We are officially in full swing! Nominees were named, vetoes were won, the Big Brother house is now a little emptier with the live eviction of our first houseguest. And no matter how long this show goes on, some things never change. This week, we saw alliances born with questionable names and showmances blossom into fresh targets on the lovebirds’ backs. We saw robots and pinwheels of doom meet their demise. Not to mention, Thursday’s live episode marked the 18th anniversary of the first episode of Big Brother, and why not commemorate that with a shakeup of eviction votes?
We’ve got a whole bunch of game to cover before going into the new HOH reign, so let’s get to it!
Sam’s trying to have one-on-ones with everyone as a robot and it’s not going great. There are volume issues, Bayleigh’s eating chips over her words, she starts arguing with Kaitlyn. And on top of it all, the 90s Nickelodeon kid in me just realized that she kind of sounds like Patty Mayonnaise from Doug, and I hate that I did this to myself. I will never unhear that.
Steve and Scottie join secret forces. I am definitely intrigued by this alliance, and I 10/10 would watch this buddy comedy.
Bayleigh with the hard truth about Swaggy C’s nickname. You can’t just give yourself a nickname and be like, “This is what people call me.” No. That’s not how any of this works. But it’s the name that’s in the main titles, so I guess I’m obligated?
Swaggy and Bayleigh start making out in bed even though they’re wary about a showmance, and Swaggy immediately regrets it. I mean, there’s always the option of…you know…not doing that in the first place. But to each their own.
In one of her stints as a human, Sam just straight up tells everyone they suck. Girl, I know that you’re fed up with this punishment, but please don’t make yourself a target right now. I actually like you a lot. You deserve a chance to really play this game.
Kaitlyn, Brett, Winston, and Scottie volunteer to be the first four Have-Nots of the season. Guys…don’t raise your hand for this. The whole point is to make you miserable and weaken your game.
We get to see the Have-Not room, and…I’ve seen better? Basically, they’re sleeping on discs that I guess are supposed to look like satellite dishes, but they have pillows. Compared to some years, they’re absolutely getting off easy…remember that time they had to sleep in that circle made of bumpy as fuck slant beds with no padding? They lightened up this season, and I definitely feel like I, personally, have slept on worse things in my life (thanks, college).
Everyone’s sick of Swaggy thinking he runs the house. Tyler considers putting an end to it by putting up…Bayleigh?…as a replacement nominee. Because when you have the opportunity to take a player out directly, the obvious response is, “Mmmm…pass.”
Guys, maybe Swaggy is going to be like Jozea was in BB18, where he basically thought he was Jesus in this game. Maybe he’ll meet the same swift fate, too. Because I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
More alliances have formed! We’ve got Brett, Rachel, Kaycee, Tyler, Winston, and Angela in “Level Six,” which is probably the most middle of the road alliance name I’ve heard in this game. I’m honestly not mad, because some these names can get ridiculous.
Brett, Faysal, Swaggy, and Winston enter into a “gentleman’s agreement.” So, basically, nothing. It’s nothing. No one’s going to honor that.
And then we have Faysal, Rockstar, Kaitlyn, Haleigh, Swaggy: F.O.U.T.T.E. (short for Five of Us ‘Til the End.) As in: “F.O.U.T.T.E., you stay.” Which is something that Katilyn legitimately said to sell this dumbass alliance name. No. You do not get to summon the power of RuPaul’s Drag Race just because you can’t think of anything good.
The BB App Store makes its debut. And I finally understand it now. But I’m already sick of having to hear adults say “Crap app” over and over again.
Okay, but App Store voice is super breathy and creepy. Can this be one of those twists that only lasts like three weeks? Because I don’t think I can do this for three months.
Faysal is the least trending houseguest and gets the crap app. We get a quick look at the available apps, and… holy shit, does that say “Hamazon?!”
(He actually picks Hamazon, which will send him packages of vegetarian ham that he has to eat immediately upon arrival all week.)
