to be sitting next to Huck at this thing.
CURTIS IS THERE. Olivia is not happy to see him.
“We have an expression in this country. It’s called ‘mansplaining.'”
“The moment I say the word ‘treaty,’ I’m either dead or exiled…so I’m afraid your dream is thwarted by your reality.” Smacked in the face by the truth.
“Our friend likes ’em young.” Jake has stills from a hotel security camera that show Rashad meeting with a 16-year-old girl. This won’t turn out to be what it seems.
“Kevin’s family is all California basd. Stanford alums.” Quinn is having a grand time role-playing WASP-y normalcy to drum up clients for the firm. Charlie, on the other hand, does not like being Kevin.
“The Boy in the Red Vest? That’s one of his most…you spent $100 million on a painting and you don’t even know what it is.” Fenton tells Cyrus about the art collection he doesn’t understand and Cyrus’s head is thisclose to exploding.
“If I wanted to run for governor, where exactly would I start?” Oh god, that’s why he’s here.
“There are some in your country who want to drag the world back to the 12th century. Don’t do that.” Olivia finds out that the girl in the video with Rashad is his niece, whose Western lifestyle he supports and funds. Not a prostitute, but still blackmail material.
“Watch out for Olivia Pope, he said. She’s the devil.”
“Smaller than I thought. But I guess people were stunted by calcium deficiency.” Fenton climbs behind Mellie’s desk in the Oval like it’s a full-scale Epcot model.
“Get up. GET UP. You BOOB. You ignorant, entitled…this is the most venerated office in the country.” Cyrus proceeds to EVISCERATE Fenton, telling him that he cannot pick up politics like he picks up priceless art. He can’t buy his way into it just because he’s bored. IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE.
“Haven’t had a moment to breathe.” “Now’s your moment.” David grasps Abby’s hand while they listen to the performance. She pulls away immediately. David…maybe relationships just aren’t your thing.
Huck tells Abby that the medals of valor were in the wrong order on the uniform of the “soldier” he befriended.
“Didn’t they take your phone at the door?” “Yeah.” “Then how do you-” “Why, do you need one?” *snort*
Curtis asks Liv for comment one the story he’s going to air about Rashad leaving the dinner early.
“You don’t know the first thing about me.” “Maybe I don’t, but I’d like to.” Curtis isn’t giving up, and Olivia is starting to find it charming.
The fake soldier stops Rashad as he’s leaving. He says the president wants to see him one-on-one, leads him into a room, locks the door, then pulls out his gun. Huck was right, as usual.
The assassin is tackled before he can take the shot.
“Four to six credible death threats are lodged against me ever single day.” Mellie and Rashad bond over how much their people hate them/
“I will need an assurance: one in particular.” “Name it.” He’ll sign the deal if the neighboring fake country does too. That’s good enough for Mellie, who believes – as she should – that she can broker that deal too. Please let Mellie Grant be the fictional president who brings fictional peace to the fictional Middle East.
“She has a picture of you hanging on the wall of her dorm room.” The niece is a big fan of Mellie, and maybe Rashad is too?
“You are extraordinary. It’s an honor sitting here next to you right now.” YESSSS, HE IS GIVING HER THE EYES.
“I look forward to the two of us working together.” Mellie is about to jump this man’s bones.
“Let the music move you and you alone.” Abby shuts David’s overtures down completely. They’re still probably endgame though.
“It’s a problem because we’re not married and we should’ve been by now.” Back at QPA, Charlie confronts Quinn over her playacting.
“She doesn’t need a Charlie, she needs a Kevin.” Charlie is being weirder than usual about Quinn being in charge; now he’s telling her what kind of boyfriend she needs. Fortunately, she can make that choice herself.
“I love you. I’m marrying you. And I’m not waiting another damn minute.”
“I thought this should go to someone who can truly appreciate it.” Fenton sends Cyrus the Cezanne.
“You’re Olivia Pope.” “I know.”
Eventually, Olivia will give Curtis a comment about the upcoming, historic nuclear summit. But for now, she’ll bone him in the comfort of her own home. Welcome to the inner sanctum, Mr. Pryce!
“Hi.” FUCK. OFF. FITZ. It was so peaceful here without you. Go back to Vermont and drown in a bucket of maple syrup.
Sorry, kids. Got a Fitz-centric episode next week. At least the return of Marcus will soften the blow. While you wait, let us know what you thought about “Pressing the Flesh” in the comments!