Bones Season 11, Episode 5/Sleepy Hollow Season 3, Episode 5
“The Resurrection in the Remains”/”Dead Men Tell No Tales”
Posted by Kim
When the crossover between Bones and Sleepy Hollow was announced over the summer, my first response was to throw a temper tantrum and go on a rant whenever I was asked about it. This could not POSSIBLY work. There is no way these two shows can EXIST in the same universe, amirite? Bones is a show about SCIENCE while Sleepy Hollow is a show about the supernatural. Temperance Brennan’s devotion to goddamned strict rationalism and science makes Dana Scully look like one of those loonies in Times Square predicting the end of the world. Her head would literally (she would hate me saying that) explode if she knew she was talking to someone from the 1700’s, so how in the HELL was she going to share a scene with Ichabod Crane? (I stand by my initial assessment that the only Bones character that could handle the truth is Jack Hodgins.) Really, the only thing Bones and Sleepy Hollow have in common is their yin and yang leading couple dynamic.
Ichabbie shippers impatient with the slow burn? Watch the first 6 seasons of Bones and THEN talk to me about ridiculous things keeping a leading couple apart. Bones wrote the BOOK on keeping lead characters clearly in love apart for NO GOOD REASON. Yes, even more so than The X-Files (a massive government conspiracy is a pretty good reason). Please to discuss this in the comments. (Fun Fact: I was so tormented by the UST in Bones that it was the only time I took a stab at writing fan fiction. I gave up after a paragraph.)
ANYWAY. Did the crossover work? I am happy to report that for the most part, it did. The banter between all the characters was great. I was able to forgive any awkward shoehorning of stories (I WISH they had fully committed to explaining the whole premise of Sleepy in the Bones world, head explosions aside) because I was so damn delighted to see Emily Deschanel (vastly underappreciated for how good she is) and Tom Mison go toe to toe. I must admit, I enjoyed the Bones half of the episode WAY more than the Sleepy Hollow half (le sigh), but for my sanity, I’m only going to focus on the bits of Bones that are tied to the Sleepy-verse. So if you’re here for breakdown of Brennan’s Halloween pranks or what exactly happened to medical student Sarah (spoiler alert: the boyfriend did it. The boyfriends almost always do it), you’ve come to the wrong recap. To the rankings!
While investigating another murder at a church that looks creepily like St. Henry’s Parish, the Jeffersonian team unearths an iron coffin with a Nordic rune on it. Inside they find a headless corpse in a Revolutionary War uniform, which excites Hodgins to no end. “Is it just me or is there something other worldly going on here?” Cue Abbie and Ichabod. We don’t know HOW they knew about this body or what “case” they are investigating, so I am just going to say SCIENCE. Brennan claims that this skeleton is paramount to their current investigation and they are keeping it while Abbie is all “We’re not leaving without those bones” so there is no other way to end the standoff other than Ichabbie joining the investigation. Abbie goes off with Booth to dig into the murder of Medical Student Sarah while Ichabod stays behind at the lab to assist with the body. Ichabod says that they think the body is Abraham Van Brunt (WUT…why?) but when Angela runs her facial reconstruction through the gallery of colonial men (that exists?), they learn it is actually the body of William Howe. Remember him from “Whispers in the Dark”? The British General that tried to get Ichabod to betray his cause? Yep, it’s THAT guy. “We have stumbled upon a mystery of the highest magnitude, I will not rest until it’s solved,” Ichabod promises (much to the delight of Angela, who is SO besotted by him, I love it). It also turns out that Howe’s head was not removed by a broad axe (as I am sure the witnesses were assuming, given their history) but a modern saw. Hmmmmm.
Booth and Not!Sweets (SORRY DUDE 1.5 SEASONS LATER I STILL CALL YOU NOT!SWEETS) discovered a mysterious book that looks like the Grimoire in Sarah’s locker, so the squints go about analyzing it and its relevance to the murders. “It’s a book of nonsense,” Brennan scoffs and Ichabod counters that it is a book of SPELLS. Ichabod takes notes on it (important for later) and they realize that they need to illuminate a section of the book in order to see the text. Hodgins’ DELIGHT in all of this is spectacular because really…this is everything he’s ever wanted. The text reveals that Howe’s skull has the power to raise the dead. Yeah, the witnesses are going to need that body, pronto.
