Schitt’s Creek Season 6, Episode 5
“The Premiere”
Posted by Gillian
“The Premiere” is a natural title for this episode for the obvious reason: The Crows Have Eyes 3: The Crowening is finally premiering on Interflix! But it works on another level as well, because the episode marks a turning point for most of the main characters: new beginnings abound! For Moira, of course, it’s the start of a new phase of stardom. For David and Patrick, it’s the confirmation that they’re on the same page with respect to a fundamental part of their life plan. For Johnny and Stevie, it’s the re-forming of their business partnership. And for Alexis, it’s the launch of her career as a high-profile publicist via time-crunched production of a major event. And sure, no one actually got to watch the movie at said event, but I’d consider no serious injuries in the face of a murder-ous attack a success.
After only getting a chance to dip her toe into professional waters a few times over the past few episodes, it was a treat to watch Alexis demonstrate how truly capable she is in her chosen field. She might have doubted herself after her initial premiere proposal (sorry, I mean, ideation of her idea) to Moira was met with a complete absence of enthusiasm, and she may have momentarily panicked at finding out she had four hours to turn a viewing party into the North American Premiere of a feature film, but she pretty quickly realizes she has what it takes to pull it off.
Watching her dust off her getting-shit-done attitude for the first time since Singles Week (fittingly enough because Moira once again bit off more than Alexis had intended to chew) and convincing people it’s in their best interests to get in line and do what she asks them was incredibly satisfying. And honestly, pretty hot, too.
Speaking of hot, Stevie dresses as a limo driver. Not a turning point for her, admittedly, but very possibly one for me. Thank you, Moira.
But I digress. After Stevie mistakenly (and excitedly) assumed that Mr. Rose wanted to meet with her to ask her to come back to work with him, I was worried she would be so hurt and embarrassed by his asking her to sell her ownership interest that she’d agree just to save face. Instead, she allows the hope she’d felt that Mr. Rose would ask her back, and the disappointment that he hadn’t, confirm for her that she doesn’t just think she’s figured out what she wants to do with her life. She’s sure now.
Meanwhile, David, in dealing with a very adorably high Patrick, faces the possibility that he and his fiancé might actually want very different things for their future. In the midst of his post-wisdom teeth removal haze, Patrick slurs out that David has flawless skin (he has a nine-step skin care regimen that he does twice a day, it’s no big deal), is the Jewish Channing Tatum (that tracks), and oh yeah, that he thinks they should have a baby. At first David is able to dismiss it as anesthesia-induced spiraling, sandwiched as it is between Patrick’s professions of hunger. But, gripped tightly in Patrick’s arms, being asked to picture a baby next to them, David eventually freaks.
I’m a big fan of mostly straight-laced characters being endearingly under the influence of harmless substances (show me even one moment where Joey Potter was ever more likable than when she got drunk) and when that intoxication leads to surprising confessions, all the better! And Patrick’s display did not disappoint. Mostly because he’s a cuddly, babbling mess.
But also because it provides fodder for a critical conversation between David and him about their life together. A conversation which obviously goes well because this is a show that cares about its characters (and those who relate to them) and wants them to be happy.
And finally, the main event: The Crows Have Eyes! 3!
Moira dismissing Alexis’ idea for a premiere in Schitt’s Creek would have been disappointing if I’d thought for one second it actually meant there wouldn’t, in fact, be a premiere in Schitt’s Creek by the episode’s end. Luckily for all of us, Moira had previously forced the Jazzagals to follow Interflix’s twitter account, so she quickly learns that Ornithology Today has praised the film for showcasing “the emotional depth and intellectual capacity of our oft-maligned friend, the crow.”
Between that and referring to Moira’s performance as “delightfully unhinged,” the review – and Jocelyn and Twyla’s enthusiasm – gives Moira the boost needed to want a premiere after all. It’s unfortunate we didn’t get to see all of Schitt’s Creek’s residents dressed in their best (what a missed opportunity for Bob to get another use out of his leather suit). But, as you’d expect from an event celebrating a 12-time Daytime Emmy Award-attending actress, the movie premiere did provide more than its share of excitement and quality content (more on that below).
While we wait for the viewing numbers and more reviews – and graphic footage from additional local stations – to roll in, let’s discuss this week’s superlatives!
Love That Journey For Them: Stevie and Mr. Rose
I can’t pretend I wasn’t hoping Stevie would do a bit more soul-searching before potentially deciding to return to the Rosebud Motel. But I also can’t pretend David doesn’t make a very compelling point when he asks Stevie what other job is better than owning your own business.
So, yes, Stevie may have gotten here a little too quickly and directly for my taste, but I am truly happy for her that she seems to be at peace with her decision (as long as she and Mr. Rose continue to not discuss their new business partner and his typo-ridden business cards for a little while longer).
Plus, HAVE WE EVER SEEN JOHNNY HAPPIER?
