You’re Gonna Need a Right Hand Man – Scandal Gif-Cap – That’s My Girl

Scandal Season 5, Episode 21
“That’s My Girl”
Posted by Sage

I’ve spent the last six months telling people who quit the show during the endless loop of Olitz that Scandal is THE REALNESS again. A season finale with zero deaths? No bombs? Negative extra-marital affairs? YEP. And it was still one of the best Scandal bows ever. Because as the real world is currently reminding us, elections are WACKADOO. Let’s to the gifs.

“My father wanted a grandson.” Jake is having a friendly after-dinner drink with his new father-in-law discussing Vanessa’s grandfather being kind of a dick.

“You’re the son I never thought I wanted.” 

“I’m sorry sir, I’m sorry you think of me as a son, but there’s another man who thinks of me as his son too.” Jake poisons his new dad for his old one (but not the old-OLD one, who he murdered last week – try to keep up) so that Vanessa (and Jake) will get her inheritance faster.

“It’s only a few more seconds…almost there.” And he’s dead.

Tom tells Cyrus that he found Michael in Virginia with Ella. Cyrus would rather pick a VP than talk about his child.

“The man-child who’s been soiling his pants at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for the past eight years.” The Liberty Report is at the GNC shading Fitz and it is beautiful.

Cyrus asks David to be Frankie’s running mate and tells him that Frankie is an “honest, across the aisle soldier.”

“No, I mean, whom do I have to kill for you? Or imprison for you? What does the Dark Lord Master Cyrus Beene want in return for this?” David knows the drill.

“You two are cut from the same cloth.” Cyrus is really laying it on thick about Frankie’s goodness, hoping to appeal to that part of David Rosen that still thinks he’s wearing the white hat.

“Male, married, and military.” There are three possibilities for Mellie’s running mate who tick all the necessary boxes.

One of them got caught selling expired condoms.

“I was a coke dealer.” Governor Bill Wagner of Missouri is the only one who comes clean about his past, which makes it possible for OPA to scrub it down for him.

“He’s perfect.” Mellie is sitting next to Marcus on the conference room table, by the way. Their thighs are touching.

Edison comes to visit, tells Olivia what Jake said. Why Edison CARES is unclear. Didn’t Jake threaten his whole life and family and everything he stands for?

“I’m not asking you if you understand, I’m asking you what you’re gonna do about it.”

“Your father is building a war chest…you need to save him.” Huck is on Liv about climbing up Jake’s hair and rescuing him from Rowan’s tower too. But…isn’t Jake a grown-ass man?

“Mr. Beene, Eli Pope.” Rowan is at Vargas for President headquarters and he’s going to give the campaign $30 million. Cyrus is like:

“If I only went where I was welcome, I’d never leave the house.” Rowan threatens to tell Frankie what Cyrus did in Harrisburg. He wants Jake on the ticket.

Doug Morton, aka Wagner’s old coke dealing buddy, is getting moved to Albuquerque with a new ID and a nice chunk of change. So forget you saw anything.

Mellie wants Fitz to speak on opening night instead of closing night, because this sniz is about her, goddammit.

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll even end up in Vermont.” Abby looks HORRIFIED.

“My take is that…he’s a soulless dead-eyed monster who murdered the love of my life in cold blood.” Cyrus dreams about saying this to Frankie when he asks what Cyrus thinks of Jake as a VP. *blows a kiss to the sky* For James Novak.

“I think he’d be great.” GREAT. SO GREAT. Everything’s fine, we’re all fine here….how are you?

evans salad

 

Lizzie and David do a Bartlet White House walk and talk!

“I knew it! This is great.” “Is it?” “Well, not for the country, but for you.” Lizzie is flying high about David and Frankie, because it puts her back in the game. David, she’s not so confidant about.

“I’m gonna vote for Frankie Vargas and I have a golden retriever at home named Barry Goldwater.”

David blames Lizzie for him losing Susan. “I cried. Multiple times. Tears. In my eyes.” TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN SHITTY ACTIONS, ROSEN.

“Well, I don’t want to either, but this is where we are.”

Fitz is in Abby’s office reading Liv’s medical records. I’d be shocked that a representative of the US government is spying on one of its citizens, but. Also HER BODY IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

“You’re a big boy Cyrus, just say no.” Cyrus tells Olivia about what he did in Harrisburg and that Rowan has it over him.

“You set that up?” “Pretty good, right?” “They were martyred for Jesus! For Political Jesus!” Cyrus is really torn up about it.

“This election should be you and me competing for the Oval.” HEAD TO HEAD. The student vs the master.

“It’s an 8,000 word love letter to himself.” Fitz’s speech for Mellie is all about Fitz. I’m about to have a heart attack and die of not-surprise.

Marcus walks Mellie to the stage to confront Fitz about it and gives her advice. KISS.