Meanwhile, Abbie and Booth are digging into Sarah’s murder, but really the only important thing that comes out of this, other than seeing Abbie be a BAMF investigator, is the fact that Booth knew August Corbin. YOU HEARD ME. “Corbin was right about you…you’re not one for following the rules.” I love how Abbie wears this comment like a badge of honor. I also love the idea of Abbie and Booth being able to bond over Corbin stories because LBR the one AFTER Hodgins who would be likely to believe all the circumstances Abbie has found herself in would be Seeley Booth. Also, Booth doesn’t WANT anything from her, unlike Danny, so he would be a great ally and support for her in the FBI. “Just don’t think you have to save the world all in one day,” he says kindly. CAN WE KEEP HIM?
Back at the Jeffersonian, Ichabod asserts that Howe was supposed to be entombed in the colonies, specifically in Sleepy Hollow, thus they have the rights to the body. Brennan, being Brennan, doesn’t cave so easily though and demands that Crane find some sort of means to authenticate his assertions. Thus, Ichabod is let loose in the Jeffersonian aka Archive City and I REALLY wish that the show had given us Ichabod’s reaction to the treasures of the Jeffersonian. He lost his shit, right? Right. Ichabod emerges from the archives with his proof: a letter from George Washington that was dictated to “his most trusted captain” (AKA HIM…how weird must it have been for Ichabod to FIND THAT?). Brennan still doesn’t buy it and says that until she can authenticate that the letter is actually real (and not just something that Ichabod wrote himself in the archives) the body stays with her. Ichabod’s little smirk here gives me LIFE because he knows its real but he also knows he can’t just be like “Bitch, I wrote that letter myself. GIMME.”.
Brennan gives the letter to Angela, certain that she will be able to debunk its authenticity. But the thing is…she can’t. Everything about it is real, despite some things that can’t possible BE real. The handwriting matches Ichabod Crane’s exactly, much to their disbelief (why you gotta be leaving your notes around Ichaboo?). Brennan confronts him about this and you can TELL that Ichabod is dying to tell her the truth (his smug FACE though) even though he knows he can’t. He bullshits about how it must have been an ancestor of his and that handwriting can be an inherited trait. Brennan clearly doesn’t buy it but since the letter IS authentic, she has no other choice but to release the bones to them. VICTORY BELONGS TO THE WITNESSES.
The body is en route to Sleepy Hollow when the driver sees a hooded figure in the street. (Standing in the road is Pandora’s favorite pastime!) The driver swerves and crashes. Pandora telepathically chokes the driver, assuring him that this is nothing personal. Then she tells him to run because killing a random just isn’t on her agenda for the day. She opens the casket and does some magic and maggotty things crawl all over Howe’s body (gross) restoring him to some semblance of life. “The King requires your service…will you answer his call?” So it’s clear Pandora is working for SOMEONE, we just don’t know WHO. Moloch? Someone bigger than Moloch? Discuss. (Also props to the makeup team for Zombie!Howe. It was properly gross and terrifying.)
It’s the night before Halloween in Sleepy Hollow, which clearly lends itself to all sorts of mischief. Some local teens are egging and TP-ing the graveyard because that’s always a good idea. The teens wander into a mausoleum which they immediately regret when they are met by Zombie!Howe. The couple runs, promptly abandoning their third wheel (way harsh, Tai), who is backed up against a crypt that bears the same symbol as Howe’s iron coffin. Zombie arms punch through the doors, grabbing Third Wheel. This is why you don’t mess around with mausoleums, people.
