“Did I say ‘murder’? I meant to say ‘marriage.'” – Sherlock Recap

Sherlock John Hug Sign of Three

Season 3, Episode 2: The Sign of Three
Posted by Sage

Dearly beloved.

We are gathered here today to watch this man, THIS man, and this woman firmly establish themselves as the finest adventuring trio since three little Gryffindors knocked out a mountain troll in the girls’ bathroom.

During “the dark times,” as the two-year hiatus must be known, the Sherlock fandom had to survive on crumbs of information. In the summer of 2012, Gatiss and Moffat gave us three, one-word clues to Series 3: “rat,” “wedding,” and “bow.” While two of those were infuriatingly cryptic, it was a decent bet that “wedding” would refer to the canonical nuptials of John Watson and Mary Morstan. That celebration was never “seen” in Conan Doyle’s stories. And, while I don’t agree with Moffat very often, I have to echo his childhood frustration with Sir Arthur keeping what must have been one hell of an interesting party “off-camera.” Everybody loves a wedding. Especially a wedding that has Sherlock Holmes YouTubing serviette tutorials.

Sherlock Sign of Three Mary John Wedding

It may have been John and Mary tying the knot, but the wedding itself was The Sherlock Holmes Show. They didn’t seem to mind much. No one minds when the overactive ring bearer runs onto the floor and interrupts the first dance or gets a little icing on the Maid of Honor’s dress, do they? They just let the little guy have a good time and tucker himself out. Sherlock showed unusual self-awareness when he assured an expectant John and Mary that they’ve already had plenty of practice parenting him.

The structure of this episode milked every last drop of goodness from throwing your characters a big ol’ church wedding. (I don’t know what a linear episode of Sherlock would even look like and I don’t think I want to.) We got it all – from a Johnlock perspective, of course – from the Best Man ask to the stag night to the episode’s centerpiece: Sherlock’s toast. That toast, just so you know, only put into words the love for John Watson that figures into every one of Sherlock’s actions in “The Sign of Three.”

Sherlock With your number

“Highly functioning sociopath. With your number.”

With Sherlock composing wedding waltzes and threatening Mary’s admirers, how can we reconcile this man with the one who callously threw himself back into John’s life with barely an apology for his absence? Simply this: Sherlock knew how he felt about John. He hadn’t the slightest idea that John felt the same about him. He truly did not know. The concept that he is someone’s best mate literally breaks him for a moment. (“Yeah, it’s getting a bit scary now.”) He usually can’t stop yammering. Now, he can’t even speak. He drinks eyeball tea. And it’s “surprisingly okay.”

Sherlock Sign of Three It Is

“This is the biggest and most important day of my life.”

From that moment, the Best Man is full-steam ahead to give John Watson the wedding he deserves. Look at my precious angel, sitting in a pile of napkins shaped like the Sydney Opera House, insisting, “That just sort of…happened.” Or helping Mary sort out the seating for the friendly and unfriendly relatives. And we can’t forget about him pretending not to notice John sneaking extra shots on their private (!) stag night.

You heard me .There’s no way Mr. Consulting Detective didn’t realize that the groom-to-be was dismantling the hangover-free alcohol consumption plan he’d carefully constructed with Molly Hooper. (Sidenote: Though she was offended for a moment that Sherlock assumed that she had “practical” experience with drink, Molly is the most normal and social of any of these weirdoes, so it was a good call.) He knew it. He just thought: “Sod it. I’m getting drunk with my best friend.”Also, a beer-meter didn’t work for William in Can’t Hardly Wait and he was a also a genius. Don’t challenge the beer gods to a fight. You will not win.

Sherlock Drunk i know ash

“I have no legs!”