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“That’s American greatness.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – Trump Card

Scandal Season 5, Episode 20
“Trump Card”
Posted by Kim

Good news, everyone. The race for the White House is back in full swing AND I saw Hamilton since the last time I did a gif-cap, so I can now use those gifs and actually know what they mean. Who is going to be in the room where it happens? Let’s get to the gifs and find out.

“This is our country. I aim to keep it that way.” Hollis is leading the primary now. Look at your life, America. Look at your choices.

“It’s like Throwback Thursday: Gladiator Reunion.” Liv and Abby unite so they can shut this madness down.

“No more campaigning against each other.” Then Liv and Abby give each other the fakest goodbyes possible.

“I need something LEGAL on Susan.” Yeah the whole not campaigning things lasts 30 seconds.

“Ceasefire get broken. We need to be protected.” Okay, so the not campaigning against each other IS on but Liv wants to be prepared for the moment it’s OFF.

“We’re gonna have a war on our hands.” #TeamSusan searches for dirt on Mellie so they can be ready too. This gon get nasty REAL quick.

“I brought lunch to you!” David continues the “Kiss Susan’s Ass Until She Forgives Me” 2016 World Tour.

“We are going to burn Hollis Doyle and his hillbilly hate to the ground.” Susan explains why she’s coming up with all sorts of neutral language about Mellie. It’s all about destroying Hollis for the moment. Then they can get back to destroying each other.

All of David’s legalese.

“You want to take me on a vacation?” I mean it’s the least he could do.

“I focus on all the ways I intend to make it up to you.” YOU BETTER.

“I’d like for us to get old together. Eyes on the prize.” UM.

“I don’t want to be a woman who thinks a thing is happening that’s not happening.” SAME.

“I may or not be suggesting that we get married.” UM YOU COULD PROPOSE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, YOU SHIT. SUSAN DESERVES ROMANCE.

“Ask me like a normal person.” That’s right. Stand up for your right to a proposal!

SHE SAYS YES. Really?

“He likes holding people’s babies. He likes talking to people. He truly wants the country to be a better place.” Liv and Cyrus meet up and Cyrus goes on about how Frankie is actually a good person and he doesn’t understand why he’s losing in the polls.

“You believe he’s the real thing.” You know, I don’t think Cyrus ever talked about Fitz this way, so Liv in awe.

“No. YOU believe. You. Cyrus Beene, you are a believer.” 

“If I’ve lost my touch, I need to know.” If Frankie is so great and Cyrus has picked a good one then WHY IS HE LOSING? I know Cyrus is the devil, but he’s pretty vulnerable here, which is why Olivia has mercy on him.

“You’re not losing to Edison. You’re losing to my father.”

“So what are we doing? What’s the plan? I’m happy to go all in with whatever you’ve got going on.” Honestly, bring back the evil genius dream team.

“I’m not fighting my father because there’s no way to win.” DON’T GIVE UP OLIVIA.

“My father was command, Cyrus.” EVERYONE DRINK.

“It’s about you. What you want.” Rowan pulls Abby into one of his shady limo meetings.

“This will crush Mellie and give your gal a real shot.” Soooooo…Rowan tells Abby all about Olivia aborting Fitz’s baby because somehow that will ruin Mellie. And because he’s Satan.

“Ask yourself a simple question. What would Olivia Pope do?” Fair point, Rowan.

“Our target for destruction: Hollis Doyle, the devil you’d love to have a beer with.” Abby, Liv, Huck, and Quinn gather in the OPA conference room to go through the file on Hollis. JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.

“No matter what he does, America loves him.” YEP.

“Hollis loves him some women and women love Hollis.In all my years, not a one of them fillies ever needed an arm twist to roll in my hay.” That is how he responds to rape allegations? I want to vomit.

“His numbers went up?” I weep for fictional (and real) America.

“Books and thoughts? They don’t hurt people! Well…maybe books.” He just keeps running his mouth and counteracting everything.

“You’re looking at the front-runner for the Republican nomination.” #TeamEdison thinks they have this thing in the bag.

“You feel me, brother? This is America, you have another crop of supporters.” Edison wants to speak out against Hollis but Rowan warns him to not piss off the white people who want to vote for Edison so they can feel superior. AMERICA.

“That is an incredibly simplistic view, Rowan. Race is nothing more than a social construct.” I don’t understand how Edison, a man who deep down is a man of integrity, got roped into this mess. Also, he’s not here to be used for his race.

“You’re going to get there by making everyone forget that you are black.” THIS IS AWKWARD.

“So maybe it’s smarter to let the Republicans go after Hollis.” Edison REALLY wants to be President though.

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The Devil Went Down To Florida – Scandal Gif-Cap – Buckle Up

cat fight

Scandal Season 5, Episode 19
“Buckle Up”
Posted by Sage

Forget Team Cap or Team Iron for a few days. I wanna know if you’re Team Liv or Team Abby. A standoff between these two ladies has the potential to cause as much death and destruction as an intra-Avengers fight. Let’s see who scored the most points, shall we?

