I bet you I could have written this recap directly after the last eviction, and it would have been completely accurate. If we don’t either get a shift in power or all-out war amongst Level Six soon, I’m going to go nuts. And I know you can only work with what you get on a show like this, but did we really need these endless filler segments about literally nothing? This week was some of the most mind-numbingly predictable content I’ve seen from this game, until it was briefly saved by Thursday’s double eviction, and then it took the hardest of nosedives thanks to a gross sign off from Julie. But CBS gave us this dumpster, so I guess I should start sifting through the garbage.
Kaycee’s letter from her brother asks her to be his best woman at his wedding. And good on him, this was one of the best uses for the HOH care package I’ve seen on this show.
There’s an unnecessary segment on Angela’s sense of smell. Man, they’re really grasping at straws this week.
“If a fraternity house had a fish and beans night, that’s what Brett smells like.” Okay, I hate Angela, but this was really vivid and I get it.
Brett tries to prep Sam for being the pawn by being really fucking obvious about it. Like, damn, at least give her some credit. She’s not stupid.
Haleigh has a one-on-one with Kaycee that does her zero favors. I’d propose a drinking game for every time Haleigh told Kaycee that she has her, but we’d all be dead in about five minutes.
Nicole from BB16/18 returns to “host a luxury competition.” She gets engaged to BB18’s Victor instead. It’s cute, but I was also super indifferent about both of them, so maybe don’t spend fifteen minutes on it? Oh…you guys are really going to spend fifteen minutes on it? Okay, let me try to figure out how to stay interested in this.
Who has two thumbs and is still bitter about Josh winning BB19? This guy. And also probably Paul if he thinks really hard about it.
They invite the houseguests downstairs. Honestly, I think I’d be more amused if they just locked them in the HOH room all night and made them watch the party.
Holy shit, this segment is SO LONG. And it’s not like they can cut to any interesting gameplay this week. Seriously, this is excruciating.
Kaycee nominates Haleigh and Sam for eviction. Which I could have told you last Thursday.
“If this is all a lie, and at the end of it I’m standing there looking like a dumbass, I will tear every door off it’s fucking hinges on my way out of this motherfucker, and I will absolutely rip these bitches to shreds.” -Sam. Okay, there’s basically zero chance she’s going home on Kaycee’s HOH. But honestly Big Brother, if you wanted to save this week, you would have let this happen. Go sit in the corner. I literally cared about one minute of Sunday’s episode, and this was the minute.
They’re trying to get me on board with a JC/Brett bromance. Guys, if I wasn’t here for JC and Faysal, can you imagine how I feel about this? Stop. Wasting. My. Time.
Oh my god, there’s finally a comp 30 minutes into the second episode of the week. I have been so starved for literally ANY gameplay, and it’s BB Comics, so let me have it.
I honestly forgot about Winston until this comp. Whoops.
Sam got all of the answers right during her first time through, and then skipped past the last round, then kept getting everything wrong when she had to start over. What is it with veto comps and people who aren’t in Level Six?
Kaycee wins the veto by dominating the comp in two minutes and seventeen seconds. So that’s THREE vetoes in a row, plus this week’s HOH. How is she destroying these comps so hard?
Kaycee doesn’t use the veto. Which, again, I could have told you last Thursday.
“I could shred these fuckers, and I choose not to.” Guys, seriously, Sam’s closing DR sessions are the things that have saved these episodes. Bless.
HAPPY DOUBLE EVICTION! God, hopefully this is the thing that finally makes this week interesting.
Angela offers herself up as a pawn for the next HOH if she doesn’t win. Because the opportune time to do that definitely coincides with Level Six preparing for civil war.
Brett throws out JC or Sam for eviction, because he thinks they won’t be bitter about it if they go home. God, I wish you could see Sam’s DR sessions right now…
Kaycee proposes taking Brett out in the double eviction. Oh my god, is this the part where you give me false hope, or…?
Haleigh is the first to be evicted. One more time, file that under “Things I Could Have Told You Last Thursday.”
Tyler is the new HOH. At this point, I’m convinced I’m living in some sort of reality TV version of Groundhog Day.
Tyler nominates JC and Sam for eviction. I swear to god, if this is a wasted double eviction, I am going to throw my TV out the window…
Angela wins the veto. Okay, opening the window now…
Angela uses the veto on JC, and Tyler puts Brett up as the replacement nominee. OH MY GOD, BLESS THE DOUBLE EVICTION BACKDOOR. So at least this week isn’t a total waste.
This is the ONE TIME I wanted to hear a ridiculous last plea speech from Brett, and he doesn’t even do anything. It was literally the one instance where this would have been appropriate. What the hell, man?
Brett is the second houseguest evicted. Damn, I’d love a live feed of the jury house right about now.
And finally, I have to break format for the second time this season. Julie signed off of Thursday’s episode as Julie Chen-Moonves for the first time since she’s been married, right after calling Brett “Brent” because you know her mind was fixed solely on getting this in at the last second. And I don’t have the words for how upset and disappointed I am in her that she decided to do this. I wasn’t even positive that she was going to be there for the live episode, even though she said she would when she announced that she was taking time off from The Talk, and honestly, I wish they had gotten someone to fill in. I understand that it must be hard to see all of this coming out about your husband. But I don’t understand how you can see all of these stories–ESPECIALLY the ones that were released over the last few days–and not even give them a second thought. It’s just such a slap in the face to the survivors of that man’s abuse. If she was planning on pulling a stunt like this, AT THE VERY LEAST she should have done it on the show where she would have to explain herself/have a discussion/listen to other people, not the show where she can slip that in at the last second and then continue her silence. It was a choice, and it was a bad one.
I’ve been a fan of hers ever since I was eleven years old and glued to BB2. But after Thursday night, I really don’t think I can look at her the same way again.
Were you as bored as I was? Did the double eviction save this week for you? And how do you feel about Julie’s sign off? Let’s talk in the comments.