And thank goodness for that. John Watson’s stag night will go down in my personal TV-watching history as one of THE most delightful sequences ever to reach my eyes and ears. A DUBSTEP SHERLOCK THEME was composed for this, for heaven’s sake. There’s no bad mood that cannot be immediately cured by Holmes and Watson narrowly avoiding a bar fight only to end up cuddled and giggling on the Baker Street staircase before getting burned for being total lightweights by their sweet, old landlady. And let’s appreciate the “Sticky Head” game that they play, not just for the lolz (“Am I the current king of England?”), but also for the immense amount of flirting going on.

Sherlock John am I a pretty lady

You can read it as overtly romantic and sexual if you like, but I’m just impressed that a show like this allows a (at least outwardly) platonic male pair to be this physically close without qualification or excuse. Yes, John does tend to exasperatedly announce to certain characters that he actually IS straight, thank you very much. You can’t blame him for being frustrated with Mrs. Hudson, since she insists on ignoring him and living in her own reality where Johnlock are totally doing it all the time. (Can’t blame her either.) What matters to me is that he never feels the need to make that announcement when he’s putting his little feet on Sherlock’s chair or grabbing hold of his knee to keep from sliding to the floor or – apparently – practicing his wedding waltz with him. They are close, in a way that female friends have been allowed to be forever.

Sherlock the game is something

It just gets better when a client (“Nurse?? Cardigan?”) shows up and we’re treated to some drunken deducing. Unable to resist the case of the ghost boyfriend, Sherlock and John go “clueing for looks.” And we find out that Sherlock’s the kind of super-genius who forgets the word for “chair” if he’s shit-faced enough. Playing drunk isn’t easy, though it looks to be so. Though I’m appreciating his face on a near daily basis at this point, I’m especially fond of Martin “Fuck you, I’ve won a BAFTA” Freeman’s expression when John expects a high five for remembering the words “crime scene.”

Sherlock John high five

“Up top! No?”

Having royally bombed that one, the case Sherlock brings up in his Best Man speech features more sobriety and less vomit. It is, however, still unsolved. Out of all the stories he could have shared, Sherlock Holmes – who can’t stop going on about his international reputation even when he can’t remember what it’s for – chose “The Bloody Guardsman.” He chose the case where he failed and John – who always keeps him right – did something extraordinary.

“John, I am a ridiculous man. Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship.”

Sherlock’s speech was everything we hoped: awkward, poignant, and a fitting tribute to John and to Mary. He did it. He manned-up and joined the world officially, with all of his friends looking on. I’ve seen criticism that wonders why these people stick with him, despite his many faults. But there’s an aspect to friendships and romantic relationships that those critics are ignoring, and that is: are you needed? Everyone wants to feel that. And those closest to him know that Sherlock, despite his natural inclination to shut people out, needs them very much. Looking on while he takes off his “highly functioning sociopath” security blanket, Mrs. Hudson and Molly and Lestrade aren’t just reacting to what’s happening between him and John, they know they were all a part of this.

Sherlock Let's play murder

Check out John in the background – “Gettin’ real tired of your shit, Sherlock.”

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“I choose to forge my fate with you.” – Sleepy Hollow Recap

Posted by Kim

Sleepy Hollow 1 x 12

“The Indispensible Man”

Well then, Sleepy Heads.

As I watched the finale, I harkened back to the roundtable at New York Comic Con (remember how THAT happened) where I asked Alex Kurtzman if he had any fears about losing the fan base over the extended hiatus between seasons one and two of Sleepy Hollow.  “Not if we do our job,” he replied.

Well.  They most CERTAINLY did their job, did they not?  I spent most of the last 7 minutes of the finale yelling at my television and watching the clock with one eye, gauging how much time we had left and trying to figure out just how FUCKED our beloved heroes were.  The answer?  So very fucked.  I know we shouldn’t complain, given that the Sherlock fandom had to wait two years to learn just how Sherlock faked his death, but the fact that we have to wait until September to learn the fate of Ichabod, Abbie, and company is just CRUEL.

As the finale was technically 2 separate episodes, I’m breaking the recap into 2  posts.   TWICE the Sleepy, TWICE the fun!


