Scandal Season 5, Episode 2
Posted by Sage
Just when you thought our Scandal gif-caps couldn’t get any more absurd, Kim dared me to do my first one of season 5 entirely in One Direction gifs. And seeing as I never back down from a challenge that involves me sifting through hundreds of moving images of the cherubic face of Harry Styles, here that gif-cap is, in all its glory. Scandal: season 5, episode 2. Take it away, boys.
“With that seductress Olivia Pope distracting him, with a body made for…” Calm down, Sally. Everybody’s body is made for that.
“Liv. Liv. Everything is going to be okay.” Fitz and Olivia’s relationship has just been outed to the entire world and he leaves her alone the second after it happens. Still a fuck-nugget, I see.
“So you’re telling me this leak is internal.” NOT THE ISSUE RIGHT NOW, FITZ.
“The leak is really not the issue…There’s blood in the water. We’re going to need a statement. We’re going to need a game plan. We’re going to need…a bigger boat.” This. This is what Abby Whelan has been training for. Shine, Abby, shine.
“If a statement is being made, Olivia and I are making it together.” Someone please assassinate him, already.
“It’s Liv, she’s the best in the business. The president’s about to get Poped.”
“She will not be able to hide.” She’s just gotta keep moving, is all.
“Put the gun away. They’re reporters, not assassins.” Huck is about to splatter a tabloid journalist all over the conference room, but sure, Jake “fixed” him.
“I need to work.” Liv wants a case to calm her nerves and restore some normalcy.
“Well for starters, I am here so you can apologize to me.” MELLIE.
“She’s not just a mistress now. She’s America’s mistress. History will preserve her as such.” There are worse things. Ask Marilyn Monroe. Or don’t…okay, there aren’t worse things.
“It was smart. Risky, but smart.” The president thinks Mellie did it because he’s a reactive, close-minded idiot.
“They make Senator Grant look weak and frigid and sexless and like she can’t keep a man. And we both know America will never elect a woman who can’t get laid.” I want to establish an American monarchy just so Mellie Grant can be queen.
“David’s here!” And surely will make no personal or professional gain from cleaning up everyone else’s mess.
“This whole situation is a load of malarkey and doo-doo.” Susan is here to defend the president’s honor, but he’s got nothing left to defend.
“That Olivia is in the wind and she took the strings with her…she handled it wrong. I want the puppet to dance.” Lizzie Bear is flying blind without Olivia’s advice on this one.
“Lay off, Perkins, he’s here to help.” Quinn is still mad at Huck, because mass murders do take some time to process.
“How does a guy facing a murder charge even get bail?” “By being rich and white.”
The case-of-the-week is to find Gavin Price, aka G-Preezy, a spoiled brat who was arrested for the murder of his father and then ran.
“You don’t say no to Liv. Besides, she took my car keys.”
“Right now, you are no better than some two-bit, bus stop divorce attorney.” David gets no respect. No respect at all, I tell ya.
“You got it, Ruthie.” Olivia and Huck track Gavin’s father’s watch to a pawn shop.
“Table’s ice cold.” “Hopefully I can warm it up.” Liv finds Gavin at a nearby casino and cuffs his weak, posh-boy ankle to the stool.
“My plan just arrived.” “Nice to see you.” JAAAAAAAKE.
“Old people slip and fall all the time.” Gavin claims that his stepmother was seeing another guy on the side and would have a lot to gain from killing his father, since she signed an iron-clad pre-nup.
“Did you boss ever say what the president was like in bed?” Cheeky.
“If you don’t get out of here, I will kick your ass. And you can tell everyone a girl beat you up.” Quinn puts the tabloid reporter in a headlock and I’m 99% sure he shit his pants.
“You want some advice? Be the adult.” Abby consults with Cyrus on this debacle, whilst shoving salad in her mouth. He gives her the best advice in the world, which is that Fitz needs to be ruled over.
“You don’t ask children when bedtime is, and you don’t listen to your children when they don’t want to eat their vegetables. You threaten them.” Life, I’m getting it.
“All children eventually do what they’re told.” Cyrus, come back to me. TO US.
Gavin’s stepmother was involved with another man: restaurant owner Romeo Sarconi. And her husband was about to change his will, so perhaps he found out.
“What’d I say?” “Stop whining?’ “Stop whining.” Jake: you, I adore.