Abbie and Ichabod are called away from their Halloween bowling night with Joe and Jenny (more on that later). They discover the abandoned van and then make their way to the graveyard, with Abbie tossing Crane a double barrel shotgun asking him if he likes hunting. Hot. In the mausoleum, the Witnesses discover the crypt that bears Howe’s symbol and also see that blood is dripping from the ceiling. The body of Third Wheel falls to the ground and then Ichabod and Abbie are surrounded by Zombie Soldiers, led by Howe, who identifies himself. Ichabod’s face = WELP. Abbie’s solution, naturally, is to shoot them, and while pieces of their bodies crumble off whenever they are shot, the zombies don’t die. (Also, shouldn’t you have aimed for the head, Abs?) They chase the Witnesses all through the mausoleum and are only deterred when they hit sunlight, which promptly causes the whole Zombie army to disappear underground. WHAT KIND OF ZOMBIES DO THAT? It’s time to go to the archives.
All of their usual sources (Washington’s Diary, Franklin’s papers, Grace Dixon’s journal) come up short when they look for information about these creatures. Abbie sees how Ichabod is freaking out about Howe being resurrected and assures him that they will find something. “We always do.” PARTNERSHIP AT ITS FINEST. Ichabod relays to Abbie that he was once sent by Washington to kill Howe during the Invasion of Manhattan. In flashback, we see Crane sneak up on Howe and hold a gun to his head. “The question is: can you do it,” Howe taunts. “Can you kill a man in cold blood?” Proving that his hesitancy to kill Henremy and Katrina last season was no fluke, Ichabod was unable to pull the trigger when it counted the most. Howe’s group of soldiers burst in and Crane has to flee. I do like this bit of character consistency for Crane though…it asserts that he values LIFE and doesn’t kill easily, even when it’s his enemy. It’s going to be a constant Achilles heel for him in his duties as a witness.
Crane’s flashback DOES trigger a memory when he remembers that Howe held a strange-looking talisman. They discover that Howe’s soldiers are demons called the Draugur, which are basically nocturnal unstoppable Zombies that spend their days underground. A note from good ole GW in the margins reveals that the answer to defeating them lies in Howe’s primal tomb aka the first place he was buried. But where was that?? Abbie says they can call on their new friends at the Jeffersonian to analyze the bits of Howe’s remains that they still have in their possession to see if the particulates can identify his burial site. They are also on a time crunch cause it’s halloween and everyone and their mother will be out on the streets. ROAD TRIP TIME! (Also New York Snob time because seriously driving back and forth to Washington D.C. is NOT a short trip so IDK how IchAbbie managed to drive down there, do their investigating, and drive BACK to Sleepy Hollow by just past sunset. SCIENCE.)
Booth, Brennan, Abbie, and Ichabod do some late night snooping in the catacombs of the Capitol Building (“This isn’t just off the book, this is off the reservation.” – Seeley Booth, captain obvious) and find the tomb. Abbie opens the crypt with the help of Ichabod’s wedding ring (serving a good purpose for once) and the pyre that once held Howe’s body is revealed. THEN a divider comes barreling down from the ceiling, separating Brennan and Crane from Abbie and Booth. (Also, I love how we got so much time with the complementary partners together, but I do wish we had gotten time with the combos of Booth/Crane and Abbie/Brennan. Because while their ROLES in their respective partnerships may be opposites, those pairings are complementary emotionally and really I would have just loved a scene with Booth and Crane sitting around talking about their feelings like men. I digress.) On the IchaBrennan side of the divider, stakes start coming down from the ceiling. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Ichabod says. ME TOO, HAN SOLO. Blue fire shoots down from the ceiling. Ichabod names it as Greek Fire, a flame that cannot be extinguished. Brennan, with wide delighted eyes, says it’s napalm. We really all know that it is ACTUALLY FiendFyre because the Fathers needed it on hand to destroy Horcruxes. On the other side of the barrier, Abbie and Booth are trying to figure out how to free their partners. Abbie sees the lock and realizes that it’s like the lock she and Crane once faced when they were locked in a vault last season. She knows how to open it. Booth, who has no time for this nonsense, just shoots through it, and the barrier opens and the fire goes away. Brennan is freaking out over this historical discovery (BB, if you only knew what the Founding Fathers were actually up to) while Crane is filled with a sense of dread. He now knows the way the Draugur can be defeated…and it can only have disastrous consequences. They bid adieu to Booth and Brennan and when they get in the car, Crane tells Abbie that they are going to have to burn Sleepy Hollow to the ground. Excuse me?