Ichabod Crane may have trouble adjusting to many things in the modern world, but one thing he DOESN’T have a problem with?  Tech Envy.   Ichabod and EVERYTHING about his phone provided most of the sass in this episode from his outgoing voicemail message (“Please leave your name and rank…”) to his true outrage over his obsolete flip phone.   Because really…who still HAS a flip phone, other than my friend T.J. and many parents (according to Twitter)?  Apparently the Sleepy Hollow Police Department.  Ichabod still uses the constant need to upgrade our technology as a way to sneer at our “laissez-faire society”…but that doesn’t keep him from lusting after Abbie Abbie’s phone.  His little pout when he says “Well you’ve got one”?  Priceless.

Also in this episode: Ichabod discovers emoticons (not impressed) and auto-correct.  More on THAT in the shippy section, for Abbie’s face related reasons.

Abbie eventually relents and lets Ichabod BORROW her iPhone to see if he could use it, which lead to a moment that left me seal-clapping on my couch:

Siri IS pretty useless, Ichabod.  And she won’t unlock your vehicle from afar.  Yolanda clearly wins.  All my love to the Sleepy writers for making this callback to one of the funniest moments of the season.

Wonderful cell phone shenanigans aside, the other moment that brought the sass was Ichabod’s confusion about Facebook friends.  It’s understandable.  I have 560 Facebook friends myself, and sometimes I marvel at the fact that I “know” that many people.  Are they all my real FRIENDS?  Certainly not, with my apologies to random people I meet and become Facebook friends with and never see in real life again.  Aristotle WOULD be appalled at how loosely we define “friend” these days.

Ichabod: How is it you have 500 friends? I had only seven close companions. Four of them died, and those were good odds.

Abbie: We use the term ‘friend’ more loosely these days.

Ichabod: Aristotle would be most unimpressed.

Abbie: Yeah? Well he’s dead too.

I will NEVER tire of Abbie’s snarky responses to Ichabod’s name dropping.  Obviously Ichabod didn’t know Aristotle, but who regularly drops his name in conversation?  Ichabod Crane, Esquire, that’s who.

For the “It’s Obsolete!” moment alone, I give the Sass in this episode 9/10 Donut Holes

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The 15 Best Things said on The Bachelor, Week 4

Posted by Kim

Greetings, Bachelor fans!  My guest blogging stint at The Bachelor Bracket continues as I take you though week 4 of Juan Pablo’s “adventure”. (Anyone else love Juan Pablo’s distaste for The Bachelor‘s favorite word “journey”? Only me?)

This week Juan Pablo and his Harem journeyed (whoops, there I went and used that word!) to South Korea, a land where apparently they only eat crazy food, sing karaoke ALL THE TIME, and only wear neon clothing.

Tears were shed, kisses were kissed, and wonderful soundbites were said. Let’s get to this week’s highlights!

“Out of the states and into a whole new world.” – Elise

Obviously, I started singing this after Elise said that.

“I don’t have to share a lot of things at home, like my boyfriend.” – Nikki

I was wondering when the “Juan Pablo is MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!” declarations would start in earnest. Also, I find it highly amusing that EVERY SEASON the girls seem to be SHOCKED that they have to share The Bachelor of the month. Have you WATCHED the show??

“If there were a sign that said “I’M THE BEST AT THIS!!!” I’m sure she would put it on her forehead.” – Nikki on Kat

Seriously, if looks could kill, Kat and her fly dance moves, would be six feet under. Nikki was shooting some serious DAGGERS. Was Kat drawing attention to herself? Sure. But at least she was having FUN unlike Nikki, who despite saying she wasn’t going to pout, did nothing BUT pout.

“I hope we’re performing for the South Korean school of the blind.” – Nikki

Honestly, I could have filled this whole post with Nikki’s bitchy comments. I found this one particularly amusing 🙂

“You can’t get what you want by being fake. It doesn’t work that way.” – Nikki

So says one of the faker ladies on the show.

Read the rest at The Bachelor Bracket!