“By dawn’s early light, a political cat fight.” Susan is living.

Abby and Liv “going at each other tooth and nail.” She’s not even reporting on the candidates, really. But face it, the real good stuff is going on behind the scenes.

“I’d just as soon be shot in my face by a cannon then be tagged as a…feminist. However, I will admit that it’s hard to watch too smart, talented women tear each other apart like this.” “Hard.” Please. This translates to “thanks for the ratings, hos!”

“How late do you think you’ll be?” “Wish I knew.” Michael has questions for Cyrus and Cyrus is SO DISMISSIVE it’s actually painful.

Alex calls him, but Michael doesn’t want to help. Alex knows Cyrus was involved in shooting and hopes Michael can give him proof.

“You’re exhausted, I know, but you’ll get a day off when you’re president.” THE IRONY.

Lizzie locks David and Susan together in their hotel room so they can keep up the charade of their relationship. They are both MISERABLE.

“Governor Baker has the state of Florida on lockdown.” And we’re calling it a “bake-off,” which is fun.

“Hold on, Susan can’t drink gin.” “What?” “You told me gin makes you mean.” “Being cheated on makes me mean.” THAT’S MY GIRL.

It’s on in Florida. Every Republican candidate is headed South to kiss the ring of their powerful governor.

“She can take the stairs.” Olivia presses the “door close” button before Abby can reach the elevator. So that’s the level of petty we’re at now.

“MELLIE: MADE FOR AMERICA.” Mellie’s plane!

“It’s an internal problem.” Abby comes up with a scheme to ground Mellie and therefor Olivia. No flights can leave while Air Force One is on the runway. But what if they were dealing with some “mechanical issues”?

“What Edison Davis doesn’t have is kids.” Alex wants to use Frankie’s daughter’s cancer to score political points.

“No, but we can shame them off.” Olivia calls Air Force One out in the media.

“You can’t just lie to the FAA….go back into your office and do your job so I can do mine.” Fitz has had it. He knows the delay is fake. But Abby is not budging.

“Can I level with you? I like Susan. I think she’s smart. I think she’s personable. I don’t think she’s got what it takes to be president.” Baker blackmails Rosen. She wants him to drop an investigation into the corrupt activities of a certain company in exchange for Susan’s endorsement. Also, HELLO ANNIE POTTS.

“This is the one.” Baker picks out David’s tie.

FOUR HOURS INTO THE PLANE STAND OFF. Don’t these people have a country to run?

“Who among us hasn’t gone over the edge and killed somebody once?”

“She wants to know why you’re here when you should be saving Jake.” Quinn and Huck are still on Olivia’s mental health patrol.

“YOU SHOULD BE OVER A CLIFF WITH ME. AND YET, YOU ARE SITTING HERE, HAVING ME EXPLAIN YOUR JOB TO YOU.” Olivia hasn’t got time for amateur therapy hour.

Mellie goes to Marcus to talk out a plan to get the plane in the air. I still ship it.

“What the hell is she doing?” Mellie disembarks and walks out onto the runway, solo. The press LOSES IT.

“Wanna talk?” “I think it’s a very good idea.” Fitz is being…nice. I don’t like it.

“That crafty broad. I really underestimated her.” Color Lizzie impressed with Baker and her kickbacks.

“I took an OATH.” “We get it, you are a special snowflake.” David, are you sure you want to be crowing about your ethics right now?

“Congrats, Mellie. I’m proud of you.” “Think how proud I could make you if I could get to Florida.” (I know she’s playing him here because Mellie doesn’t give a flying fuck if Fitz approves of her or not. Anyway, well done.)

“One of them is about to go full Tonya Harding on the other. And when that happens I think we know who’s going to leave who a blubbering mess on the floor.” But who is Oksana in this scenario?

“You’re telling me you don’t know? Olivia…Andrew.” Fitz decides to tell Mellie that her campaign manager murdered her ex-lover, in front of about a dozen media outlets.

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Okay, She Did That. – Scandal Gif-Cap – Thwack!


Scandal Season 5, Episode 17
“Thwack!”
Posted by Sage

Tonight, on a very special episode of Scandal, everything goes to hell and I scream for the last 10 minutes. But in retrospect, haven’t we been headed here for a long, long time? Let’s find out. To the gifs!

DUE TO ADULT CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Lillian Forrester is spotted going into medical center. In a very fetching head scarf. Please tell me Fitz gave her an STD.

“You’re following her?” “You made that my job when you started dating her.” President’s jump-off gets a tail, dude. Them’s the rules.

“It’s actually worse, much worse.” Lillian isn’t pregnant, but she DOES have a secret.

