If you’re even a casual reader of this website, you’ll know that we are Boy Band Trash to our very core. Our love for cute boys singing catchy pop songs is in our blood, in our DNA, in the very marrow of our bones. This week for Fan Vid Friday, as we watch the telenovela known as the “One Direction Hiatus” (*insert WE WERE ON A BREAK gif here*) we thought we’d take it back to one of our enduring loves: the Backstreet Boys. In this trying time, we thank them for being past their days of drama and simply providing us with tunes that will never fail to bring a smile to our faces. KTBSPA. — Kim
Rose and Nine – “The One”
Sage: Unless the Backstreet Boys’ next album (WHERE IS IT) includes a song about flying the TARDIS with the parking brake on, “The One” will always reign as the band’s most Doctor Who-ish track. “I guess you were lost when I met you.” That could be the Doctor talking about any of his companions OR strike that reverse it: any of his companions talking about HIM.
Kim: This is about Rose and Nine though, OMG. She’ll be the one who will make all his sorrows undone. She’ll be the light when he feels like there’s nowhere to run. *cries forever*
Fox Mulder – “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely”
Sage: You guys remember when Dana Scully got abducted and Fox Mulder LOST HIS DAMN MIND?
Kim: Sometimes you find a song and a story arc that fit so perfectly you want to set yourself on fire. This is one of those times. TELL ME WHY CAN’T I BE WHERE YOU ARE?
Jamie and Claire – “Drowning”
Sage: We’re talking Jamie and Claire, so it might go without saying that this Backstreet fan vid is not safe for work. Unless you work as that guy in Love Actually, the second AD who gets to deliver directions to the body doubles. Related: I picture that guy behind the scenes shouting commands at the Outlander actors. (“We need to know when we’re gonna see, um, the nipples? And when we’re not.”)
Kim: “Every time I breathe I take you in and my heart beats again. Baby, I can’t help it. Keep me drowning in your love.” = “Does it ever stop? The wanting you?” This song is so Jamie and Claire it HURTS. Maybe she’s a drifter…maybe not. Also note to the Outlander showrunners: MORE SEX IN SEASON THREE PLEASE. For serious, if I don’t get a 45 minute sex scene when they are reunited, I’m burning Utica to the ground.
Jim and Pam – “Helpless When She Smiles”
Sage: Jim Halpert has the heart of the most sincere boy band love ballad. He lives in that world, so this is not a stretch. Kudos for including the post-Jinx “Hi,” which still gives me the butterflies.
Kim: If “Helpless When She Smiles” doesn’t describe the schmoopy heart eyes Jim Halpert sports every time he looks at Pam, then I know nothing. Also John Krasinski’s stupid face can get right the fuck off this planet and LET ME LIVE.
Harry Potter – “Larger Than Life”
Sage: The series did take place circa the late ’90s, so head canon accepted that there were a few copies of Millennium strewn around every house common room.
Kim: The vidder gets REAL clever with clips and lyrics in this and I love it. I love the Ron/Hermione at the Yule Ball to “Can’t you see? Can’t you see?” And the dueling during the instrumental break! Glorious.
Daniel and Betty – “What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful)”
Sage: I never watched this show (I know, I’m sorry), but this is super presh. However, I do not understand this man’s hair. BUT: BSB deep cut! Respect.
Kim: THIS IS SO SWEET I JUST GOT CAVITIES IN ALL MY TEETH. But seriously, Daniel always saw Betty’s beauty and now I really miss this show.
Disney Couples – “Shape of My Heart”
Sage: I LOVE how the editor does a bit of cutting back and forth between princesses and their guys, but we get little vignettes for the featured ones too.
Kim: “Shape of My Heart” is one of my FAVORITE BSB songs and it’s used to perfection here. Side note, I noticed it then and I noticed it now and I will NEVER get over the blatant bedroom eyes Ariel is giving Prince Eric when they are in the rowboat. Down, girl. This is a children’s movie. *Harry Voice* OR IS IT?
Amy and Rory – “Soldier”
Sage: Ladies, if you have a Rory in your life, marry him immediately. You’ll go through all the more exciting options, get clobbered, and come back to him eventually. Just…save yourself the stress. (Unrelated: WHERE is my Stucky video to this song? “When you’ve heard those lies, you need someone to make you believe. Make you belieeeeeeeveeee.”)
Kim: I was SO DELIGHTED when I found this because “Soldier” is a fantastic cut from the “In A World Like This” album, which proves that BSB can still crank them out, no matter what critics say. (Seriously, I want to tear my hair out every time a news story breaks that BSB is coming back. They never went away, fuckers. I also imagine this is how Sage always reacts re: Hanson.) I digress. There isn’t enough love out there for Rory Williams and this song matches his arc SO PERFECTLY. “And when your heart is getting colder, you know I will always be your soldier.” HE PROTECTED HER FOR 2000 YEARS Y’ALL.
Mulder and Scully – “Incomplete”
Sage: Kim, quick question: why do you want me dead?
Kim: Because I’m in hell and I miss you. Obviously.
Meredith and Derek – “I Still”
Sage: I jumped the Grey’s ship long ago, but this is one of THE best latter-day BSB songs. So I’m just bopping along, enjoying the pretty doctors.
Kim: I’m a lifer when it comes to Grey’s Anatomy. As I always say…if the Ghost Denny story didn’t put me off the show, nothing will. Even when I yell and scream at Shonda Rhimes, I ALWAYS come back. Anyway. Early Meredith and Derek was the SHIT. It was so painful and so wonderful all at the same time. And agreed, Sage. “I Still” is one of their best and most under-appreciated. (Psssssst the “Never Gone” album is BSB’s best overall album, pass it on.)
Magic Mike XXL – “I Want It That Way”
Sage: OKAY. You want to talk about this scene? LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS SCENE. Broadly, Magic Mike XXL was the purest, merriest, most validating movie of last year, and I will never tire of it. And this mini-strip show is a representational slice of the rest of that glorious pie. There’s nothing random about the song choice. I’m a well-read boy band fan, and I’ve watched as many a music critic has tried to explain the undeniable appeal of “I Want It That Way.” No one ever has. Why does it make people so happy? Why does everyone (kids, old ladies, grown-ass men) drop whatever they’re doing when they hear it so they can passionately belt out that nonsensical chorus? “I Want It That Way” is silly and broad, but it has the proven and interminable ability to MAKE PEOPLE SMILE. Just like our hunky, sincere male entertainers. So when Ritchie’s friends dare him to rediscover his confidence by making a bored woman’s day, he couldn’t have chosen a more fitting soundtrack himself. TELL ME WHY-Y.
Kim: Listen, there is a reason that “I Want It That Way” is one of the most perfect pop songs ever created and its all the reasons that Sage listed. What’s so beautiful about Magic Mike XXL is that it was MADE for women and it celebrates the female gaze. These guys live for making women happy and they live for celebrating sexuality. This whole scene could have easily come off as creepy because come on, how many of us have dealt with the whole “come on, smile, you’re so much prettier if you do” thing? Ritchie’s dance is not about that. Sure, he wants to make her smile but it’s not about getting with her or about a means to an end. That is all the difference, my friends.
Do YOU have a favorite BSB fan video that we missed? What’s your favorite BSB song? Can you find a music video where ALL FIVE of them look amazing because LBR someone ALWAYS ruins it look-wise? Let us know in the comments.