“You are tacky and I hate you.” – Oscar Fashion Post

Posted By Maggie with commentary from Kim and Sage

The show went until after midnight and we are exhausted.  Let’s get right to the fashion, shall we?

The Best Dressed

1) Rosamund Pike

Maggie: FINALLY. This is the flawless queen I knew she could be. I have been praying for her to wear a red Oscar gown for weeks, but I had no idea that she would come through so beautifully for me. This look is not without its nitpicks (I could have done with a less matchy shoe, it’s a lot of slit), but look at that gorgeous neckline. The details around her waist. The subtle styling, she’s letting the rich red and texture of the gown do the work. I’m in love.

Kim: On behalf of Rosamund’s breasts, which have been tormented all season, I thank this dress for doing right by them. I loooooooooooove the corsetry detail.  You can tell by the way she carried herself that she felt like a million bucks.  I think a bracelet would have taken this to the next level but after the train wreck she’s been, I have nothing else to complain about regarding this look.  Nailed it.

Sage: The matchy shoe is a little pageant-like, but the style is actually what this gown needed. After the Hollywood wet-head epidemic at the SAGs, I also appreciate an updo with a little softness and volume. If Juli hadn’t been in the race, I think Rosamund would have been a serious contender this year. And she finally looks like one.

2) Anna Kendrick

Maggie: Now this is the type of pink gown Anna can work. I love this shade of pink on her, the jewels complement it perfectly, and it fits her like a dream. That keyhole. I wasn’t a big fan of the princessy gown she wore to the Golden Globes and I think it’s because this shape suits her so well, while still being feminine and soft.

Kim:I love the salmon color.  I think the dress overall is a little safe, but the fit is impeccable and this is how you do tasteful underboob.

Sage: It feels weird to agree with a Kardashian of any stripe, but I have to echo Khloe’s views on this dress: the color just isn’t Oscar. If Anna had worn this to a premiere or Critics Choice or another less formal affair, it would have been much more impactful. The fit is bangin’, though.

3) Dakota Johnson

Maggie: Every time Dakota was on-screen, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. This is another beautiful red, another dress fitted to perfection, but look at the one shoulder detail. I love it and it set her apart so well. I don’t think her lipstick worked perfectly, but I did like her simple ponytail. I just wish for her more roles like Kate Fox in the dearly departed Ben and Kate, as opposed to 50 Shades (of creepy interviews for the rest of your career).

Kim: The dress is FYNE but I really just want to talk about how Christian Grey spanked any form of personality out of her.  SHE IS SO BORING IN INTERVIEWS NOW. Rosamund should steal her bracelet.

Sage: The chocolate brown dye-job suits her just fine, especially paired with this fire engine red. Now if she could only siphon off a little color for her bored and boring attitude.

4) Margot Robbie

Maggie: This look isn’t what I was expecting from Margot, so it threw me for a minute. But the more I look at it, the more I like it. She looks so comfortable and so at ease. How do you wear a black gown with long sleeves and still look so youthful? Love the hair, LOVE the red lip, and the necklace was such a unique and savvy choice.

Kim: Her lips are FLAWLESS.  I’m getting a young Michelle Pfeiffer vibe from her here.  Also her after-party dress is spectacular.

Sage: Remember that show Swingtown? That was a good show. I’m all for re-purposed ’70s chic. And since Margot Robbi looks 24/7 like she stepped out of a Spiegel catalog circa 1979, she does it best.

5) America Ferrera

Maggie: This Jenny Packham dress is stunning and I love her in it. THIS COLOR. (And it’s a little ombre, no?) And that belt! Now, I wasn’t a fan of the earrings and I think she could have stepped up her hair game, but overall I think she looks lovely.

Kim: I love the ombre and the flowyness of the dress.  The lining and the seam around her boobs bug me.  I wish her boobs were a little more supported.  But you done good, Betty Suarez.

Sage: It’s a little prom-y. I feel like America usually goes more structured, which lends a sophistication to her soft curls and baby face. I would totally vote for her for the court though.

6) Anna Faris

Maggie: Look at this precious sparkle princess of love and light. This gown is so flattering on her and she looks amazing with those loose blond locks. I feel happy just looking at her. If we ever learn that she and Chris Pratt are anything less than the down-to-earth angels we know them to be, I will burn Utica to the ground.

Kim: I mean let’s face it…anyone would sparkle like that with Chris Pratt on their arm.  This dress is like a perfect disco ball and she obviously loves it.  Her face and hair are ON POINT.  She just glows.  A+, Anna.

Sage: Grown-up sparkle and a date with Star Lord. If I didn’t like her so much, I’d hate her.

7) Scarlett Johansson

Maggie: This is all I wrote in my notes for ScarJo: BOSS BITCH LIKE WHOA. Can you blame me? Look at her! So fierce, yet so elegant. When are we getting our Black Widow movie, again??