Olivia wants Mellie to get Latinos behind her campaign.

“No, you never speak Spanish. Ever to anyone, please.”

Liv wants her to meet with a Cardinal Suarez to get his endorsement.

“Why are you meeting with a reporter from the Times?” Shit fuck shit fuck, it’s Andrew.

“I feel good too, being able to speak again. Especially when I have so much to say.” Andrew has been meeting with Lillian to feed her the West Angola story. You know the one. When Fitz started an actual war to rescue his mistress from her kidnappers?

“This time you’re not just up against Fitz and Cyrus and Mellie. You’re up against me: the bitch you left for dead.”

There’s a clandestine meeting in the White House kitchens. “Anyone care to cop to that?” Fitz asks about Andrew’s condition. Cyrus can’t stop giggling, because they’re all fucked. And he is not. laughing.

“Cyrus has immunity.” It was one of his conditions when he returned to Fitz’s side. He’s untouchable, and still an evil genius.

“We are not going to kill him.” “Why?” “Did you just say WHY?”

“If we kill Andrew, we’re no better than he is.” Abby, this isn’t about goodness any more.

“Mellie talks to Andrew.” “I’m sorry, is this your meeting now?” “Yes.” The next step is to destroy any paper or digital trail.

“Thank you. For coming when I called.” “You didn’t call, Abby did.” Take several seats, Fitz.

“Huck, it was you, right? You put Andrew in that coma.” Liv LOSES HER SHIT on Huck, (she’s terrified) and instructs him not to take him out now.

“What did I miss?” Oh, Marcus. You’re going to have to be a much worse person to gain entrance to this club.

“I don’t do it anymore.” “That’s what you said last time.” Lizzie corners Huck in the parking garage and gives him the file on Andrew’s whereabouts. He protests, but takes the folder anyway.

Alex shows Frankie a new ad that capitalizes on his hero moment at the state capital. Cyrus suggests they go low-key and use social media to spread it instead. Cyrus wins. Alex is not pleased.

Alex spots Tom in the news footage. But why would someone so nondescript catch his eye? FORESHADOWING.

“You want the truth, Andrew? You didn’t choose me. You chose him.” Mellie visits Andrew to try to reason with him.

She even tries to act like they’re getting back together someday.

“It still works, Mellie. Unless I disgust you.” He takes her hand and puts it under his blanket. HOW DID I NOT SEE HOW TERRIBLE HE WAS FROM THE FIRST MOMENT? I am slipping.

“The man wants to be Pope. Praising an adulteress is not how you move up in that organization.” If Andrew and Mellie’s affair gets out, she can kiss the support of any religious institutions and voters goodbye.

“MELLIE. SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.” Liv will HANDLE THIS, GOD DAMN.

Olivia pops by Rowan’s house to ask them to watch Lillian for her. As per usual, Jake is happily munching away. “It’s nice having a friend in the NSA isn’t it?”

“Say ‘thank you.'” This dynamic is soooo weird.

“When it fails, you’ll be left for one option and one option only.” Rowan already knows what Liv is going to do, even if she can’t admit that she’s capable of it.

Huck comes into the medical center in the middle of the night and sticks Andrew with another needle.

“Is he dead? You said he wasn’t dead.”

“I never tried to kill you. I KNOW how to kill people.”

“How much will it take to get you to drop this story?” Abby and Liv kidnapped Andrew to the underground White House bunker to get the terms and conditions of his bribe.

“I’m writing a book.” “Nobody wants to read that book.” People want to hear about heroes, Liv says. And no matter how he tells this story, Andrew is not that.

“$10 million AND you represent me in the book deal.” Abby nods, giving Liv the okay to take this deal. I think the second part is more important to Andrew than the millions.

“Cardinal Suarez has been waiting for 25 minutes.” “Oh.” “Yeah…oh.” Marcus over here just trying to do his job.

Lillian has been through legal with the West Angola story. They’re good, and almost ready to publish.

“It’s the best bad idea we have.” Another kitchen clubhouse meeting. The implicated parties are agreeing to pay Andrew off.

“I’m in for my fair share,” Lizzie says. Then Cyrus pipes up, taking his wallet out of his pocket: “My fair share: $1.” Cyrus has misplaced all his fucks.

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“Do you want to be a boss?” – Scandal Gif-Cap – The Miseducation of Susan Ross

Scandal Season 5, Episode 16
“The Miseducation of Susan Ross”

Posted by Kim

There is NOTHING like an election to revive a long-running political drama. Scandal is at its BEST right now and I am loving it. TO THE GIFS.

We pick up right where we left off last week…The Republican Debate. 

Susan, reeling from dumping David, just looks miserable up there. 

Mellie, on the other hand, is SLAYING.

“It’s a big problem. we need to do better.” Susan has completely shut down and can barely work out a response.

“This is very bad.” Thank you, Captain Obvious.