He looks practically deranged. That’s pure joy rendering his face nearly unrecognizable for a few seconds. I’m very and completely here for Johnny Rose’s extreme relief and contentedness. And what makes it especially satisfying – for both him and us – is that he’d been willing to let Stevie go as his business partner so she could follow her own path, going so far as to offer to buy her out of the motel so she could afford to keep exploring without the hotel weighing her down. Mr. Rose has supported Stevie’s need to explore her options since the moment she confessed it to him, but maybe offering to actually buy her out – forcing her to confront what it would be like to no longer have the motel as an easy fallback – helped Stevie feel certain about wanting back in. It’s one thing to be drawn back to something comfortable after experiencing a very stark example of how bad other jobs can be. It’s another to feel sure it’s what you actively want, rather than simply a better option than something you definitely don’t want.
Fast Forward to Success ain’t just a (<slash> the most unqualifiedly perfect) title (of all time). Johnny Rose’s instincts are that good. And I love that Stevie was brave enough – and Mr. Rose was supportive enough – to give herself the chance to actually choose the path that she’d originally been on.
Moira’s Rose’s Garden’s Honorary Rose of the Week 4856: Ronnie Lee
Of course she has a 20-foot merlot carpet in her garage that she ripped out after the church basement flooded. Of course she’s the type of woman who looks just as happy and at ease decked out in a gorgeous silver dress as she does at a three-for-one sale on cargo pants.
Nothing Ronnie ever does can really be surprising, because she’s proven time and again she’s got all manner of tricks up her sleeve. But knowing she’s capable of stealing every scene doesn’t lessen the delight of witnessing it. This woman contains multitudes. And sometimes she’s generous enough to give us a glimpse.
The “I’m Darlene’s Cousin, Who the Fuck Are You?” Award for Outstanding Achievement in Guest Starring: Carmine the Crow Guy
You could be forgiven for not even noticing Carmine in the episode. He stands back, unassuming, in the few shots where he’s visible. But a) his stance and demeanor are utterly perfect, and b) without him and his murder of “trained” crows/painted seagulls, the The Crows Have Eyes 3: The Crowening premiere wouldn’t have packed nearly the same punch. Interflix’s viewing numbers for the film wouldn’t have been quite as high. And we would have been deprived of the funniest scene in this episode…
“Roland in the Bedroom” Funniest Bit: The Crows Release Goes Awry
Did anyone imagine this wouldn’t be my pick? Did anyone think the premiere would actually go off without a hitch? Does predictability actually diminish hilarity?
In this case, it sure as hell did not.
As one local news show astutely reported, we got to witness crows attacking people at the premiere of a movie about crows attacking people. That beautiful [what’s the opposite of irony?] would have been funny on its own. But this is Schitt’s Creek. Why just make something fun when you could go hyperbolic and make it good fun?
So we get Moira shout-warning attendees not to look the crows in the eyes before attempting to communicate with them via frantic cawing and ultimately pulling Johnny inside to safety. We get Alexis looking less scared and more irritated at the crows for ruining the premiere she managed to pull off with four hours’ notice. And, best of all, we get glassy-eyed high-on-painkillers David and Patrick watching the whole thing with wonder rather than worry.
The “David Plucking at the Plastic Sheet” Funniest Moment: David’s Awestruck Reaction to the Crow Attack
I was laughing from the second the crows turned around and aimed themselves back at the hapless crowd below, but every time the camera panned to David, I absolutely lost it. His casual, wide-eyed marveling at the swarm of crows and complete obliviousness to the terror his fellow townspeople were experiencing could not have been any funnier. It was perfect. He’s perfect.
Aw, David! Sweetest Moment: Patrick Assuring David He Doesn’t Need a Kid to be Happy
As someone (a woman, even!) who doesn’t want kids, I’m not used to seeing that part of myself reflected on big or small screens, especially in sitcoms, and definitely not in the context of successful, long-term, romantic relationships. The only example I can think of who comes close is Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother, and her disinterest in having children was used as the primary source of conflict for the show’s male protagonist. It’s essentially the entire reason the show lasted for nine seasons – because the man who loved her more than he ever seemed to love anyone else couldn’t imagine a life with her for that reason and so had to spend close to a decade finding someone else to marry (andhaveafewkidsforhimrealquickandthendiesohecouldendupwithRobinafterallphewwhatatrashendingamiright). So, yeah, while Robin was awesome for a lot of reasons, that particular shared trait wasn’t exactly a source of positive representation.
I have wondered and worried about pursuing people I’m interested in romantically because I assumed they want to have children and my not wanting that would be a dealbreaker. And I’m not saying that disagreeing on such a fundamental (for most people) desire shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. I’m just saying, man, was it amazing to see it not be for one couple on one show, especially a show I love.
But it’s not just that I personally felt seen and appreciated by how the show handled David’s fear that Patrick might really need a baby to be happy. It was another lovely example of how solid they are as a couple. And how much Patrick understands and accepts and loves David and their life together. They’ve clearly talked about this before, and Patrick assuring David that his intoxicated ramblings were fueled more by Bridget Jones’ Baby than any latent desire that might give way to resentment down the line felt completely sincere. As if Patrick even knows any other way to be.