Kim: SHE JUST HAD A BABY. Forever envious of her curves and I am a sucker for Green. Talk about OWNING your look.

Sage: ScarJo looks like she could have Natasha-ed John Travolta and his wandering hands on the red carpet without even nicking her manicure. I kind of wish she had.

8) Lupita Nyong’o

Maggie: All Lupita has to do is show up to make it into my top ten, and my heart, apparently. I love the risks that she takes and this gown is definitely a little out of the box, yes? Let’s be honest, she’s the only woman there who could pull it off — and pulling it off, she is. And as usual, her styling and makeup is on point.

Kim: Sage and I flailed for several minutes about the fact that she was wearing strands of pearls as a dress.  I love it so much.  The eye make-up is spectacular.  I just want her to play Aida…can she sing?  She already IS a flawless and strong Nubian Princess.

Sage: The entire industry is clamoring to dress this woman, yet she always gets it right. She looked like the inside of a rich, old lady’s jewelry box and it was everything.

9) Robin Roberts

Maggie: Stunning. Head to toe. She could teach Giuliana and her gang over at E! a thing or two.

Kim: I unabashedly love Robin Roberts.  What I love about this gown is that it is spectacular and sparkly but at the same time does not pull focus from the celebrities that she is interviewing.

Sage: Robin Roberts is a treasure, and the ONLY PERSON who should be interviewing anyone on the red carpet. She looks spectacular in this color and radiates confidence and ease.

10) Jessica Chastain

Maggie: This blue looks insane with her ginger hair (good insane, obvi) and I love the sparkle on the bodice. And will you look at how perfectly this gown shows off her hourglass figure?

Kim: Her body is banging.  Her boobs look a LITTLE smushed.  Her hair is so sleek and glossy and the navy showcases the ginger hair and her complexion perfectly.

Sage: This gown read mother-of-the-bride to me. A crazy hot mother-of-the-bride, but a mother-of-the-bride nonetheless. I think it’s the drape.

Best Dressed Man: Common

Maggie: Hands-down my favorite man of the night. I really liked the velvet jacket, and that white bowtie looked amazing. A few different men tried to pull off the white/off-white combo with shirts and jackets, which I can’t stand, but it totally worked in the smaller detail of the bowtie. Bonus, he just really seems like one of the nicest and most genuine people who had to talk to Ryan Seacrest last night.

Kim: 10/10 would bang.

Sage: Could get it. 100%. Next.

Worst Dressed

1) Marion Cotillard

Maggie: I didn’t like the shape or texture of this gown. It was just a complete miss for me, although I thought her makeup and earrings were lovely.

Kim: From the front, I loved this.  POLKA DOTS.  But the back…I didn’t see it until I was gathering images for this post.  It looks like a poop bag that the Central Park Carriage horses wear.  Why would anyone want a saggy fabric bag hanging from their ass?

Sage: I love Marion in white. She’s already so ethereal. But the volume was overwhelming her. It just didn’t photograph well.

2) Lorelai Linklater

Maggie: I can’t even address this. I don’t know, I hope she had a great night and felt beautiful but she and I clearly have completely opposite tastes because to me, this gown is just a hot mess.

Kim: I wonder what her father said when she picked this.  No.

Sage: I dig the shoes. (Also, I shudder to think what I would have picked for a red carpet when I was her age. She gets a pass.)

3) Naomi Watts

Maggie: This pains me, you guys. She’s one of my FAVES. But this is just not working for me. I don’t like this silver/white/black pattern and I haaaaaaaate that black tube top.

Kim: I keep wondering if this would have worked without the sparkly black bandeau.  The bib top is too small and the pattern looks like the gown is bunching up in the middle.  You were so close to being our season MVP, Naomi.

Sage: When she first showed up on camera, I gasped with delight. I love Naomi’s take on glitz, and even the bandeau didn’t offend me. The spaghetti strap, high neck top calls to mind the early ’00s, though. And unless we’re discussing boy bands, that’s rarely a good thing.

4) Gina Rodriguez

Maggie: Let’s start with the good: I really loved the color on TV, although I think it photographed more blue than green? And I admire her for choosing, and promoting, eco-friendly fabric. The fabric isn’t the problem at all, the design of the dress is just kind of matronly? And when combined with the updo, I just feel like it reads old and boring which just feels wrong for this new fresh face.

Kim: For the love of GOD, gurl, show some cleavage.  The high neck makes her look broad, which she most definitely is not.  Also the sheen of the fabric looks cheap.

Sage: You’ll loooooove David’s Briiiiiidaaaaalll…

5) Felicity Jones

Maggie: Now, in my humble opinion, Felicity went too princess. It’s a fine line. I didn’t like the pearl beading and I hated the shape of her skirt — the whole effect of the gown just made her look bigger. I mean, why the gathers of fabric at each hip? (Compare to Anna Faris and how flattering the skirt of her gown was.)