“If you were to lose the nomination…” “Not going to happen.” Mellie is poised and confident and *I* want to vote for her.

“Vice President Ross is a decent, hardworking public servant, and she would be worlds better and far more deserving of this office than the misogynist playboy to my left.” LADIES SUPPORTING LADIES.

“I can only imagine what your plans for Camp David would be.” 

“A lot like your ex-husband’s I’d expect.” Touche, Hollis.

“Listen, if all it takes to be presidential is to shake hands and give speeches and know which color lipstick to wear to the party, then go ahead on. Take your pick of one of these Bettys.” OH MY GOD.

“How presidential is it to have your ex-husband’s ex-mistress running your campaign?” 

“Susan? Having fun?” Fitz calls for a commercial break pep talk and I feel so strange for not hating him.

“You only need one moment. One punch. One good one is all it takes.”

“We’re in real trouble here because of YOU.” LizzyBear lets David have it and for once it’s merited.

“How do we know this Grant ain’t the same as the other one?” 

“Because it’s the 21st century. You can’t look at a man anymore and assume that his wife shares the same positions, nor can you hold the wife accountable for his actions.” MELLIE.

“We are not our husband’s keepers. We are our own women with our own beliefs.” 

“In case there is ANY doubt on where I stand with the President, you’ll notice he’s my ex-husband, not my husband.” 

“It IS a good line.” Bless Abby for not being afraid to admit when her opponent kills it.

Susan parrots Mellie’s line and it looks like all is lost. BUT THEN SHE ADDS “…but maybe we should be”. 

“I’m talking now.” YAS SUSAN HAS DECIDED TO SHOW UP.

“I bit my tongue because we are not our husband’s keepers.” DUDE. Susan launches into the story of how she lost her husband and she is NAILING it.

“I blamed myself. I had an opinion and I didn’t voice it.” This is BEAUTIFUL.

“No, we are not our husband’s keepers, but maybe we should be America’s. Next question.” And Susan just won this round.

“America HATES me.” Mellie’s loss sends her into a spiral of self-pity because she KNOWS she’s brilliant and doesn’t understand why she’s not connecting with the general public.

SO MANY MELLIVIA FEELINGS. ALL I HAVE WANTED FOR THREE SEASONS IS FOR THEM TO TEAM UP AND IT IS AS BEAUTIFUL AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

“Mellie, I will get you the Oval. Come hell or high water.” Like father, like daughter.

“BECAUSE HE’S NOT HER HUSBAND.” GASP. Susan just won the debate based on the story about her husband and he is NOT her husband???

“Susan Ross is a liar. And we’re going to find out why and we’re going to take her down.” SUSAN I TRUSTED YOU.

“America doesn’t care about you winning the debate. You won David.” This makes me sad because it’s true.

“What’s HE doing here?” I am LIVING for how much she hates him. Bless.

“You need to sell this love story.” Much like Hazza, Susan looks like she’d rather die than touch Taylor David.

“I want her to be President, I owe her that.” Honestly, it’s the least you can do.

“You need Quinn. You need Huck. But you don’t need me?” Can we get a good story for Marcus in season six?

“I need YOU to do your job.” And his job is to babysit Mellie while she makes an appearance on Kimmel. CROSS PROMOTION FTW.

Not only was Susan never married to John, her daughter is not his either. 

“You’re holding out on me.” Liv and Alex meet to follow-up on their respective dirt.

“You gave me a RUMOR.” Oh, come on, Alex. Do your homework. Rumors usually have truth to them.

Oh I kind of want Alex and Olivia to do it?

Susan’s baby daddy is in PRISON. 

“Your hand is dangerously close to the flame. Watch out kid.” Cyrus tries to warn Alex against going after Edison based on a rumor, but Alex won’t be deterred.

THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE MELLIE DO MEAN TWEETS.

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Let’s Clean Out the Old Barn and Put On a Debate! – Scandal Gif-Cap – Pencils Down

Scandal Season 5, Episode 15
“Pencils Down”
Posted by Sage

The Republican primary candidates meet in their first official debate and Scandal drags another character out of the past to join the Democratic race. To the gifs!

“The first gift? Hollis Doyle.” Ironically, Scandal‘s Trump is the only candidate who’s not someone else’s puppet.

“Well yours truly has agreed to host the first Republican debate.” Of COURSE Sally Langston is running this thing. Poor yourself a drink and down it every time Hollis asks her about her menopause.

“Nobody speaks better for Hollis Doyle than Hollis Doyle.”

“Y’all think some little buzzer is gonna stop the truth from tumbling from these jaws?” Olivia wants a light and a buzzer; she thinks Sally will go soft on her favorites.

“I’m pulling Mellie and auctioning off a one-hour exclusive interview with her to your competition.” Olivia is in no mood to play games. She lays down her ultimatum.