Blouse Barn Durability Award for Best Look of the Episode: Moira’s Premiere Look
I have been obsessed with the gown Moira picked out for her The Crows Have Eyes 3: The Crowening premiere since she (very prematurely) ordered it in Season 5’s “The Dress.” And while I’ve hoped since the moment she tried it on in that episode that we’d actually get to see her rock it on the red carpet, I never assumed I would actually be so lucky. In fact, when Moira finally decides at the last minute she wants to attend the premiere (formerly viewing party, formerly premiere), my immediate reaction was sadness that she definitely wouldn’t be wearing the dress, seeing as she’d begrudgingly returned it for financial reasons last season. But I should have known my show would have my back. And that Moira would have “accidentally” returned one of Alexis’ dresses in its place. Honestly, UPS really is getting sloppy. Thank goodness.
Because she looks glorious.
And, of course, she’s styled it in perfect Moira Rose fashion: her hair flawlessly done in old Hollywood glam-inspired waves, topped with a spiked halo crown. I have no idea whether the wardrobe department intended for the headpiece to be reminiscent of the bird spikes that adorn many a commercial building window ledge, but it’s a nice bonus regardless, given how the premiere turned out.
Until Moira pulled out The Gown, I was pretty sure this look was going to be my pick for this episode, and I’m still thinking about it, so here you go. Allow my indecisiveness to benefit us all.
A Vocabulary Lesson from Schitt’s Creek’s Resident Sesquipedalian
Electrologist [ih-lek-trol–uh-jist], n. a person skilled in the use of electrolysis for removing moles, warts, or unwanted hair. As in, “Okay, so I may have a problem.” “Oh it’s barely noticeable, dear. We’ll find you an electrologist.”
Fulsome [foo l-suh m, fuhl-], adj. 1) offensive to good taste, especially as being excessive; overdone or gross 2) excessively or insincerely lavish. As in, “I cannot stop the masses from gathering to view the film, but best to avoid any fulsome in-decorum until we’re assured a positive reaction.”
Not a definition, but I can’t not at least mention Moira’s bonkers pronunciation of “crowening.” After more than five seasons, you’d think Catherine O’Hara might run out of ways to keep Moira’s accent and elocution fresh, but you’d be so very mistaken.
A Notta Bit Alexis
Y’all. I don’t…I don’t think we learned anything new about Alexis’ past this week. We learned Moira attended Demi Moore’s 40th birthday party in Aspen (and that Demi’s assistant, who’d pulled off the last-minute shindig perished doing what she loved: going into cardiac arrest on the flight there), that David had pictured himself marrying Christina Aguilera at one point, and even that Johnny is a published author, but nothing about Alexis.
It could just be that there have been so many tidbits already this season, or that there was so much packed into this episode as is, but I like to think it’s another indication that Alexis is finally on her way out of the limbo she’s been in all season. Focusing so intently on the movie premiere – a launching pad for the future of her career – simply didn’t leave room for reminiscing about her past. And not that I would ever want the well of Alexis’ fascinating history to dry up, but I am thrilled for her to finally get to move forward.
And a Tiny Bit of Twyla
She got Renee Zellweger’s brother’s signature on a menu when he came into the cafe once. (He spells his name differently, but she swears it was him.)
Estate Sale Auction Items
- This week in continuity:
- Between Moira telling Jocelyn and Twyla the first third of The Crows Have Eyes 3: The Crowening is densely packed with exposition and David telling Patrick he heard the first fifteen minutes are “very, very dense,” I’m convinced the movie is actually only 45 minutes long, and I really hope I’m right.
- I might be the only person in the world who actually liked the movie Waterworld, but that didn’t stop me from loving the hell out of this description of an ill-fated Waterworld 2 premiere: “The last place anyone wanted to be when those reviews came in was a glass-bottom pirate ship in the middle of the ocean!”
- Best sibling depiction on television, honestly.
- I’m torn between wanting Frocks for Less to be an actual store in a nearby Elm-town and just a perfectly crafted dig by Moira.
- Thank God Alexis insisted that Stevie keep the Maid of Honor job. Given that David considers driving his fiance to get his wisdom teeth out to be within the duties of that role (Ok, tell him he’s being unreasonable), Alexis definitely wouldn’t have been able to pull off the premiere if she hadn’t.
- I would very much appreciate a deleted scene of Patrick offering hot tips and yelling wrong directions at his Uber driver.
- Dan Levy is comedically perfect, example 6156864:
- Ditto Annie Murphy:
- Larry Air calling Johnny for a reference for Stevie and then asking if he’s interested in becoming a pilot is precisely the type of information about Larry Air I was worried we would stop learning after Stevie quit.
- Between the multiple digs at Patrick’s car and the fact that it wouldn’t start when they were supposed to drive Alexis to the airport in the season premiere, they might as well tell us Patrick’s named his car Chekhov. I don’t know if it’s going to keep Alexis from yet again making her flight to the Galapagos or strand David and Patrick on the side of the road on the way to their wedding or what, but I do know we haven’t seen the last of that junker.
Want to place bets on where Patrick’s car will break down and cause havoc later in the season? Do you think Moira eventually will sign her name in the pavement outside Bob’s garage? Should Interflix come through with a London premiere for the sake of the Bosnian team? Come chat in the comments!
Featured Image Source: CBC/Pop
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