So the thing with Greek fire is that it burns until it has destroyed everything in its path. When Washington realized that Howe was leading the Draugur in his cause, he sent Betsy Ross (yawn) to Manhattan armed with Greek Fire to destroy them. Thus, the great fire of Manhattan. Abbie deduces that if they lead the Draugur to the tunnels they will be able to take them out without destroying the town since the fire will be contained. Time to make the drive back to upstate New York in negative time! (Seriously, this was the perfect time to give us #CraneonaPlane, guys. They could not have made that roundtrip THAT FAST I AM SORRY.)
Back in Sleepy Hollow, the Halloween revels have begun. Pandora is wearing her lizard face because she is in the Holiday Spirit and terrifies a little girl who is most definitely dressed up as Cookie Lyon. Zombie!Howe joins her and she gives him his orders. “When the last sunbeam sets, slaughter.” The Draugur march through the Sleepy Hollow town square and everyone thinks this is just some kind of Halloween performance art because this IS Sleepy Hollow after all. They get into formation and are about to slaughter the gathered crowd when the Witnesses, having made the trip in record time, pull up and block all the gunfire with their car. “Let’s end this,” Crane declares, drawing his sword. Crane lures Howe and his army into the tunnels where Jenny and Joe are waiting with their handy new Greek fire guns. The Draugur is wiped out. His army gone, Howe, face to face with Crane one last time, decides to not give Crane the satisfaction of being able to kill him. He steps into the fire himself. It’s all very anticlimactic and reeks of the writers going “oh shit we tried to do too much in this episode, we gotta end it.” I felt that way about this entire plot, really. There was no sense of doom or real peril because the episode was flitting about from point to point instead of creating a very strong through line. Sorry guys, you know I criticize because I love. BE BETTER.
Back in her lair, Pandora declares Howe’s battle a valiant one. (Okay? Whatever helps you sleep at night, gurl.) She pets her tree, saying there is one more bud to blossom and we see that there is now a RED bud on the tree. “Love is what the victors bring,” she coos. To quote Temperance Brennan…”I don’t know what that means.”
This story was a mess, especially pacing wise. 2/10 Sandmen
So even though Abbie wants nothing to do with Daniel on a personal level for whatever reason we haven’t been told, she’s still in tune with Daniel enough to know that his work voice implies something big is going on, so she confronts him about it. She’s right. Daniel is finalizing the legalities involving an ongoing investigation of Cort Imports, which specializes in importing rare antiquities. While this may seem harmless, they are importing from the Middle East and other hostile regions and that’s not kosher. Daniel says that he’s planning on asking Abbie to be the task force coordinator, which would be a mega work victory for her. (Her face though, she’s so proud of herself and I’m proud of her and everyone is proud of each other.) “You’d have to pull me away from some of my other duties,” Abbie says with a grin and Danny makes a snide comment about pulling her away from time with her roommate. (This is what I mean…pick one dynamic or the other show. This is way too muddy, which is totally how it would be in real life, but I don’t watch television for real life.) “I think you know where my priorities lie,” Abbie says simply. I AM enjoying Abbie’s internal battle between her ambition and her duties as a Witness though. But for reals…where DO her priorities lie? When the shit hits the fan, I like to think she’ll choose her duties as a Witness.
Meanwhile in the Joe and Jenny realm of NO PERSONAL SPACE, they continue to investigate Sophie’s boss, who is still after the Shard of Anubis. (Between drinking enough picklebacks for Joe to master Jenny’s recipe, GO SHOPPING FOR HER, and bringing her chocolate just because he enjoys the company, that is. Seriously, you two. What are you doing to me?) Sophie’s boss is a man named Atticus Nevins…and Joe recognizes him from his childhood. Nevins is August’s old war buddy, a man Joe only knew as “Bull”. Both Joe and Jenny are shaken by the revelation that Corbin could have been involved with the seedy underworld of relic chasing (how does it get more seedy than chasing down relics to fight demons? Explain.). Jenny refuses to believe that Corbin was involved in anything nefarious. “If he was using me, I would have known it,” she says with determination. I just think she’s trying to convince herself that another father figure didn’t let her down.