Kim: I loved it, sorry not sorry.  Her bangs look fantastic. (But Anna DOES win the battle of the silver dresses)

Sage: First of all, mod styling is always so gorgeous on her big, blue eyes and brow-skimming fringe. She’s rocking a nice, cool, difficult-to-wear shade, and the ruching flattered her. I gotta disagree with our expert on this one.

Worst Dressed Man: David Oyelowo

Maggie: This one pains me too because you have to give men who try to mix it up some credit, but all I see when I look at David Oyelowo is Jennifer Aniston’s red menswear at the Critics Choice Awards. Right?!

Kim: It is the exact same tux.

Sage: Wait, are we starting a rumor? I’m into it.

Maggie’s Superlatives

Can you ever just be whelmed?: Julianne Moore and Reese Witherspoon, tie.

Maggie: Okay, I admit: My expectations for both of these ladies were sky-high because they’ve been knocking it out of the park all season long. So I don’t know what either of them could have chosen that would have met expectations, but these are just… whelming.

Kim: Juli’s dress is a full on Monet, because I LOVE it from this angle (and the Oscar looks awesome with it).  I love her hair but I wish she had saved the spectacular green dress from the SAGs for this. Reese looks so good in color, so I don’t get why she’s only done white or silver all season, BAFTA dress aside. This dress DOES show off her shape though.

Sage: Reese played it safe, but effortless and classic seemed to be her theme this year. Juli’s made me wish for more, but who am I to argue with a woman with a husband that hot?

Best Red Carpet Couple: Team Arquette. I thought it was adorable that Rosanna walked the red carpet with Patricia and it warmed my heart to see how tightly Patricia’s boyfriend held her hand because you could tell she was nervous. Team Arquette was just really sweet, you guys.

Whitest Sneakers Dundie Award: Jared Leto. They totally went with his 80s groomsman look (right down to the boutonniere).

She’s not like a regular mom, she’s a cool mom: Gwyneth Paltrow. She looks like Regina George’s mom at Regina George’s wedding.

Bitch Stole My Look: Ansel Elgort and Eddie Redmayne

Kim: Eddie wins.

Sage: Ansel’s is a little more TARDIS blue, which normally I’d be in favor of. But this is the Oscars, kid. Eddie wins, for being the most precious (navy) blueberry.

The “I’ll Drink to that” Fabulous Broad: Melanie Griffith

Kim: EVERYBODY RISE!

Worst Makeup: Jennifer Lopez. I wasn’t a fan of the gown because it was just such an of course moment for her, but the bubble gum pink lipstick really clashed. Once you saw it, you couldn’t unsee it.

Worst Hair (Women): Faith Hill

Here’s the thing: Faith’s dress was pure glam mermaid, which is right up my alley. But the flattened pixie did nothing for her and totally ruined the look.

Worst Hair (Men): Richard Linklater

Kim: I humbly submit Tim McGraw’s horrible plugs/toupee for this award.

Sage: It’s a toss-up!

Toe Pick!: Giuliana Rancic.

Now, I loved seeing Giuliana in this shade of red but you can’t deny this look was allllllll figure skater.

I’ll Be There For You! When the Rain Starts to Pour!: Emma Stone and Jennifer Aniston. I DID NOT EVEN KNOW THEY WERE FRIENDS, YOU GUYS.

Kim: Everyone loves Gal Pal Rachel Green.

Sage: Shout-out to Emma’s wavy bob.

Best Arm Candy: Ryan Piers Williams. America Ferrera’s husband was taking photos of her with his phone while she did red carpet interviews and it was just really cute.

Kim: Her dress works better for me here.

Sage: With a cute boy attached to it? Okay, Kim. 😉

Worst Print: Keira Knightley. This dress looks like the pretentious French cousin of her Golden Globes dress.

Sage: She’s an Earth Mother to be. I was expecting something like this and therefore, am cool with it.

Statement-est Necklace: Cate Blanchett

#askhimmore: Ethan Hawke. He came up with a great answer when Ryan Seacrest told him Boyhood was President Obama’s favorite movie of the year and asked what he thought resonated with the president. And no, I have no idea who Ethan was wearing.

I Cannot With This Bitch No Matter What She Wears: Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting*

The greatest people you will ever meet…Laura and Bruce Dern.

This supportive and loving father and daughter duo were so charming on the red carpet (and that’s coming from someone who’s still creeped out by Bruce’s character on Big Love). And the turquoise ring that Laura wore in honor of Cheryl Strayed’s mother Bobbi, who she portrayed in Wild? Get out of here, it’s raining on your face.

…and the worst: Ryan Seacrest.

He was way too into asking Dakota Johnson about which props she kept from 50 Shades of Grey, you guys. It was so creepy and gross and just plain uncomfortable.

*No, she didn’t attend. I accept this honor on her behalf.

That’s it for the Oscars!  Everyone thank Maggie for doing an amazing job all Awards season!!  She’ll be back next week to do a season wrap-up post!  Until then, leave your thoughts in the comments.