“You can’t escape City Hall, fool. Let’s dance.” – Parks and Recreation Recap

Parks and Rec I invented this parks game

Parks and Recreation
Season 6, Episode 11: New Beginnings
Season 6, Episode 12: Farmer’s Market
– Posted by Sage

Well, sorry for freaking everybody out, I guess. I’ve been commenting all season about how these episodes feel like the lead up to a series finale and then Parks goes and gets itself a seventh season order. Try as it might to replace “fringe” shows like Parks and Community with brainless broad comedy, NBC has failed spectacularly. Thus, we’ve got at least another year to spend in Pawnee and hopefully the first half of the great Greendale prophecy will be fulfilled. #sixseasonsandamovie, let us pray.

Parks and Recreation Give me special treatment

“New Beginnings” was a return to early series form in a lot of ways, as newly unseated Leslie insisted on interviewing with Ron for her old job. It wasn’t made explicitly clear in “Second Chunce” that she would be reclaiming the Deputy Director gig, so it felt good to see Les-Kno leading a good ol’ fashioned conference room meeting, even if she’s missed out on some inside jokes since she’s been running interference between Jamm and total world domination. Her little ducklings have grown and though, like a “classic border collie,” Leslie seeks to regain the control she once wielded over the department, she must accept the decisions of the Spirit Dog Committee and move on.

Her first test in letting go lies with Tom Haverford, Pawnee’s new Business Liaison. Tom’s hit the ground running and has solicited a juice company to take over the Lafayette Park Stand being vacated by a retiring Hot Stu and his hot stews. As he prepares his presentation for committee, Leslie repeatedly tries to force her “Project Preparedness Super System” binder into his hands and add “a classic ‘Ha-Ha-Hmmm.'” When he resists swapping out his own strategy for Leslie’s – she knows because the elk hair remains intact – she takes it upon herself to “protect” him from failure by talking Stu into keeping the hot meat juice flowing. Stew flutes, please.

Parks I just saved your bacon

“Impossible. You don’t even know where it is.”

Tom’s strategy, by the way, is “Step one: Chill out a while. Step two: Get up there and rip it.” The casualness of it strikes fear into the heart of Leslie, but the truth is that Tom HAS done his homework. He’s researched companies to find the right fit. He’s already courted and confirmed his top choice. He’s even selected personalized lemonade flavors to woo each member of the committee, because it’s the future. And while Leslie’s still having painful flashbacks to Tom’s top soil laser light show, Ron tells her what she both does and doesn’t want to hear. “You’ve been gone for a long time, Leslie. Tom’s changed….At some point you’re gonna have to trust him to do his job.” It’s not easy for her to do that. Leslie’s always played a big sister to Tom and has a special affection for him as his protector and cheerleader. So you’ll forgive me if I got a little verklempt when she stepped aside and encouraged him to “rip it.”

While Leslie readjusts to her old job, Ben is trying to find himself as Pawnee’s new City Manager. With Chris’s move looming, Ben struggles to be both the Ben AND the Chris of their city improvement tag team. Thus we find him holding open office hours, plying his employees with illegal, unpasteurized cheese from France while distributing a new City Hall-wide Facebook ban. April, Andy, and Donna take it upon themselves to teach Ben a little lesson about relaxing into his gig. And we get to revisit one of my absolute favorite running jokes of this series: Ben’s crippling fear of law enforcement. Having Ben arrested and questioned for harboring illegal dairy products (“I surrender!”) was genius on the part of his tormentors, and did things to Adam Scott’s hair for which I’ll be eternally grateful. After all this time, Ben still isn’t sure where he stands with this people, and this stunt confuses him even further. How to respond? “If you want people to like you,” Andy aka Government Jr. says, “you have to play along.”

