Season 4, Episode 9: Where The Sun Don’t Shine
Posted by Sage
All the fixers who independeeeent. Throw your hands up at meeee.
Scandal winter finale….go.
“Liv, we will find him.” Liv sits silently watching Jake and Fitz plan, looking not at all confident that they will.
“Did they show it to you? The place where your father kept me? Did you see it?” Mama Pope is back! And she’s got some complaints about the accommodations at Chez B6-13.
“Murder, terrorism, treason, to start…As for my father, hunt him, find him, and kill him.” You heard the lady.
“What did you do to him?” Ugh, Huck’s kid is kind of a crybaby tbh.
“And the vice president…” “Of the United States?” Not the conspirator you were expecting.
“There’s a special place in hell for woman who spout that entire quote to support their bad behavior.” YOU BETTER LET ‘EM KNOW.
“Elizabeth is in bed with your vice president. Both literally and figuratively.”
“‘Explicit gay sex’ is how we’re describing these photos.” You’re not wrong.
“So, Cyrus would basically own me.” “As opposed to just renting.”
“A kill card is the shut down procedure for B6-13.”
“Doesn’t the fact that we could go any minute make you just want to affirm life, Robin?” We all saw this coming.
“We need a fingerprint.” “Well, we do have a finger.” Quinn uses a severed finger to trick the scanner, like it ain’t no thing.
“I don’t need a gun, why would I need a gun?” I don’t know, maybe because of all the people who want you dead?
“The sun went down a long time ago and it’s not coming back up.” Poetry.
Andrew and Lizzie Bear have sex in her office. Gross. (Show me more.)
“Most important document of his presidency – completely artless.” Everyone’s a critic.
“Today, sir, I’m a joke. A punchline. I’m of no help to you.” Dammit, Cyrus.
“Thank you for your service, Cy. It’s been an honor.” I don’t think anything that happened in that White House could be called “honorable,” but I’ll let him have this one.
“Is it true that you’ve been subpoenaed by the Attorney General?” Abby has to be deposed by her ex. That won’t be at all awkward, surely.
“Do you have an alibi for the night of March 25th?” “Yes.” “Who?” “Leo Bergen.” AW SHIT.
And now, a brief slow jam interlude. “Myyyyy endless looooooveeeee…”
CHARLIE HAS QUINN’S CARD. Duh doy.
“What are you doing here?” “Songs in the Key of Life. Remember the first time I played this for you?” Actually, trying to forget everything about you, psycho dad.
He pulls a gun on her. “SIT.” So, we can call this charade officially over then?
“You can’t disappear, become a normal person. Because dad? You’re not normal.”
“COULD YOU BE MORE UNGRATEFUL?”
“It is your life that is sad. It is you who cannot be normal. It is you who has no comprehension of love.” I don’t know, guys. Haven’t we been having this same conversation for 6 or 7 episodes?
“So what? Your stomach turns every time you look at me? Well let me be the one to break it to you, Olivia. You are simply looking in the mirror.”
“Olivia? Watch yourself.” She picks up the gun. She won’t do it, but I wish she would.
She pulls the trigger – there’s no bullet.
“Are you kidding me Are you kidding me? You just shot your own father.” MIND GAMES.
“Stevie Wonder sang. And you were out in ten minutes. No matter how hard you try to deny it. You will miss me when I’m gone.”
“Oh, crap. My tooth.” “The new one?…I can’t kill you Robin.” “You hurt me.” “You hurt me first.” Aw. Their twisted relationship actually saved her life.
“You ruined Huck’s life.” “I guess I can…unruin it.” Charlie kept some B6-13 files for himself. Not Huck can prove his story to his wife.
“You have a phD in his crazy. You must have some idea where he is. Where he’s gone. I WANT SOME ANSWERS NOW.” Olivia still thinks she can squeeze something out of Mama.
“Girl. You need to move on. All you two do is talk about each other.” I cheered when she called Olivia “boo.”
“Cry me a river, Livvie. WHATEVER.”
“I’m thinking Europe. They have a long history of accepting failure and disgrace.” I hear there are some openings in Genovia.
“When did you decide to let them ruin you?” Damn, Africa. What happened?
“So they’re mean-girling you in the press? They’re calling you names that hurt your little soft spots deep inside? Well so what? That’s how it IS.”
“So you lost someone you loved. You lost the one person who felt like family. Well guess what? Grow the hell up cause that is how it is.”
“The Cyrus Beene I know doesn’t hide in his half empty closet and wet his pants like a little bitch baby.” BITCH BABY. I’m cackling.
“The Cyrus I know is a patriot. He bites the bullet and he does what it takes to serve the Republic at all costs.” We’re gonna riiiiiise up, we’re gonna kick some ass. Kick some ass in the USA…
“So I wanna know, right now, in this moment, WHO YOU ARE. Because the pathetic shell of a person I’m looking at right now doesn’t deserve to stand on the presidential seal in the Oval Office let alone tell the president what to do. WHO ARE YOU, CY? WHO ARE YOU, CY?”
“I’m one of the most powerful men in the world.” Thaaaaat’s the spirit.
“I just can’t bring myself to apologize for falling in love.” Love is like oxygen! Also, faking it is a great way to get beyond a sex scandal.
“It’s Pretty Woman. It’s romantic.” That makes Cy Richard Gere, yes?
“I’ll pour you a scotch if you can tell me what to do about West Angola.” Fitz is actually helpless.
“Fitz has lost the party.” Cy counsels Fitz not to send troops to Angola. The Republicans are furious.
“Why? Because we’re both screwing Andrew? That doesn’t make us friends. It just makes us both at risk for the same STDs.” Mellie survived the death of her oldest child…you think some boy troubles can break her?
“He’s dedicated, but he’s weak.” OOP.
“When it comes to screwing someone, I’m not nearly as gentle as Andrew.” QUEEN.
“It’s okay, Charlotte. Another time.” Cyrus, Abby, and Fitz “celebrate” in the Oval. She feels like an outsider.
“I need you to know why I’m like this. I need you to read things. Read them. It’s the last thing I’ll ever ask you to do.” Huck gives the files to his wifey – at least she can forgive him, even if he can’t be back in their lives like he was.
Jeremy Winslow and West Angola are connected. Andrew is connected. He knew about the bombing. WHAT IS GOING ON.
“I got a Dolly Madison, so unzip your pants now, cause we are eating.” Someone please open an IRL Gettysburger. I’ll make a day-trip to DC just for that.
“I don’t want to talk about my father. I’m done talking about my father.”
Olivia puts on “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing” and dances it out.
“Man, do I love you.” “I want Vermont with Fitz.” “Oh…okay.” “I also want the sun with you.” “So?” “I’m not choosing. I’m not choosing, Jake.” “I’m not choosing Fitz. I choose me. I’m choosing Olivia.” YES, GURL. (How long can this possibly last?)
“And right now, Olivia is dancing. I’m dancing Jake. I’m free. Now, you can dance with me or you can get off my dance floor. I’m fine dancing alone.” Either she’s completely lost it or she’s finally got some perspective.
“I’ve never had sex on top of the piano.” “Don’t move.” “Where would I go?”
“Tell me, Mr. President. What’s the one thing in the world you can’t live without?” “What did you do to her?” Olivia disappears. Andrew is pulling the strings. And Fitz is about to go all Taylor in the “Blank Space” video.
And that’s it until January. Are you still breathing, Gladiators? Did you see Andrew’s betrayal coming? As always, we live for your comments.