“5…4…3…2…” And she gets what she wants.

SUSAN KILLING IT IN DEBATE PREP.

“Is Mellie….?” “Being Mellie? Yes.” Mellie is the Marcia Clark of this election and I’m already furious on her behalf.

“I’m announcing in the morning.” LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN. Hello, Edison aka Broadway’s Norm Lewis.

“You vouched for me on national television, I owe you.” Oh right I forgot about that.

“It’s about time we had our first black president.” “It’s about time we had our first woman president.”

“It’s an addiction.” “Stop talking.” Despite her best efforts to send him packing, David keeps trying to talk to Abby about his gross relationship problems. Maybe she should start keeping a bucket of cold water behind her desk.

“Stop seeing her.” “Which her?” “I don’t care!” If you’re man enough to fuck two women you’re man enough to deal with the consequences bye.

“David needs to come up and hug you, Susan.” Oh TERRIFIC, that won’t be awkward at all.

“We’re offering a product. We’re offering belief.” Frankie Vargas says SI, SE PUEDE!

“To turn out votes we gotta take it to the streets.” Who IS this guy.

It’s Frankie’s brother Alex. Cyrus is not delighted to make his acquaintance.

“He’s knows you’re in charge.” “Yes, but I’m not sure he likes it.” OOH did Cyrus hitch his wagon to a candidate with a BIGGER wagon?

“Smug and arrogant.” “She seems, I don’t know, too smart or something.” Voter focus groups are eating Mellie alive for all the wrong reasons. Dope cat sweater though.

“You’re a know-it-all, Mellie.”

“And now I’m supposed to dumb it down?….Mellie Grant, woman of the people, fine.” Get on our level, you fierce queen.

Quinn is monitoring Jake for Olivia. Liv advances their work to “Plan B.”

“Vanessa Moss? We went to college together at Smith.” Quinn puts on her best pearls, throws a frosted pink gloss over her homicidal tendencies, and cozies up to Jake’s fiance.

“I’m sorry, women?” “He’s got a couple of them, apparently.” Abby accidentally outs David’s field-playing to Susan, unaware that she’s one of the women being played.

“Susan, HEY.” “I’m sorry, what are we talking about?” She starts to lose her focus. NOT NOW, WOMAN.

“Debate prep is for ninnies.” Hollis spends the days before the debate doing his real campaigning: throwing around folksy sayings and showing off at the gun range. The press is hard.

“Lose the bitch face.” Mellie’s bitch face is very dear to me, how dare you.

“Also you need to watch your arms.” “I’m losing less arms.” “Use a little less than that.”

“Did you break your girlfriend?”

“Wedding books. There something you want to tell me?” Quinn is way out of her league with this tail job: she’s not Vanessa’s favorite wedding planning buddy.

Alex Vargas shows up at OPA and says he has dirt on Susan Ross. He’ll give it to Olivia in exchange for dirt on Edison. Dirt on SUSAN, political unicorn?

“We gotta get Mellie out in public before the debate.” To Gettysburger!

“Oh, heavens no, I can wait my turn like anybody else.” Yes, yes, be more vapid Mellie, IT’S WORKING.

“But…Gettysburger’s closed on Sundays.” Annnnnd she’s down, with a huge faux pas.

“IT’S BURGERGATE.” Heh.

“Stop thinking and start doing. FIX IT OLIVIA.” Obviously Mellie’s mistake is Olivia’s problem. That’s what she does, son.

work bitch

Cyrus tries to break the news about Edison to Frankie, but Alex is already on it. Alex is like:

“Are you cheating on me?” OKAY, SO WE’RE DOING THIS.

“It’s just you, only you…I’m not smooth enough to have an affair.” Just…ugh. David, seriously. She fucking knows. She cornered you. And now to LIE? I wanted him to deserve Susan just like I wanted him to deserve Abby before her. Not to play dumb and lose any dignity he has left.

“I must say your voicemail surprised me. There was a note of helplessness. A daughter who needs her daddy to make her boo-boo go away.” Olivia goes to her dad to get advice about Alex’s proposal. And Rowan is right for once.

“I should just take the dirt, right? It’s stupid that I’m even asking.” Yep.

“I brought you here because I’ve already decided to do it.” The job always comes first. And this information could get her candidate elected. It’s not show friends, it’s show business.

“This man has been nothing but nice to you.” “I get that, but.” “But WHAT?” Okay but why do you CARE, Rowan?

“You’d no longer be Robin Hood, Olivia. You’d be…” “You.” Did that not already occur? What have I been watching?

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“How do the big dogs sleep?” – Scandal Gif-Cap – I See You

Scandal Season 5, Episode 14
“I See You”

Posted by Kim

This week on Scandal, an unexpected figure from seasons past returns to stir up some shit, Mellie and Susan are sexually harassed by said figure, Liv and Huck do some spying, and Abby makes a power move. It’s all so dirty and twisted, I immediately needed to shower aka this was a fantastic episode. TO THE GIFS.