Parks and Rec what the fuck

And when he retaliates, it’s textbook Ben Wyatt, Human Disaster. It’s been too long since we’ve seen Ben fall spectacularly apart and, as usual, Adam Scott kills it. Andy tells the girls to be gentle and play along, for Ben’s sake. Ben is jittery (“Okay, here we go to the parking lot now.”), having realized that he WAY overshot the playful prank bullseye and basically arranged to fake his own death on government property. The caps go off in the hallway, everyone gets covered in blood, and it’s everything April’s ever wanted. Ben wants so badly to be in with these people that he still doesn’t understand that he already is. He can’t play dirty like the rest of them, but it’s enough for them that he just tries to get on that level. He SAYS he’s looking for Urethra Franklin-style respect, but we know he just wants his weird friends to think he’s cool. “We didn’t prank you because we don’t respect you,” Donna tells her boss. “We did it because we love you.” Don’t look at me.

Ben April Selfie

“Farmer’s Market” starts to explore the new working dynamic between Pawnee power couple Leslie and Ben, again in an employee-boss relationship. So far so good for everyone except helpless bystander Ron, as it looks like this new structure simply entails much flirting over government documents. (“Such good work, I think I’m in love with you.” “STAMP THE DAMN FORM.”) They’re already celebrating how they’re owning this living/working together thing, which is obviously foreshadowing of a serious impasse. Let’s just let them have this moment.

Parks and Rec Ben and Leslie What

The evil stench of chard (“celery with B.O.”) starts to stink up their contented little kingdom. A visit to the town farmer’s market, Leslie’s brainchild and the most unlikely of successes in pleasantly plump Pawnee, turns into a standoff when Leslie gets a load of Nolan Del Mornch and his Chardbodies show. Sex sells vegetables, and the Chard Guy is moving his crap product the only way he knows how – with hot people twerking in leaf green hot pants. Leslie’s horrified and assumes that Ben will join her in immediately shutting the raw food burlesque down. But Ben knows that, as City Manager, he has to do his due diligence and check to see what the vendor rules allow. And Chardbodies might be saving lives here, people.

Parks and Rec This one's dead

This is what we’re dealing with.

Knowing how tenacious (to put it mildly) Leslie is, Ben institutes a home/work “firewall” to keep some kind of peace. For god’s sake, can’t Harrison Ford movie night remain sacred? By the time they pull into their City Hall parking spot the next morning, Leslie is practically bursting at the seams with vegetable puns and plans to win Ben over to her side. Ben loves Leslie for her dogged determination – for her overnight Farmer’s Market manuals and “Leslie is right” homemade approval pens. But after trying everything from reasoning with her to avoiding her, it ends with Leslie and Ben standing up to their knees in a fountain, getting real.

Parks and Rec arguing with the sun

It’s not constant flirting and ass compliments that are going to keep Beslie in synch at the office. It’s respect and communication. Even though Leslie is “SUPER CHILL ALL THE TIME,” as we know. Compromise occurs with the invention of “Farmer’s Market: After Dark” where Nolan can ruffle all the feathers that he must. (“Sure.”)

Parks and Rec choke him until he passes out

In Ron’s office, the Finer Things Club has been reincarnated as the Whine and Cheese Club, a meeting wherein the Parks department airs their grievances, like Kyle stealing Larry’s parking space, over a classy spread while Ron zens out to Willie Nelson. Aggressively pregnant Ann finds out the club and takes it over with her litany of expectant mom complaints. Chris is just being too helpful and positive. He can’t listen to her vent without coming up with a list of possible solutions, and it’s driving Ann completely insane.

Parks and Rec trash bag

I’m putting cautiously high hopes on next week’s sendoff for Chris and Ann, because they’ve really gotten the story shaft over the last few episodes. I can’t remember the last time Ann talked about something other than her food cravings. It’s not that I can’t appreciate a woman’s need for 50 burritos, but this is why babies and pregnancies don’t do any favors for character momentum. Anyway, Donna flips out over her weekly therapy session being co-opted and the group protects their territory by giving Chris the best advice a man can ever receive. The correct response to any complaint isn’t a Kernsten’s nipple kit, it’s a “Damn. That sucks.” I’ve never been a pregnant whale with feet or anything, but even I know that’s all we want to hear. Chris gets it, and Ann now feels heard. Even better news? Ron can now take his not-caring to the streets.

