Schitt’s Creek Season 6, Episode 8
“The Presidential Suite”
Posted by Gillian
Couples, couples, everywhere! Stevie and Twyla nudge their way in for a few crucial minutes here and there. And Ray, too. But this week’s focus is squarely on the romantic couples. It’s the Roses vs. the Schitts over the new motel’s would-be Presidential Suite. David vs. Patrick over the proper level of spray tan for their engagement photos. And Alexis and Ted vs. the universe, which seems determined to keep them apart, despite how happy they are to see each other.
We start with earnest, excitable Johnny, alone in his glee over finally getting to cut the ribbon on the new Rosebud motel. Sadly for Johnny, but not for us, Moira’s handbag only has room for cuticle clippers, which are no match for the ceremonial ribbon Johnny’s secured, no matter how taught Roland and Stevie hold it. A dropped ribbon may not be as satisfying as a cut one as far as pageantry goes, but it’s enough for Johnny to proclaim step one of launching the new Rosebud Motel officially complete and move the couples onto step two: deep cleaning!
Kudos to Stevie for somehow getting out of the dusting – and bleaching. While she’s off fulfilling her Maid of Honor duties with Patrick and David, Johnny marvels at the untouched, boutique-worthy aesthetic their new motel offers and the premium price they might be able to get for it, while Moira allows herself a bit of reminiscing about the glamorous vacations of their past life, and poor Roland and Jocelyn allow themselves to daydream momentarily about using the spacious room for a much-needed weekend getaway…before Johnny dashes their hopes, and then Moira’s, wanting to protect their new asset from the dangers of treating it like a personal possession.
Of course, Moira eventually cajoles Johnny down from the dizzying heights of his moral ground and they enjoy a brief respite in the new presidential suite (complete with Johnny’s immediate slip into a JFK impression – I LOVE how quickly and easily he slips into accented role play) before Jocelyn and Rolands Sr. and Jr. bust in. The standoff over who should actually get to use the room for the weekend ends as it should, with Roland and Jocelyn victorious. Luckily for them, it wasn’t decided by whose JFK impression is better.
Meanwhile, David and Patrick are at Ray’s photo studio, hoping to take some photos that will show Patrick’s relatives what his fiancé looks like and how happy they are together so they don’t have to actually invite said relatives to the wedding. As with all elements of wedding planning, everyone’s got a different opinion about the right way to things just right. For Ray and Stevie, it means selecting the perfect volcano green screen background. For David, it means “gifting” Patrick a spray tan appointment so he can better match David’s own Mediterranean complexion.
As is the sitcom way (see, e.g., Kramer in Seinfeld, Ross in Friends), Patrick returns from his appointment with far too many layers of fake tan. Whether he more resembles a cheese puff or someone who has “that skin condition from eating one too many carrots,” we can all agree it was a huge mistake both for him to ask for the same tan David gets (he’s practically Sicilian, Patrick!) and for them to go ahead with the photoshoot anyway.
Luckily, after nine showers, Patrick finally looks the way David had intended all along, and Stevie is able to take some actually usable (and not just because David looks good) photos. I don’t at all understand how Patrick can possibly think David’s not the kind of person who would make a wedding “more than it needs to be,” but I do think they ended up with photos that are much better representations all around of them and their relationship. Even if David still has no idea what to do with his hands.
In a decidedly less amusing turn of events, Ted and Alexis are finally reunited – after three flights, a delayed connection, and bad milk food poisoning – only to decide (mutually and amicably at least) that they need to go their separate ways. Of course, they don’t come to that decision – realization, really – right away. They get a little time to just…be with each other first, thanks to Alexis’ undeniable powers of seduction.
It’s only after their much needed reunion that Ted finally admits the real reason he convinced his research team to babysit the turtles for the long weekend so he could see Alexis in person: he’s been offered a permanent place on the Galapagos research team, which would mean at least three more years there, and he knows that means they’ve got a big decision to make. Because despite continually waiting for things to get easier for them, they just don’t seem to.
I know we’re probably all sweating, and also feel, like, very cold, but let’s try to focus on the silver lining…
Love That Journey For Them: Alexis and Ted
Because this really is for the best.