“I am. Hashtag blessed.” Jake and Olivia are having an Adventure in Babysitting this little prick. And if Scandal were a rom-com instead of whatever it actually is, they’d be back in love by the end of it.
“What does that even mean, Huck, ‘fixed’?” Ship-shape! No murderous rage in these bones. Nothing to see here!
“The president and his wife are handling this as they should, privately, as a team.” Abby is being the adult. Since Fitz refuses to address the leaked photos without Olivia’s hands down his pants, Red takes it into her own hands to tell the press what they need to hear. Statues should be erected.
“Firing you would only add fuel to this scandal. Consider yourself lucky.” She just saved your ass, but okay.
Gavin had been forging checks from his father’s account. It was him who was being cut out of the will. Olivia gets mobbed by “fans” at a greasy spoon and Gavin makes a break for it. White boys.
“Remember, he’s a baby. What do babies do when they get frustrated?” UPDATE: I STILL LOVE THIS METAPHOR.
“Red, who do I hate more than Elizabeth North?” “No one.” “And who does Elizabeth North hate more than she hates me?” “Mellie.” Cyrus is pulling the strings from his couch and it’s everything.
“Do you think about us when you’re having an affair in the White House? OUR house?” YES, SUSAN, YOU BETTER LET ‘EM KNOW.
“Susan, I’m a flawed person. Just like anyone else.” “Mr. President, you don’t get to be just like everyone else. That’s not the job you signed up for.” Mellie/Susan 2016.
There are pictures of Olivia from the diner everywhere, but that’s okay, because Jake just sat down on her motel bed instead of his own. Get it get it get it.
He has good news. “World peace, the end of poverty, women and girls the world over get to go to school?” Liv asks. Jake lays in bed next to her, because she needs an ally right now.
“I’m scared.” “I know. That’s a good thing.” “We’re at our best when we’re scared.” If this weren’t a 1D cap, I would have used the “Fear is a superpower” gif from Doctor Who, so just picture it.
“Can we? Would you mind if..?” “No, come on.” Olivia’s Brain: “Ask Jake to spoon.” Olivia: “Why?” Olivia’s Brain: “You gotta.”
“That’s what I’m running from. That feeling. The shame.”
That White House green screen is my favorite Scandal character. And it’s always dusk.
“Mr. President?” “Speak.” Rudeness.
“The moment Liv stops running, the moment she stops hiding, the moment she steps back into the spotlight, the cyclone makes landfall. And everything in her life is slept away.” So have some fucking compassionate, you twat.
“I apologize. Come home.” Fitz extends an olive branch to Mellie. What the what.
“A nail gun, really?” Gavin tries to threaten his babysitters, but he’s 90 pounds and stupid. Olivia slams a chair to the ground behind him, and it’s time for him to start talking.
“I really do feel like a divorce lawyer. Anyway, it’s nothing a little bourbon won’t fix.” Oh David. So Eeyore right now.
Abby gets a look at the emails David pulled off of Mellie’s computer at Fitz’s behest. And there’s the mole.
“Mellie and I are doing an interview with Noah. Someone should have told you?” Abby wins this round, and she looks so very pleased. Lizzie does not.
“You used to work for Mellie. You knew her key code. You had access.” Lizzie Bear tries to fire Abby. Unfortunately, Abbie knows she leaked the photos, and now the blond is in her pocket.
“I want us to be a team. From now on, we’re equals….but if you have a problem with that, I can certainly try making you my bitch.”
“No more running, Gavin.”
No more running for Olivia either. Errybody’s going to face the music today.
“What’s so sane about me? I dispose of bodies and I get turned on at crime scenes.” But what if Quinn got a storyline this year?
“You’re not wrong about me. Something’s wrong with me.” “That’s my point. Something’s wrong with me too.” Everyone is still as skeeved out by this relationship as I am, I hope.
“I don’t want you to throw away your whole life just for me. I love you too much for that.” Shut the fuck up, you cretin.
“You good?” “I’m good.” Back in DC, Olivia climbs out of the car and saunters right into a pack of paps.
“Are you the President’s mistress?” “Yes.”
And there you have it, Gladiators. Olivia has acknowledged Fitz publicly, which derails Abby and Cyrus’s plans. And what does this mean for Mellie’s run? As usual, Liv is probably four steps ahead from the rest of us, so surely there’s an endgame on the horizon. Kim will be back on board next week to take you through the fallout. Until then, leave your comments, questions, and 1D gifs in the comments.