(Also the ghost of August Corbin CONTINUES to loom large over this season…where are they going with this. Reminder that this scale will BREAK if he is alive and in hiding.)
Joe and Jenny track Sophie down to a bait shop, which Joe ALSO remembers from his childhood. They approach Sophie, just wanting to talk, but Sophie pulls a gun on them. “The BALLS on you two!” she exclaims. Joe, driven by his need to know the truth about his father, goes off book and offers Sophie the Shard in exchange for face time with Nevins. Jenny’s face = GOD DAMMIT, BOO. Joe’s face = Puppy that KNOWS he just made a mess and is waiting to get smacked on the nose. Sophie’s face = Smug. She agrees to Joe’s terms but not before rubbing their faces in it. “Funny thing…he told me to sit tight. That you’d show up on your own soon enough.” Um…clearly Nevins has been keeping tabs on them. But WHY? WHAT THE DAMN HELL IS HAPPENING I AM SO CONCERNED FOR JENNY MILLS, UNICORN PRINCESS. After Sophie leaves, Joe apologizes, promising that he won’t let anything bad happen to them. Famous last words. “Joe, in this world, that is not a promise you can make.” #ProtectJennyMills2K15
“What the HELL is going on here?” INDEED. 7/10 Golems.
EVERYONE AT THE JEFFERSONIAN SHIPS ICHABBIE. PASS IT ON.
What I loved so much about Ichabbie in the Bones episode was it gave us a chance to look at them from the perspective of outsiders. The crew at the Jeffersonian has no idea that Abbie and Ichabod are biblically destined life partners. They just see two VERY attractive people with obvious sexual tension and jump to conclusions. Probably because they lived through the eternal mating dance that was Booth and Brennan’s courtship. (Seriously…they were physically PAINFUL at times). The Bones writers most definitely know how to write cute shippy moments and you could tell that they were delighted to be given two shiny new toys named Abbie Mills and Ichabod Crane. It wasn’t so much how they wrote Ichabbie specifically, as there was nothing out of the ordinary, interaction wise. It’s in how they wrote OTHERS observing them that made it so delightful. Anyone that watches Bones knows that Temperance Brennan is not one to mince words or speak in flowery metaphors. She just calls things EXACTLY as she sees them, so when she recommends that Ichabod should be tapping that, you know she speaks the truth. And she is all about people getting laid, so really she’s just trying to help ease Ichabod’s obvious tension.
Besides, how else is one supposed to interpret the phrase “Our affinity for one another bears the ripest of fruit.”? COME ON NOW. Angela even goes as far to tell Hodgins that Ichabbie reminds her of Booth and Brennan and I don’t think she means in the partnership sense. She clearly means in the “OMG DO IT ALREADY” sense. Again…Angela lived through Booth and Brennan falling in love. She knows an OTP when she sees one. Booth and Brennan pick up on it too, as they rush out of the Founding Fathers when everyone has full cocktails just so they can give Ichabbie some alone time. Or they had to rush out because the unbearable sexual tension between their two new friends made THEM want to go rush out and do it in Brennan’s office. You know THAT happens on the regular.
Later, as they take a leisurely stroll through the mausoleum (as you do), Abbie brings up the idea of dating. Ichabod brushes it off, saying that he and Zoe are not “romantically entangled”, which really is his way of saying he’s already CURRENTLY entangled. (I COULD be reading into that. Shippers gonna ship.) Abbie gently points out that Ichabod is not ALLOWING himself to be entangled. It’s a fair point and I DO think it’s part of the reason Abbie is holding herself back when it comes to Crane. She knows he’s still not over what happened with Katrina and while she urges him to forget about her, she knows that he’s going to be a bit more wary with his heart going forward. (Though really Abbie…being a little judgey about being guarded romantically? Pot, meet Kettle.) She wants him to see that there are options out there. Love is not over for him. And if Zoe is the one to help him SEE that, Abbie is going to do all she can to make it happen. She doesn’t want to be Ichabod’s rebound from Katrina, anyway. So really…she’s shoving Zoe under the bus, if you think about it. But that still doesn’t mean that I am going to like this. Something about Zoe rubs me the wrong way, and it’s not just because she’s using “Crane on the Brain” for the caption on the creeper picture she took of him for her InstantGram. GURL. Locate your chill. He hasn’t even asked you out yet.