I wasn’t rooting for Alexis and Ted to break up, but I do think it was inevitable. And I’m really proud of each of them for realizing they couldn’t stay together and both pursue the things they want right now. Alexis shouldn’t move to the Galapagos and Ted shouldn’t move back to Schitt’s Creek. They obviously still love each other, but as the great Diane Weston realized in the even greater Sugar & Spice, “The Beatles were wrong! Love isn’t all you need.” Sometimes there’s more to it.
Break ups are difficult no matter what, but at least when there’s some love lost, the decision to break up is less so. When there’s nothing really wrong – when there’s just enough isn’t quite right – the realization itself that it’s time to end things can be the hardest part. And we pay so little cultural attention to that kind of ending. It’s not dramatic and it’s not entertaining, so it’s not often the stuff of ballads or cinematic masterpieces (although if you’d like to meet me at a cafe to talk for literal hours about Like Crazy, just say the word), but that doesn’t make it less heartbreaking. It just makes it less obvious that ending things is the right thing to do. And thus, all the more commendable when two people make the decision to do just that.
What Ted and Alexis have is sweet and supportive and important, but it’s run its course. And as Twyla pointed out, Alexis tends to make the right decisions.
And it’s not just Alexis making the right decision. Ted is too. He absolutely needs to accept the job offer to permanently join the research team rather than moving back to be a small town vet. There’s nothing wrong with being a small town vet, but that opportunity will still be there for him if he ever wants it again. All those gross little flies that are still out there waiting to be discovered, though, they won’t wait forever.
What makes Alexis’ and Ted’s decision especially poignant though, is that they haven’t just each made the right one for themselves, they’ve made the right one for each other. And just as Ted was the first one a few episodes back to say Alexis shouldn’t come to the Galapagos when her publicist skills were in such high demand, this time Alexis needed to be the first to say Ted can’t move back to Schitt’s Creek. It’s the same sweet reciprocity that makes Alexis “politely but forcefully” ask everyone in the cafe to leave so they can have a private, romantic dinner at the cafe, much like Ted had arranged for their anniversary. And although she might have forgotten about the whole milk thing, it’s undeniably a sign of Alexis’ growing ability to put others first that she built their dinner menu entirely around Ted’s favorite cheat day foods.
A small part of me does wish Alexis had gotten to experience the Galapagos just for a bit – to get her out of her comfort zone in a way that’s beyond just not having money – but there’s no part of me that thinks the right move for her is three years’ in the Galapagos, supporting Ted while her own dreams are paused. I think the part of me that wishes she’d gone at all is just restless because Alexis’ career path (such as it currently is – I’m still over here tapping my fingers, waiting for whatever’s going to come from all that New York PR firm interest, because a cult masquerading as a spin class ain’t it) still feels the most like one she might have stumbled into even without the Rose family’s detour to Schitt’s Creek. I’m really hoping the next few episodes give us more of that “something special” Ted’s so sure she’s building – whether it involves taking Alexis Rose Communications to the next level or something else.
Moira’s Rose’s Garden’s Honorary Rose of the Week 4856: Ray
There are only so many times I can give this to Twyla for her quiet, steadfast support of Alexis. And Ray’s delightful contributions to the world of Schitt’s Creek have remained unsung by me for too long as it is. I’m glad he had a little time to shine this week.
Ray’s one of the most consistently joyful supporting characters on the show, and has been since the beginning. His varied careers – realtor, (former) town councilmember, travel agent, photographer, Christmas Tree salesman, and probably more we haven’t seen – mean we’ve gotten to see him pop up in all sorts of stories over the past five-plus seasons. And getting a slightly deeper look into one of his ventures doesn’t disappoint.
Plus, he’s practically responsible for David and Patrick meeting, so it’s only right he be the one to capture the magic of their engagement for all the world to see, even if he’s not quite at Annie Leibovitz’s level.
And while his green screen backdrop choices – and wedding favor options – might not necessarily be for everyone (yours truly excluded – I would absolutely go for the county fair backdrop regardless of the occasion), he does ask some good questions. Should David really want his photos to say, “my relationship is an old estate on the off season?” Even Ms. Leibovitz might push back on that one.
“Roland in the Bedroom” Funniest Bit: Literally Every Single Thing Moira Did This Entire Episode
Catherine O’Hara is a treasure. We all know this. And there are multiple reminders of her incredible talent in absolutely every episode. But this one was especially chock full. From her masterful attempt to leap right over the deep cleaning to whatever step three is to her take on “dusting” – both whilst lounging on the bed and later while angrily reacting to Johnny’s unwillingness to bend the rules of good business – to the impressive showmanship of her attempts to illuminate the shortcomings of their current residence, it’s all expertly crafted for maximum hilarity.