Sam is the top trending houseguest. I don’t know what the questions were because I still had no idea what the fuck the App Store was when voting happened? But I’m so glad she FINALLY got a damn break in this game. AND WHAT A BREAK IT IS. With Bonus Life, she gets the chance to return to the house if evicted during the first three evictions. By the fourth, whoever gets evicted automatically gets to come back.
DOORBELL! I got really excited for a twist before I realized that it was just a bunch of vegetarian ham for Faysal.
WAIT, THAT IS SO MUCH HAM, WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL, BIG BROTHER. No, this is actually disgusting. I thought this wouldn’t be that bad of a punishment, but this is legitimately worse than watching people trying to cook slop to make it at least a little appetizing.
Swaggy suggests that he and Bayleigh “detach” from each other to save their game. Yeah. Their game. It has nothing to do with wanting to back out of a showmance at all.
Bayleigh flips out about the potential to be a replacement nominee and confronts Tyler over SOMETHING THAT HASN’T EVEN HAPPENED YET. Like you haven’t played for the veto at this point, maybe don’t freak all the way out yet?
Tyler’s lying to Steve about not being the target to make him feel safe and is actually being pretty convincing. He’s honestly starting to work the other side of the house. Wait…does he know how to play this game? Who is this guy?
Tyler, Sam, Steve, Swaggy, Scottie, and Faysal play in the POV comp, and in the first round, you have to pick things out of a legitimate snake pit. A. LEGITIMATE. SNAKE. PIT. WITH REAL SNAKES THAT MOVE AND WRAP AROUND YOU AND SHIT. NO. That would be my cue to exit. Even if I was on the block. Some lines don’t ever need to be crossed in my lifetime.
Brett makes a joke about how he should be playing in the VimeBro comp because…wait for it…he’s a bro. Guys, the only time this dude is on camera is to boast about how much of a bro he is, so can we just not? Pick a better identity.
“As a bath aficionado…” You just keep peeling back your layers, Steve, and I’m actually kind of here for it.
So in addition to the snakes, they have to dive into ice cold water, get pummeled by paintballs, get shocked while they’re trying to balance balls, and drink things that taste like puke. I’m really glad Hypothetical Houseguest Me decided to tap out before this even started.
Faysal wins the POV and decides not to use it, which was completely expected. It’s the safe move, what are you gonna do?
HAPPY FIRST LIVE EVICTION, EVERYONE! This is what the summer is truly about: waiting through 8,000 commercials and a tedious live vote to see someone’s $500,000 dream get crushed forever.
I guess this Kaitlyn-Faysal-Haleigh triangle is a thing. Faysal and Haleigh are basically in a showmance, and Kaitlyn is extremely jealous because she was getting close to Faysal. So…that happened?
The audio cut out before the first commercial break of the first live eviction, so things are going great for the most high-tech season of the show right now.
*In my best Chenbot voice* By a vote of seven to six…Steve, you have been evicted from the Big Brother house. Kaitlyn flipped thanks to Faysal’s shiny new showmance. Whoops. So much for that Steve/Scottie buddy comedy. But my girl Sam lives to fight another day as a full-time human being, and for that, I am grateful.
“You would be like a narc in a rave.” First of all, this exit interview with Steve is producing some gems. Second of all, Rockstar nailed it.
“Being an undercover cop, why was it so hard to keep your mouth shut?” One of my favorite things in this world is when Julie Chen gives zero fucks during the exit interviews.
Holy shit, this HOH comp is taking forever. For real, don’t do one of these “Aim a ball into a really small hole” deals when there are 14 people in the running.
Kaitlyn is the new HOH. First she flipped the vote, now she has the title. This better be the crazy reign of power we all deserve to see.
What do you think about how week one played out? How do you think Kaitlyn’s HOH run will go? What will happen in the aftermath of the first eviction? Let’s talk in the comments.