We open with an awkward family dinner with Jake, Vanessa, Rowan, and Olivia. Olivia killing it with the fake laughter.

Meanwhile, Quinn and Charlie break into Vanessa’s apartment to install cameras. 

“Superstitious AND sentimental.” Liv is DYING.

“Jake…he just thinks the world of you.” DOES HE VANESSA? I mean I certainly hope so considering that bedroom scene last week.

“The sister I never had.” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, this meeting with Vanessa was clearly staged, right? It’s too much of a meet cute to be real, even on TV.

“I see you, Vanessa Moss.” BUT WHAT DO YOU SEE?

Sally is calling Frankie a two face for deciding to run for President after he swore not to. 

“Cyrus running Vargas? Who put that idea in your head?” Cy’s assistant tries to play innocent but fails.

“You think the Press Secretary has time to bring coffee?” Abby meets with Quinn and neither of them have coffee, which is terrible.

Abby asks Quinn to look into Cyrus for her. 

“She’s not stalking, she’s focusing.” Liv has been glued to the surveillance cameras since they’ve been installed like she’s binge watching the latest season of Daredevil.

“Keep pretend running OPA, Quinn.” Abby may as well have patted her head. BUT QUINN REALLY IS RUNNING OPA THOUGH.

Huck and Marcus bond as they watch Javi’s soccer game. Welp. Their spying reveals that Kim has a new boyfriend.

“Please tell me you’re not taking that meeting.” Liv warns Mellie against a meeting with SOMEONE.

“I don’t think he’s the devil, I KNOW he’s the devil.” Okay, whoever this is, it’s NOT a good thing.

HOLLIS DOYLE. SEASON TWO REALNESS. And yes, he IS the devil.

Huck asks Charlie if he recognizes Kim’s new boyfriend. They decide he is this guy named Six Toes and he’s actually using Kim and Javi to get to Huck.

“If  he finds you, he’s not gonna get even by just cutting off your toes.” So the only answer is for Huck to get to him first. I’m sure this will end great.

“I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR HIPS.” Mellie’s FACE when Hollis starts being a lecherous pig though.

“You’re leaner and meaner.” I NEED A SHOWER.

“You gonna put out for me, Mellie Grant?” I need to go through a purification ritual after this scene.

“See how far up her skirt SHE’S willing to let me go.” Hollis threatens to take his money and support to Susan by continuing to be a disgusting pig. I hate everything.

“The man’s a disease. I’m not letting him infect Susan.” That may be the one pure thing Fitz has said EVER. It was bound to happen I guess.

“You were right. Cyrus Beene is cheating on the President.” 

“I’m in bed with two different women… literally.” “And we’re done here.” Let’s have a moment of silence for David and Abby’s relationship. 

“One is horrible, wicked, cruel, possibly an actual witch. The other is a wonderful person.” David, you forgot to say that your diamond shoes are too tight.

“A presidential campaign is a marathon.” Liv is not at all freaking out about Hollis not giving Mellie any support.

So Jake and Vanessa are getting it on in her hallway and then JAKE LOOKS RIGHT INTO THE CAMERA STARING INTO OLIVIA’S SOUL. 

“Show’s over.” Jake shows up at Liv’s apartment bearing all the cameras.

“This is pathetic. Low.” 

“I want to know why you chose her.” 

“You walked away from him over and over, time after time, because you knew in your gut, you knew if you said yes, he’d own you, he’d consume you, he’d be no different than your father, but over time, Fitz manipulated you. He made you feel like… Like you owed him. It’s what he does best. You knew that more than anyone, and you still fell for it.” Dropping truth bombs ERRYWHERE.

“Man, that has got to turn your world upside down, to go from being the smartest person in the room to the biggest fool… to realize you’re just another textbook example of daddy issues, played out on a national stage.” Where is the lie though?

“Your girlfriends aren’t girlfriends. They’re marks. Nothing you do is real.”

“Vanessa likes Hugh Grant movies, she reads Vogue and takes multivitamins. But, Liv, that is precisely what I want.”

“Did you pretend that you were her? Did you get off when she got off?”

“I thought his fifteen minutes were up.” Cyrus plays dumb when Abby questions him about the Vargas campaign.

“What other governor have you spoken to 27 times over the past 2 weeks?” ABBY DID HER HOMEWORK THOUGH.

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“It felt so gross.” – Scandal Gif-Cap – The Fish Rots from the Head

veep don't

Scandal Season 5, Episode 13
“The Fish Rots from the Head”
Posted by Sage

A new presidential candidate officially enters the race. Not to be outdone, Fitz enters…everyone. To the gifs!