Every line delivery (from whispers to shrieks), every moment. It all worked so well. Not that it ever doesn’t where she’s concerned, but there was just so much to love and laugh at this week. I’ve never had a harder time resisting the urge to type out every single line or link to every single gif’d moment. Every. Individual. Thing. Was flawless.
Disagree, Johnny. But I’ll move along anyway.
The “David Plucking at the Plastic Sheet” Funniest Moment: Moira Dusting Angrily After Johnny Tells Her They Can’t Have the Presidential Suite for Themselves
It’s just. She’s so perfect, y’all. I don’t know what else to say.
Aw, David! Sweetest Moment: Alexis and Ted Say Goodbye
I tried really hard to figure out a way to give this to another moment, considering how much I’ve already focused on Ted and Alexis this week, but honestly, nothing else stood a chance.
Blouse Barn Durability Award for Best Look of the Episode: Alexis
As tempted as I was to jokingly give this to Sicilian!Patrick, I can’t resist these ruffles or these buttons. And I sure as hell can’t resist this shiny silver miniskirt. Unlike the vast majority of Alexis’ outfits, I don’t actually think I’d wear this one, at least not together. But I love very much that Alexis does.
A Vocabulary Lesson from Schitt’s Creek’s Resident Sesquipedalian
ginchy [jin-shee], adj. (slang, dated) sexy; cool. As in, “There he is, my ginchy hotelier.”
perquisite [pur-kwuh-zit ] n. an incidental payment, benefit, privilege, or advantage over and above regular income, salary, or wages. As in, “You don’t believe we deserve this perquisite, John, at least until we secure a way out of here?”
A Lotta Bit Alexis
- Alexis had a thing with Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys during their Millenium tour. Of course, she called him B-Rock. And of courser, she’s the one who ended things.
- Her inability to make big decisions under pressure resulted in her having a pixie cut for prom.
- Her quandary over Ted’s job offer isn’t the first time she’s had to wonder whether she should move to some random island to be with the love of her life…
Just a totally unrelated fact that’s true: I’m totally cool with rain.
Estate Sale Auction Items
- Roland and Jocelyn sure have come a long way from barely being willing to let Johnny watch Roland Jr. Not only is Bob babysitting, they’re apparently paying him a lot for his services. Maybe they just want to help him afford his cry therapy sessions.
- The only thing I love more than by-the-rules Johnny having made Moira purchase a copy of her gritty feminist police drama, “Miranda Rights,” is that Jocelyn loved the movie enough to rent it three times. And honestly, Moira undercover in a wet T-shirt contest probably would have sent me back to the video store a few times, too.
- This week in continuity:
- Roland’s JFK impression is so beautifully terrible. I can only assume there’s at least twenty minutes’ worth of footage from that scene that’s utterly unusable because Eugene Levy is laughing the entire time.
- Ted’s mom is still seeing her zumba instructor! Get yours, Cheryl!
- Speaking of getting hers, GIVE TWYLA A GIRLFRIEND 2020. She’s the most supportive sunflower and there is absolutely no way there’s any man out there who deserves her.
- I don’t know that Alexis sadly telling Ted she “liked this a whole lot more before we started talking” is meant to be a callback of any kind to her breakup with Mutt, but that’s what immediately sprang to my mind when she said it.
- I didn’t get to specifically call out this Moira line above, but I love it just so much: “If I close my eyes, I can almost hear the orcas calling to be fed…or freed.” Ditto the resigned way she whispers, “and we’re back,” when Roland interrupts her reminiscing to Johnny about the Party Secretary Suite in Shanghai that allowed her to watch those orcas from a clawfoot tub.
- I know Ted’s animal puns were always meant to be indications of his dorkiness, but a) I straight up love puns and will defend them ‘til the last of my days, and b) his elephant in the room joke (“I skipped the class that taught us how to care for large mammals and I don’t know how to get it to leave”), while not strictly a pun I suppose, was just so fucking great. What a perfect joke for him to go out on.
Will you miss Ted’s puns as much as I will? Should Moira and Johnny abandon their (practically middle-aged!) kids and move into the new motel? How do you think Bob’s cry therapy is going? Let’s gab in the comments!
Featured Image Source: CBC/Pop