Parks and Rec Tom put all my records

“This is an excellent rectangle.”

Billy Eichner is back this week as total nutball Craig. And he’s got a proposition for MouseRat, since the clown they hired for his nephew’s birthday party got shingles. Andy signs the band up to play by misrepresenting the gig and suggesting Dave Grohl might be there. (“He might be anywhere.”) Burly and the guys ditch, so Andy’s left to play “Sex Bears” solo to Craig’s nephew, his entire class, and Erica, the most popular girl in his grade. (“You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.”) He wigs out, possibly because he has no songs BUT “Sex Bears” prepared. And so does Craig.

Parks and Rec I'm going to lose it

Parks and Rec have you not

But if Andy was ever made for any job, it’s this one. He doesn’t even have to access his inner child, as his outer child is pretty prominent. Soon Johnny Karate and his Magical Guitar Stick are thrilling the kids with tunes about stinky feet and picking your nose and, in this totally brilliant deleted scene, the plot of the Jean Claude Van Damme movie, Sudden Death.

From cop-in-training to non-profit administrator to kids’ birthday performer, Andy’s had a lot of careers this year. And though he’s always imagined himself a rock star, it might be time to find a new dream. “You just had fun in there and made $150. Who cares what you were supposed to be?” And that’s the wisdom of Mrs. April Karate.

Random Thoughts/Observations:

  • “Can I get a what what?” “What?” “What?” “Thank you.”
  • I didn’t cover Chris and Ann’s engagement story line in “New Beginnings” because I LIT-ERALLY have nothing to say about it except that I was bored and that I wish someone would write for these characters.
  • “Are you in a cult? Can I join?”
  • “I mean, I can barely sit idly by and watch good things happen.”
  • I appreciate Connie Cabbages’s willingness to get into the game. “Connie, no. Put those away.”
  • I miss Kyle.
  • I don’t know, guys. I feel like Ben Wyatt would be more likely to write an essay deriding Crystal Skull as a blight on the Indiana Jones canon rather than renting it for movie night. He’s a high-standards geek.
  • “Boob hats.”
  • “What is the meaning of this, nurse?”
  • “There’s just been like a long, slow fart stream coming out of me since we started talking…this morning.” I’m never having babies.
  • “This town is full of lunatics.”

How do you feel about having Leslie back in the Parks department? Leave your thoughts and/or celebrate season 7 in the comments!

“Ooh, you bastard.” – Sherlock Recap

Sherlock Killing Me So Two Years Ago

Season 3, Episode 1: The Empty Hearse
Posted by Sage

God, I missed this show. This absurd, arrogant, UNREASONABLY fun show.

#sherlocklives, readers. But we already knew that. What we didn’t know was how he did it.

Or maybe we did, since the opening sequence of “The Empty Hearse” – the Reichenbach fall from a different perspective – seemed directly lifted from the pages of Tumblr. Theories from across the fandom came to life as Sherlock bungeed off the roof of St. Barts; a team of black-clad accomplices attached a freakishly life-like Holmes mask to Moriarty’s fresh corpse; and – actually, if anyone called this, they should share co-creator credits with Mofftis – famous British hypnotist Derren Brown put John Watson to sleep to buy the whole charade a little more time. Plus, the first entry in our Best TV Moments of 2014 post is already etched in stone, because holy cannoli, that KISS.

Sherlock Hair Ruffle

THIS is how you go get your woman.

Sherlock Molly Kiss

There aren’t enough cold showers in the world.

My brain had barely registered that I was watching my first new Sherlock episode in TWO years when Sherlock crashed through that window and took Molly Hooper in a manly fashion.