“Cover A made me look frigid. Cover B, there’s gotta be some warm blood flowing behind those eyes, wouldn’t ya say?” Mellivia are still bro-ing out, putting the final touches on Mellie’s pre-campaign auto-biography. I never want this to end.

“What are we going to do about Susan Ross?” Um, swaddle her in soft fabrics and rock her to sleep?

s1

“You need Fitz.” Olivia tells Mellie exactly what she doesn’t want to hear about Fitz’s endorsement, and then clarifies: what’s best for her is if Fitz doesn’t endorse either current candidate.

“From time to time, a pick will be made. We refer to the picks only as guests.” As press secretary, Abby’s main function is now to organize and administrate Fitz’s tawdry hook-ups. And this is your weekly reminder that C.J. Cregg wouldn’t have stood for this shit.

“Who doesn’t want to be on TV?” Cyrus encourages Carlos from Desperate Housewives to ride the wave of attention in the wake of his City Hall hero moment.

s2

“Call me your biggest fan…the Lovers of Liberty want to hear from you, Governor.” Sally Langston would love to get her Evangelical hooks in him too.

s3

“Oh, I didn’t see you there, little Cyrus Beene.” Heeeee.

“I don’t wanna use that experience as a platform for my education bill or anything else. It’s unseemly.” Aw, look: it has integrity. Cyrus:

s4

“It can’t hurt to have an ally in Washington.” Until your entire family is dead and you’re a vacant husk of a person. What show are you watching, Cy?

“The secret service screwed up?” I’ll say.

s5

“I can’t believe Megan’s dead. I need a cigarette like right now.”  We’ve got a dead hooker, folks. How cliche.

“‘This one?’ She has a name.” The agents treat their living AND dead entertainment with all the respect you’d expect.

ross seriously haunted

“This can’t get out. For the president’s sake.” “How noble.” *jack-off motion*

Quinn springs into action. She gives all the agents an alibi and tells Erin (the other one) that she was never there. Marcus is assigned to scrubbing Megan’s phone and Huck to erasing the old digital trail and creating a new one. 

“Okay, when are we going to stop hearing from Reverend Marcus?” Marcus’s conscience won’t shut the hell up, and Quinn finds it difficult to do her job with the voice of morality in her ear.

ant-man take care of this idiot

“Does she rescue puppies and orphans in her spare time?” Abby catches up with Liv while Liv spies on Jake’s date.

that was mine hiddleston

“This isn’t a date. He’s up to something.” Vanessa is too perfect. Too connected. Jake runs in Rowan’s world. Something is afoot. Or Olivia is just jealous.

not how it works

“If he doesn’t think you can do the job, then the American people won’t think you can do either.” David and Susan are a regular thing now. (And HOW MUCH DO I LOVE that Susan has such a varied grown-woman nighttime wardrobe? A lot. I love it a lot.) David ruins their post-coital cuddling (for me) by pressing Susan to get Fitz’s endorsement. Where is your SOUL, David?

“He’s going through a phase.” “And I’m a female candidate for president.” Susan knows about Fitz’s late-night activities and she doesn’t want to be associated with a cad.

“I got 26 minutes, take off your pants.” Lizzie yells at David for not adequately playing Susan. Then it’s time for more sexual humiliation.

“I don’t have much time to follow football. Can we sit?” The president meets with the Governor and he’s a reaaaaaaal dick about it. (Maybe jealous because he’s never done anything selfless and/or heroic in his entire charmed life?)

clara are you trying to scare me?

“You think I can still get on Sally Langston?” Realizing that he won’t be able to get his education plan through the way he’d prefer, Frankie (that’s Carlos, I promise I’ll stop calling him that) falls in line with Mr. Beene’s scheme. Cyrus is walkin’ on sunshine.

harry prancing

“There was a dead body. She doesn’t like dead bodies. She’s not like us.”

s6

“She misses the White House.” Quinn diagnoses Olivia as “bored.” Fine, but just…not that again. We JUST escaped.

s7

Marcus tells his colleagues that everything had already been deleted Megan’s phone and cloud, before he even touched it. Ruh roh.

“But you know what scares me even more, Sally? The future.” Frankie is killllllin it on the Liberty Report.

“You need to find out why he doesn’t want to run. NOW.” Until he clarifies that he has no interest in becoming president.

niall no one look for me

Michael isn’t paying much attention to Cy’s ravings, because he’s practicing braiding on Ella’s doll’s hair like a proper house husband. Sweetness.

s8

“Sir, we need to stop Frankie Vargas in his tracks.” Lizzie Bear smells competition for the Oval.

She suggests to Fitz that they send Susan to do Sally’s show to “tear into” the education plan. Not like she has a say in any of this.

s9

Against OPA’s wishes, Marcus requests the dead hooker’s autopsy report. To no one’s surprise: Megan was murdered. The blunt force trauma happened before the drugs entered her system. She didn’t fall.

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