At the end of the episode, Abbie essentially puts Crane’s phone in his hand and forces him to call Zoe and ask her out, claiming that “she’s a good one”. Crane hesitates initially, but if there is anyone he trusts to vouch for someone’s character, it’s Abbie. Sage pointed out last week that Abbie holds all the power in this relationship. If she were to say to Crane that she wanted to be with him, there wouldn’t be an ounce of hesitation on his side. But she’s NOT saying it. Abbie Mills does not give her heart away easily and ALSO she’s clearly been burned romantically in the very recent past. (TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP WITH DANNY PLEASE.) The pain of Crane’s disappearance is ALSO fresh in her mind, so Abbie is not ready to take things to the next level with him, not while they are rebuilding the trust between them. It’s not time yet. Neither of them are in the place where they could WORK romantically…they would probably just muck it up and NO ONE wants to see that. If we’re still in this place by season 5 or 6 (GOD WILLING) THEN we can talk about the ridiculousness of them not being together. Not now. It’s not time.
But still…that doesn’t mean I’m enjoying this. Though “I would be honored to escort you to supper” is my new standard for being asked on a date.
Purely from the delight of seeing how the Bones writers wrote my babies, I bestow the crossover with 5/10 Fist Bumps.
Bones has always been known for its quippy humor, so all of the characters fit in perfectly with the Sass Dynamic. The sass was at its best whenever Ichabod and Brennan shared the screen because it was a constant battle of egos. Brennan and Ichabod always believe that they are the smartest people in the room, so naturally they would be both infuriated and intrigued by each other. They are both always sizing each other up, from Brennan’s “I am comfortable with either outcome” to Crane’s outright disdain for her staunch adherence to rational thought (“Her skepticism in interminable. She’d dismiss Moloch as a tall man with a skin condition.”). The Brennan/Crane pair is one that I NEVER thought would work and now I can’t imagine going a full season without seeing these two banter again. If we can manage to tighten up the story on the Sleepy end, I would be more than delighted for this crossover event to become an annual thing, if only for the sass.
7/10 Donut Holes of Sass, 4 of which go directly to Hodgins and Brennan.
Thoughts for the Archives
- Let’s take a moment to appreciate Abbie as Beyonce. I wish we could have seen Ichabod’s reaction to those shorts and to HER BOOBS.
- “You might say it is the realized dream of its namesake.” I’m in love with how in love Crane is with the Jeffersonian.
- “I have a close friend who went through something similar. He died, he came back, everything changed for him. He was never the same.” There was much debate as to WHO Abbie was referring to when she said this. Many thought she was talking about Ichabod, but that explanation doesn’t work for me because she didn’t knew Ichabod BEFORE everything changed on him. Some thought she was referring to Andy Brooks, but to me, Abbie didn’t care enough about him for that change to have much of an impact on HER. So FOR ME, the only person she could be talking about here is Frank Irving. Pour one out for Frank, everyone.
- Okay how about the way Ichabod reacted when Hodgins gave him a fist bump? He recoiled as if Hodgins had shocked him BECAUSE FIST BUMPS ARE HIS THING WITH ABBIE AND ONLY ABBIE.
- “Benjamin Franklin invented Sex on the Beach?” “He called it Fondle in the Forest.” God I wished they had shown Ichabod ordering that drink.
- “All up in your faces.”
- Crane’s “You do not believe in the grander mysteries” speech reminded me of John Keating’s “These are what we stay alive FOR” speech, making that the second time I have gotten major Dead Poets Society vibes this season. Ichabod would LOVE that movie. Also his “The way you look at Agent Booth is more than procreation” comment proves that Ichabod IS open to love and is aware of the need for it. Again, he’s just waiting for the right one.
What did you think of the crossover, SleepyHeads? Let us know in the comments! Sage will be your guide through “The Red Lady From Caribee” which looks fucking awesome.