This is the stuff that your BEST dreams are made of. I mean, really, you’ve had that one, right? Where Benedict Cumberbatch strides towards you, his coat billowing majestically out behind him, ruffles his curls and attacks your mouth like this was the only reason he created this elaborate plan in the first place? In fact, I’m currently researching lucid dreaming so I can have it every night until the day I finally explode in a glittery cloud of lust.

We can’t see his face, though Molly’s expression is exactly the one you’d expect. (Louise, I know you hardly had to act in that moment.) Sherlock glides out the double doors and out of everyone’s lives like a PIMP, and then the whole thing is interrupted by Lestrade’s “bollocks.” (Hee.)

Turns out this story is trademarked Philip Anderson, because the former detective is fan-ficing his way out of feeling responsible for Sherlock’s death. “You did this and it killed him and he’s staying dead,” says Silver Fox Greg, and that’s a little harsh, even for Anderson, who lowers the IQ of every street he stands on. But Philip’s new obsessive hermit bag is just one of the extremes that “The Empty Hearse” took us to.

John Gurl

Remember when we assumed Series 3 would be all angst and distance and hurt feelings while John found a way to forgive Sherlock for making him grieve his best friend for 24 straight months? Nope? Me neither. Instead, we got a Pink-Panther-meets-Naked-Gun-type-sequence wherein Sherlock decided to surprise John – who would be “delighted,” he was sure – by posing as a French waiter and interrupting the fancy dinner during which John intended to propose to the tremendous Mary Morstan. (I’ll get back to her.) It wouldn’t have been any less ridiculous if he had gone with his original plan of popping “out of a cake.” Possibly wearing these. ANYWAY. I kept pausing this scene to ask myself how it could be real. Could Sherlock really be drawing a tiny, curvy mustache on his face with a biro and adopting a Pepe Le Pew accent to break the news to John THROUGH PUNS?  (“It is familiar, but with a quality of…surpriiiise!”) Could the trio really then get kicked out of THREE consecutive restaurants, at least once for headbutting? Could I love Mark Gatiss any more than I do right now?

Of course, there was real emotion there and very real hurt on John’s part. I want to go on walkabout to collect all the awards, trophies, and medals of acting valor and deliver them right to Martin Freeman’s Hobbit hole. We know by now that this John Watson’s anger runs deep, though he struggles to keep a lid on it like the military man he is. Martin has always nailed John’s controlled fury – and those moments when he loses that control. He also nails his “this bitch” face. See above.

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A Gif Appreciation of Troy Barnes

Posted by Kim

Well, Community fans, this is it.  The day we’ve been dreading for months.  Tonight we say goodbye to Troy Barnes.  And I, for one, am not ready.  I had a good and proper meltdown when it was announced over the summer that Donald Glover would be leaving the show after 5 episodes.  I thought Community would get by fine without Pierce, even though he would be missed.  But Troy…?  I couldn’t see how the show could go ON without him.  No more Troy and Abed in the mooooooooooooooooooooorning????

I need a moment.

I must confess I had a lot of anger towards Donald Glover about the whole thing.  I STILL have some anger about it…but that’s the thing about being a fan; we get a sense of entitlement.  How DARE Donald Glover, a human being with emotions and issues, mess up my favorite show??  How DARE he want to pursue other projects when we fought so hard for season five?  I had all of those feelings and I am still processing them.  But the fact is this: we’ll never truly know what drove Donald to leave Community, and you know what?  It’s not our business to know.  It IS our business to treasure the 4.5 seasons he DID give us as Troy Barnes.  Because Troy is special and the work that Donald did on the show is spectacular.  And I will always be appreciative to him for bringing Troy to life in such a wonderful way.  So let’s get right to the Troy appreciation, shall we?

1) His emotional meltdowns

It’s a well documented fact that one cannot properly fangirl without a Troy Barnes crying gif, as I properly proved in my intro.  I truly believe that Donald is at his funniest when Troy is having an emotional meltdown.

What’s even better about Troy and his emotions is that he purports himself to be this big tough jock when deep down he’s just a giant crybaby.   You want to hug him and laugh at him at the same time.

And no post “Soul Crushing Episode of Television” meltdown on Twitter is complete without the following two gifs.

But seriously…what did a fangirl DO before the phrase “my whole brain is crying” was in our lexicon?  So thank you, Troy.  Thank you for being emotionally fragile and a vessel for fangirls across the world to express THEIR emotions.

2) His love of food.

Troy, like most 20-something dudes, tends to think with his stomach.  I can’t say I blame him.  Kettle Corn IS delicious.  Especially when it’s made by my future husband, Rich.


And who HASN’T eyed the giant cookies on display at the mall and wanted to eat the entire thing?  Only me?  Oh…


But mostly, Troy just wants to make HIS food, you know?

3) His misunderstandings of phrases…

Personally, I will never use the phrases “ultimatum” or “scapegoat” again.  “All tomato” and “escape goat” are SO MUCH BETTER.

Also, imagine what the English language would look like if Troy Barnes and Joey were friends.

4) Yet he is also quite wise.

Like many characters who are played as quite dim, Troy can be unexpectedly wise.  I think it is because he is so refreshingly filter-free.  Troy just says what is on his mind…whether it’s something laughably dumb or incredibly profound.  One of my favorite Troy moments (and Troy episodes, really) comes from season one’s “Football, Feminism, and You” where Troy says THIS to Jeff right before the pep rally:

“I don’t know about you, but I know I ended up here because things weren’t that great out there.  You should try accepting where you’re at, man.”

That was when I knew there was more to Troy Barnes than what we were seeing.  He also has a very Forrest Gump-ian way of putting things in a way we can understand his meaning perfectly.  Alcohol DOES tend to make people sad.  So do Lifetime movies.  Hence, the comparison makes perfect sense.

Truth.  I learned that back in Dirty Dancing when Penny said “God didn’t give you maracas if he didn’t want you to SHAKE EM.”  It’s one of the best things about having boobs, really.

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The 15 Best Things Said on The Bachelor, Week 3

Posted by Kim

Hello Bachelor fans!  This week kicks off my guest posting gig at The Bachelor Bracket and I am super excited about it.  Every week I will be taking you through my favorite soundbites from this week’s episode of The Bachelor. While this episode lacked the sheer drama of last week’s, given that there was no drunken meltdown on a group date, there were still plenty of moments that had me chuckling into my glass of Malbec. Let’s get right to it, shall we?

“Out of Ten, I am level 15 ready to get out of this house.” – Nikki

I believe they don’t even allow these women to have books in the house. Which would make me crazy because what else are you supposed to do when you lay by the pool all day? So I feel ya, Nikki.

“I don’t want chicken.” – Camila

I don’t know about you guys, but I just really enjoyed seeing this moment of little Camila being a bit bratty.

“Dating as a single mom is difficult, so I figured I might as well give this a shot.” – Renee

Let me make this clear: I love Renee. I love how she has become den mother to all the women, perhaps even at the expense of time with Juan Pablo. But I can’t POSSIBLY see how going on The Bachelor is a better dating option for you than match.com.

“I haven’t had a first date since I was 18.” – Cassandra

The only reason I included this is the fact that I lost count of how many times Cassandra said she hadn’t been on a date in three years. Gurl….say it once and then move on, m’kay?

See the rest at The Bachelor Bracket…

Head Over Feels Live Blogs the SAG Awards

Posted by Kim

Hello dear readers!  While Sage romps around London with the likes of Matt Smith, Billie Piper, and Hiddles, I am here in New York City lying on my couch in my sweatpants on a Saturday Night.  But it’s not just any Saturday Night! It’s SAG Awards night!  Join me at this space starting at 6 PM Eastern for the red carpet.  I’ll be blogging with Kelly of The TV Mouse (and ordering in Mexican food and making cheese dip), so open up a window with her site and join us for a night of snark and feels!

Where’s my wine?

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